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Is Dread Game Called For Here?

upcoming_DJ

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Hey DJs,

coming back for some more great advice! a bit lengthy but needed to add details,

Been seeing this girl for 3 months already, seeing each other almost every weekend (with peppering in about 2 or 3 unexplained absences as recommended by 16 commandments of poon).

I understand that it's not "official" yet but it feels official the way we've been carrying ourselves.

Anyway, this weekend is one of those we didn't spend together. She called me yesterday saying she'll be coming next week to see me (a 3 hour bus drive from where she lives). Then we might have a lunch date during the week since I have to go for a business meeting in the capital of our country. She also took the opportunity to let me know that she is going to an event she has been looking forward to (she always goes to this specific event) and she told me she'd take pictures and send them to me.

So I went out also to a local club here to have a good time which I did. However I got out of club around 4am and I decided that I'll call to check if she's home safe, because the city where she was is a very dangerous one (lots of gang violence) and usually there is some sort of shooting at those big events.

now I know I probably did wrong by calling her at that hour and showing her that she's on my mind while I should be out having fun like she was.

The thing is this: I tried calling her but she didn't answer my call but immediately sent me 3 texts after:
"baaaaaaaabe"
I'm alive babe"
"on my way home"
this was at 4:14am
she tried to call me at 4:36am 3 times but i didn't answer

haven't heard from her since then.

now like I said I know we're not official but she's been meeting my family and friends and I've been meeting hers and we do have a relationship dynamic going on.

my problem was that if it was indeed her band members (she plays in a steel band as a hobby) that she was out with and they were her friends, she could've easily answered my phone call. So now this leaves me wondering who she was with and where at that time.
should I employ dread game to deal with this or should I just openly communicate something along the lines of "look I would have appreciated you answering my calls instead of reverting to texting. I just wanted to know that you were home safe, I thought about you. Didn't think it was a big deal to call you knowing you were with your friends"
what's your advice for the best way to deal with this now and in the future?
thanks a lot!!
 

ohrein

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I don't think so, no. Dread game is for spiking attraction. You employ dread in a relationship if you feel like the attraction is waning. This sounds more like you don't trust her because she still likes to party, which could either be strong intuition or anxious attachment style. Impossible for me to tell. I would guess since it's not an official relationship it's the latter. If she's a musician, she's going to be out late at night at bars. That's not the same thing as her going on a girls night out at peak ovulation to fvck an alpha. I would say you need to be cool, not clingy, and decide if you can trust this chick, because if you can't trust her to be going out to play shows, you've got personal anxiety to deal with or you've picked the wrong woman to be in a relationship with.

I can assume you're not spinning plates and this is probably oneitis peeking through. You need to keep yourself in check and screen this chick more if you're that worried.
 

Desdinova

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So I went out also to a local club here to have a good time which I did. However I got out of club around 4am and I decided that I'll call to check if she's home safe, because the city where she was is a very dangerous one
Well, she hasn't died in all the time you haven't been dating her, so it can't be that bad.

When your woman is out with her friends, they are her priority and you are not. This is why you shouldn't call her at those times, and why you should never make plans with her for after shes done with her friends.

It doesn't sound like anything is going wrong. Carry on as you will.
 

lizardking82

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Hey DJs,

coming back for some more great advice! a bit lengthy but needed to add details,

Been seeing this girl for 3 months already, seeing each other almost every weekend (with peppering in about 2 or 3 unexplained absences as recommended by 16 commandments of poon).

I understand that it's not "official" yet but it feels official the way we've been carrying ourselves.

Anyway, this weekend is one of those we didn't spend together. She called me yesterday saying she'll be coming next week to see me (a 3 hour bus drive from where she lives). Then we might have a lunch date during the week since I have to go for a business meeting in the capital of our country. She also took the opportunity to let me know that she is going to an event she has been looking forward to (she always goes to this specific event) and she told me she'd take pictures and send them to me.

So I went out also to a local club here to have a good time which I did. However I got out of club around 4am and I decided that I'll call to check if she's home safe, because the city where she was is a very dangerous one (lots of gang violence) and usually there is some sort of shooting at those big events.

now I know I probably did wrong by calling her at that hour and showing her that she's on my mind while I should be out having fun like she was.

The thing is this: I tried calling her but she didn't answer my call but immediately sent me 3 texts after:
"baaaaaaaabe"
I'm alive babe"
"on my way home"
this was at 4:14am
she tried to call me at 4:36am 3 times but i didn't answer

haven't heard from her since then.

now like I said I know we're not official but she's been meeting my family and friends and I've been meeting hers and we do have a relationship dynamic going on.

my problem was that if it was indeed her band members (she plays in a steel band as a hobby) that she was out with and they were her friends, she could've easily answered my phone call. So now this leaves me wondering who she was with and where at that time.
should I employ dread game to deal with this or should I just openly communicate something along the lines of "look I would have appreciated you answering my calls instead of reverting to texting. I just wanted to know that you were home safe, I thought about you. Didn't think it was a big deal to call you knowing you were with your friends"
what's your advice for the best way to deal with this now and in the future?
thanks a lot!!
No, man. You're asking to have her raise your level of importancy. That is sth you earn, not ask.
 

upcoming_DJ

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No, man. You're asking to have her raise your level of importancy. That is sth you earn, not ask.
I was in the city where she works yesterday and she met me for lunch. She's coming tomorrow to see me and spend the weekend with me.

Anyway, she asked me why I called her and I just told her I was out having a good time and was high , and she popped up in my mind and I decided to just randomly call her.

So I asked her why she didn't answer me when I called and she didn't give me a straight answer. She just said "I did answer! but you had already set down" and just couldn't outrightly say WHY she didn't answer point blank or called back right away. Yes, she text me right after, however she took about 25 minutes to call me back 3 times.

I could care less if she called or not to be quite honest. But I also don't want to be taken for a fool.

She's been spending most weekends with me for the past 3 months and we sometimes go out to party but sparingly. So I know its important for all of us to have our own "fun" time apart from each other and with friends.

She literally deflected the question for not giving me a straight answer and then tried to change the conversation.

thoughts?
 

lizardking82

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1) I wouldn't ask "why you didn't call". Unless she brings it up, you have already forgotten about these things and they should not even bother you that much.

You are spending the weekends with her, which means you guys are not official or in an LTR, at least not for now. You don't get to ask her why she didn't call back. Lay back, enjoy the sex and the good feelings in the weekend and do other things in the mean time. Reach out when you feel like.
 

oldmanofthesea

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You say you are worried about being taken for a fool. Why? If she was out banging another guy all night, then according to your current relationship status with her (you are not in a monogamous LTR), there is NO problem there and it's her prerogative to do so. Heck, you are actually lucky she texted you back or called you back at all.

A 4am call from you to her when she is out with her friends makes it look like you are "checking up on her", and when you follow that up with a "why didn't you answer me?" it shows insecurity and a desire to control her - both are huge turnoffs.
 

lizardking82

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To illustrate it with an example: I am talking to an Albanian girl, a hot chick with superb boobs and dirty minded, good looking and very talkative and sharp girl who lives in Spain since 2 years AND has a Spanish boyfriend.

She has sent me pics of her tits, body, ass, p0ssy, too. We have Skyped and she has *** fackin' hard on cam almost uncontrollably and a couple of nights she is even ditching her boyfriend to spend time talking to me on video LOL but here's the catch: she keeps on living there normally, keeps on having sex with her boyfriend (claims she likes it everytime less to the point of feeling bad, but I don't deal with that claim at all). I cannot start telling her where she was and what she is doing. What can and probably will happen is that she will come back to Albania in August to stay for a month and I will have some superb sex with her. Whether she leaves her boyfriend in Spain and wants to come back to Albania to go on further is up to her. I do and "worry" about my part of the deal which is to make her wet and keep her interested.

You do that, too. Let the girls worry about taking it further. Guys don't progress the stages of the communication, they face **** tests and have sex and the if the girl thinks you are worth locking down, she will want to do that ASAP.
 

marmel75

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You say you are worried about being taken for a fool. Why? If she was out banging another guy all night, then according to your current relationship status with her (you are not in a monogamous LTR), there is NO problem there and it's her prerogative to do so. Heck, you are actually lucky she texted you back or called you back at all.

A 4am call from you to her when she is out with her friends makes it look like you are "checking up on her", and when you follow that up with a "why didn't you answer me?" it shows insecurity and a desire to control her - both are huge turnoffs.
Yeah this is lame behavior and she is probably shaking her head at it and laughing at it with her friends
 

Reykhel

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Hey DJs,

coming back for some more great advice! a bit lengthy but needed to add details,

Been seeing this girl for 3 months already, seeing each other almost every weekend (with peppering in about 2 or 3 unexplained absences as recommended by 16 commandments of poon).

I understand that it's not "official" yet but it feels official the way we've been carrying ourselves.

Anyway, this weekend is one of those we didn't spend together. She called me yesterday saying she'll be coming next week to see me (a 3 hour bus drive from where she lives). Then we might have a lunch date during the week since I have to go for a business meeting in the capital of our country. She also took the opportunity to let me know that she is going to an event she has been looking forward to (she always goes to this specific event) and she told me she'd take pictures and send them to me.

So I went out also to a local club here to have a good time which I did. However I got out of club around 4am and I decided that I'll call to check if she's home safe, because the city where she was is a very dangerous one (lots of gang violence) and usually there is some sort of shooting at those big events.

now I know I probably did wrong by calling her at that hour and showing her that she's on my mind while I should be out having fun like she was.

The thing is this: I tried calling her but she didn't answer my call but immediately sent me 3 texts after:
"baaaaaaaabe"
I'm alive babe"
"on my way home"
this was at 4:14am
she tried to call me at 4:36am 3 times but i didn't answer

haven't heard from her since then.

now like I said I know we're not official but she's been meeting my family and friends and I've been meeting hers and we do have a relationship dynamic going on.

my problem was that if it was indeed her band members (she plays in a steel band as a hobby) that she was out with and they were her friends, she could've easily answered my phone call. So now this leaves me wondering who she was with and where at that time.
should I employ dread game to deal with this or should I just openly communicate something along the lines of "look I would have appreciated you answering my calls instead of reverting to texting. I just wanted to know that you were home safe, I thought about you. Didn't think it was a big deal to call you knowing you were with your friends"
what's your advice for the best way to deal with this now and in the future?
thanks a lot!!
Dread games? No. I want you to accept that this girl is gone for ever. Think about it. She's done. Ok can you accept it and move on? Good.

dread game? No. I would say you need to think about some inner game. But how will this help me with this girl??'! Kid, I thought we had late her
goo? that's better.

You seem very dependent and too focused on what she's doing
 

soulforge

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If anyone is applying dread game, then it is HER!!

She doesn't take your call and you POOP yourself..

Dude she could have been on the toilet taking a huge dump for all you know & decided to call you, once she is done wiping her azz!

She called you back within half an hour, so what is the big deal?

You sound insecure, and seems like you don't trust her..

Forget dread game.. YOU need to work on your inner game!
 

MrWood

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OP... my two bits

your girl was going something against your relationship. I doubt she was fvckin/blowin... likely kissing.
that is what her text is telling you between the lines (and her excuse)
 

soulforge

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OP... my two bits

your girl was going something against your relationship. I doubt she was fvckin/blowin... likely kissing.
that is what her text is telling you between the lines (and her excuse)

I still think she was taking a dump
 

spred

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You are too hard on the girl.

Sh1tting a brick is very difficult!
 

Murk

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It’s definitely suspect behaviour, plus her deflecting and changing subject when you brought it up, I think she was up to something.

You are 3 months in to a non exclusive (you haven’t mentioned having the talk) relationship so really and truly, you don’t have a leg to stand on. Try going on dates with other women during your time apart until you guys are exclusive. There is nothing you can do here.

I have no idea what dread game is but it sounds dreadful.
 
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