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Low Interest or Super Guarded? Hard to figure out.

Smartone84

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Met her online well over a month ago now. Very different/reserved type of chick. Got weird about removing her mask for a kiss at the end of what was a very nice 3rd date and said "Next time!". Not big into sex talk. Only made out at the end of the 4TH DATE (I know). 5th date I slept over her place and banged her, though I did have a little trouble keeping it up with the condom (hate those things). She told me she's on the pill but prefers condoms initially. She understood my issues and after there was just tons of cuddling and intimacy, and it really felt like something was progressing by the morning when I left.

Here's the thing: Back up for a minute, and she reveals to me at the end of the 4th date, now a month into dating, (after me asking) that her new job that she got only recently will "LIKELY" be moving her FOUR HOURS away to another state at some point in the Fall. Wow, I thought. I was shocked, and disappointed. Just as I was starting to really like her, this bombshell was dropped right in my face. She then told me flat out, that if I didn't ever want to see her again, she would understand. She did say she enjoys seeing me and would definitely see me again though and likes spending time with me. In so many words in my response, I basically agreed to keep seeing her but then told her well, what would happen in the theoretical scenario that we were dating, etc. Her response was simply something along the lines of: "well, the Fall is such a long time away....". It just seemed as if it was too "much" of a thought for her to process, but there I was thinking geez, you better tell me what's going on here bc I ain't going to date someone for months and then they're out of my life the next day.

About her: She's 40 years old, never married, never engaged, never even lived with a guy, but super attractive, super smart and extremely nice/well mannered. Definitely not your typical western attractive white girl from a big city. I do not know anything about her dating history yet though I am a bit more curious at this stage as maybe you'll understand as you read. You can feel the chemistry between us and it's nice. But that being said I still feel like there is just something "off" about her based on her other actions as you will continue to read about....

While she's not a big phone person at all, she has yet to once, in this near 1.5 months (even though things only really began picking up steam after the 3rd date) text me unprompted, and has ALWAYS taken hours to respond to me, so much so that by the 4th and 5th date offers, when she took 5-6 hours to answer me both times, I was finally starting to get annoyed wondering what is the deal with this chick. Back to her ever reaching out, she's only messaged me about things that I asked her about previously (i.e. Let me know how the vaccine goes when you get it) but never a single how's your day or this made me think of you, etc. Never a call. She HAS gotten a little flirty in texts but as we all know actions speak louder than words. I know texting is primarily for setting up dates and lord knows I don't go into full fledged convos, but never having anything come from her randomly I find odd. Long story short, outside of the actual dates, the rapport and convo feels like next to nothing and now at this point, it's starting to reach an awkward level so much so that when I go into this 6th date, it may as well feel like a 1st date.

As far as in person goes however, things are a bit different. While she hasn't "confessed" any feelings for me or anything like that, the kino was out of control towards the end of the 4th date and entire 5th date, and she told me flat out how she wants a relationship and ultimately a family one day. She also started implying that she'd want to see me in the future with a few ideas for plans down the road. This weekend now is her birthday weekend. I called her and we had a nice chat the other day and I told her I'd like to see her for her bday weekend and take her out. She explained that unfortunately her entire weekend is crazy busy and didn't seem like she wanted to be put on the spot (again lets rememeber this is a chick who has taken hours upon hours before to respond even to text offers) and said she will let me know. I hung up the phone thinking ok then. 24 hours later- she texts me saying while this weekend is just too busy, she's very flexible and can either see me next Saturday at my place or even during the week. I said ok that's fine and i'll cook for her NEXT weekend. She was happy, but meanwhile I feel like the steam is just dying as each day goes on. Then today, a couple of days after this convo where we set up those plans, I texted her something very quick, a piece of news I thought she'd like to see, and again, 3 hours later there's the response, with nothing else for me to grab onto or answer. It was a close ended remark.

I do still like this chick and absolutely think there's something there, but at this stage in the game, well over a month in and looking at a 6th date coming up, I just can't say I sense the same from her.


So my question is simple- What is the deal here?

IS IT the eventual move that's holding her back from latching on? The implication there being that this girl could legit date me for the entire summer and turn off all her deep feelings and then pack up shop and be ok with a long distance relationship at 41 yrs old?

or

IS she just weird/guarded in general and doesn't know how to properly communicate?

or

is this woman legit just enjoying some company and companionship and has general low interest?

*As a key thing, I should note that she has often paid for things on these dates, so a theory of she's using me for free meals, drinks and fun can be thrown out the window.
 
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Hank Moody

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You're not going to want to hear this @Smartone84, but you need to...

You are throwing yourself at this girl and giving off boyfriend vibes. Big no no.

Also, I read something at the end about you texting her a news story you thought she'd like to see. Don't ever do that.

Time for the Pro Tip:

In your first 3 months of seeing a girl, she should constantly be wondering, "Does he even like me?"
 

JST8828

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Delayed texting is never a good sign, especially after multiple dates. Seems like a lot is going on here and any opinion you get will never be completely on point bc only you have experienced this first hand. On one hand you're saying she pays for stuff too so she's not using you completely, but at the same time she could just be weird/lonely and looking for some companionship before she takes off for her new job. Still it would be hard to beleive considering she (i'm assuming) knows you want a relationship that she'd be dragging this on just to satisfy herself.

But bottom line is there is literally nothing you wrote that confirms to me that she's 100% into you as far as real feelings go. Talking about future plans could maybe be a good sign, but as you stated actions speak louder than words. Women a lot of time have a fairy tale thought in their head and say oh i could do this or that, but it's what they DO that counts. For example I'd put more value in her picking up the phone and just calling you to say hello than I would her saying she wants to (i.e.) go to a baseball game with you one day.

Also I agree with Hank, especially given the uncertainty of this woman right now. No more texting unless it's something essential. Time for you to take a step back.
 

Smartone84

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Also I agree with Hank, especially given the uncertainty of this woman right now. No more texting unless it's something essential. Time for you to take a step back.
Also, I read something at the end about you texting her a news story you thought she'd like to see. Don't ever do that.
Agreed on both counts. Thanks for the advice.
 

LARaiders85

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IS IT the eventual move that's holding her back from latching on? The implication there being that this girl could legit date me for the entire summer and turn off all her deep feelings and then pack up shop and be ok with a long distance relationship at 41 yrs old?

or

IS she just weird/guarded in general and doesn't know how to properly communicate?

or

is this woman legit just enjoying some company and companionship and has general low interest?
all three. 40 and never married is a sign of attachment issues.
 

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King Lion

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Low interest!
 

Smartone84

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You are throwing yourself at this girl and giving off boyfriend vibes. Big no no.
just to respond to this...

I won't disagree with your above statement completely, as yes, after a few weeks and few dates of dating I'll admit I was starting to like this woman, but I will also say that in a normal world in normal progression and where I come from I've learned that this is also the same time that if the woman is interested, she starts to show the interest and she starts to make things easier for you, etc. Not too much of that is really happening, at all. So while yes on one hand I don't think I should be texting her anything random at this point that you alluded to, this could and should easily be going much better by this point imho, almost 1.5 months in, after 5 dates, with me not even worrying about "overtexting", so to speak. Do I want to make her my gf tomorrow? No, not really. But i'm just making a point. The point being that I believe there is something "off" about this chick, and i'm just trying to figure out what it is.
 

Hank Moody

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just to respond to this...

I won't disagree with your above statement completely, as yes, after a few weeks and few dates of dating I'll admit I was starting to like this woman, but I will also say that in a normal world in normal progression and where I come from I've learned that this is also the same time that if the woman is interested, she starts to show the interest and she starts to make things easier for you, etc. Not too much of that is really happening, at all. So while yes on one hand I don't think I should be texting her anything random at this point that you alluded to, this could and should easily be going much better by this point imho, almost 1.5 months in, after 5 dates, with me not even worrying about "overtexting", so to speak. Do I want to make her my gf tomorrow? No, not really. But i'm just making a point. The point being that I believe there is something "off" about this chick, and i'm just trying to figure out what it is.
Totally understand where you're coming from.

Sometimes you just have to chalk it up to low interest on her part.
 

Robert28

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You're not going to want to hear this @Smartone84, but you need to...

You are throwing yourself at this girl and giving off boyfriend vibes. Big no no.

Also, I read something at the end about you texting her a news story you thought she'd like to see. Don't ever do that.

Time for the Pro Tip:

In your first 3 months of seeing a girl, she should constantly be wondering, "Does he even like me?"
I agree with wha you say BUT you better be very careful with that last paragraph. I’ve been dumped doing just that. Women have too many options these days to sit around wondering about you.
 

Smartone84

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I agree with wha you say BUT you better be very careful with that last paragraph. I’ve been dumped doing just that. Women have too many options these days to sit around wondering about you.
Well I'll go out on a limb saying the line isn't implying to treat a girl like sh-t or play the game so hard that you're only talking to her once every 2 weeks 2 months into dating. But instead going about it in such a way that you're still casting even the slightest bit of doubt in her head at times. Women are attracted to the mystery of it all in the initial stages. Give them everything they want and you better beleive they're going to be hitting up one of their other options in the dating app even if out of curiosity at first.
 

Hank Moody

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I agree with wha you say BUT you better be very careful with that last paragraph. I’ve been dumped doing just that. Women have too many options these days to sit around wondering about you.
That's the rock and the hard place that we, as men, are perpetually caught between with women, isn't it?

If we're too busy and too aloof, she could start thinking we're not interested and just move on.

So, what do we instinctively do to try and prevent this from happening? We do just the opposite. We give her just a bit more of our time and attention. We start 'showing' her that we care more. Then, she starts to feel like we're throwing ourself at her. She gets a little taken back by this, and inevitably pulls back.

I'm not saying we should be so aloof that we only see her once every 3 weeks and never call her. What I am saying is that we should never be overt with our intentions or about our feelings in that first 3 months.
 

Smartone84

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I'm not saying we should be so aloof that we only see her once every 3 weeks and never call her. What I am saying is that we should never be overt with our intentions or about our feelings in that first 3 months.
You are very right. In my case it was extra difficult though imo when I got a chick that wants me staying over her place, is talking about future plans with me, tells me in a text that she wishes I was there to "keep her warm", and then I push forward a little bit and show her more of my "cards" so to speak, and then suddenly I sense her pulling back. Can't win sometimes, at least not with certain women.
 

Robert28

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That's the rock and the hard place that we, as men, are perpetually caught between with women, isn't it?

If we're too busy and too aloof, she could start thinking we're not interested and just move on.

So, what do we instinctively do to try and prevent this from happening? We do just the opposite. We give her just a bit more of our time and attention. We start 'showing' her that we care more. Then, she starts to feel like we're throwing ourself at her. She gets a little taken back by this, and inevitably pulls back.

I'm not saying we should be so aloof that we only see her once every 3 weeks and never call her. What I am saying is that we should never be overt with our intentions or about our feelings in that first 3 months.
I’ve had girl dump me because I didn’t text them enough throuougut the day. I’m talking we’ve been dating 2-3 months and they literally mention I don’t text enough even though I’ve talked to them every single day. Never mind that I own my own business and am busy, too busy to text all day everyday. And it still came back to bite me. Had one girl that I knew was low interest, so I backed off for a week. She reaches out to set up a date out of the blue. She stands me up on the date and blocks me, even though I knew I was right about her low interest and even though SHE reached out and made the date. She could have let me walk away gracefully and nicely like I was trying to do, but no she had to reach out so she could dump me in the most humiliating way. That’s what type women are dealing with these days. Fvcked up **** like that.
 

Hank Moody

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You are very right. In my case it was extra difficult though imo when I got a chick that wants me staying over her place, is talking about future plans with me, tells me in a text that she wishes I was there to "keep her warm", and then I push forward a little bit and show her more of my "cards" so to speak, and then suddenly I sense her pulling back. Can't win sometimes, at least not with certain women.
That's how their twisted little minds operate.

They tell all that luvvy duvvy crap, get you hooked, then the second you reciprocate....

she PULLS BACK.

100 out of 100 women will do this to you.

One of the OG posters here - Poon King - created this legendary thread where he says the only thing a guy needs to concern himself with is sex. Pushing for the relationship, talking about feelings, etc... is her job.

BUT, you have to be careful to not reciprocate with your words. Ever.

As men, we show women how we feel about them. We don't tell them.

When you tell a girl, "I like you and I want to see where this goes." - or anything similar - her brain processes it as...

"Dang. Why is this guy throwing himself at me? It's only been 3 months and he's talking about all this future stuff with me. He must not have any other options besides me."

Then it turns into....

"Why is he not talking to other women? It's probably because no other woman wants him. So, wait a minute....why do I want him then?"

Then she ghosts you.

It's how they ALL think. It's how they ALL operate.
 

Smartone84

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That's how their twisted little minds operate.

They tell all that luvvy duvvy crap, get you hooked, then the second you reciprocate....

she PULLS BACK.

100 out of 100 women will do this to you.

One of the OG posters here - Poon King - created this legendary thread where he says the only thing a guy needs to concern himself with is sex. Pushing for the relationship, talking about feelings, etc... is her job.

BUT, you have to be careful to not reciprocate with your words. Ever.

As men, we show women how we feel about them. We don't tell them.

When you tell a girl, "I like you and I want to see where this goes." - or anything similar - her brain processes it as...

"Dang. Why is this guy throwing himself at me? It's only been 3 months and he's talking about all this future stuff with me. He must not have any other options besides me."

Then it turns into....

"Why is he not talking to other women? It's probably because no other woman wants him. So, wait a minute....why do I want him then?"

Then she ghosts you.

It's how they ALL think. It's how they ALL operate.
So I guess I shouldn't ask her where she thinks a guy (i.e. me) could fit into a relationship if she ends up (in her words "likely") moving in the Fall like she said she is? :lol:
 

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EyeBRollin

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There are too many mistakes in here to parse out.

Read the DJ Bible. This girl likes you but you are failing a lot of shvt tests. Those shvt tests are because your approach has been poor from the get go.
 

Smartone84

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This girl likes you but you are failing a lot of shvt tests. Those shvt tests are because your approach has been poor from the get go.
Instead of being cryptic would you mind just sharing what you mean? I don't think I've been failing many tests at all to be completely honest.
 

Hank Moody

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So I guess I shouldn't ask her where she thinks a guy (i.e. me) could fit into a relationship if she ends up (in her words "likely") moving in the Fall like she said she is? :lol:
Nah. You need to chalk this one up to the game.

Take the L. It's a learning experience.
 

Smartone84

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Take the L. It's a learning experience.
You're implying that I completely f-cked up with my game with this woman which I don't see being the case outside of initiating with her again with my random text when she's shown me hardly any initiation from her end. Also, maybe I shouldn't have made such a convo out of her moving initially. Should have played it cool. It was only a 4th date after all. That said, I slept with her on the next date, so it couldn't have been a fatal mistake. I don't think there have been any "fatal" mistakes. Things might not be looking great but I don't think it's a loss just yet. Too early to tell. Though I honestly don't know what my next move is. I don't want to waste my time with this chick whether she's just using me to pass the time or has zero interest in a long term thing considering her impending likely move.
 

Hank Moody

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You're implying that I completely f-cked up with my game with this woman which I don't see being the case outside of initiating with her again with my random text when she's shown me hardly any initiation from her end. Also, maybe I shouldn't have made such a convo out of her moving initially. Should have played it cool. It was only a 4th date after all. That said, I slept with her on the next date, so it couldn't have been a fatal mistake. I don't think there have been any "fatal" mistakes. Things might not be looking great but I don't think it's a loss just yet. Too early to tell. Though I honestly don't know what my next move is. I don't want to waste my time with this chick whether she's just using me to pass the time or has zero interest in a long term thing considering her impending likely move.
Your next move is to do absolutely nothing.

How experienced with women/game are you?

Trust your gut. You say you don't want to waste your time with this one....

Well, there you go. Our gut is right 99.9% of the time.
 
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