lokariototal
Don Juan
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what do you think, you should FALL in love with the girl you like or falling in love is just disney/chick flick movie material?
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
is it a good idea to fall in love?
- Thread starter lokariototal
- Start date
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Blood Angel
Don Juan
He's asking if it's a positive thing to fall in love. Basically, he's wondering if he should try to avoid falling in love or not for whatever reason(s).speakeasy said:
It's okay to fall in love, but you should be careful about who you love. And yes, you can make a choice. It's not like those stupid movies where you can't help it. You can choose to protect yourself from a whole lot emotional trauma if you see the warning signs.
There are some girls you meet who'll seem great. Maybe she's a total sex bomb and at first there's a lot of passion and romance. But she might have a completely different set of priorities in life from you. She might have some serious issues. In those cases, have your fun and cut her loose.
So basically, you should make sure that you allow yourself to fall in love with someone with whom it will probably work. Ask yourself if the person meets all of the most important criteria you're looking for in a lover. If she doesn't meet even one of these criteria- tread carefully and DON'T fall in love.
There are some girls you meet who'll seem great. Maybe she's a total sex bomb and at first there's a lot of passion and romance. But she might have a completely different set of priorities in life from you. She might have some serious issues. In those cases, have your fun and cut her loose.
So basically, you should make sure that you allow yourself to fall in love with someone with whom it will probably work. Ask yourself if the person meets all of the most important criteria you're looking for in a lover. If she doesn't meet even one of these criteria- tread carefully and DON'T fall in love.
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
If you're in love, then you're in love, right?lokariototal said:
I don't see how it's a matter of choice. I mean, yeah, if we have a choice over these things, then love is a bad idea. I'd be a lot more productive if I could just bang various women, procreate, and never have to live with them.
zekko
Master Don Juan
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Being in love may not be a good idea, but I don't think you've lived a complete life if you haven't experienced it.
Attraction is not a choice. How many times have we heard that on this forum, and in other seduction material?
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
Yeah. I'm agreeing with you.zekko said:
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
starplayer
Senior Don Juan
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The problem is, most guys confuse "love" with oneitis.
I hate to say it, but I think men these days should avoid falling in love. Women can fall in love, they're slaves to their emotions, it's the meaning of life to them. But when a guy falls in love it can be me quite messy.
All the disney fantasy romantic ideas that men have been brainwashed with their entire lives should be avoided as much as possible. That is all a lie.
Having some feelings for a good girl who has proven she can be trusted is ok. But not all that "you're my everything, i would die for you" BS.
It's important to understand where those feelings of "love" come from. For a woman, she falls in love with an alpha male - the chemicals in her brain tell her to stick close to the alpha male because he will provide the best genes for her offspring. The one and only she needs. The ONE.
For a man however, he only falls in love when he has no other other options. He isn't biologically designed to stick with ONE female, he's supposed to have many and impregnate all of them. So when a guy falls in "love" with a woman, it's usually because there are no other women - she is his only one and he knows he must hold on to her for his best chance of passing on his genes.
So that's why to avoid love. It makes you act like an AFC and if you're in love with a woman it tells her you can't do any better than her.
I hate to say it, but I think men these days should avoid falling in love. Women can fall in love, they're slaves to their emotions, it's the meaning of life to them. But when a guy falls in love it can be me quite messy.
All the disney fantasy romantic ideas that men have been brainwashed with their entire lives should be avoided as much as possible. That is all a lie.
Having some feelings for a good girl who has proven she can be trusted is ok. But not all that "you're my everything, i would die for you" BS.
It's important to understand where those feelings of "love" come from. For a woman, she falls in love with an alpha male - the chemicals in her brain tell her to stick close to the alpha male because he will provide the best genes for her offspring. The one and only she needs. The ONE.
For a man however, he only falls in love when he has no other other options. He isn't biologically designed to stick with ONE female, he's supposed to have many and impregnate all of them. So when a guy falls in "love" with a woman, it's usually because there are no other women - she is his only one and he knows he must hold on to her for his best chance of passing on his genes.
So that's why to avoid love. It makes you act like an AFC and if you're in love with a woman it tells her you can't do any better than her.
sageproduct
Banned
I just realized this is SO true after considering it for a bit. Every time I've had one-itis in my life, a KEY factor has been present: severe lack of other girls in my life.starplayer said:
Very interesting theory!starplayer said:
Okay, well there is at least one biological reason men fall in love. That chemical, I think it's oxytocin that gives people the feeling of falling in love and bonding. It happens in men long enough so that he will bond to the woman after knocking her up. And he will be there to ensure the survival of the kid. Of course the oxytocin wear off over time and you won't get that butterfly feelings anymore. So it does have it's place in child rearing. Also, a man's testosterone level drops when he's holding a baby. So these things are natures way of encouraging the guy to stick around and not get her pregnant and run off. After that, I think the love is more practical. The love isn't based so much on giddy feelings, but on what's reasonable. You may decide you want a family, the big house, SUV and all that. And perhaps you've found a woman that fits well into your life and can bring you family life. So you will intensify your love, but it'll be a more sane type of love and not that the silly stuff people sing about in love poems a few months after they've met.
I agree with zekko, I think everyone should fall in love at least once just for the life experience.
Serg897
Master Don Juan
I hate to say it, but at this point, Im not even convinced "falling in love" is a real phenomenon.
starplayer
Senior Don Juan
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speakeasy said:
Yeah true. I think it's OK for a man to have some feelings for a woman. You shouldn't be completely cold.
But that uncontrollable feeling that 99% of men call "falling in love" and making them do stupid things and stay with the wrong woman because she's so "special" and "LTR material" - that ain't love! That's just desperation and oneitis.
P.S. I also think men should fall in "love" at least once. In fact it's inevitable, it happens to everyone sometime. It's a great feeling... until it ends.
And when you get your heart broken you either make the same mistakes again and again, or if you're lucky you end up finding a place like this forum.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
eaglez1177
Master Don Juan
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This is a very interesting thread
In my experience it's not. But then again I've never experienced much positive aspects of being in love, so maybe it is. However I've made a promise to myself that I won't fall in love with some chick and get hurt. I know I make this sound like I fall in love often, but actually I only fell in love twice in my life, and neither of them were positive experiences. So now I do my best to distance myself emotionally.
This thread has some good material. I like the idea of ALLOWING yourself to love versus FALLING in love. Totally different. I'm going to remember that.
I think having those feelings of being in love are okay, but make sure you don't love her more than she loves you. That's what's important. The one who loves the most has the least power in the relationship and is usually the one that gets kicked to the curb.
And yeah, falling in love does often lead to oneitis. I see it all the time. Certain types of love are probably best avoided, like that puppylove ****.
I think having those feelings of being in love are okay, but make sure you don't love her more than she loves you. That's what's important. The one who loves the most has the least power in the relationship and is usually the one that gets kicked to the curb.
And yeah, falling in love does often lead to oneitis. I see it all the time. Certain types of love are probably best avoided, like that puppylove ****.
teacha
Senior Don Juan
LOVE is a wonderful and special thing!!!! If you find love; cherish it.f283000 said:
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.