This Times For Real
Don Juan
I read this through for the first time slowly and actually thought about it. thanks pook.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Kill that desperation!
- Thread starter Pook
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
comic_relief
Master Don Juan
Pook thank you for this post
bump
I was just sitting in my chair and decided to reread Be A Man and Kill That Desparation. while reading this my thoughts cleared and I went back to the time of my first girl that I got and still had nice guy left in me. I just realized that I had signs of desparation in me.
Thanks for the boost up.
bump
I was just sitting in my chair and decided to reread Be A Man and Kill That Desparation. while reading this my thoughts cleared and I went back to the time of my first girl that I got and still had nice guy left in me. I just realized that I had signs of desparation in me.
Thanks for the boost up.
jonny football hero
Master Don Juan
Re: Pook thank you for this post
BUMP
Word......
BUMP
the_observer66
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**** pook .. ur right ..
I ve been thinkin, that i have to change the whole "approach" towards life, not just in DJ area ..
hmm ...
I ve been thinkin, that i have to change the whole "approach" towards life, not just in DJ area ..
hmm ...
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Heya, I really enjoyed this post. Highly inspiring, motivation and practical. I've already been trying to apply your advice.
I'm glad nobody who's replied has seen it this way, but one issue with your prince description is it could lead the reader to think he needs to become arrogant, pompous and develop a serious superiority complex. If you ever wanted to edit your post, a clarification about this would be a good addition.
I'm glad nobody who's replied has seen it this way, but one issue with your prince description is it could lead the reader to think he needs to become arrogant, pompous and develop a serious superiority complex. If you ever wanted to edit your post, a clarification about this would be a good addition.
when i first read this post a little over a year ago, i thought it was amazing...the last few days I actually got around to reading Pook's replies..this guy is incredible..there is no other way to describe him or what he has done for this forum...wow
DoN_KaTRiN
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This is sum good sh*t iam new to this but with advice like this i can see myself being a true don juan
I love Hyori Lee
Senior Don Juan
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This is one of the most enlightening posts I have ever read. I wish we could get more posts like these.
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Blusher
Senior Don Juan
I do not agree with that.
Being a challenge does work with girl but as far as I am concerned I want a girl to be available and madly in love with me.
Man I love all Pooks work. He really is lightyears ahead of most of the PUA giants. I know a few guys personally that rival him, but Pook is the daddy of Sosuave. 
Guys, seriously give him rep for his posts. He deserves them more than most people.
Guys, seriously give him rep for his posts. He deserves them more than most people.
Change of Rule?
"Imagine if a woman did all of the above to you. Imagine if a woman was obsessed with you, always calling you, always available, and always spending her free time for your. Any interest you had for this woman would soon evaporate. Why? Because in your own mind you are thinking two things: "No one else must want her," and "If I can get her obsessed about me, I know I can get better girls to be interested in me." Her desperation is turning you off. The same is true for women."
- This seems true if you're in the dating stage of the relationship. Obviously, the attraction will deplate if the guy is always available and not a chase. But, for example, I am in a relationship with a girl and it seems like I want to spend all my free time with her and call her whenever I have a chance. Isn't that love? Should I still play these games to keep the interest level high? Basically, the question I would like to know is if this rule changes once the guy is in a relationship, or if he should still make the girl WANT him.
"Imagine if a woman did all of the above to you. Imagine if a woman was obsessed with you, always calling you, always available, and always spending her free time for your. Any interest you had for this woman would soon evaporate. Why? Because in your own mind you are thinking two things: "No one else must want her," and "If I can get her obsessed about me, I know I can get better girls to be interested in me." Her desperation is turning you off. The same is true for women."
- This seems true if you're in the dating stage of the relationship. Obviously, the attraction will deplate if the guy is always available and not a chase. But, for example, I am in a relationship with a girl and it seems like I want to spend all my free time with her and call her whenever I have a chance. Isn't that love? Should I still play these games to keep the interest level high? Basically, the question I would like to know is if this rule changes once the guy is in a relationship, or if he should still make the girl WANT him.
Split Infinity
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The point is that you should get other stuff in your life going on so that you don't have enough free time to be wanting to call or be with this girl all the time.
Everyone has hobbies (and if you don't have some, you should get some!) and they should take priority when you have some free time. I'm not saying completely ignore women, but do your own thing too. You'll likely find a lot more pleasure in doing something you truly enjoy than pursuing or just spending time with a girl in all your free time.
Everyone has hobbies (and if you don't have some, you should get some!) and they should take priority when you have some free time. I'm not saying completely ignore women, but do your own thing too. You'll likely find a lot more pleasure in doing something you truly enjoy than pursuing or just spending time with a girl in all your free time.
BuildingSomethingBig
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Dude, stop and think about your own question for a few minutes. Why should the principles that landed you the girl suddenly change once she is your girlfriend? You think that now you have a license to suffocate the girl? Please think again. Her tolerance for boredom doesn't simply change.jrsully88 said:
I think, at the moment, you're viewing this very superficially and not really grasping the underlying principles. The purpose of being unavailable is two fold. Firstly, it shows her that you have a life and priorities away from her. Secondly, it prevents your relationship from reaching saturation point - you keep her in a state of perpetually wanting a little bit more.
If you think about it in this way, would you be so ready to abandon these principles? Would you want to show her that you are not the man she thought you were when you were dating?
Another problem I see is your use of the word 'games'. Again, this demonstrates that you are not fully understanding the underlying principles. As Split Infinity said above:
If you have your life in order, if you have your priorities straight, there should be no need for games, no need for pretense - you will naturally be unavailable.
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
WrEcKLeSS2000
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Great post, this really helps me out every time I read it.
Victory Unlimited
Master Don Juan
I've found that the scent of desperation in the nostrils of women is like the scent of fear in the nostrils of a dog...undeniable to them, unattractive to them, and UNFORTUNATE for US.
DJF or John
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Exactly Victory, but what is really this "desperation" that Pook talks about?
Well, it goes back to what I was saying about the difference between the AFC and the PUA.
It's the Nice Guy that doesn't even EMBRACE his sexuality (be horny around a girl)
It's the AFC that does embrace his sexuality, but yet..he can't control it properly. This is what this post is about. Kill that desperation.
But it's the PUA that knows how to control and channel his horniness, to produce relaxed natural horny states in himself and the chick.
Now that is a beautiful thing.
And oh yeah, Pook is the man!
Well, it goes back to what I was saying about the difference between the AFC and the PUA.
It's the Nice Guy that doesn't even EMBRACE his sexuality (be horny around a girl)
It's the AFC that does embrace his sexuality, but yet..he can't control it properly. This is what this post is about. Kill that desperation.
But it's the PUA that knows how to control and channel his horniness, to produce relaxed natural horny states in himself and the chick.
Now that is a beautiful thing.
And oh yeah, Pook is the man!
Interceptor
Master Don Juan
Bumping this MFer
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.