Lost frame in a relationship. Not sure what to do

[BackInTheGame78]

I have to weigh in here. I understand the OP's situation.


I’m sharing my own experience, as well as what I’ve seen among couples of friends out there.
To start: once she behaves this way, is the situation salvageable?
And if it *is* salvageable, what kind of relationship will it be?

I’ve had many friends who have LTRs like those, difficulties arose.

For example: an "orbiter" becoming emotionally closer, a tough financial situation, the guy refusing therapy, or simple things in everyday life, leading her to test him and act like a total *****, etc.

The outcomes varied:

a) In the case where she physically cheated with the orbiter: obviously, the LTR ended in divorce.

b) In cases where she had a crush on an orbiter or another man, after behaviors like withhold sex or threaten to end the relationship, she came to her senses and blocked the orbiter; however, she kept the LTR going but refuses to marry her current boyfriend.

c) Regarding LTRs like my parents': it seems my mother still behaves that way, and my father cheated on her with many prostitutes because they don't have sex, yet she still takes care of him after 50 years.



So, what does this mean?

It seems that men might have lost their frame, or that the woman might be lost her, but yet, for some reason that actually benefits the relationship, the woman returns to showing respect for the man she is with.

She goes back to cooking, tidying the house, doing the laundry, looking after the kids, being accommodating to his requests, posting photos of the two of them online, and doing so much more, even if she has lost respect for him or is thinking about another man in the meantime.

It could be that some women simply want to know they have you wrapped around their finger.
And that they only want to be in a relationship with a man if they know they can control him.
So, is a man who holds his frame a threat to them because they feel they have no power on?

Just like this woman: "I need to control the man" rather than "I need to follow this man."



Yes, I know this is a true thing, but they call it "make up" sex for a reason right?


While it’s true that you should "watch what she does" rather than "listen to what she says," the way this woman is behaving shows that something isn't right with her.

Never assume the "image" she portrays is actually what is going on in the actual relationship.

This mistake is constantly made by people believing the "fantasy" imagery of random social media content accurately portrays the relationship.

NOBODY knows the true details of any relationship outside the two people in it. Period.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

say it’s the woman who loses the frame in the relationship

Didn't say that.

Didn't say anything close to that.

I only said that about this particular woman in this particular situation.

If you watch two people talk it's very easy to see who has the frame and who doesn't.

Who is leading the frame and who is chasing.

Who wants the relationship or transaction the most, and who doesn't.

This is pretty basic stuff if you actually get out of the vast theoretical space in your head, get out into the real world and have some real, genuine conversations with real people.