BPH
Master Don Juan
A VERY active month...
This one isn't as special as some of the recent ones I posted about, but for the sake of keeping track, I'll toss it up anyway. If anybody's interested in seeing the conversation on Hinge to get her number, ask for it, and I'll put it together, but I don't feel like moving around and censoring pictures right now.
Alright, so this is a girl I matched with on Hinge about 2 weeks ago, and was one of the girls I was trying to plan dates with when I was dogsitting in Philly last week. The reason things didn't work out with her was that she was tired and decided she was going to go to bed early, and didn't feel like going out to meet me and grab drinks that night.
What she did feel like doing, however, was scrolling through my Instagram, telling me how hot I was, and sending me provocative videos of herself. She ended up being pretty forward, asking how big I was, complaining that she had been with her ex for years, and couldn't bear to deal with another 4-incher.
For some added context, she's Chinese and had been in America for a little over a year, so I'm thinking she didn't have a great grasp of what "normal" dating conversations looked like.
Anyway, nothing happened that weekend. We were supposed to get coffee, but it was inconvenient for both of us, so we set that aside and made plans for next weekend (this last Friday), where we pretty much spelled out that I'd be coming over to f*** her.
And that's what happened, but it was probably the strangest and most awkward experience I've had with a woman in a while, and some of you may get a kick out of this...
I arrived at her apartment, and she came downstairs to meet me at the door - didn't say a word. She led me to the elevator, still not saying anything, not even "hi". Once we got into the elevator, I straight up asked her if she talked, and she finally answered with a simple "yes". She led me to her apartment, which was very nice, on the upper floors of a high-rise. We took a shot of some Chinese liquor, and she's still avoidant, remarking about how this is "so awkward".
I try to lighten the mood by making some small talk, trying to ease her into things with some kissing - which, apparently, she doesn't like kissing, so that wasn't great. She keeps remarking about how awkward this is, and I tell her it's only awkward because she's making it awkward. Most of my questions she's answering with 1 or 2 words, and she's not really asking anything in return. After some very light making out, she gets up, invites me to the bedroom, and takes off her clothes before getting into bed. I join her and start fingering her to, again, try to ease her into the moment...but she also doesn't really enjoy that either. It seems like she wants to get to the point, so I join her, and we have sex for the first time.
Afterwards, she's still not much better, still pretty awkward and quiet. She pours us some more shots to try to loosen herself up, and this eventually works a little bit, as she starts opening up to me more in conversation. The problem is she doesn't seem to particularly "like" anything...
"What's your favorite position?"
"I don't know."
"What's your biggest turn on?"
"I don't know."
"What do you know?"
As I mentioned, she hasn't been living in America long, and doesn't particularly enjoy it. The last time she'd had sex was in October of last year, and apparently, I'm her first white guy, as she had only been with Asians previously. Her most recent ex had been cheating on her throughout most of her relationship, so she told me a story about how she drugged him and used a strap-on on him as revenge...
Yeah...I half-jokingly said, "You didn't drug me, did you?" to which she replied something along the lines of "No, no, no, he was cheating on me, which is why I did that."
We did end up going a second round, but after that she started getting tired and dozing off. I asked her if she would rather have the bed to herself, or whether I should spend the night, to which she replied: "I don't care". So I sat there for about 10-15 minutes before I decided that I'd prefer not to continue wasting more of my time, and got dressed to leave.
And it's a good thing I did, too. When I got back to the lot where my car was parked, I was greeted with a $200 ticket, because that particular lot was monitored by spotters who watched me leave, and then booted my car. If I had taken another half hour, my fee would've been doubled, and my car would've been towed. The joys of trying to park in the city...
So I drove home, texted her when I got home safe, and said it was nice to meet her (the latter part of which was a lie, for sure). She liked the message, and that was that.
Needless to say, I don't think I'll be revisiting her.
That was my Friday night, hope you guys enjoyed this mess.
This one isn't as special as some of the recent ones I posted about, but for the sake of keeping track, I'll toss it up anyway. If anybody's interested in seeing the conversation on Hinge to get her number, ask for it, and I'll put it together, but I don't feel like moving around and censoring pictures right now.
Alright, so this is a girl I matched with on Hinge about 2 weeks ago, and was one of the girls I was trying to plan dates with when I was dogsitting in Philly last week. The reason things didn't work out with her was that she was tired and decided she was going to go to bed early, and didn't feel like going out to meet me and grab drinks that night.
What she did feel like doing, however, was scrolling through my Instagram, telling me how hot I was, and sending me provocative videos of herself. She ended up being pretty forward, asking how big I was, complaining that she had been with her ex for years, and couldn't bear to deal with another 4-incher.
For some added context, she's Chinese and had been in America for a little over a year, so I'm thinking she didn't have a great grasp of what "normal" dating conversations looked like.
Anyway, nothing happened that weekend. We were supposed to get coffee, but it was inconvenient for both of us, so we set that aside and made plans for next weekend (this last Friday), where we pretty much spelled out that I'd be coming over to f*** her.
And that's what happened, but it was probably the strangest and most awkward experience I've had with a woman in a while, and some of you may get a kick out of this...
I arrived at her apartment, and she came downstairs to meet me at the door - didn't say a word. She led me to the elevator, still not saying anything, not even "hi". Once we got into the elevator, I straight up asked her if she talked, and she finally answered with a simple "yes". She led me to her apartment, which was very nice, on the upper floors of a high-rise. We took a shot of some Chinese liquor, and she's still avoidant, remarking about how this is "so awkward".
I try to lighten the mood by making some small talk, trying to ease her into things with some kissing - which, apparently, she doesn't like kissing, so that wasn't great. She keeps remarking about how awkward this is, and I tell her it's only awkward because she's making it awkward. Most of my questions she's answering with 1 or 2 words, and she's not really asking anything in return. After some very light making out, she gets up, invites me to the bedroom, and takes off her clothes before getting into bed. I join her and start fingering her to, again, try to ease her into the moment...but she also doesn't really enjoy that either. It seems like she wants to get to the point, so I join her, and we have sex for the first time.
Afterwards, she's still not much better, still pretty awkward and quiet. She pours us some more shots to try to loosen herself up, and this eventually works a little bit, as she starts opening up to me more in conversation. The problem is she doesn't seem to particularly "like" anything...
"What's your favorite position?"
"I don't know."
"What's your biggest turn on?"
"I don't know."
"What do you know?"
As I mentioned, she hasn't been living in America long, and doesn't particularly enjoy it. The last time she'd had sex was in October of last year, and apparently, I'm her first white guy, as she had only been with Asians previously. Her most recent ex had been cheating on her throughout most of her relationship, so she told me a story about how she drugged him and used a strap-on on him as revenge...
Yeah...I half-jokingly said, "You didn't drug me, did you?" to which she replied something along the lines of "No, no, no, he was cheating on me, which is why I did that."
We did end up going a second round, but after that she started getting tired and dozing off. I asked her if she would rather have the bed to herself, or whether I should spend the night, to which she replied: "I don't care". So I sat there for about 10-15 minutes before I decided that I'd prefer not to continue wasting more of my time, and got dressed to leave.
And it's a good thing I did, too. When I got back to the lot where my car was parked, I was greeted with a $200 ticket, because that particular lot was monitored by spotters who watched me leave, and then booted my car. If I had taken another half hour, my fee would've been doubled, and my car would've been towed. The joys of trying to park in the city...
So I drove home, texted her when I got home safe, and said it was nice to meet her (the latter part of which was a lie, for sure). She liked the message, and that was that.
Needless to say, I don't think I'll be revisiting her.
That was my Friday night, hope you guys enjoyed this mess.
