Lost frame in a relationship. Not sure what to do

[BackInTheGame78]

I have to weigh in here. I understand the OP's situation.


I’m sharing my own experience, as well as what I’ve seen among couples of friends out there.
To start: once she behaves this way, is the situation salvageable?
And if it *is* salvageable, what kind of relationship will it be?

I’ve had many friends who have LTRs like those, difficulties arose.

For example: an "orbiter" becoming emotionally closer, a tough financial situation, the guy refusing therapy, or simple things in everyday life, leading her to test him and act like a total *****, etc.

The outcomes varied:

a) In the case where she physically cheated with the orbiter: obviously, the LTR ended in divorce.

b) In cases where she had a crush on an orbiter or another man, after behaviors like withhold sex or threaten to end the relationship, she came to her senses and blocked the orbiter; however, she kept the LTR going but refuses to marry her current boyfriend.

c) Regarding LTRs like my parents': it seems my mother still behaves that way, and my father cheated on her with many prostitutes because they don't have sex, yet she still takes care of him after 50 years.



So, what does this mean?

It seems that men might have lost their frame, or that the woman might be lost her, but yet, for some reason that actually benefits the relationship, the woman returns to showing respect for the man she is with.

She goes back to cooking, tidying the house, doing the laundry, looking after the kids, being accommodating to his requests, posting photos of the two of them online, and doing so much more, even if she has lost respect for him or is thinking about another man in the meantime.

It could be that some women simply want to know they have you wrapped around their finger.
And that they only want to be in a relationship with a man if they know they can control him.
So, is a man who holds his frame a threat to them because they feel they have no power on?

Just like this woman: "I need to control the man" rather than "I need to follow this man."



Yes, I know this is a true thing, but they call it "make up" sex for a reason right?


While it’s true that you should "watch what she does" rather than "listen to what she says," the way this woman is behaving shows that something isn't right with her.

Never assume the "image" she portrays is actually what is going on in the actual relationship.

This mistake is constantly made by people believing the "fantasy" imagery of random social media content accurately portrays the relationship.

NOBODY knows the true details of any relationship outside the two people in it. Period.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

say it’s the woman who loses the frame in the relationship

Didn't say that.

Didn't say anything close to that.

I only said that about this particular woman in this particular situation.

If you watch two people talk it's very easy to see who has the frame and who doesn't.

Who is leading the frame and who is chasing.

Who wants the relationship or transaction the most, and who doesn't.

This is pretty basic stuff if you actually get out of the vast theoretical space in your head, get out into the real world and have some real, genuine conversations with real people.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Since you guys (@Divorced w 3, @taiyuu_otoko) say it’s the woman who loses the frame in the relationship, it would be important to know how you figured that out, given that the conversation usually focuses on men losing the frame.

Dude what the fvck are you talking about.

 

[jhonny9546]

Dude what the fvck are you talking about.

Didn't say that.

Didn't say anything close to that.

Here guys

I agree he’s got frame.

Sounds like she's the one who lost the frame.

 

[jhonny9546]

get out into the real world and have some real, genuine conversations with real people.

You assume this, that is completely wrong mate, and it's not the first time you say that.
If I am asking for something, it's actually because I go out there, and want to know more about it.
Because I don't want to make the same mistake again.

Given this

If you watch two people talk it's very easy to see who has the frame and who doesn't.
Who is leading the frame and who is chasing.

That is come easy to me sometimes, but sometimes, it's not so easy to understand.

Because, you will have women going crazy to men, then those men will blow up, then after two minutes, the man take control, the woman submit and become calm, the man become assertive, and the conversation conclude.

What could you say about this topic? It would be interesting to hear more if you have a skill on reading that

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

What could you say about this topic?

That you ask this question seems to indicate you don't have much real experience talking to or interacting with ladies.

There are a dozens, if not more, variables in any one interaction.

You can say the same thing to the same person on ten different days and get ten different results.

That you think it's possible to come up with some kind of intellectual understanding of why one random man was able to regain the frame from one random woman and then be able to apply that in future situations is absolutely ridiculous.

Here's a brief explanation of how interpersonal dynamics works.

Step One - Go out into the world and get as much experience as you can. Talking to girls, asking for numbers, trying different conversational techniques.

Step Two - Your brain slowly gets filled with experience. This is what informs your intuition of what to do. Your actual memories of what you did in the past. What worked and what didn't.

Step Three - In any subsequent conversations, the more memories you have, the more experiences you have, the easier you'll (or rather your subconscious) will be able to extrapolate all those past experiences into the present moment.

This absolutely cannot be sidestepped by asking anonymous strangers online why this happens or why that happened or why people act like X or Y.

When it comes to game, experience is your ONLY teacher.