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Keep her or kick her ass to the curb?

captain55

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Ask yourself if you're doing this out of punishment or insecurity?

Then ask yourself what is to be gained by your actions or further actions.
brother.... a month ago She catches me on a date with a hot ass chick, and tells me listen you can either commit to me but I’m not going to keep having sex with you while you entertain other women. Then a month later you catch her on the phone with an ex? Why shouldn’t I be pissed?

I was literally five minutes away from telling her I’m about to go bang that chick you caught me on the date with that night. My summer was going great man I had a nice rotation of plates going. I wanted to keep things casual ...but decided to give her a chance because I saw the effort she was putting into me and now Im dealing with this ****.

my friends think I’m overreacting but quite frankly I don’t care. I didn’t need this **** and I’m pissed. I can find a million women who I can start fresh with where there won’t be an issue. I gave her a shot but I have not emotionally opened up to her. But I’m 28, I don’t want to be a player anymore one chick is enough for me As long as the sex is great
 

Barrister

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brother.... a month ago She catches me on a date with a hot ass chick, and tells me listen you can either commit to me but I’m not going to keep having sex with you while you entertain other women. Then a month later you catch her on the phone with an ex? Why shouldn’t I be pissed?

I was literally five minutes away from telling her I’m about to go bang that chick you caught me on the date with that night. My summer was going great man I had a nice rotation of plates going. I wanted to keep things casual ...but decided to give her a chance because I saw the effort she was putting into me and now Im dealing with this ****.

my friends think I’m overreacting but quite frankly I don’t care. I didn’t need this **** and I’m pissed. I can find a million women who I can start fresh with where there won’t be an issue. I gave her a shot but I have not emotionally opened up to her. But I’m 28, I don’t want to be a player anymore one chick is enough for me As long as the sex is great
It seems like you left a lot of information out with the initial post OR maybe I missed some earlier post? I can see why you got as angry as you did when you saw she was on the phone with this other dude now given some of the backstory. Initially, however, it looked like it was pretty abrupt. That said, I still would have handled in a much more detached way. But good job in this case getting her to comply and come back into your frame.
 

DonJuanjr

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OP is treating this female like she's supposed to have an honor system like men.
a month ago She catches me on a date with a hot ass chick, and tells me listen you can either commit to me but I’m not going to keep having sex with you while you entertain other women. Then a month later you catch her on the phone with an ex? Why shouldn’t I be pissed?
 

captain55

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Unacceptable. Punishment is in order.

If it were me, I would soft next her. In a detached, unemotional way, I would remind her that she herself wouldn’t tolerate such behavior and nor will you.

You express that you think that “given her value system“ it’s best that she pursues other options that she sees since clearly she is willing to act upon them when her inhibitions are relaxed. Then distance yourself. The key is to remain completely unemotional. This is scary and confusing to women.

This will either scare her straight or cause her to go cold. Either way the truth about her will come out. If she is in emotional upheaval and expresses serious regret, you might consider taking her back. You will appear ruthless to her, which is a good thing.
I agree 100%. But my friends keep saying because she hasn’t seen the guy in years, and that her best friend called the guy and not her I should excuse it. And if it was a guy she ran into recently, the intentions to cheat should be higher.
It seems like you left a lot of information out with the initial post OR maybe I missed some earlier post? I can see why you got as angry as you did when you saw she was on the phone with this other dude now given some of the backstory. Initially, however, it looked like it was pretty abrupt. That said, I still would have handled in a much more detached way. But good job in this case getting her to comply and come back into your frame.
I know damn well I overreacted. But we are only a few weeks in. I was not scared to lose her which is why I threw all her stuff out. But quite frankly I don’t really want a girl being afraid to cheat on me out of fear. I think my logic I should give her another chance, but I am hurt by this. I don’t think it’s fair to say she “cheated” ...but I’ve never caught a girl red handed doing something wrong like this. I also don’t like the fact that her best friend is friends with the ex. Part of me thinks the friend wants to **** me and was trying to sabotage the relationship. But she chose to talk to the guy so..
 

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PRW63

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Her stupid drunk friend I guess called the ex on my girlfriends phone. I confronted her and cursed the guy out and threw her **** out of my apartment thinking she was cheating on me.

so you tell me fellas. Should I kick this girl to the curb ? Or should I be pissed but am I overreacting?
You already screwed the pouche. Having the tantrum, grabbing the phone, cussing the guy out, and throwing her stuff out of your apartment was a childish HighSchool kind of reaction. Shows you live in fear. It was all over a simple phone call that she didn't initate, to a guy that she knew 4 years ago,...from a place not in the immediate area. If you were solid in your confidence you would not have been shaken by it and would have just told her it was time to get off the phone (or maybe tell her to give it back to her friend that called the guy in the first place) and that would have been the end of it. From her perspective she could see this as an example of what she has to look forward to more of in the future,...so she will move on.
 

DonJuanjr

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He screwed the pooch when she threatened to withhold sex for exclusivity. He fell into her frame due to the transactional sex.
 

PRW63

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Men, this is why we screen for exes before giving her exclusivity. @TheProspect and I discussed methods for this in a previous thread.
Unless they are 12yo,...they all have Ex's,...heck the 12yo's probably do for that matter. I don't worry about it. Youtube has 100's of "How to get an Ex back" videos. The reason is because most Ex's are obsessed with the chick that dumped them (rejection breeds obsession). But they are Ex's for a reason.
95% of those guys never get their Ex back no matter how much they lurk around, call her, text her. The harder they try the worse they look to her. They eventually burn out and disappear. So the odds are in my favor 95-to-5. I also use the Ex as a tool to test her. I want her to be tempted to see how she responds. If she keeps giving him the time of day then she is out,...problem solved. So they are not a threat to me,...all those Ex's can do is help me dodge a bullet.

There is no way they can steal her from me if I am the better guy and if she is worth my trouble. So I just see it as "I can't loose".
 

captain55

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OP is treating this female like she's supposed to have an honor system like men.
I’m hurt honestly. But being an ******* to her isn’t going to change anything. What happened happened. It’s been 3 days s
No she called the ex!
Her friend called the ex. They are best friends. She told me this weeks ago (that they are best friends). Part of me thinks her value system is messed up. I don’t like the fact that
You already screwed the pouche. Having the tantrum, grabbing the phone, cussing the guy out, and throwing her stuff out of your apartment was a childish HighSchool kind of reaction. Shows you live in fear. It was all over a simple phone call that she didn't initate, to a guy that she knew 4 years ago,...from a place not in the immediate area. If you were solid in your confidence you would not have been shaken by it and would have just told her it was time to get off the phone (or maybe tell her to give it back to her friend that called the guy in the first place) and that would have been the end of it. From her perspective she could see this as an example of what she has to look forward to more of in the future,...so she will move on.
I knew what I was doing. I would not have acted like this with a girl I was afraid of losing who I had been dating 6 months. I wanted her to leave which is why I threw her **** out but she refused to leave.

I’m mad this happened, but I don’t regret what I said or how I acted at all. Not trying to defend myself but a girl with me for only a month doesn’t deserve a sit down conversation with me in a situation like that.

If it was a year in or something I would of never went off like that obviously. My tolerance level is just at 0 right now I’m very focused on business and I don’t want to miss out on experiences with other beautiful women unless they girl I’m with can be trusted.
 
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TheNewStyle123

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The real question is, why was her friend calling her ex boyfriend that late at night? Did you ever get those details? Seems a little suspect to me....
 

PRW63

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The real question is, why was her friend calling her ex boyfriend that late at night? Did you ever get those details? Seems a little suspect to me....
It's chicks at a bar late at night. That is what drunk chicks at bars late at night do,...they call people,...they have drama,...they say "OMG" a lot. Her friend was supposed to be "BFFs" with the guy. That means he is deep in the Friend Zone. He is a Beta Orbiter. We should feel sorry for him. He should come here for help so we can tell him to stop talking to drunk chicks at a bar late at night when he should be at the bar with them doing something useful.
 

captain55

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i think she’s also insecure and feels like she can’t keep me because every time we go out she sees hot women hitting on me or trying to talk to me. I’m also not the best texter, I disappear sometimes for 5-5
The real question is, why was her friend calling her ex boyfriend that late at night? Did you ever get those details? Seems a little suspect to me....
I wondered the same thing. Her friend made some comments about me being handsome/cute. Me thinks she was jealous and trying to sabotage the relationship possibly. I did ask my chick “why are you friends with Her if she’s disrespecting us like this and why would she call him”

im at a point where I just don’t have time for this bull****. I had a friend in town and he’s in the middle of all this drama and it ruined our weekend
 

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captain55

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i think she’s also insecure and feels like she can’t keep me because every time we go out she sees hot women hitting on me or trying to talk to me. I’m also not the best texter, I disappear sometimes for 5-5
The real question is, why was her friend calling her ex boyfriend that late at night? Did you ever get those details? Seems a little suspect to me....
I wondered the same thing. Her friend made some comments about me being handsome/cute. Me thinks she was jealous and trying to sabotage the relationship possibly. I did ask my chick “why are you friends with Her if she’s disrespecting us like this and why would she call him”

im at a point where I just don’t have time for this bull****.
It's chicks at a bar late at night. That is what drunk chicks at bars late at night do,...they call people,...they have drama,...they say "OMG" a lot. Her friend was supposed to be "BFFs" with the guy. That means he is deep in the Friend Zone. He is a Beta Orbiter. We should feel sorry for him. He should come here for help so we can tell him to stop talking to drunk chicks at a bar late at night when he should be at the bar with them doing something useful.
she did say that the guy is a joke to her. I picked up the phone and told him “I’m ****ing your ***** ex balls deep every night you can have her back when I’m done with her”

and she did end up ****ing the **** out of me later that night so..he would be the ultimate beta to try to pursue her now.
 

captain55

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It's chicks at a bar late at night. That is what drunk chicks at bars late at night do,...they call people,...they have drama,...they say "OMG" a lot. Her friend was supposed to be "BFFs" with the guy. That means he is deep in the Friend Zone. He is a Beta Orbiter. We should feel sorry for him. He should come here for help so we can tell him to stop talking to drunk chicks at a bar late at night when he should be at the bar with them doing something useful.
the pathetic **** asked her out for drinks this summer 5 months ago. So the guys smv obviously isn’t high. But that’s irrelevant. The chick is insecure because she sees women hitting on me all the time.
But having higher smv doesn’t make you immune to her cheating...just like there are beautiful women that get cheated on by guys with **** smv happens all the time ...
 

DonJuanjr

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So she hasn't been with him in 4 years, but 5 months ago he tried to re establish something. Knowing this she still gets on the phone with him while drunk? It sounds like she had a moment of weakness where she was entertaining his advances.
 

captain55

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So she hasn't been with him in 4 years, but 5 months ago he tried to re establish something. Knowing this she still gets on the phone with him while drunk? It sounds like she had a moment of weakness where she was entertaining his advances.
Yep. 100%. She fully admitted she entertained it and was wrong for it but that she wants me and to be with me and wants to marry me and have a family with me. I tried to throw her out like I said but she refused to leave and said I’m not cheating on you but what I did was wrong and I’m sorry.

The only reason I let her back in my apartment after i threw her stuff out is because part of me felt like it would be rediculous to walk away from a chick that was entertaining a convo with a guy she hasn’t seen in years.
 

spikeanut

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I’m hurt honestly. ..... Not trying to defend myself but a girl with me for only a month doesn’t deserve a sit down conversation with me in a situation like that.

OP, you're all over the place in your posts. There has been great advice and insight provided in the replies thus far, but your confirmation bias towards this situation prevents you from seeing anything that goes against your already made up mind.

First problem is you're already "exclusive" with a girl after one month. That is nothing. You giving in to her exclusivity demands after dating for merely a month already shows your scarcity mindset and potential oneitis for this girl. Then you do all kinds of mental gymnastics to try to convince everyone how unattached you are to her, and merely with her because the sex is so amazing. No level of sex or perceived high interest from a woman would ever win over my exclusivity after merely a month of dating. That's just showing your desparation for a relationship and is probably why you're in this situation in the first place.

Secondly, it doesn't matter who initiated the call, the fact that what you heard was her rationalizing why "this time would be any different" to an ex, indicates she did not immediately shut him down out of respect for your relationship with her. 4 years of no contact, distance, etc, has no relevance on the matter. Again, your confirmation bias of trying to see her as a "good girl" is poisoning your rational and logical male mind from seeing the blatant disrespect of the situation. No woman is a "good girl" completely. You should absolutely want a woman to be "afraid" of disrespecting you. Her fear of losing you should be the utmost factor in weighing her actions to be a "good girl." That is what a healthy interaction between a man a woman is...the woman's fear of losing her high value man.

Thirdly, your reaction to the situation reveals that you are not in your full masculine mindset. As other have said, your over reaction is a direct indicator of your internalized self worth and self confidence. Again, you try to justify and argue with everyone stating you don't regret what happens or how she perceives it. That's not the problem. The problem is you allowed yourself to react that way which truly shows how insecure you are with yourself and with this relationship.

Finally OP, based on your continued replies and justifications, it's quite apparent you aren't ready for a serious relationship, especially not with this girl. This "relationship" is doomed. If these issues are already apparent after merely a month of dating, there is very slim hope it will flourish into a healthy LTR. Distance yourself from the definitely forthcoming heartache with this woman; work on your self growth; and truly look deep down to see why you have the internal self esteem issues you most definitely do. This forum is all for each person's self improvement through their RP journey, however, you must be open to the advice and help provided. Good luck to you OP.
 
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