In dire need of an advise with regards to a girl who is keeping me as a side option

[arvin]

Hi all, please help. I met this girl through one of her roommates. Actually almost four months ago she was having anxiety attack and I went to counsel her and that's how our conversations kicked off. Now I'm deeply in love with her and yesterday she told me that she doesn't have a thing for me. On whatsapp she replies to almost all of my texts but I can feel the zeal in the conversations has gone fro, her side and she just replies for the sake of replying(like she never initiates the conversation and replies are mostly cold). She has been a big motivating factor in my life and in last four months have been working real hard(now aiming for a job in Europe or America). Next month that girl moving to states for higher studies. She told me about the feeling she had for a guy from my college and how he turned out to be a ****head. Regarding the personality of the girl, she is introverted, admires success and has a tendency for self pitying. Now I don't want to break the streak and I'm afraid that without her my motivation will be shattered. In the last for months I drunk texted her many times telling her how she meant the world for me and she never said that she doesn't like me and despite her roommate's warning she secretly texted me. I think that I lacked confidence and over texted her and she took me for granted there after. Is there a way by which I can get her back ? Regarding me when it comes to girls I'm highly under confident. You can gauge from the fact that I'm 28 and still a virgin despite the average or average plus looks and from the best college of the country.

Please help guys

 

[Billtx49]

Now I'm deeply in love with her and yesterday she told me that she doesn't have a thing for me.

and she just replies for the sake of replying(like she never initiates the conversation and replies are mostly cold).

and she never said that she doesn't like me and despite her roommate's warning she secretly texted me.

Is there a way by which I can get her back!

No, you never had her.
Reread the first sentence.
above, It answers everything about your situation…
You may not even be a side option for her if she said that, and she’s only using you for some male attention

 

[greatsnake]

move on, you're not even the side option.

you're wasting precious time.

 

[RedScorpion]

Time to separate yourself from here and move on. The best advice here is to stop daydreaming about her (literally and figuratively), and simply ghost her. Join the no contact thread if you’d like.

We’ve all been there. It sucks. But this is where you have to man up and do what’s best for you - which is moving forward. Ignore the feelings of ‘but we connected didn’t we?...’. It’s a trap, and it’ll drag you down easily if you let it.

It’s also easy to let yourself lean on a girl as your motive. Many, many people rely on someone else as their motive in life, men and women. They need someone to have ‘purpose’. To feel good about being with them. But it’s just a crutch. And you can definitely learn to be self-motivating without anyone.

Just remember that women are only a compliment to your life. And they should always be boosting you up - never dragging you down. If you get the feeling a women is dragging you down continuously (for whatever reason), then it’s likely she’s not right for you. Regardless of logic or rationalization. If she’s causing you to have negative thoughts and feelings - usually it’s a sign that you should create some distance between you two. It’s not 100% (like crisis situations), but for day to day stuff - don’t stick with someone that you feel worse around. Trust me on that - it’s a black hole that you need to avoid getting sucked into.