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LTR - Not sure how to handle this issue.....

Howiestern

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I know. She is one stubborn and resistive woman. She thinks it's OK to take a trip like this. I'm the one that's being irrational and controlling. But I knew as well as pretty much everyone here that that tactic was going to be in play here.

So now she's saying that, even though I didn't outright tell her not to go, I am in fact, controlling her, by telling her that I'm not OK with it and never will be.

I mean what is most peoples thoughts/feelings towards their LTR/wife/serious GF going on girls, trips, solo trips, etc?
I always like to crack the door open and see how they react. Let them show you who they are, then you can decide if you want to keep them around or not.

A solid girl would not be going on a trip like this without their man. A solid girl would have asked her man from the start, not as a consolation offer after he put pressure on her.

This girl isn't good LTR material.

I don't think girls going on trips with their girlfriends is a bad deal at all either. But this isn't what this is.
 

Stanley

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Quoting @catsmeow2 "I think she's bluffing about you going. She knows you won't.

But ya know what, tell her yeah that sounds great! When do we leave?!!

And then watch her scramble around finding excuses why you can't.
"

This is great stuff. Do it. Call her bluff. Pretend you are going with them.
Hilarious use of agree and amplify, I like it. That said I still think the trip isn't the real issue at hand. The interactions with the ex and seeds of doubt she's planted are. Forget letting her know about your feelings on the trip, just rip the bandaid off.
 

Vero Della Rosa

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Good on ya for saying what you thought. That's good. 100% @Stanley is right, though - I missed the part about the ex. Rip off the bandaid. The fact that you pushed that urge down when you found out what she was doing a long time ago fixed you on a downward trajectory.

Women instinctually get romance in ways guys don't - an exclusive, intense bond that cannot be broken. (uninterested in debates on this definition - there are nuances and contexts)

So with that context, the fact that they are so absolutely dead set on locking down a guy to be exclusive, when they do something shady and then he overlooks her directly cheating on him they know that a side of that man that demands respect isn't coming out. He isn't respectable, so they push and they flip that instinctual energy onto the guy: She dictates, she dominates, she lays the blueprint for how everything's goin down - and he sits there and submits and takes it.

Your energy isn't that. You're raw, powerful, dominant, and don't deal with bs. She needs to learn that doing things like that has consequences and what she's doing now has consequences.

Tell her her crime and the sentence! - Tell her what she did wrong, and break up with her. Refuse her framing decisions, values, etc. She's cheated on you and now expects you to be cool with going to a party island with a dude.

This sucks to say, but she's sucked in by the flights, and everything else you're doin for her. Rip it off. Do it.

p.s. if that ticket is coming out of your pocket... cancel the flight. "You aren't paying for anything." If so, do it before you talk to her.
 
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catsmeow2

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Good on ya for saying what you thought. That's good. 100% @Stanley is right, though - I missed the part about the ex. Rip off the bandaid. The fact that you pushed that urge down when you found out what she was doing a long time ago fixed you on a downward trajectory.

Women instinctually get romance in ways guys don't - an exclusive, intense bond that cannot be broken. (uninterested in debates on this definition - there are nuances and contexts)

So with that context, the fact that they are so absolutely dead set on locking down a guy to be exclusive, when they do something shady and then he overlooks her directly cheating on him they know that a side of that man that demands respect isn't coming out. He isn't respectable, so they push and they flip that instinctual energy onto the guy: She dictates, she dominates, she lays the blueprint for how everything's goin down - and he sits there and submits and takes it.

Your energy isn't that. You're raw, powerful, dominant, and don't deal with bs. She needs to learn that doing things like that has consequences and what she's doing now has consequences.

Tell her her crime and the sentence! - Tell her what she did wrong, and break up with her. Refuse her framing decisions, values, etc. She's cheated on you and now expects you to be cool with going to a party island with a dude.

This sucks to say, but she's sucked in by the flights, and everything else you're doin for her. Rip it off. Do it.

p.s. if that ticket is coming out of your pocket... cancel the flight. "You aren't paying for anything." If so, do it before you talk to her.
As a woman, I agree with a lot of this^ and the sad part is @Free_Agent you could have had this girl wanting to commit to YOU and only you had you played it differently, more in line with what's posted above (bolded specifically).

She accuses you of being controlling, but as it stands now, it appears SHE is the one controlling you (mentally and emotionally) and she knows it.

Because of that, her respect for you is gone or if not totally gone, very close to. No woman who respected her man would ever speak to him the way she spoke to you. This is done.

I'm sorry man.
 
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BackInTheGame78

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As a woman, I agree with a lot of this^ and the sad part is @Free_Agent you could have had this girl wanting to commit to YOU and only you had you played it differently, more in line with what's posted above (bolded specifically).

She accuses you of being controlling, but as it stands now, it appears SHE is the one controlling you (mentally and emotionally) and she knows it.

Because of that, her respect for you is gone or if not totally gone, very close to. No woman who respected her man would ever speak to him the way she spoke to you. This is done.

I'm sorry man.
The clues have been there all along and she has likely been giving him chances to help himself out but he likely kept blowing them and now he is at the point he is.
 

Free_Agent

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Good on ya for saying what you thought. That's good. 100% @Stanley is right, though - I missed the part about the ex. Rip off the bandaid. The fact that you pushed that urge down when you found out what she was doing a long time ago fixed you on a downward trajectory.

Women instinctually get romance in ways guys don't - an exclusive, intense bond that cannot be broken. (uninterested in debates on this definition - there are nuances and contexts)

So with that context, the fact that they are so absolutely dead set on locking down a guy to be exclusive, when they do something shady and then he overlooks her directly cheating on him they know that a side of that man that demands respect isn't coming out. He isn't respectable, so they push and they flip that instinctual energy onto the guy: She dictates, she dominates, she lays the blueprint for how everything's goin down - and he sits there and submits and takes it.

Your energy isn't that. You're raw, powerful, dominant, and don't deal with bs. She needs to learn that doing things like that has consequences and what she's doing now has consequences.

Tell her her crime and the sentence! - Tell her what she did wrong, and break up with her. Refuse her framing decisions, values, etc. She's cheated on you and now expects you to be cool with going to a party island with a dude.

This sucks to say, but she's sucked in by the flights, and everything else you're doin for her. Rip it off. Do it.

p.s. if that ticket is coming out of your pocket... cancel the flight. "You aren't paying for anything." If so, do it before you talk to her.
As a woman, I agree with a lot of this^ and the sad part is @Free_Agent you could have had this girl wanting to commit to YOU and only you had you played it differently, more in line with what's posted above (bolded specifically).

She accuses you of being controlling, but as it stands now, it appears SHE is the one controlling you (mentally and emotionally) and she knows it.

Because of that, her respect for you is gone or if not totally gone, very close to. No woman who respected her man would ever speak to him the way she spoke to you. This is done.

I'm sorry man.
Yes, I ****ed up massively. I hadn't found RP until I started seeing things that my gut was telling me wasn't normal behavior. Found some sub reddits and other places and began to learn about red flags.

5 months into the relatiohship she was telling me I'm the guy she was gonna marry. A month later the NEXT day after we come home from a 5 day trip to Cabo she's lying to me and going out with the ex.

I was naive and ignorant. I was out of the dating scene for nearly 20 years and my ex-wife was actually an excellent woman so I had no exposure to what seems to be the current wasteland of women and OLD
 

SW15

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I had no exposure to what seems to be the current wasteland of women and OLD
Your perspective intrigues me. I never married and my LTRs have been far shorter than yours. In the past 20+ years, I've gotten more exposure to the toxicity than most. I am also an early Millennial, and the Millennial generation has been a disaster in the mating environment. One could make the argument that things were declining with Gen X. A lot of the infamous pickup artists/Manosphere people (Rollo Tomassi, Rich Cooper, Roosh, Heartiste, Mystery, Neil Strauss, etc.) are all Gen X'ers.
 

nzrod

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Thanks

She’s a hard read. I swear I’m dealing with a red pilled woman. Everything I’ve ready here and elsewhere she’s gaming me with. Plate…it’s funny we joked about it yesterday . She wants commitment from me. I wouldn’t mind it but I also don’t like other men ****ing my woman .

Trust has been compromised.

To complicate this more is one of the red flags she’s displayed is keeping the ex on the back burner. About 8 months in I found her lying to me and going out to dinner with him. About a year later caught her still txting him and deleting txt history. During our hiatus - she went away with this guy - paid for her, her sister and sisters BF to go to Bahamas for 4 days.

I’m torn thinking this guy alpha widowed her or he’s beta duck who she’s using him. We’re both successful entrepreneurs. Successful. Made. I have almost unlimited freedom outside of when I have my kids. She and I fly business anywhere we want when we want so she’s treated well.

Sex is almost always initiated by her and she’s willing to do mostly anything. I **** her2-5x a week on average and she organisms multiple times so I don’t think I’m falling short there

Gay friend I’ve heard her mention Him a few times . Never met him. She says she knows him from HS / Church. Lately I’ve been wondering if she’s going away with the ex.

Man I’m a mess
You need to meet the "gay" guy. If you dont meet him, she aint going, or she is going and you are over. OR - you go with her.
 

Vero Della Rosa

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@Free_Agent you could have had this girl wanting to commit to YOU and only you had you played it differently, more in line with what's posted above (bolded specifically).
Yes, I ****ed up massively. I hadn't found RP
No offense to meow but don’t use plays or moves or imitate. Decide who you are or at least who you wanna be. Have a vision. Pursue it.

‘What do I accept and not accept? What am I seeking in my life that I will not be deterred from? What virtues do I believe in and wanna work to embody?’ -This won’t fully fulfill ya, but it’ll go along way when interactin with others.

Don’t get that mindset of bein a female brain flip switcher. That ain’t a man. That’s avoidin pain. Be an actual hero.

This seems like a nuance but PUA / RP has a tendency of morphin men into personas rather than men.
 

Gddi

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My friend what you need to deploy is SILENCE AND DISTANCE. Let her go but don't be available when she gets back. If you call her out on her behavior now, your insecurities will show.
When she's gone on her trip with her gay wingman because that's what he is: a wingman, don't call her or text her while she's on her trip, if she reaches out keep the calls and texts short. Stay busy during this period. When she's back don't be readily available to meet with her for dates. Tell her you're working on a project with a deadline if you must. Why are you doing this? You're doing it to gauge her interest level. If she's still into you, she'll become increasingly eager to see you, because her emotions are spiked at this point she'll initiate texting and calls more. Let this run for a week, after which you take her out on a date. Do NOT bring up her trip during the date as this shows you were thinking about her when you were supposed to be busy in her absence. Keep it fun, if she tries bringing it up during the date, switch topics. Her hamster will spin really hard and this gets her aroused because she doesn't know where she stands with you. Now cut the date short and lead her to your bedroom, after sex she'll open up about her trip because she's been dying all night to talk about it. At this point all you have to do is keep your ears open and she'll tell you everything. Now if during her trip she doesn't reach out and she comes back from her trip and she still doesn't reach out. Stay silent and stay distant, she's gone, her interest died out.
 

Pedrito0906

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My friend what you need to deploy is SILENCE AND DISTANCE. Let her go but don't be available when she gets back. If you call her out on her behavior now, your insecurities will show.
When she's gone on her trip with her gay wingman because that's what he is: a wingman, don't call her or text her while she's on her trip, if she reaches out keep the calls and texts short. Stay busy during this period. When she's back don't be readily available to meet with her for dates. Tell her you're working on a project with a deadline if you must. Why are you doing this? You're doing it to gauge her interest level. If she's still into you, she'll become increasingly eager to see you, because her emotions are spiked at this point she'll initiate texting and calls more. Let this run for a week, after which you take her out on a date. Do NOT bring up her trip during the date as this shows you were thinking about her when you were supposed to be busy in her absence. Keep it fun, if she tries bringing it up during the date, switch topics. Her hamster will spin really hard and this gets her aroused because she doesn't know where she stands with you. Now cut the date short and lead her to your bedroom, after sex she'll open up about her trip because she's been dying all night to talk about it. At this point all you have to do is keep your ears open and she'll tell you everything. Now if during her trip she doesn't reach out and she comes back from her trip and she still doesn't reach out. Stay silent and stay distant, she's gone, her interest died out.
This is not a good advise for someone in his situation, you're taking a general "raise interest" advise like is this is a new girl, this is his LTR who has done $hitty things to him (he allowed it).

Don't follow this guy's advise, dump her it hurts but it has to be done. Hit the gym and make money while you're healing from the breakup and your mind starts to get used to the oxytocin depletion.
 

Free_Agent

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This is not a good advise for someone in his situation, you're taking a general "raise interest" advise like is this is a new girl, this is his LTR who has done $hitty things to him (he allowed it).

Don't follow this guy's advise, dump her it hurts but it has to be done. Hit the gym and make money while you're healing from the breakup and your mind starts to get used to the oxytocin depletion.
I was thinking the same when I read it. We live together ( but I still maintain my own paid for place ).

I appreciate your and others straight up no BS approach to dealing with this. Like I mentioned previously, everything in my life is good. Pretty much unlimited freedom ( outside of the week I have my kids every month), money, wealth...I dress well and am in good to great shape for a 46 year old guy. Waiting on blood panels to see if I do TRT. Things are good. It's only this relationship that gives me problems.

But like you said, it's the oxytocin mixed with scarcity and oneitus. It feels pathetic but I'm sure most have been in this position at one point of another.
 

Pedrito0906

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I was thinking the same when I read it. We live together ( but I still maintain my own paid for place ).

I appreciate your and others straight up no BS approach to dealing with this. Like I mentioned previously, everything in my life is good. Pretty much unlimited freedom ( outside of the week I have my kids every month), money, wealth...I dress well and am in good to great shape for a 46 year old guy. Waiting on blood panels to see if I do TRT. Things are good. It's only this relationship that gives me problems.

But like you said, it's the oxytocin mixed with scarcity and oneitus. It feels pathetic but I'm sure most have been in this position at one point of another.
TRT will change your life for the better. I've been on it for a year now, start6when I was 32, my test levels where low 300s, they only regret is not doing it earlier in life when my levels were around 500s
 

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CyrusTheGreat

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TRT will change your life for the better. I've been on it for a year now, start6when I was 32, my test levels where low 300s, they only regret is not doing it earlier in life when my levels were around 500s
Not entirely related to this topic, but why do you think doing TRT earlier would have been a good idea?

I've been hearing advice that it's best to start it later in mid 40s as that's when the t level falls bellow the level that you can keep up the good physic and back to back erection.
 

Free_Agent

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Not entirely related to this topic, but why do you think doing TRT earlier would have been a good idea?

I've been hearing advice that it's best to start it later in mid 40s as that's when the t level falls bellow the level that you can keep up the good physic and back to back erection.
Well in my situation I'm 47 and have been noticing the following :

  • Fatigue
  • Reduced lean muscle mass
  • Irritability
  • Unable to concentrate/focus
  • Symptoms of depression
  • Lower energy level, endurance and physical strength
  • Poor memory
  • Difficulty with finding words to say
  • Poor focus
 

Pedrito0906

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Not entirely related to this topic, but why do you think doing TRT earlier would have been a good idea?
Cause at 32 my levels were at lows 300, so I wonder what my levels were at 30. I should have written my regret is not getting my test levels tested either with the Dr or buying the lab order online.


I've been hearing advice that it's best to start it later in mid 40s as that's when the t level falls bellow the level that you can keep up the good physic and back to back erection.
Partially true, it all depends on activities that you do, fitness level, generics, age and food. Most men notice the biggest hit on libido by 40, but there are other symptoms like depression, stress, not losing weight, gaining fat and losing muscle, lack of motivation.

Test levels renge from 300-1200 (have getting lower throughout the years) depending on labs. I do it myself, labs and dose, which what the Dr does but you gotta pay him so fvck that. That's my levels right there as today, I could get a lower dose to have them a little lower, but I fell like a fvcking god, everything is happiness, things don't get under your skin, you get better mood, better motivation, breakups are not as painful cause you have a lot of testosterone so your mind doesn't allow you to be depressed.

There will be guys saying at 40 they don't need that, well, great, those guys chose good parents with good genetics.

I recommend you go to the Dr or buy labs online for to check the total Test and the free Test, it only cost like $50, then go to a Quest and get your bloods drawn out to see.
 

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Bokanovsky

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You aren't going to demote a 2.5yo LTR girl to a plate. You might be happy with that, but she won't go for that.

Is this gay guy a solid friend of hers? Have you hung out with him?

Has she asked you to go? What if you hinted that you wanted to go, would she be ok with that?

You have to determine if this gay guy is just like another one of her female friends. If yes, then I don't see any issue.

If you don't trust her, then you don't have a relationship.
Forgot about the the "gay" guy (who I bet is actually bisexual) for a second. You would be okay with your LTR going to a Puerto Rican equivalent of Spring Break without you?
 

Bokanovsky

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She’s a hard read. I swear I’m dealing with a red pilled woman. Everything I’ve ready here and elsewhere she’s gaming me with. Plate…it’s funny we joked about it yesterday . She wants commitment from me. I wouldn’t mind it but I also don’t like other men ****ing my woman .

Trust has been compromised.

To complicate this more is one of the red flags she’s displayed is keeping the ex on the back burner. About 8 months in I found her lying to me and going out to dinner with him. About a year later caught her still txting him and deleting txt history. During our hiatus - she went away with this guy - paid for her, her sister and sisters BF to go to Bahamas for 4 days.

I’m torn thinking this guy alpha widowed her or he’s beta duck who she’s using him. We’re both successful entrepreneurs. Successful. Made. I have almost unlimited freedom outside of when I have my kids. She and I fly business anywhere we want when we want so she’s treated well.

Sex is almost always initiated by her and she’s willing to do mostly anything. I **** her2-5x a week on average and she organisms multiple times so I don’t think I’m falling short there

Gay friend I’ve heard her mention Him a few times . Never met him. She says she knows him from HS / Church. Lately I’ve been wondering if she’s going away with the ex.

Man I’m a mess
This woman is not LTR material by any stretch.
 
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