lokariototal
Don Juan
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what do you think, you should FALL in love with the girl you like or falling in love is just disney/chick flick movie material?
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
is it a good idea to fall in love?
- Thread starter lokariototal
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"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
Blood Angel
Don Juan
He's asking if it's a positive thing to fall in love. Basically, he's wondering if he should try to avoid falling in love or not for whatever reason(s).speakeasy said:
It's okay to fall in love, but you should be careful about who you love. And yes, you can make a choice. It's not like those stupid movies where you can't help it. You can choose to protect yourself from a whole lot emotional trauma if you see the warning signs.
There are some girls you meet who'll seem great. Maybe she's a total sex bomb and at first there's a lot of passion and romance. But she might have a completely different set of priorities in life from you. She might have some serious issues. In those cases, have your fun and cut her loose.
So basically, you should make sure that you allow yourself to fall in love with someone with whom it will probably work. Ask yourself if the person meets all of the most important criteria you're looking for in a lover. If she doesn't meet even one of these criteria- tread carefully and DON'T fall in love.
There are some girls you meet who'll seem great. Maybe she's a total sex bomb and at first there's a lot of passion and romance. But she might have a completely different set of priorities in life from you. She might have some serious issues. In those cases, have your fun and cut her loose.
So basically, you should make sure that you allow yourself to fall in love with someone with whom it will probably work. Ask yourself if the person meets all of the most important criteria you're looking for in a lover. If she doesn't meet even one of these criteria- tread carefully and DON'T fall in love.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
If you're in love, then you're in love, right?lokariototal said:
I don't see how it's a matter of choice. I mean, yeah, if we have a choice over these things, then love is a bad idea. I'd be a lot more productive if I could just bang various women, procreate, and never have to live with them.
zekko
Master Don Juan
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Being in love may not be a good idea, but I don't think you've lived a complete life if you haven't experienced it.
Attraction is not a choice. How many times have we heard that on this forum, and in other seduction material?
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
Yeah. I'm agreeing with you.zekko said:
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
starplayer
Senior Don Juan
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The problem is, most guys confuse "love" with oneitis.
I hate to say it, but I think men these days should avoid falling in love. Women can fall in love, they're slaves to their emotions, it's the meaning of life to them. But when a guy falls in love it can be me quite messy.
All the disney fantasy romantic ideas that men have been brainwashed with their entire lives should be avoided as much as possible. That is all a lie.
Having some feelings for a good girl who has proven she can be trusted is ok. But not all that "you're my everything, i would die for you" BS.
It's important to understand where those feelings of "love" come from. For a woman, she falls in love with an alpha male - the chemicals in her brain tell her to stick close to the alpha male because he will provide the best genes for her offspring. The one and only she needs. The ONE.
For a man however, he only falls in love when he has no other other options. He isn't biologically designed to stick with ONE female, he's supposed to have many and impregnate all of them. So when a guy falls in "love" with a woman, it's usually because there are no other women - she is his only one and he knows he must hold on to her for his best chance of passing on his genes.
So that's why to avoid love. It makes you act like an AFC and if you're in love with a woman it tells her you can't do any better than her.
I hate to say it, but I think men these days should avoid falling in love. Women can fall in love, they're slaves to their emotions, it's the meaning of life to them. But when a guy falls in love it can be me quite messy.
All the disney fantasy romantic ideas that men have been brainwashed with their entire lives should be avoided as much as possible. That is all a lie.
Having some feelings for a good girl who has proven she can be trusted is ok. But not all that "you're my everything, i would die for you" BS.
It's important to understand where those feelings of "love" come from. For a woman, she falls in love with an alpha male - the chemicals in her brain tell her to stick close to the alpha male because he will provide the best genes for her offspring. The one and only she needs. The ONE.
For a man however, he only falls in love when he has no other other options. He isn't biologically designed to stick with ONE female, he's supposed to have many and impregnate all of them. So when a guy falls in "love" with a woman, it's usually because there are no other women - she is his only one and he knows he must hold on to her for his best chance of passing on his genes.
So that's why to avoid love. It makes you act like an AFC and if you're in love with a woman it tells her you can't do any better than her.
sageproduct
Banned
I just realized this is SO true after considering it for a bit. Every time I've had one-itis in my life, a KEY factor has been present: severe lack of other girls in my life.starplayer said:
Very interesting theory!starplayer said:
Okay, well there is at least one biological reason men fall in love. That chemical, I think it's oxytocin that gives people the feeling of falling in love and bonding. It happens in men long enough so that he will bond to the woman after knocking her up. And he will be there to ensure the survival of the kid. Of course the oxytocin wear off over time and you won't get that butterfly feelings anymore. So it does have it's place in child rearing. Also, a man's testosterone level drops when he's holding a baby. So these things are natures way of encouraging the guy to stick around and not get her pregnant and run off. After that, I think the love is more practical. The love isn't based so much on giddy feelings, but on what's reasonable. You may decide you want a family, the big house, SUV and all that. And perhaps you've found a woman that fits well into your life and can bring you family life. So you will intensify your love, but it'll be a more sane type of love and not that the silly stuff people sing about in love poems a few months after they've met.
I agree with zekko, I think everyone should fall in love at least once just for the life experience.
Serg897
Master Don Juan
I hate to say it, but at this point, Im not even convinced "falling in love" is a real phenomenon.
starplayer
Senior Don Juan
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speakeasy said:
Yeah true. I think it's OK for a man to have some feelings for a woman. You shouldn't be completely cold.
But that uncontrollable feeling that 99% of men call "falling in love" and making them do stupid things and stay with the wrong woman because she's so "special" and "LTR material" - that ain't love! That's just desperation and oneitis.
P.S. I also think men should fall in "love" at least once. In fact it's inevitable, it happens to everyone sometime. It's a great feeling... until it ends.
And when you get your heart broken you either make the same mistakes again and again, or if you're lucky you end up finding a place like this forum.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
eaglez1177
Master Don Juan
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This is a very interesting thread
In my experience it's not. But then again I've never experienced much positive aspects of being in love, so maybe it is. However I've made a promise to myself that I won't fall in love with some chick and get hurt. I know I make this sound like I fall in love often, but actually I only fell in love twice in my life, and neither of them were positive experiences. So now I do my best to distance myself emotionally.
This thread has some good material. I like the idea of ALLOWING yourself to love versus FALLING in love. Totally different. I'm going to remember that.
I think having those feelings of being in love are okay, but make sure you don't love her more than she loves you. That's what's important. The one who loves the most has the least power in the relationship and is usually the one that gets kicked to the curb.
And yeah, falling in love does often lead to oneitis. I see it all the time. Certain types of love are probably best avoided, like that puppylove ****.
I think having those feelings of being in love are okay, but make sure you don't love her more than she loves you. That's what's important. The one who loves the most has the least power in the relationship and is usually the one that gets kicked to the curb.
And yeah, falling in love does often lead to oneitis. I see it all the time. Certain types of love are probably best avoided, like that puppylove ****.
teacha
Senior Don Juan
LOVE is a wonderful and special thing!!!! If you find love; cherish it.f283000 said:
“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”
Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.
Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers. Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.
I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.