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Keep her or kick her ass to the curb?

DonJuanjr

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For her to entertain the ex, she's obviously subconsciously thinking "can I do better than captain55?" I've read other guys on here talk about how they were monkey branched shortly after the female was fighting for the relationship.
 

captain55

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Mixed responses. Some of you guys saying to let it slide and it wasn’t a big deal and half of you are saying kick her ass to the curb. Leaving her could be seen as alpha or beta depending on how you look at it. Right now I just know that I’m angry as hell and don’t know what to believe with her. The story makes sense, but I just don’t know if she is telling the truth with having no intentions on meeting the ex. I don’t know what to believe. I never once thought about her talking to other guys really, jealousy was never an issue with her
 

Lookatu

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OP, you're all over the place in your posts. There has been great advice and insight provided in the replies thus far, but your confirmation bias towards this situation prevents you from seeing anything that goes against your already made up mind.

First problem is you're already "exclusive" with a girl after one month. That is nothing. You giving in to her exclusivity demands after dating for merely a month already shows your scarcity mindset and potential oneitis for this girl. Then you do all kinds of mental gymnastics to try to convince everyone how unattached you are to her, and merely with her because the sex is so amazing. No level of sex or perceived high interest from a woman would ever win over my exclusivity after merely a month of dating. That's just showing your desparation for a relationship and is probably why you're in this situation in the first place.

Secondly, it doesn't matter who initiated the call, the fact that what you heard was her rationalizing why "this time would be any different" to an ex, indicates she did not immediately shut him down out of respect for your relationship with her. 4 years of no contact, distance, etc, has no relevance on the matter. Again, your confirmation bias of trying to see her as a "good girl" is poisoning your rational and logical male mind from seeing the blatant disrespect of the situation. No woman is a "good girl" completely. You should absolutely want a woman to be "afraid" of disrespecting you. Her fear of losing you should be the utmost factor in weighing her actions to be a "good girl." That is what a healthy interaction between a man a woman is...the woman's fear of losing her high value man.

Thirdly, your reaction to the situation reveals that you are not in your full masculine mindset. As other have said, your over reaction is a direct indicator of your internalized self worth and self confidence. Again, you try to justify and argue with everyone stating you don't regret what happens or how she perceives it. That's not the problem. The problem is you allowed yourself to react that way which truly shows how insecure you are with yourself and with this relationship.

Finally OP, based on your continued replies and justifications, it's quite apparent you aren't ready for a serious relationship, especially not with this girl. This "relationship" is doomed. If these issues are already apparent after merely a month of dating, there is very slim hope it will flourish into a healthy LTR. Distance yourself from the definitely forthcoming heartache with this woman; work on your self growth; and truly look deep down to see why you have the internal self esteem issues you most definitely do. This forum is all for each person's self improvement through their RP journey, however, you must be open to the advice and help provided. Good luck to you OP.
Fawk man, I'm glad you had the time and inclination to type this out. I sure as hell didn't want to. :up:
 

Lookatu

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Mixed responses. Some of you guys saying to let it slide and it wasn’t a big deal and half of you are saying kick her ass to the curb. Leaving her could be seen as alpha or beta depending on how you look at it. Right now I just know that I’m angry as hell and don’t know what to believe with her
Trust is what is needed to be exclusive. If you can't trust her, let her know that and tell her you can't be exclusive. It goes both ways. Unfortunately, it seems like she has weak standards and low self esteem.

Also one shouldn't control the other like a slave in a healthy relationship. If you feel this way or someone is trying to control the other, it's not healthy.

The fact that you were messing around with other girls, I think your projecting those types of behaviors onto others just because you did it and hence the reason why you acted the way you did.

As someone else said, I don't think you're ready for a relationship and you should just keep it light and fun for now. If you lose her because of not wanting one, then so be it. There's many others out there. My $.02
 

captain55

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Fawk man, I'm glad you had the time and inclination to type this out. I sure as hell didn't want to. :up:
At some point you have to take a chance with people man. What bothers me is this chick is always blowing me up when I’m out worrying about other chicks hitting on me, and then goes and does this behind my back. I never once questioned where she was or who she was with. The thought of her cheating or being taken from me NEVER crossed my mind. I don’t even care to know her social media. I go by a girls actions. If a chick is blowing me up calling me, giving me great sex, never flaking, putting in most of the effort she usually doesn’t crave another man. That is why this is so shocking to me.

That same night she was talking about all the dirty things she is going to do with me in bed. But talks to her ex when I’m passed out? Where do I draw the line between a sociopath and a girl that was just drunk and in a bad position?

I agree fully I am acting insecure now but I’m a human being and have a reason too. I’m 28, my smv is high but im not getting younger. I don’t want to invest in the wrong person while I can still attract young hot Women
 

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Lookatu

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At some point you have to take a chance with people man. What bothers me is this chick is always blowing me up when I’m out worrying about other chicks hitting on me, and then goes and does this behind my back. I never once questioned where she was or who she was with. The thought of her cheating or being taken from me NEVER crossed my mind. I don’t even care to know her social media. I go by a girls actions. If a chick is blowing me up calling me, giving me great sex, never flaking, putting in most of the effort she usually doesn’t crave another man. That is why this is so shocking to me.
Yeah I get that you have to take chances but you also got to play it smart. Agreeing to go exclusive to a girl that brought that up is way too soon and you are doing it on her timeframe. Not when you're both comfortable and ready. You're seeing what can come about when you commit too fast.

To me, it sounds like she's insecure and might be using sex to lock you down.

Ask yourself, outside of her giving you good sex, what else does she offer that lifts you up or enhances your life? Then ask yourself the opposite on what are things that brings you down and diminishes your life because of her? You tend to think more clearly without the pvssy equation.
 

LARaiders85

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To me, it sounds like she's insecure and might be using sex to lock you down.
she is very insecure. moving so fast and then immediately playing her options the second her abandonment fear is accommodated by exclusivity is a huge red flag.

I had a very similar ex, cheated on me 2 weeks into exclusivity after chasing exclusivity for months with me. I remember she was going back home to visit and at her age I knew she was going to cheat, so Im thinking " why is she trying so hard to lock me down when she is probably planning on meeting a few guys back home?" Sure enough...
 

EyeBRollin

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Failure to negotiate properly. When a woman brings up exclusivity, make her wait at least a week. Then when she brings it up the second time, you ask her about how many guys she is currently dating, how many guy friends she has, and if she still communicates with exes. Also demand to see her social media pages. You have to find out the full extent of her (attention) whvring before agreeing to anything.

Anything other than compliance your answer is “let’s just keep things the way they currently are.”
 

DonJuanjr

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So glad this forum exists, so I can learn from the experience of others.
 

TheFinalLine

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Easy. Both of you go in and take a polygraph test. Then everything is in the open. If she won’t do it, you have your answer. Too simple.
 

Lookatu

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Failure to negotiate properly. When a woman brings up exclusivity, make her wait at least a week. Then when she brings it up the second time, you ask her about how many guys she is currently dating, how many guy friends she has, and if she still communicates with exes. Also demand to see her social media pages. You have to find out the full extent of her (attention) whvring before agreeing to anything.

Anything other than compliance your answer is “let’s just keep things the way they currently are.”
This is a solid post.
The terms though can be and should be modified to individuals preference. :up:
 

spikeanut

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At some point you have to take a chance with people man. What bothers me is this chick is always blowing me up when I’m out worrying about other chicks hitting on me, and then goes and does this behind my back. I never once questioned where she was or who she was with. The thought of her cheating or being taken from me NEVER crossed my mind. I don’t even care to know her social media. I go by a girls actions. If a chick is blowing me up calling me, giving me great sex, never flaking, putting in most of the effort she usually doesn’t crave another man. That is why this is so shocking to me.

That same night she was talking about all the dirty things she is going to do with me in bed. But talks to her ex when I’m passed out? Where do I draw the line between a sociopath and a girl that was just drunk and in a bad position?

I agree fully I am acting insecure now but I’m a human being and have a reason too. I’m 28, my smv is high but im not getting younger. I don’t want to invest in the wrong person while I can still attract young hot Women
She is Love Bombing, end of story. No sane woman talks about marriage after a month. You actually entertaining those thoughts reveals she is in absolute control of the relationship. You've been warned OP; good luck.
 

captain55

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She is Love Bombing, end of story. No sane woman talks about marriage after a month. You actually entertaining those thoughts reveals she is in absolute control of the relationship. You've been warned OP; good luck.
So what do I do man? Im thinking about literally emotionally detaching, and just telling her “listen after what we went through I want to see eachother casually for a while. It’s what I’m comfortable with. This is the way it is so let me know”

Just keep her around as a plate to **** with no strings attached. I can go back to seeing other women and she can stay out of my damn business. We can **** and have a good time that’s it. If she sees other guys oh well I don’t want to know.

what you think ?
 

Lookatu

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So what do I do man? Im thinking about literally emotionally detaching, and just telling her “listen after what we went through I want to see eachother casually for a while. It’s what I’m comfortable with. This is the way it is so let me know”

Just keep her around as a plate to **** with no strings attached. I can go back to seeing other women and she can stay out of my damn business. We can **** and have a good time that’s it. If she sees other guys oh well I don’t want to know.

what you think ?
One month is way too early for any type of commitment. You are the prize, you set the terms. She can take it or leave it.
Do what makes you comfortable. Let her know you like her but things are moving way too fast.
 

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captain55

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One month is way too early for any type of commitment. You are the prize, you set the terms. She can take it or leave it.
Do what makes you comfortable. Let her know you like her but things are moving way too fast.
I was happier than hell with everything until the other night. Had no problem being exclusive because she was meeting all my needs.
 

spikeanut

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So what do I do man? Im thinking about literally emotionally detaching, and just telling her “listen after what we went through I want to see eachother casually for a while. It’s what I’m comfortable with. This is the way it is so let me know”

Just keep her around as a plate to **** with no strings attached. I can go back to seeing other women and she can stay out of my damn business. We can **** and have a good time that’s it. If she sees other guys oh well I don’t want to know.

what you think ?
Emotionally detaching is an absolute must and should always be the case this early in a relationship. A woman must earn your affection and emotional vulnerability by her actions over time...numerous months if not years, not just over A month.

In my honest opinion, this relationship will be an up-hill battle; there are already many red flags. However, for your benefit and your own piece of mind OP, you need to start spinning plates again. You have complete oneitis for her, regardless of how much you are trying to convince yourself, and us, this isn't the case. As for what you say to her; you say ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. This is no longer about her, this is about your mental well being as a man.

Interact with her like normal, however proceed with caution. Be cautious and wary with your emotional attachment...this will also help in remaining stoic and will prevent future emotional outbursts. Do not speak of this incident any further, do not bring it up ever again. If she does, tell her you've said what you've wanted to say and it's time to move on. Don't complain or act insecure. Go forward and continue to enjoy your time with her and have fun. When she disrespects you again, act accordingly. That's all you can do at this point.
 

Lookatu

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Emotionally detaching is an absolute must and should always be the case this early in a relationship. A woman must earn your affection and emotional vulnerability by her actions over time...numerous months if not years, not just over A month.

In my honest opinion, this relationship will be an up-hill battle; there are already many red flags. However, for your benefit and your own piece of mind OP, you need to start spinning plates again. You have complete oneitis for her, regardless of how much you are trying to convince yourself, and us, this isn't the case. As for what you say to her; you say ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. This is no longer about her, this is about your mental well being as a man.

Interact with her like normal, however proceed with caution. Be cautious and wary with your emotional attachment...this will also help in remaining stoic and will prevent future emotional outbursts. Do not speak of this incident any further, do not bring it up ever again. If she does, tell her you've said what you've wanted to say and it's time to move on. Don't complain or act insecure. Go forward and continue to enjoy your time with her and have fun. When she disrespects you again, act accordingly. That's all you can do at this point.
Solid advice. ^^^
I second this.
 

captain55

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Emotionally detaching is an absolute must and should always be the case this early in a relationship. A woman must earn your affection and emotional vulnerability by her actions over time...numerous months if not years, not just over A month.

In my honest opinion, this relationship will be an up-hill battle; there are already many red flags. However, for your benefit and your own piece of mind OP, you need to start spinning plates again. You have complete oneitis for her, regardless of how much you are trying to convince yourself, and us, this isn't the case. As for what you say to her; you say ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. This is no longer about her, this is about your mental well being as a man.

Interact with her like normal, however proceed with caution. Be cautious and wary with your emotional attachment...this will also help in remaining stoic and will prevent future emotional outbursts. Do not speak of this incident any further, do not bring it up ever again. If she does, tell her you've said what you've wanted to say and it's time to move on. Don't complain or act insecure. Go forward and continue to enjoy your time with her and have fun. When she disrespects you again, act accordingly. That's all you can do at this point.
so cheat on her? I don’t want to do that. She wants to see me too often to effectively spin plates anyways. I mean I could but thursdays to Sunday she’s always driving to see me.
 

EyeBRollin

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so cheat on her? I don’t want to do that. She wants to see me too often to effectively spin plates anyways. I mean I could but thursdays to Sunday she’s always driving to see me.
No, don’t cheat on her. Tell her candidly that corresponding with him is disrespectful to the relationship, thus unacceptable. Move forward with her. Be prepared to walk if you catch her communicating with him again. You must enforce this boundary and dump this girl for disloyalty if she crosses you again.

Men, please have the conversation about exes before agreeing to exclusivity.
 
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