Is she trying to keep me a secret?

[vanballmoos]

Why do you care?

Because wouldn’t that mean she’s not as committed? Like others are saying she’s keeping orbiters

 

[Alvafe]

rule of woman, if she want you she WILL want to tell everyone you have someone, her, if she don't she don't care enough, and the one who cares less have power, so guess how the power dinamic on your relationship is. one example, a girl will show her guy to her friends as dating the guy, but she will tell any guy she is somewhere interested as just a friend, or worse case just tell everyone they are friends, because teh guy is a filler

so what this bring to my mind is, she want to let her options open and you sure are not her priority, and since you care enough to even question it.

then come to what to do, bringing it up will not make it better, she will find you weak, starting to care less possible you can't, since you lack options and are asking this here, plus the whole on and off, best would be to replace her, so since she is letting her options open, you should date around, IF she question you can say oh I didn't belive we was serious, but you shouldn't keep her anyway, replace and move on

 

[bizzym]

rule of woman, if she want you she WILL want to tell everyone you have someone, her, if she don't she don't care enough, and the one who cares less have power, so guess how the power dinamic on your relationship is. one example, a girl will show her guy to her friends as dating the guy, but she will tell any guy she is somewhere interested as just a friend, or worse case just tell everyone they are friends, because teh guy is a filler

so what this bring to my mind is, she want to let her options open and you sure are not her priority, and since you care enough to even question it.

then come to what to do, bringing it up will not make it better, she will find you weak, starting to care less possible you can't, since you lack options and are asking this here, plus the whole on and off, best would be to replace her, so since she is letting her options open, you should date around, IF she question you can say oh I didn't belive we was serious, but you shouldn't keep her anyway, replace and move on

“Before we became official I just disappeared for 3 weeks. Once we got together she said that I don’t communicate my issues or what’s going on instead I’m a jerk about things. So when we fight we won’t talk for a week. We’ve been fighting a lot”

^^its not about options. If OP was on here saying she had disappeared for 3 weeks them continued to not speak to him for a week at a time after an argument we’d tell him to drop her. She told OP she basically didn’t feel secure and now we know why. Don’t make her out to be some non committed person when OP set the precedent that he wasn’t committed by continuing to bail on her.

theres no hidden reason why-she straight up told him why. He’s just not listening.

 

[skinnyguy]

Just keep fvcking her and let her worry about the relationship. As soon as you worry about it (like you already have), she will lose interest.

Couldn’t have said it any better.
She has a social media image and a real life image. You are in her real life world but not her social media world, which is all about her.
But- that’s ok! I’m not even sure you want to get involved with her online life. If she needs tons of validation from her followers, let her. At the end of the day, it’s not reality and it doesn’t even matter.

 

[vanballmoos]

Couldn’t have said it any better.
She has a social media image and a real life image. You are in her real life world but not her social media world, which is all about her.
But- that’s ok! I’m not even sure you want to get involved with her online life. If she needs tons of validation from her followers, let her. At the end of the day, it’s not reality and it doesn’t even matter.

thanks you’re right. I felt bad for a second with the whole “until we’re more stable” line she gave me...I was angry with her so I just kept yelling at her to shut the f^ck up and that she was an idiot. She said was tired of being disrespected. No she’s just didn’t want to lose her social media image. I get it now, thanks.

 

[Alvafe]

“Before we became official I just disappeared for 3 weeks. Once we got together she said that I don’t communicate my issues or what’s going on instead I’m a jerk about things. So when we fight we won’t talk for a week. We’ve been fighting a lot”

^^its not about options. If OP was on here saying she had disappeared for 3 weeks them continued to not speak to him for a week at a time after an argument we’d tell him to drop her. She told OP she basically didn’t feel secure and now we know why. Don’t make her out to be some non committed person when OP set the precedent that he wasn’t committed by continuing to bail on her.

theres no hidden reason why-she straight up told him why. He’s just not listening.

yes he Disapear for 3 weeks and she just wait for him to show up, not even caring to call him, and still blame him, its a wrong thing be on and off several times, you are together or you are not, just end it and move on

Couldn’t have said it any better.
She has a social media image and a real life image. You are in her real life world but not her social media world, which is all about her.
But- that’s ok! I’m not even sure you want to get involved with her online life. If she needs tons of validation from her followers, let her. At the end of the day, it’s not reality and it doesn’t even matter.

only it do, her online persona and wish for validation means she is not really for LTR, and only for sex, glassguy said it all, just bang her and don't care about it, problem is he do so....

 

[bcude]

In theory, yes women who are crazy about you want to show the world what a great catch she has roped it and communicate that you are taken, to give her validation. Worrying about this is a waste of time because not all women need this and you shouldn't care anyway. Just know that places like instagram are means of advertisement.

With 1500 followers i'm pretty sure she's afraid to potentially upset her orbiters with showing up with a guy that isn't 1000% in the bag yet, because she's not stupid, she knows that orbiters who want to get inside her pants will drop off as soon as she shows up with a bf, so why risk losing that attention and validation with something that's not certain and might end at any moment.

As long as you have sex, she treats you well and she shows you through her real life behavior that she's commited and likes you. That's all you need to focus on. Everything else is insecurity on your part.

Has she introduced you to her friends and family? That's a better indicator of her seriousness towards you.

 

[bizzym]

yes he Disapear for 3 weeks and she just wait for him to show up, not even caring to call him, and still blame him, its a wrong thing be on and off several times, you are together or you are not, just end it and move on



only it do, her online persona and wish for validation means she is not really for LTR, and only for sex, glassguy said it all, just bang her and don't care about it, problem is he do so....

yea and OP said, “I was angry with her so I just kept yelling at her to shut the f^ck up and that she was an idiot.”

why would any adult with an ounce of said resoect call him after he spoke that way to her? Again, OP is the issue here. She’s attractive and he probably knows she deserves better.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Because wouldn’t that mean she’s not as committed? Like others are saying she’s keeping orbiters

Again. Why do you care?

 

[Robert28]

Has she introduced you to her friends and family? That's a better indicator of her seriousness towards you.

Not always! Years ago I had a girl that friendzoned me and not only did I meet her family and best friend prior to the “let’s just be friends”, but I met her extended family in another state one weekend. Matter of fact the girls mother still sends me random articles and stuff on Facebook to this day. I’ve learned that if a girls family and friends like you, that doesn’t mean she will. The girl has to be traditional and family oriented to begin with for that to work in your favor. Think of how many girls you date that tell you stories about their ex and how their family and friends didn’t like them but they kept them around for a long time. I’ve heard that story so many times. I’ve even thought about making it a point to avoid meeting their family and friends now, it’s better if they don’t like you.lol

 

[Robert28]

OP, I would NOT move in with this girl or sign anything joining you to her hip. I would ride this out until the end because I’m afraid it’s on a downward slope now. It’s a race to see who can replace who first, she’s already looking and you better be too.

 

[Georgepithyou]

Why do you want her to show you off? Are you an object?

 

[Lynx nkaf]

He should care. You like sharing huh? Taste good to you?

I know you didn't ask me but I fuking HATE sharing.
Why comp. anxiety and dread doesn't work with me. Go fuk off then if you want or are already fuking some other broad. Get out of my face.

Ok. Rant over.











I'm done dating and this is why, ultimately. Because I also accept men have to spin. <<<the only way to be Alpha.


I just refuse to partake in a rotation.

 

[vanballmoos]

If you dont break up with this girl and reset the frame you are fcked. IMO there is no other way around this mess. And yes you are in a MESS.

thanks you’re right. I was angry with her so I just kept yelling at her to shut the f^ck up and that she was an idiot. That was another time when we didn’t speak for 3 weeks. She said was tired of being disrespected and me being jerk. Later on when I brought up not being posted I felt bad for a second with the whole “until we’re more stable” line she gave me...No she’s just didn’t want to lose her social media image. I get it now, thanks.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

No other way. My way or the highway.
Let her go be someone else's stupid headache.

very very good stringpuller.
What should I do? nm, I know what to do.
I think I'm an alpha.

I've thought this several times in the last few active months here on Sosuave.

I'm embarassed to write this. But am I really trying to learn approach in order to spin?

So I must look for submissive men? My brain hurts like I'm doing something wrong. I feel like an outlier.


Fuk it. So I'm alpha. Aberration of nature.
The summer before I met last boyfriend I went on 11 first dates. Felt no attraction to any of them. Felt soaring confidence by the first date of ex in October of that year though.

Thanks OP for letting me ramble in your post.
Sorry for your loss with this instathot.

 

[metalwater]

I'm done dating and this is why, ultimately. Because I also accept men have to spin. <<<the only way to be Alpha.

I just refuse to partake in a rotation.

Some random.. thoughts.

-The definition of Alpha is always in question.
-Does a girl really want an alpha or does she want approval from her friends.
-Is the fact that they are spinning the reason they are attractive.
-Many men can be turned towards alpha(leadership) by a clever and loyal woman(assuming that does exist...).
-Most men do not spin, many that do have learned that because of women or more specifically one woman.

-If wanting to have cex with an 9 or 10 and you are older might have to be a plate. If lowering the physical looks requirement down some then can find more stability. I think this works for both men and women. it is possible to find someone that we think is an 8 but others think is a 6... get that one.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Some random.. thoughts.

-The definition of Alpha is always in question.
-Does a girl really want an alpha or does she want approval from her friends.
-Is the fact that they are spinning the reason they are attractive.
-Many men can be turned towards alpha(leadership) by a clever and loyal woman(assuming that does exist...).
-Most men do not spin, many that do have learned that because of women or more specifically one woman.

-If wanting to have cex with an 9 or 10 and you are older might have to be a plate. If lowering the physical looks requirement down some then can find more stability. I think this works for both men and women. it is possible to find someone that we think is an 8 but others think is a 6... get that one.

hmm. thoughtful. screenshot this one to think about, thanks metalwater

From the first meet and greet:

Ex: Why were you attracted to me that first meeting?

Me: Because you emanated scarcity and were obviously available(what's that called...premature e...........) He was actually hot when we hugged and quivering. Thirstiest kisser of my life.

He was practically virginal. Know what I mean? Never met any guy like him before.




We were together from 7pm until 4am the first meeting. Love at first sight and all that.

 

[metalwater]

Depends on what point in her life. We talking 22 or 32?

tell about both. why is it different?

 

[bcude]

Not always! Years ago I had a girl that friendzoned me and not only did I meet her family and best friend prior to the “let’s just be friends”, but I met her extended family in another state one weekend. Matter of fact the girls mother still sends me random articles and stuff on Facebook to this day. I’ve learned that if a girls family and friends like you, that doesn’t mean she will. The girl has to be traditional and family oriented to begin with for that to work in your favor. Think of how many girls you date that tell you stories about their ex and how their family and friends didn’t like them but they kept them around for a long time. I’ve heard that story so many times. I’ve even thought about making it a point to avoid meeting their family and friends now, it’s better if they don’t like you.lol

Note that i wrote "better" indicator, it's not 100% but much better than basing it off social media posting.
Exceptions doesn't make a rule and you left out alot of information, maybe you came off too platonic in this case, maybe she was a social outcast and just proud of finding a friend, who knows. There's no denying that women listen to the 'herd', or their surrounding if you will and that very much includes friends and family who have the most influence. We all do to some degree, because those are people we trust. It's just natural. That doesn't guarantee that she will like you, but it's better to be seen in high regard by the family than the opposite obviously. You have nothing to win if her family doesn't like you, only headache. Don't believe otherwise.

 

[LuksSkywalker]

You would expect from a girl at age 22 wanting to be "popular" on social media and seeking for more attention, but from a woman of 32 (in a relationship) ...come on there must be something wrong with that head...