Just learned that a friend will be divorcing his wife of 16 years

[ketostix]

This guy is in for a rude awaking!!

A wife gaining a few pounds does not cause a man to abandon his family. He got a taste of some new p***y. He is infatuated or in lust. Something totally new to him. He is not thinking with a clear head. Probally some younger women he is banging on the side. To keep the new lust and infatuation going he probally promised to leave his wife. Once he does the new women will be gone and he will be left holding his d**ck!!!

MatureDJ. Watch what comes out in the open once he divorces. He will have this hot babe on his arm for about a week and then it will be over and he will be begging for his wife to take him back once his head clears.

He is being manipulated by another women as we talk about him.

Seen it happen to many times.

That's what I was thinking. This could be a case of him thinking the grass is greener on the other side and will find out it is not. Not to mention the financial hit he will most likely take after he gets the divorce.

A lot of people are saying and based on limited information divorcing his wife wil be without risk and bring him more benefit. How can you predict that when it's basically impossible to predict your own outcome in a similar situation, let alone someone elses that you know almost nothing about the situation.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Won't somebody please think of the children!

fwiw, I think his kids are better off when they have a happy and healthy relationship to see as a role model. Otherwise, they will have fvcked-up relationships themselves. If it takes divorce to provide that role model relationship, then it is a necessary evil that is mostly the wife's fault anyway.

 

[STR8UP]

That's what I was thinking. This could be a case of him thinking the grass is greener on the other side and will find out it is not.

See, the problem with this is that it's always a catch 22.

Most of the time the grass isn't greener, HOWEVER......if you get it in your head that it MIGHT be, you will never be satisfied until you see for yourself.

 

[MatureDJ]

- when we were talking about 'overweight' im assuming 30 pounds kind of thing. 100 pounds is a different story. although even 100 pounds would not change my opinion on divorice/

until the poster clarifies that she has gained 100-200 pounds, im not going to jump to that conclusion.

She is about 100 pounds overweight. Think of an apple with t!ts.

These are some profiles that are similar to her situation:

http://www.largeandlovely.com/datin...RCH_RS_-bc70a256544d0b3d413f60d6db27ba16.html

http://www.largeandlovely.com/datin...RCH_RS_-bc70a256544d0b3d413f60d6db27ba16.html

 

[MatureDJ]

this is NOT a situation where he is miserable or the marriage sucks, this is 100% a situation of him wanting to trade up.

Actually, sexually wise, he has been quite miserable. He has said repeatedly that he wished to have sex with attractive women, and that he felt that he was missing out on life because of his situation.

 

[joekerr31]

Actually, sexually wise, he has been quite miserable. He has said repeatedly that he wished to have sex with attractive women, and that he felt that he was missing out on life because of his situation.

well if shes 100 pounds overweight then the problem may be too big to overcome (no pun intended).

im just shocked that he was able to stand by while she gained 100 pounds and didn't have a problem at the 20,30,40,50,60,70,80 and 90 pounds over weight marks.

and when sex is an issue, it compounds whatever other problems are at play. does he have to roll her in dough to find the wet spot?

anyway, it was a good debate nonetheless.

now that we know she is 100 lbs overweight, i really dont have an opinion either way.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Actually, sexually wise, he has been quite miserable..

Well, that says it right there, and I believe it too if she's 100lbs overweight.

Your friend has his challenges, and she needs motivation. Maybe she just needs a push in the right direction (big push).

Has he been trying at all to get her up and moving about? Just taking a walk around the block would help at this point..at least it would be a start.

 

[jonwon]

What the hell is the debate about?

The guy sleeps in another room ffs, you think that is a good marriage!

She is a fat oik who needs to be left on the street, if i get married again and she gets to that size i would divorce the fat fuc* also!

The rest of you moral guys wiith typical western women protecting speel can tolerate your fat wifes, me she will KNOW 100% if she lets herself go, then i will let myself go, right out of the door, kids or not.

If i respect myself and the person i am with to keep the spark alive, i would expect the same result back.

its rational like the BS i am reading in this thread that makes ME AVOID marriage, SINCE IF MY WIFE GETS FAT, its my DUTY to make HER BETTER.

NO MY DUTY is to walk out the door, since i am dating or married to selfish fat fuc* who does not think of anything but themselves, i.e stuffing there fat chops and making them so repulsive, one has to sleep in another room to get away from the fat yeast covered breasts and sweaty body.

I aint no saint and i would never tolerate a women who let herself go in such a fashion and where I come from NO OTHER MAN WOULD EITHER.

You can stick love up your moral cra* hole!

The rubbish i am reading in this thread is one of the BIG REASONS why WIFES pile on the pounds, since it is clear guys like JOKER no offence, would put on his captain save a ho! and be all rightous.

Joker you do that, i hope you get the chance to show just how morally correct you are.

The married guys in here are telling you its an almost impossibility, once the cow gets fat it normally takes some divine intervention to get her to loose that waight or a shot up her bow in the form of 'loose it' or i walk, just like a liberated women would do.

Marriage what a complete joke, another reason to avoid it, avoid marriage and avoid moral guys telling you to keep dating some fat oik, lol, you have to be smoking some form of crack.

I can see the fat wifes, looking at your posts joker with a pork pie in hand and a glint in there eye!

If the wife turns into a fat repulsive pig, where by you cant stand to be in the same bed has her, you should get out FAST!

There would not even be a debate, as soon has she started turning into a blob and become sexually repulsive was the death of the marriage, the guy is only putting in damage limitation in the form of his own welfare, any guys who tells me there divorcing the women since she has turned into a big fat pig in marriage, i would encourage him 100% ALWAYS to walk.

Maybe then women will think twice about loosing there looks and a large % of there marriage attributes.

Its a shame this is so COMMON, where by men would even excuse a women for getting into such a repulsive state.

 

[MatureDJ]

im just shocked that he was able to stand by while she gained 100 pounds and didn't have a problem at the 20,30,40,50,60,70,80 and 90 pounds over weight marks.

He had a problem at those points as well. He tried repeatedly to help her help herself. She did not want to exert an effort to change the situation.

 

[azanon]

Maybe its best we don't all agree on this one. Fat girls need love too. :crackup:

 

[Nighthawk]

Dump a fat gf, a wife even. Stick around for the KIDS. All of you defending this guys right bail so he can sleep around keep ignoring this all-important factor.

For those who say better a happy divorce than a miserable marriage, I can see that point of view. But I think most children in such situations would prefer their parents swallowed their selfishness and made it work, at least until they hit their teens and could handle a separation.

Does that mean the fat wife is blameless? No, it was her responsibility to work at staying attractive, amongst other things. But a father has responsibilities above and beyond his own happiness. While I can understand this guy going for the greener grass, I couldn't pat him on the back and say 'no problem, go for it'.

 

[jonwon]

Dump a fat gf, a wife even. Stick around for the KIDS. All of you defending this guys right bail so he can sleep around keep ignoring this all-important factor.

For those who say better a happy divorce than a miserable marriage, I can see that point of view. But I think most children in such situations would prefer their parents swallowed their selfishness and made it work, at least until they hit their teens and could handle a separation.

Does that mean the fat wife is blameless? No, it was her responsibility to work at staying attractive, amongst other things. But a father has responsibilities above and beyond his own happiness. While I can understand this guy going for the greener grass, I couldn't pat him on the back and say 'no problem, go for it'.

Another reason to never marry, or have kids!

Getting married to the average western women and having kids with her, will only further chain you to her chubby ankles, when the 'kids' card comes into play.

Do it for the kids!

What an excellent marriage shopping list we are building up, i hope all you single guys reading this, in the hope of getting married are taking note of what your future could entail.

A marriage where by she pops 2 kids out, becomes some fat slob you cant stand to lay in the same bed has, then you get other men around you telling you:

Stick with her, its only a bit of fat, what’s fat when there is 'love'!

Stick with her, think of the kids, make the sacrifice you selfish man! your kids would be better off if you tried so very hard to love a complete fat pile of sweat, who you was once proud to call your wife.

sounds like heaven, where do i sign up 'again'!

On second thoughts, what is more disturbing, the kids seeing there parents drift apart and sleep apart, or the kids to see them live apart? Seem the lesser of two evils here, at least the second scenario the guy can at least make an effort to not be chained to fat chubber, which incidently he did not choose to marry, he choose an attractive women, who has let herself go to an appauling state!

Oh and large and lovely web site, is that the elephant grave yard for modern western women?

Me thinks so

 

[Interceptor]

This "letting herslf go" is being overly selfish.
Essentially, she is DE Sexualizing herself.


This is just not right.

I know that most people do tend to gain weight when in LTRs/marriage.

And women's metabolisms aren't the same as a man's.
I also don't know what kind of emotional issues she may havebeen dealing with that would make her eat more. Most overeating is often due to emotional issues.

If the Man acknowledges and sticks to the "stand by your woman' pledge, why is the woman NOT following suit?
By gaining TOO MUCh weight, more than wuold be considered "acceptable" (whatever that is for YOU) she is neglecting her Duties as a Wife to the man.

It's not nice, it's not fair.
But the guy isn't getting a great deal either.

Now, I'm not privy to their interactions, circumstances, or their thoughts, but I don't agree that partners in an LTR/mariage think it's OK to "let themselves go"...becasue they;ll "love me anyway."

No, when you neglect them in this manner, and go to an extreme in this manner, you are being inconsiderate and self centered. Any one in their right mond would not "love" such a person. And to de sexualize one self, to make oneslef UNAttractive in such a careless manner, should not be rewarded.

Love is a gift.
Sexuality is a gift.
Attractiveness is a gift.
Affection, that emerges from all of the above is a GIFT.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Enough of this "Do it for the Children" crap. That's a control ploy using guilt and shame.

Children are very perceptive and they will easily recognize a loveless marriage. Does anyone here truly think that the children will not be affected by parents who don't love eachother AND aren't happy as a result of it?

It doesn't matter what your self-control is, if you are unhappy it will affect your environment, including your children. Better to be divorced and happy then in an unhappy environment where your now toxic feelings of entrapment can also poison the minds of "the children". Either way the children lose, but at least some people get happy out of it.

yes!

 

[azanon]

But I think most children in such situations would prefer their parents swallowed their selfishness and made it work, at least until they hit their teens and could handle a separation.

My politically incorrect advise for you fellows today is this:

#1 should always be your #1 priority.

 

[bigjohnson]

Sperm in cold storage and a vasectomy FTW.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

,..she is neglecting her Duties as a Wife to the man.

This is the crux of this entire thread. Who defines what a woman's "duties" are to a man? Think about when the last time was that you heard a man state what he believed a woman's responsibilities to him are. For any man, even with the best of intents, to publicly outline what he believes should be a woman's responsibility to him puts himself at risk of seeming presumptuous at best and misogynistic at worst by both sexes. But we needn't worry about a guy even attempting to truly do so because far too many men will only identify themselves with a woman's qualifications, rather than state what they'd really like a woman's responsibilities to him to be.

And here we have the foundation of yet another social contrivance that's latent purpose is to (still) maintan a woman's dominance in mating selectivity. The more loose, the more ambiguous, the more undefinable by men, a woman's expectations in commitment are the more options she has and the more manueverability she enjoys in re-interpreting them. How dare a man ever presume to define what HER duties, HER accountability and HER responsibility to him would be? Her vagina is the crown jewel of the relationship, and since his continued, committed, sexuality is dependent upon it's continued appreciation, how dare he disrespect it by presuming to define her responsibilities to him?

This then is the contrivance; so long as she can maintain and redefine what her "duties" to him are, while simultaneously holding him to a strict doctrine of responsibility, she controls the frame. Add to this a global, societal reinforcement; a culture wherein both sexes encourage this role ambiguity, the more control women enjoy. Why would there be a need for such control? To ensure their long term security. Women fundamentally know that men seek sexual variety and this is a constant threat to their security. So in order to preserve it, socio-psychological schema have to be implimented and men had to be made to internalize and believe them autonomously from women.

However, that said, women know that sex is the universal deal breaker, so they'll tolerantly ration their sexuality out in order to intermittently reinforce desired behaviors in men (i.e. his continued belief in her expectations of his responsibility to her). I should add that most of this schema plays out after committment. Prior to committment is another dynamic entirely.

Sex is the deal breaker and so long as a woman maintains at least a minimum threshold of sexual desirability she can continue to mete out her sexuality. Once that threshold is crossed - either by her becoming too fat (and thus incapable of arousing him) or because her behavioral problems outweigh her ability to inspire arousal - he will then become open to, and/or seek out new sexual situations that surpass what she is capable of delivering. It must be understood that this is a monumental psychological and emotional obstacle for a man to overcome. Not only is he forced into a situation of sexual deprivation (either voluntarily or involuntarily on the woman's part), he's also made to confront feelings of guilt, shame and depression stemming from an internal conflict that's been instilled in him for a lifetime. Add to this the societal stigma that this thread and millions of other medias reinforce in pop cultre everyday, and you can see that coming to terms with leaving a bad situation for a man is a life changing ordeal. He must dynamically change his presonality to effect a positive change for himself literally against all the world telling him otherwise.

 

[Bible_Belt]

women know that sex is the universal deal breaker, so they'll tolerantly ration their sexuality out in order to intermittently reinforce desired behaviors in men

So then is the answer for men to maintain an attitude of 'as soon as I don't get what I want in the bedroom, I can and will go find it elsewhere with little hesitation?'

 

[bigjohnson]

I agree with what Rollo said to a point, and even outside what he said there is the unspoken question "where was SHE thinking about the kids?" floating around. I agree that the guy in this case should be trying to fix his marriage.

So should the wife, and it sounds like a huge part of this is her fault.

Where are the people who should be yelling at her for letting her partner down and causing the breakdown of her family? This goes back to that discussion from a while back where someone said (paraphrased) "people do whatever they want to do".

Of course he's getting a divorce or screwing around because ultimately he decided to. The more interesting question is why did he choose a course that has such high social, personal and financial costs associated with it? I strongly suspect the wife has a lot to answer for in this respect.

 

[LovelyLady]

When you enter into a relationship or marriage there are unspoken "deals" or "contracts" that are made. One is how you take care of yourself - your exercise habits, grooming, smoking, drinking, and yes, your weight. It feels like a betrayal when a spouse breaks that unspoken contract. It feels like you got suckered, lied to.

If your spouse receives a physical imperfection through no fault of their own (a fire, masectomy, etc,) that is one thing. But the decision to eat and get fatter and fatter and fatter, knowing it will create problems of being able to be intimate with the most important person in your life is just wrong - whether you are a husband or a wife. This marriage has very real problems that are much bigger than 100 pounds of fat.