Interview with Dr. Nerdlove

[nicksaiz65]

Hey guys! So about a month ago, I got some coaching from Dr. Nerdlove to help my Outer Game. You guys may already know the stuff listed here, but I think that it's pretty good stuff nonetheless. I posted this in my Life Journal here, but I'm putting it in this thread for easy access and so others can benefit from it. Think of this like an AMA that I conducted with him.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Q1.) Can you tell me how I'd go about doing Cold Approaches on a College Campus, and Daygame in general? Sometimes I don't understand the social context of when it is and when it isn't appropriate to approach. How can you do it smoothly without looking creepy?

A1.) This can really depend on the campus and its size. You don't want to be the horny guy who is just going up and always hitting on everybody. Sometimes the social context for Daygame isn't exactly there, like when people are just trying to shop or go to class for instance. You don't want to hit someone in a rush with an opinion opener. Social circle game is smoother in that respect, because you have a connection. In terms of context, bars and parties feel a bit more natural because the social context is that people are expected to meet and mingle there. However, that isn't to say that you can't approach on campus. In fact, you both already have a common connection by going to the same school. You want to approach girls who are open to being approached. For example, don't approach someone with their headphones in or who is rushing to class. Also, you want to be very lowkey about these approaches. None of the same energy that you would use in Nightgame. So do a lowkey approach, and if it seems like it's going well, get her number. Another technique you can do is get her Snapchat or Facebook if it doesn't feel right asking for the number just yet.

Q2.) I'm still in the process of learning Game. However, my self-confidence is still shaky, and I still have some weight to lose. Should I keep approaching and continue to work on my Game while I'm in the process of Self-Improvement or should I pause that while I continue to work on myself?

A2.) Many guys have a laser like approach when it comes to Self Improvement like this. They think that you need to finish working on one thing before you even start the other. However, it's better to think of Self Improvement like a Spider's Web. You should be working on all of that stuff at the same time. Also, while working on things like your fitness, hair, etc might be good for your confidence, it might be useful than you'd think. Looks are definitely important, but what trumps that is Game, the ability to connect with someone, make them feel good, make them laugh, and so on. For instance, I have a Mexican friend who is short and fat but he pulls more ass than I've ever seen. Also, in general, the more exposure of yourself you give to a girl, the more inclined she is to like you. In that sense, the long game can work: but I don't mean the long game by acting like a Nice Guy. Getting to know her and connecting with her is very important. It's always good to work on things like your body and hair, but you have to realize that you don't need perfect hair or a perfect body to get girls.. a lot of girls actually do go for Dad Bods. That isn't to say that you shouldn't work on yourself, but realize that at the end of the day you ultimately might not need it.

Q3.) What's your general flowchart/idea of how to go from a girl that's a stranger to sleeping with her?

A3.) It really depends on the girl. Some girls I've slept with on the first date, some it's taken me months to sleep with them. You have to get to know the individual, and connect with her. I don't use things like the Mystery Method anymore, because you can't treat girls like you're doing Computer Programming. Not only is it a headache, but you're never at any one specific stage at a time with a girl. You need to be working on everything at the same time. You're always building attraction, comfort, and doing push/pull/flirting. You should always be focusing on building each of these aspects up. You need to keep in mind that maybe you don't have enough of each of these aspects for her to sleep with you yet. You have to roll with the punches and whatever she throws at you. You need to be very flexible when you're dealing with girls. Also, keep in mind that if a girl doesn't sleep with you, it's not always your fault. She might have issues of her own. For example, there was this one girl who I didn't sleep with for months because it turned out she had to go to therapy(had some very deep issues) and she was too embarrassed to admit it to me. I'd say that PUA is useful for learning how to understand others as well as yourself, but it shouldn't be the end all be all. As for how to actually connect with people, the PUA community isn't great for that. That all has to come from you.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Q4.) How do you feel about group dates or party dates? What is your definition of a date?

A4.) If you bring a girl out in a group, that's fine, but you need to make sure that she knows it's a DATE. Maybe you could do this by explicitly saying the word date when you go to hang out with her. As long as you are building attraction and she feels safe and comfortable around you, that's good. There's no reason that you can't split off later from the group at the date. However, one sentiment that I very much agree with from PUA is "never bring a girl to the club."

Q5.) How can I learn rhythm and how to dance to modern rap music? It seems to be pretty important these days for seduction.

A5.) I'm definitely not the best person to ask this question, but continuing to practice with YouTube tutorials and music videos would be good. You might also consider taking private dance lessons. Also, consider doing salsa or swing dancing. They have a lot of carry-over to any kind of dancing, and plus girls love it when you know how to use your hips.

Q6.) How would I get with the more promiscuous party girls? Would simply taking them out to coffee be too "safe" a date?

A6.) That's totally fine if you want to bring a "party girl" on a more lowkey date like that. Although I will say that you should go for the girls that you have a connection with, not just the "highest social value" ones. If you'd like to bring a date to a house party too, that's perfectly fine. However, when you go on dates, you want to make sure that you go for exciting and engaging over just pleasant. But go for it on asking party girls on coffee dates? If they're bored and they don't like it, that's their problem, not yours. Ideally in a date, you want to have a chance to have some banter and antagonistic flirting, if that's your style. One on one dates are ideal, you want it to be an actual date instead of just "oh we're just here together." As for date ideas, since you're in college, the possibilities are endless. There are so many events, like concerts and Open Mic Nights. If your college has a Subreddit or newspaper, you can literally look things up from in there and get date ideas. Concerts can be great dates too because there's lots of singing and dancing, very exciting.

Q7.) In general, how long do you think a typical Cold Approach should be?

A7.) I'd say that just depends on how long she is engaged. I'll ride the interaction until it starts to die down, and then I'll go. Ideally, you want to leave on a high note and leave her wanting more instead of staying too long. When you get her number, you'd ideally want to pre-sell something as well. Like hey, I'm going to see this cool movie/art exhibit... maybe you'd like to come see it with me?

Q8.) How should I react if a girl I like is thirst trapping overtly over social media?

A8.) You can certainly flirt with her. You can give her a compliment, but don't escalate it just yet, especially if you don't have a relationship with her yet. If you just come up to her all thirsty or just instantly ask her to come over, that's a great way to get shut down. They're just posting because they can. Also, when you compliment her, maybe compliment her on something that isn't her looks. Like "that's a really nice shot" or "I really like your outfit." Something that she had a hand in, instead of just winning the genetic lottery.

Q9.) Is "you're cute" ever a thing? Over Snapchat and in person.

A9.) That's totally fine as long as you don't overuse it. It's definitely a form of flirting. Don't worry too much about fighting with girls with frame control games. If you're doing that all the time, she probably just doesn't like you. However, once again, it's probably better to compliment someone on something that they actively had a hand in, like their hair or amazing style.

Q10.) I know I'm supposed to text girls intermittently with value giving texts while courting them. But how much is that? How do you know how often to text a girl?

A10.) You just have to do this by feel, on a case by case basis. You're having a conversation with them while you're courting them, so why not talk? The most important thing is that you actually give them something to respond to that isn't super boring. As cheesy as the line "Hey, I just saw your evil twin" is, it actually does work. You need to keep the emotional momentum going. You want something that is coherent, and also within the context of something that you talked about within your conversation, ideally. After a while, you can go pretty much wherever you want with your texts. Remember that all you're trying to do with your opening is start a conversation.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Q11.) So Mixed Signals = Low Interest. But how do I know when to drop a certain prospect vs actively trying to raise her interest?

A11.) One thing that you can do is actively call out mixed signals, such as "Am I missing something?" Communicate with her, you're both adults, use your words. Also, you shouldn't worry so much about playing frame games or "who cares less wins." As long as you don't drool or act desperate, showing interest can be good.

Q12.) Can you tell me more about "Enthusiastic Consent?"

A12.) It's all in the way you phrase it. If you say "Uh, can I have sex with you?" It's going to dead the mood instantly. But if you whisper "I'm trying so hard not to fvck you right now, is that okay?" right into her ear, she'll instantly become moist.

Q13.) When I see a girl that I like, do I start flirting with her right away? Or do I be friendly, get to know her, and then start flirting? Do I ask her out instantly?

A13.) Keep in mind that you could always flirt in a lowkey kind of way from the start and then work your way up. They key to avoiding the friend zone is just making sure that she understands that you don't want a platonic friendship with her. If you ask her out, 90% of girls will understand that you're looking for more than just a platonic friendship. On top of that, always assume attraction.

Q14.) How do you feel about hooking up with drunk girls? I've had some issues with this in the past.

A14.) You don't really want to make moves on girls who are obviously drunk. Not only is it a bad idea, but whenever you're heavily intoxicated like that, you're nowhere near as smooth as you think you are. If she's really into you, she'll fvck you sober. I'd say that the only time you should fvck a drunk girl is when you're in a relationship with her and consent is implied. I always say, too drunk to drive too drunk to consent.

Q15.) What’s your opinion of those that say to text only to set up dates or for logistics? It’s really confusing when some people say that vs the texting techniques that you outline in your book.

A15.) It's going to totally depend on the vibe you two have. If you have good flirty conversations via text then fvckin' text 'em. Texting is a great way to keep the emotional momentum going before a date. That having been said: don't forget that your *initial* purpose in texting is to meet up in person. Part of the problem a lot of guys run into is they spend too much time trying to build rapport and attraction via text when you should be doing that *face to face*.

 

[nicksaiz65]

And that's the AMA! I hope you guys can find some value from this.

 

[Infern0]

Thanks for posting, I just skimmed and will have a good read later. From what I read I like that he looks at girls and situations on a case by case basis.

Guys like Corey Wayne are too into sticking to specific rules

 

[sazc]

I'll add this. I had a conversation with a male co worker (mid 20s) about his game. What's interesting is that his approach is to attempt to classify the female (in terms of personality) so that he can game her the way she will respond to. It's an approach I've never heard discussed on here. Is it alpha or beta to try to appeal to her based on her personality type? I dont know and, truthfully, who cares? If it gets her interested in talking to you and getting to know you, you can then run your frame on her.

(@LARaiders85 you once asked me why I wasnt impressed/turned off when someone told me I was pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/etc, I didn't know how to respond at that moment, but thru this convo I realized that this is why, see next few lines)

Being more of an intellectual myself, it's a huge turn off/boorishly cliche when a man thinks he can charm me by telling me how gorgeous I am as an opener. Not only does it strike me as insincere (he tells everyone that) but what else can my response be but "Thanks"....where am I supposed to go with convo then? Give me something to respond to so we can start a conversation!

Co worker 3:36 PM:
its like fishing, but Its also different depending on how attractive you are, or at least look in your pictures. so the less attractive the more guys need to stick to the process because you get less bites, the more attractive the less you need to because you get more bites...

u get a bite(aka a match) you have to sink the hook with an original pickup line to grab attention and distinguish yourself, sometimes tailoring them to the specific individual, and sometimes its just a good line that you came up with that you use on everyone that doesn't have alot in bio/pics to go off of

 

[sazc]

Co worker 3:47 PM:
then you got to real it in, start slow with small talk and guage response times and attitude, this is crucial since girls get 10x more matches a day than guys so you are definitely competing for attention and the fluctuation of these are good indicators of how well you are doing. Then you have 1 of a couple routes to go by and this is all determined by the other person. if you are getting an intelligent vibe, then go for a good open ended response question, that will get her thinking but not on anything serious something fun and engaging, but that she has to give a lot of details in order to answer. the more she thinks about it and messages she sends the more effort and work she puts into it and is tricked into investing more time into the conversation so she will want to contribute more

Me 3:48 PM:
wow, that's pretty smart

Co worker 3:51 PM:
if you arent getting the smart vibe then you, the question is, is she a mean girl? if so the next move is to just ask her a bunch of questions about herself, ppl love to talk about themselves and mean girls especially. so again the same principle the more she responds the more invested she is and furthermore the more she is going to want to pursue the conversation. but you also have to keep it interesting so it doesnt feel like an interview bcus she probs has 20 other ppl asking the same thing so again keep it original, or mix it up a bit

 

[sazc]

Me 3:52 PM:
so there is smart girl, mean girl, anything else?

Co worker 3:57 PM:
the third option is she isnt very smart but isnt a mean girl, just kinda the aloof typical "blonde" stereotype (regardless of hair color) in which case you need to make her laugh, focus primarily on making her laugh and less on getting to know her because that might ake some time to figure out and you dont want to waste your opportunity by mistaking something she hates for something she loves or vice versa cuss then ur screwd. also for these ppl portraying a sense of structure and confidence in your personal life works really well, because generally they are a type B personality and respond well to type A's

might take* some time, and this section has alot of overlap because you cant classify all women in 3 categories

Me 3:58 PM:
so how do you distinguish what type she is?

Co worker 3:58 PM:
myers brigg

Me 3:58 PM:
lol shaddap, they have that on their profiles?

Co worker 4:00 PM:
actually some do, but generally no, after the initial small talk pouring through their profile you can get a decent Idea though

Me 4:00 PM:
that's interesting. I know that I would be drawn to someone who tried to connect with me intellectually

Co worker 4:00 PM:
I like to overclassify people into lion, beaver, otter ,and golden retriever archetypes and go from their
http://thaoski.com/2013/04/02/5-minute-personality-test-lion-beaver-otter-golden-retriever/

 

[sazc]

Co worker 4:13 PM:
ok so with the above mentioned reeling techniques golden retriever would be the make laugh, otter would be talk about hem, beaver is the OER and if shes a lion then the strategy usually goes out the window because she will be other one guiding the conversation or at least it would be a mutual effort.

Co worker 4:15 PM:
example : if you were a dictator/king of a small island nation what dictator/kingly things would you do and what laws would u make

Co worker 4:18 PM:
if you were a drunk teenage time traveler from the future and you and your friend dared each other to see who could screw up the history the world the most by changing one thing at any point in time. what would you change
sorry that one just came to me and i had to type it out before i forgot so i could add it to my phone notes

(on asking for the number)
Co worker 4:04 PM:
I usually bring up something stupidly cute my dog brie did and then ask them how to send photos through the tinder chat, to which they reply you cant heres my number

 

[nicksaiz65]

Thanks for posting, I just skimmed and will have a good read later. From what I read I like that he looks at girls and situations on a case by case basis.

Guys like Corey Wayne are too into sticking to specific rules

No problem man. I really like Dr. Nerdlove’s stuff cause it’s simple and I can relate to his backstory a lot. I’m basically making my Game a hybrid of Dr. Nerdlove, AMS, Roosh, and Corey Wayne.

AMS and Corey Wayne are really good resources too. I’m learning as much as I can from them so I know how to deal with the bullshyt and crazy shyt tests that women will throw at you

 

[Atom Smasher]

@sazc
Hijack.
You're watering down the OP's thread. Let him have this.

 

[sazc]

@sazc
Hijack.
You're watering down the OP's thread. Let him have this.

Sorry, not my intention

 

[lamath]

And that's the AMA! I hope you guys can find some value from this.

I never saw any of his stuff before, but i like the answer he gave you.
Seems more fluid in his approach.

 

[lamath]

Co worker 4:13 PM:
ok so with the above mentioned reeling techniques golden retriever would be the make laugh, otter would be talk about hem, beaver is the OER and if shes a lion then the strategy usually goes out the window because she will be other one guiding the conversation or at least it would be a mutual effort.

Co worker 4:15 PM:
example : if you were a dictator/king of a small island nation what dictator/kingly things would you do and what laws would u make

Co worker 4:18 PM:
if you were a drunk teenage time traveler from the future and you and your friend dared each other to see who could screw up the history the world the most by changing one thing at any point in time. what would you change
sorry that one just came to me and i had to type it out before i forgot so i could add it to my phone notes

(on asking for the number)
Co worker 4:04 PM:
I usually bring up something stupidly cute my dog brie did and then ask them how to send photos through the tinder chat, to which they reply you cant heres my number

This is actualy a great approach, your coworker must spend lots of time on his dating skills.

 

[sazc]

This is actualy a great approach, your coworker must spend lots of time on his dating skills.

No clue. He and I were discussing OLD one day and the conversation evolved to this place. He also alerted me that I may very well be crushing the pickup lines that guys try to use on me by taking them to literally, lol

I had never heard anyone here discuss the attempt at sussing personality in an effort to connect - other than the idea that women are 'emotional'. I found it to be an interesting approach, and thought it might help.

He is an engineer, and we do look for algorithms. His algorithm seems like a solid approach.

 

[marmel75]

No clue. He and I were discussing OLD one day and the conversation evolved to this place. He also alerted me that I may very well be crushing the pickup lines that guys try to use on me by taking them to literally, lol

I had never heard anyone here discuss the attempt at sussing personality in an effort to connect - other than the idea that women are 'emotional'. I found it to be an interesting approach, and thought it might help.

He is an engineer, and we do look for algorithms. His algorithm seems like a solid approach.

Haha...I do similar things in my mind...I basically create binary trees when I look back and view overall interactions with women and then when i get to certain "depths" of the tree my responses will evolve over time based on success/failure rates of various tactics or things I said...I am really good at pattern recognition and when I see the same pattern start to evolve in a woman I will kind of automatically go back to my memory bank where what I did worked on another woman who displayed the same type of pattern and do the same things again. And 80% of the time things end up going almost exactly the same as they did for the previous women with the same pattern, down to the same steps that i took and everything.

In the case where I didn't have success with this pattern of behavior, I go back and try and remember what I did in that situation and then do something different...if it ends up working then now i have another pattern of behavior "cracked" so to speak that I can use when I see it again.

I find it really funny how that works and how if you have had success with certain patterns of behavior you can almost go back and do the exact same thing to produce the exact same result even in different people.

 

[sazc]

@marmel75 I do the same thing lol

 

[nicksaiz65]

I never saw any of his stuff before, but i like the answer he gave you.
Seems more fluid in his approach.

Yeah it kinda got buried in my nicksaiz65 Odyessy cause I was going through a lot of shyt at the same time I booked this phone session. I thought it’d be nice to bring back since not everyone reads that and plus it’s nice to have it all in one place.

Yeah I enjoy this flexible approach more. I know it’s not exactly what AMS says, especially with the texting, but I’m gonna try to mix these styles together like a chef and see how it tastes.

I’d definitely recommend reading his books New Game Plus and I Got Her Number, Now What? They’re really good books and they hit close to home for me

 

[nicksaiz65]

No clue. He and I were discussing OLD one day and the conversation evolved to this place. He also alerted me that I may very well be crushing the pickup lines that guys try to use on me by taking them to literally, lol

I had never heard anyone here discuss the attempt at sussing personality in an effort to connect - other than the idea that women are 'emotional'. I found it to be an interesting approach, and thought it might help.

He is an engineer, and we do look for algorithms. His algorithm seems like a solid approach.

Sometimes my whole goal with dating and life is to break it down into an algorithm that I can understand