So this lady I am volunteering with-the coordinator-tells me I’m doing an awesome job, is extra nice to me and invited me to a party which I could not make. I know that doesn’t necessarily mean anything but when she was talking to me just before she left—she was wearing a shirt with buttons going down to the mid torso—she was pulling her shirt toward me by the bottom button looking as if she was going to unbutton.
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
Is this a sign of attraction?
- Thread starter Aspire
- Start date
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
marvinlfloresq
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No.
She's probably being nice.
It could be a friendly invite.
Her shirt-thing means nothing, you are paying too much thought.
You need more evidence, IOI (indicators of interest). Does she ask you who do you live with? Personall questions? Is she in your space? Does she flirt with you? Hold eye contact?
Is any of the interaction sexual, or near that context? If not, don't make things awkward.
Just get to know her, this will *reveal her true motives. Next party, volunteer gathering, or social convention that comes up, go.
She's probably being nice.
It could be a friendly invite.
Her shirt-thing means nothing, you are paying too much thought.
You need more evidence, IOI (indicators of interest). Does she ask you who do you live with? Personall questions? Is she in your space? Does she flirt with you? Hold eye contact?
Is any of the interaction sexual, or near that context? If not, don't make things awkward.
Just get to know her, this will *reveal her true motives. Next party, volunteer gathering, or social convention that comes up, go.
Logic85
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Most definitely being nice.
Sometimes when your mind / heart wants more, it builds up scenarios to convince you that it was something.
But in this case, it was pretty clear that it isn't and she's just being her usual self with zero intentions of flirting.
Sometimes when your mind / heart wants more, it builds up scenarios to convince you that it was something.
But in this case, it was pretty clear that it isn't and she's just being her usual self with zero intentions of flirting.
marvinlfloresq
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I agree. There needs to be more of context, before assuming. It looks just like a normal friendly encounter.
Mike32ct
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Sounds like she was just being friendly. Plus women make clothing adjustments all the time. Doesn’t necessarily mean anything.
Would need more evidence to say it’s due to attraction.
Would need more evidence to say it’s due to attraction.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
smokeforfun
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I think this also, there is no better way for answering your question.
marvinlfloresq
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Dave, stay on subject.
Have respect for the op.
devilkingx2
Master Don Juan
The biggest sign is the party thing, elaborate on that
Did she want YOU specifically to go, or was she just inviting anyone in earshot/everyone in the office?
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
Party invites by definition are rarely exclusive in nature. It's just splitting hairs. She is interested to some degree. Roll with it.
devilkingx2
Master Don Juan
I was actually thinking of the distinction between her wanting to go with him to the party vs. Just telling him to show up if he wants vs. Not going with him, but making a big deal over whether or not he specifically comes.
Two of those would be solid signs of interest, the third you're right is nothing much (and also the most likely/common)
At the very least we know she doesn't have a negative opinion, which is good enough to play ball
Glassguy
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Agreed.
More specifically, see if she wants to join you for a drink after you have been working together.
"its been a long day and I am in the mood for a drink. Why dont you join me since you have been going at it hard all day too"
Get a few drinks in her and watch her actions. If she is sexually interested in you, the alcohol will magnify her IOI's.
By asking her to join you for a drink, you are not putting pressure on her for "a date".
R
Ranger
Guest
Well you could always assume she is and go with it. I think that’s always the best mindset.
One of the few positive posters on sosuave. Usually, it's "you're a beta orbiter bro, go chase a garillion other women."
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Soflobro#3
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How old are you?
Lol
smokeforfun
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this topic is the perfect example on how not to ask advice