Is to ok to ask a flake what is happenning

[t510]

Like if a girl just starts asking distant.
Can you just call her out?

 

[Starfvcks 64]

I wouldn't.
What good would come out of you asking her?

You won't get a completely true answer, and it makes you seem insecure (which you are).
If she's acting distant, she isn't as interested as you probably think. Her lack of attention towards you speaks for itself.

Don't let your insecurity get the best of you.
Actions speak louder than words.

Like samspade already said, and others who post after me will say: show her even less interest.

Sometimes the best way to get a girl's attention is to not give her any.

 

[TheCWord]

The better response: Back off twice as hard. Go ghost. She texts/calls, don't answer. Let it simmer. Go open some new girls.

I know, sounds easy, but if you do instead of think, in this case it'll make you feel better.

Any time I'm faced with this it feels impossible. Those following my other thread will see I'm dealing with that now myself. But now I know from experience that if I can stick it out, the result may or may not be what I'd originally intended, but either way there's an overwhelming feeling of having my dignity in tact. And that's a high that I can usually use to propel me to a new plate.

 

[Nickface]

You absolutely have to go ghost. It really is simple like first poster states. She will either never text you back and then you can move on quite easy or she will contact you to schedule a date. Then you decide what you want from there...

Key though is messing with other chicks. Please never stay focused on one. When things go down hill, your heart will be ripped out my dude.

 

[:-)]

OP you do not have to ask her anything. she is already telling you what is happening.

when a girl acts distant she is communicating to you. she is telling you that she isn't attracted to you enough to want to see you.

please don't make her spell that out for you. that will only make you less attractive in her eyes.

rather, communicate back to her in her own language. live your life without her. that will tell her that you don't care whether she is in your life or not.

 

[nismo-4]

The best thing is to go ghost. She already thinks you're unattractive, and she's in another castle. When a girl leaves your ass, don't try to figure it out. A flake is not interested in you. She wouldn't flake on Brad Pitt. So take the hint and erase her. She erased you anyway.

Case closed.

 

[Dhoulmagus]

Why the hell does it matter??

 

[noheroes]

I think if you ghost a girl like that and forget about her, it's actually much easier to reset and start over again down the line. I've done this a couple times - girl has gotten distant, so I next her and then down the line she's all about me again when we happen to meet.

One girl told me I was the most attractive man she'd ever been with, and proceeded to f*ck me after ten months in the cooler. I had hard ghosted her and started bringing other girls into her work (a bar I love). I was friendly but never flirty, and she came around. The trick was not caring at all.

Girls are like cats - they don't have a long term memory for a lot of things. As long as you stay Alpha and move on, it's possible to restart the interaction in the future. The key is ACTUALLY moving on.

 

[TheCWord]

I think if you ghost a girl like that and forget about her, it's actually much easier to reset and start over again down the line. I've done this a couple times - girl has gotten distant, so I next her and then down the line she's all about me again when we happen to meet.

One girl told me I was the most attractive man she'd ever been with, and proceeded to f*ck me after ten months in the cooler. I had hard ghosted her and started bringing other girls into her work (a bar I love). I was friendly but never flirty, and she came around. The trick was not caring at all.

Girls are like cats - they don't have a long term memory for a lot of things. As long as you stay Alpha and move on, it's possible to restart the interaction in the future. The key is ACTUALLY moving on.

What happened with the girl?

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

"Judge by actions, not by words."

Should have come to bible study OP.

There is a time and a place for calling chick's out on their behavior, with flaking, treat it as it is, with low interest. It's one thing if they come up with an excuse on their own, but if you force them to tell you something 9 times out of 10 it's going to be B.S. anyway.

if I can stick it out, the result may or may not be what I'd originally intended, but either way there's an overwhelming feeling of having my dignity in tact.

Well said. Dignity. You want her to come back around? Maintain that. You start calling the shots. She flaked? Unacceptable, next her. Then, she texts you a week later....

Her: "haven't heard from you, where you been OP"
You: "who is this?"

Or *no response*. Or if you do get into a convo with her, that's when you tell her that you don't put up with that crap. Let her apologize and promise it won't happen again, then let her ask you if she can make it up to you.

That's the ideal, but if it doesn't happen, then hey, like the TheCWord mentioned, you still have your dignity.

 

[noheroes]

What happened with the girl?

To make me next her in the first place? She was flirty with another guy in front of me, when I'd specifically come to her bar with the intention of taking her home after her shift (and had made that clear). I'm don't expect monogamy when I'm not willing to give it, but I don't cross wires and I expect the same of my plates. I was friendly and unreactive when I saw her, but basically friendzoned her until she invited me to dinner a month or so ago, paid for it, and then f*cked me a couple days later.

 

[t510]

Update

Hi
just wanted to give an update.
I got a drunk text real late at night. Didn't say much but she initiated contact.

What would you make of this? I'm not too impressed tbh. Doesn't show too much interest.

 

[Tictac]

I was seeing a woman for almost two years a couple of years back. She broke dates at the last minute several times. Whole I had not formally given up all the plates ICH was spinning, she was my main interest.

After the second round of last minute 're-schedules ' and broken promises, I told her that our time together was important to me and that I wasn't prepared to go through that again. Yet it happened again less than a month later.

I went dark. Not my preference, but necessary so far as I was concerned. I (obviously) still think about her. She was an awesome woman. But I am worth more than that.

You are too.

 

[t510]

So what do you think about that drunk text?

This girl clearly knows I want to get together again. I'm not wasting anymore time.

 

[t510]

Any other thoughts?

 

[Turuwal]

you will get an answer that is completely true and absolutely useless

the only way it could possibly help you is if you could decipher the words of the rationalisation hamster, in which case you would not be asking her why she flaked in the first place

 

[pdx1138]

She's making you jump through hoops like a circus dog.

ie you are the standby/ last of her options.

do you like being treated that way?

there's your answer.

 

[Alvafe]

Any other thoughts?

you shouldn't care, you give her a chance to be with you she didn't take it, so its her loss.

its not your problem the reason she flake, if she want to spend time with you she would, don't lose time thinking on it, spend your time trying to find a new one