"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

Inferiority

Gripped

Don Juan
Joined
Sep 10, 2012
Messages
70
Reaction score
1
Location
Britland
DanZy said:
Dude you're going to look back in a year's time and think to yourself "Wow, I really was a pvssy back then". You can analyse this as much as you like but in the end, everything comes down to you taking action. There's zero need to analyse this as much as you have, it won't help. You've recognised and admitted the problem, now get down to some hard graft and overcome it. It's not easy, it won't be quick but you'll be damn better for it.
But what does this graft entail? You see I analyse for two reasons; to pinpoint my specific problems and because I find it fascinating. If I am given the advice of "manning up" or to simply "go to the gym" it is too general. I don't feel it is helpful, I could work those out with ease myself. I do see your point in that over analyzing specific situations does detract from social confidence in the moment of occurrence. However I feel personal reflection of ones emotional and mental activity is not harmful as identifying damaging thought processes will help to eradicate them and hence promote growth. This is essentially me attempting to deal with what exactly stops me from "manning up".
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

Read more...

NorwegianDJ

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 8, 2010
Messages
2,553
Reaction score
83
Gripped said:
But what does this graft entail? You see I analyse for two reasons; to pinpoint my specific problems and because I find it fascinating. If I am given the advice of "manning up" or to simply "go to the gym" it is too general. I don't feel it is helpful, I could work those out with ease myself. I do see your point in that over analyzing specific situations does detract from social confidence in the moment of occurrence. However I feel personal reflection of ones emotional and mental activity is not harmful as identifying damaging thought processes will help to eradicate them and hence promote growth. This is essentially me attempting to deal with what exactly stops me from "manning up".
You lack leverage. You'll find it elsewhere, not in your analysis.

This analysing is not preventing you from taking action; you simply choose not to take action.

It's all on you. Always has been; always will be.
 

Gripped

Don Juan
Joined
Sep 10, 2012
Messages
70
Reaction score
1
Location
Britland

Gripped

Don Juan
Joined
Sep 10, 2012
Messages
70
Reaction score
1
Location
Britland
Certainly not my insight but my words.

Snippet of wisdom:

There are those who deal in problems and those who deal in solutions.
The man who is solution focused ambles around looking for magic beans.
The man who is problem focused sees what blocks him from greatness and obliterates it.
 
Top