Inferiority

[Gripped]

I fear that I have taken more from the forum since my arrival than given, something I hope to rectify in the future, but alas today is not that day.

I go to the gym and have my first proper session in months, so I'm sitting there doing the first half of my routine stumbling around insecurely, feeling inappropriate. You see there are these D-E-N-C-H (black English for really f*cking strong) mofos at my age or even one-two years my junior. I'm struggling to fly two tens (kilos) whilst these veterans are sporting thirties or more. They look considerably more muscular, it would appear intimidatingly so.

In my capricious nature (or not in this case) I became overwhelmed with the situation (and no, that **** from "Jersey Shore" does not go to my gym) and began to question my whereabouts, so I ashamedly shrank to the machines. Now this loss has prompted me to return to thee feminine monstrosities that are machines until I regain my strength to a suitable free weight level, or maybe I should return to the gym at the early hours. The machines triumph, early hours lack convenience. To the point though; inferiority is not a pain I wish to endure or fuel, I would much prefer it disappear.

Now this example just illustrates my overriding issue: an inferiority complex. One year ago, when I was unbelievably lacking maturity, I had a major superiority-inferiority complex but I have since dropped the superiority (anyone with whom I am on an equal or higher social standing I regard as simply an equal with no thoughts or needs of superiority (mostly)). It is those at school who outrank me that I feel inferior to most of the time. This is my most significant issue by some considerable distance.

Now interestingly if there is a male with whom I have no prior connections then I experience no such pain unless they become actively intimidating (and then I still usually hold my own). I believe it is history that's f*cked me as most of these guys are personable. Furthermore it is significant that when I am alone with a girl she consistently begins to find me attractive but amongst other males (and the girl) I fall down (only with males I know) history has once again f*cked me, or more accurately old insecure Gripped has f*cked me as those who I attach to negative experience bring it out of me.

Socially I have not taken real progressive action but simply let the chips fall where they may, and the week I begin planning action the chips happened to coincide with that sick wheel of fate. An opportunity has presented itself, one I would not like to miss, where the only major blockade is inferiority. I sincerely believe I am paying for my past mistakes, what I want is to be finished with any major inferiority issues from my past. I feel that I am funny, smart and capable of charm but how do I overcome my past?


If you have suffered this crudely written rant then you have my thanks.
Any help would be appreciated, cheers.

Gripped
​

 

[jericg]

I feel you gripped... that inferiority feeling is very annoying. I feel it whenever there's a more confident and outgoing person my age around me.

 

[jericg]

Same thing in sports: when I feel that there are other guys more skillful than I am, I tend to play a lot worse. I feel intimidated. How do we apply DJ skills to this?

 

[DanZy]

Simple, quit being a pvssy.

 

[AlexLefty]

You asked me to reply, but mine is, i fear, short and something you are not yet able to understand. But someday you will. My reply is: Who cares? Let's see, with the gym example...seriously? No one there cares about you dude. They're all too insecure, thinking the same things as you (even the big guys). You constantly seek the approval of others. This is your problem...like u feel you need to prove something, that others must accept you for you to feel validated. It's a tough thing to get over, but you will. AND THERE'S NO SPECIFIC WAY TO DO IT SO DON'T EVEN ASK! It's just constant mental masturbation.

Maybe it would help to research the teenage brain. Because as you get older and mature, it'll be easier for you to do what i'm telling you, and not care what others think. The reason for this is certain chemicals and sh1t that i forget the exact names in your brain. Basically teenage brains excessively produce the chemicals that reward you for social validation and peer approval (oxytocin seems to ring a bell for some reason). Why? 'Cause in the cave man days a young teen couldn't fend for himself, so they stuck together to survive. As you get older the level at which these chemicals are produced drops off because your brain knows that you're now old enough to fend for yourself.

You're not inferior and you never have been. You just don't know it yet.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

With the gym you seriously just need to read good information and learn a lot about it while applying that information with free weights (lots of compounds!) and eating a lot.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

 

[Alvafe]

dude just go there on time its better for you if you prefer to go earlyer in a time almost no people are there so you have to share or wait its ok, but doing so because you feel wrong to be there? stop thinking like that, if anyone really don't want you there its they problem not yours, with I think is not the case most of time people go there and don't even talk.

 

[Gripped]

You asked me to reply, but mine is, i fear, short and something you are not yet able to understand. But someday you will. My reply is: Who cares? Let's see, with the gym example...seriously? No one there cares about you dude. They're all too insecure, thinking the same things as you (even the big guys). You constantly seek the approval of others. This is your problem...like u feel you need to prove something, that others must accept you for you to feel validated. It's a tough thing to get over, but you will. AND THERE'S NO SPECIFIC WAY TO DO IT SO DON'T EVEN ASK! It's just constant mental masturbation.

Maybe it would help to research the teenage brain. Because as you get older and mature, it'll be easier for you to do what i'm telling you, and not care what others think. The reason for this is certain chemicals and sh1t that i forget the exact names in your brain. Basically teenage brains excessively produce the chemicals that reward you for social validation and peer approval (oxytocin seems to ring a bell for some reason). Why? 'Cause in the cave man days a young teen couldn't fend for himself, so they stuck together to survive. As you get older the level at which these chemicals are produced drops off because your brain knows that you're now old enough to fend for yourself.

You're not inferior and you never have been. You just don't know it yet.

I think one day judging from these reactions this problem will seem ridiculous however that day is not the 23/10 (or 10/23 as one country puts it). I am so frustrated because I feel this is the only thing stopping me and that I am so close, I cannot just sit and think it'll happen one day. I shall have to look this teen brain thing up, it seems very interesting and neurology is a way in which I have never approached it. Some people who are also 17 do not have this problem at all which would indicate other factors at play.

Norwegian DJ- I am watching the video right now, I follow up with my take on it tomorrow. And I started awaking the giant within, maybe I was talking out of my arse

As jericg exemplified I think approval seeking and the sudden experience of inferiority is prevalent in all areas of ones life.

Also- I appreciate the advice on the gym but that was mainly in attempt to illustrate the onset and experience of inferiority

 

[goundra]

Bruce lee was no big muscle freak either, but he could whip anyone in the world with just one finger sticking out. in their EYE, before they could do a thing about it. You are worried about all the wrong things, bro. Worry about getting 1/4 million $, with 200k of it securely invested, as in 3 old houses that have 20 or so weekly tenants, paying $100 a week each. THEN YOU CAN RELAX, and build skill, muscle, etc, and believe me, it is EASY to find lovely, sweet, young 3rd world women who want nothing more than to be shown what to do to have a decent life here. you can get one here for under 5K. I recommend Filiapanas, cause they speak English pretty well, and they accept men of almost any age, due to their experiences with retired Navy guys.

 

[Gripped]

I saw this video and two things struck me, one the woman was packing some charisma and two this idea that vulnerability is key to connection that keeps ringing home. That might just be the arrow to the heel for the PUAs, I mean the motive for everything they do is to avoid vulnerability. Now I've come across this idea before so its nothing new to me but was still displayed more eloquently than anywhere else. However there was something that hit me, I do not know if this was what you were indicating but the definition of shame she shares is identical to what I mean when I say inferiority? This is an issue I must explore further. On another note I had a breakthrough in terms of growth in that I now feel it is pain that makes us evolve, it is pain that makes us stronger. I am now making it my best conscious effort to accept my emotions, its hard though. I'd like to explore this idea of Pain=Gain when I'm more soberer.

I'm curious Alex, what is it you mean by mental masturbation (I hopes it as fun as it sounds)?

 

[peterr89]

Hello , I feel you gripped... that inferiority feeling is very annoying

 

[AlexLefty]

I saw this video and two things struck me, one the woman was packing some charisma and two this idea that vulnerability is key to connection that keeps ringing home. That might just be the arrow to the heel for the PUAs, I mean the motive for everything they do is to avoid vulnerability. Now I've come across this idea before so its nothing new to me but was still displayed more eloquently than anywhere else. However there was something that hit me, I do not know if this was what you were indicating but the definition of shame she shares is identical to what I mean when I say inferiority? This is an issue I must explore further. On another note I had a breakthrough in terms of growth in that I now feel it is pain that makes us evolve, it is pain that makes us stronger. I am now making it my best conscious effort to accept my emotions, its hard though. I'd like to explore this idea of Pain=Gain when I'm more soberer.

I'm curious Alex, what is it you mean by mental masturbation (I hopes it as fun as it sounds)? It's all just about intelligent thought man. You have to be smart enough to convince yourself of something, and then believe it. Similar to the habits that have been ingrained in you since birth. Only difference is, you're trying to ingrain new habits, at 15 times the speed. For example, whenever my dad calls downstairs to me "Alex!", I instinctively say "What!?!". Literally no thought at all, just a normal fvcking reaction that happens to me, it's automatic. Um, the reason i said that example is because you have to be smart enough to TEACH yourself similar reactions. Not punching women in the face is something that is learned, NOT INHERITED. So, INHERIT some other behaviors. More specifically, TEACH yourself other behaviors. For example. Many many years ago I'd be so nervous about talking on the phone while i was using public transportation. I didn't want people to hear me, or know I was talking to my dad, because I was self-conscious. I would literally hide my phone and whisper into it. Then i realized one day...Wtf..why am I doing this. I taught myself to think...hey this is dumb..why am i so scared of literally nothing? It's a stupid example but you get my point? Everywhere you go think about the social situation. Think about WHY you are thinking that way. Think about WHY you are insecure in that situation. Then, act differently. Raise your voice a little. Do something embarassing. Just figure out what is wrong with you, then fix it! I used to tell my self stuff like "he's not better than me", "I'm the only one who decides i'm cool", "stop thinking, stop thinking, who cares!?!" "I'm awesome!!!". Then, I became awesome. Literally i don't even think about being cool anymore, i just am. It's all summarized in my 3 attributes to being successful in life part 1. Think intelligently about behavior and repeat good thoughts until they become normal reactions/actions.

^^^

 

[NorwegianDJ]

^ Mental masturbation is just getting off on overthinking, resulting in not taking action and getting yourself off.

 

[goundra]

you probably ARE inferior, so DO something about it. go to a bunch of karate schools, and pull off to one side some brown belts and first degree black belts. go to their homes for small class, low cost instruction. get all the books you can from your public library about it, thru the interlibrary book loan syste. the Bruce Tegner series is pretty good, and THIS IS KARATE, by the man who killed bulls with his bare hands, Matsutatsu Oymama is the bible for karatekas. Google for him, see pics of him cutting off the necks of beer bottles, with a "chop', while leaving the bottle standing on a table! many different-times-bottles, not just once.

 

[goundra]

google for some gun forums and learn about guns and shooting. Start with thehighroad.org, thefiringline.com, glocktalk, AR-15.com there are hundreds of them, along with hunting, survival, and similar sites, you can learn a ton of neat stuff, for virtually no money cost at all. get involved in stuff like this, get GOOD at it, do well in some matches and tournaments, and your confidence will be REAL and quite high. Almost no men are really good at both guns and hand to hand. the karate guys don't want to think about guns, teh gun guys don't want to think about getting "jumped" before they can bring a gun into play, but actually, the 2 fields of study are mutually beneficial and complementary, altho time consuming. the shooting can be quite expensive, except AirSoft, pellet guns, and .22's, especially if you don't melt lead and cast your own bullets, and reload your fired brass cartridge casings. if you do the latter, you can shoot centerfire pistols for 7c a shot, not 30c per shot, and rifles for 20c, not $1 a shot.

 

[AlexLefty]

^ Mental masturbation is just getting off on overthinking, resulting in not taking action and getting yourself off.

^false.
"You have to be smart enough to convince yourself of something...until they become normal reactions/actions."
There's no improving if there's no thinking.

 

[AlexLefty]

you probably ARE inferior, Also false. He is not inferior. He has everything inside him to achieve, he just DOESN'T REALIZE IT YET. He is superior, but he just doesn't know it...so DO something about it. go to a bunch of karate schools, and pull off to one side some brown belts and first degree black belts. go to their homes for small class, low cost instruction. get all the books you can from your public library about it, thru the interlibrary book loan syste. the Bruce Tegner series is pretty good, and THIS IS KARATE, by the man who killed bulls with his bare hands, Matsutatsu Oymama is the bible for karatekas. Google for him, see pics of him cutting off the necks of beer bottles, with a "chop', while leaving the bottle standing on a table! many different-times-bottles, not just once.

^^^

 

[goundra]

not until he's PROVEN it, in open competition, at hotly contested national levels, at the least, world level is much more like it.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

^false.
"You have to be smart enough to convince yourself of something...until they become normal reactions/actions."
There's no improving if there's no thinking.

That doesn't mean that if there's thinking, then there's improvement. Cause and effect proves thou wrong.

 

[AlexLefty]

That doesn't mean that if there's thinking, then there's improvement. Cause and effect proves thou wrong.

The deepest level of thinking provokes action. You can not act without thought. Act without thought is the same as a retard asking for a #. Cause, causes thought, which provokes the effect.