LTR game

[Kladed]

I have posted before asking for similar advice, but to skip all the fluff and context of my own situation, I want to ask a more general question to all the married men, men who have been in the game for a long time, and or men who are currently in a LTR.

What do you think is the correct course of action while in an LTR?

- Cheating/spinning plates
- Spinning plates but not f*cking (keeping options)
- Soley focus on maintaining the LTR
- A combination of the above
- Or anything I missed

I have my own thoughts on the matter but I want to hear what other men on this forum have to say.

Thanks

 

[Juanto]

A combination of the above

This for me, but i do realize I am not a good example for anyone else.

 

[BPH]

- Cheating/spinning plates
- Spinning plates but not f*cking (keeping options)
- Soley focus on maintaining the LTR
- A combination of the above
- Or anything I missed

If you feel like you have to do anything else, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship.

 

[BPH]

monogamous exclusive relationship

You can still be an Ethical Non-Monogamous relationship.

I'm making an assumption that by "LTR" he means in the traditional sense.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Why be in an LTR of you want to be single? Just fvcking be single.

Integrity and character are what you do when nobody is looking.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Have character, integrity and ethics. Period. If you choose to decieve your LTR, you have zero character, integrity or ethics.

Ergo, you are not trustworthy, not respecting her (assuming she thinks the LTR is exclusive), and when she discovers you are a liar she will dump you or at the very least resent you, and that is the beginning of the end if not the end right then.

Be honest. If you refuse to be exclusive, tell the truth and do not lie. If she stays she accepts those terms, if she leaves she doesn't.

But don't cage another person in a fantasy interaction where things are not as they seem. That's selfish, dishonest & hurtful, especially if she gave up her options under the auspices of exclusivity and you cheat on her. Not cool.

There needs to be more discussions about how to do a LTR or marriage well. Very different skillset than approaching women, getting dates, getting laid. VERY different skillset.

You gotta be a solid man but you cannot just be a jerk all the time & expect a great relationship. You actually need to give a crap & act like you give a crap. That is a subject of merit, because there is an art to it.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Broken people have no business doing LTRs. Fix yourself first op.

 

[Serenity]

Cheating is absolutely out of the question if you want any hope of keeping it going for life. Just dishonesty in general is poison to a relationship.

I see ethical non-monogamy mentioned here, but that's not really cheating as it's a mutually agreed upon arrangement. Requires a truckload of trust for that to have a chance of working out though.

Spinning plates without fvcking isn't the best idea depending on how you imagine going about it. Personally I don't actively entertain other women beyond what's acceptable as platonic, doing so would definitely send the wrong message if my wife finds out. However, I am still improving myself, never stopped doing that even though I'm happily married. This makes me attractive and other women show interest in me, so I do have other options if I wanted to, although that's passively rather than actively doing something specifically to gain the interest of other women.

I don't solely focus on maintaining my marriage, I focus on living my life and shaping our lives together. The relationship doesn't require that much maintenance (in the sense of focused effort) because we're very compatible, most things just works out in a way we're both pleased with. I do give extra attention to anything that potentially could become a problem down the line when it pops up, but honestly there's very little of that in our marriage.

My stance is that any other woman is at most in my friend zone. If there ever comes a time I'd seriously consider another woman then I'd go for divorce before cheating.