In a dating funk...keep getting first date rejections...unsure what is going on

[BackInTheGame78]

So I typically do pretty well on first dates but this is starting to get my confidence a little shaken I must admit...

I have had a string of first date rejections lately that go nowhere now and it's pretty rare for me...almost like when I was just getting started and didn't know anything...

I know I need to get more sexual but in some ways I feel like I am getting rejected as soon as she sees me before the date has even started. Which is weird because I was much more successful when I was 20 lbs heavier. This seems to be a bad weight for me...I need to either drop 10-15 more lbs or gain 15-20 lbs...this intermediate weight is not working for me and I am busting my ass trying to drop weight and it just isn't happening right now.

And I guess that is causing me to hold back which I know I should be more sexual than normal in those cases since it's already likely a no...

Have a date coming up in about 45 minutes and am going to try and turn the tide....

Any advice on things to focus on?

 

[Stoic]

Your gut is telling you you need to be more sexual. Do that.

One thing that I always do on dates that comes off naturally is I always tease and touch them.

And always good eye contact.

And action dates. I'm a decent conversationalist but more in my element when doing things with others...chipping golf balls, frisbee..

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Your gut is telling you you need to be more sexual. Do that.

One thing that I always do on dates that comes off naturally is I always tease and touch them.

And always good eye contact.

And action dates. I'm a decent conversationalist but more in my element when doing things with others...chipping golf balls, frisbee..

Just was pretty overtly sexual and I don't think there is going to be a second date with this one either. This is starting to piss me off because I used to be able to get kisses, handjobs, BJ's on first dates all the time...it is like WTF is going on all of a sudden that has me hitting this snag...

 

[Stoic]

Just was pretty overtly sexual and I don't think there is going to be a second date with this one either. This is starting to piss me off because I used to be able to get kisses, handjobs, BJ's on first dates all the time...it is like WTF is going on all of a sudden that has me hitting this snag...

Where are you going on your dates?

Consider changing date environments. You mentioned something about your weight too. If it impacts your confidence, that could play a part too.

Are you hitting more than one location on the dates?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

So I typically do pretty well on first dates but this is starting to get my confidence a little shaken I must admit...

I have had a string of first date rejections lately that go nowhere now and it's pretty rare for me...almost like when I was just getting started and didn't know anything...

I know I need to get more sexual but in some ways I feel like I am getting rejected as soon as she sees me before the date has even started. Which is weird because I was much more successful when I was 20 lbs heavier. This seems to be a bad weight for me...I need to either drop 10-15 more lbs or gain 15-20 lbs...this intermediate weight is not working for me and I am busting my ass trying to drop weight and it just isn't happening right now.

And I guess that is causing me to hold back which I know I should be more sexual than normal in those cases since it's already likely a no...

Have a date coming up in about 45 minutes and am going to try and turn the tide....

Any advice on things to focus on?

Relaxing and having fun

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Where are you going on your dates?

Consider changing date environments. You mentioned something about your weight too. If it impacts your confidence, that could play a part too.

Are you hitting more than one location on the dates?

Sometimes we are doing walk and talks and then drinks afterwards, this one was just drinks...

The thing is we had this really great vibe going and were having fun etc and it's like I am some 3 headed monster or something all of a sudden...how the hell was I so good when I was 20 lbs heavier but suck at this weight when I look better(in my opinion).

All I keep hearing at the end of dates was "It was nice meeting you" and getting a hug. Which means basically no. It doesn't seem to matter if I escalate, don't escalate, talk sexual, not talk sexual...like this is really starting to fvck with me.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Relaxing and having fun

I pretty much always do that

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I pretty much always do that

Don't worry be happy

 

[corrector]

Welcome to the incel club.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Just had one today say (I haven't seen her in since end of July) "Did (so-n-so) tell you that we were no longer friends, cause you won't call me?" I just ignored that and went in to talking about what I wanted to say. She checked her phone once. She's like the first gal in a LONG time to pursue me this much this long. I kinda like it. She looked me up to find my birthday, I asked her how'd she known my birthday as she was telling me hers. She didn't answer. She wants to give me a cupcake but she says that she knows I won't be around so that she guesses I won't be getting one. I told her November I will see her even though I go on vacation then - haven't told her that yet. It was good to see her again today though. She's getting prettier. She checked her phone once while I was talking and that's 100 times less than most gals. I'm sooooo tired of that affront. If it was the old days, men would be ripping the phone out of the woman's hands and throwing it (or threatening to throw it) at her skull.

Will probably try to get with another I haven't seen in 2 years tomorrow, yet we've been texting off n' on over the 2 years. She's always in to me too, but she's short and with less-than-ideal cheesy t!tties. She's horny though and vivacious so it's the trade-off: do you want hot and perfect or near perfection (body and/or face) or do you want sure fire sexcapade roll in the hay in the dark or a woman willing to explore or create art together?

I'm so tired of brain-dead hot (self-puffed-up) uninspiring (distracted) girls.

 

[zinc4]

So I typically do pretty well on first dates but this is starting to get my confidence a little shaken I must admit...

I have had a string of first date rejections lately that go nowhere now and it's pretty rare for me...almost like when I was just getting started and didn't know anything...

I know I need to get more sexual but in some ways I feel like I am getting rejected as soon as she sees me before the date has even started. Which is weird because I was much more successful when I was 20 lbs heavier. This seems to be a bad weight for me...I need to either drop 10-15 more lbs or gain 15-20 lbs...this intermediate weight is not working for me and I am busting my ass trying to drop weight and it just isn't happening right now.

And I guess that is causing me to hold back which I know I should be more sexual than normal in those cases since it's already likely a no...

Have a date coming up in about 45 minutes and am going to try and turn the tide....

Any advice on things to focus on?

Its likely just a looks issue. The older i get my looks have gone down and its considerably more difficult now. 10 to even 5 years ago were X10 easier for me.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Welcome to the incel club.

Nah...I still have 2 plates I bang regularly so its not that...in fact I don't know when the last time I went more than a week without sex was...a long long time.

It's just neither of these plates is exactly what I want...

 

[Toddz]

Well you mention your weight, so that could be making you more self conscious which is putting off your overall vibe? If this is throwing your game off, then I would not go on any more dates until you get this resolved. You're not doing her or yourself any favors by bringing shi* game on first dates.

If I have a date planned, and my game isn't "on", then I will cancel and reschedule.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well you mention your weight, so that could be making you more self conscious which is putting off your overall vibe? If this is throwing your game off, then I would not go on any more dates until you get this resolved. You're not doing her or yourself any favors by bringing shi* game on first dates.

If I have a date planned, and my game isn't "on", then I will cancel and reschedule.

I only mention it because I should be MORE successful 20 lbs lighter than before but I am not. I am trying to pinpoint exactly what it is.

Is it that I am trying too hard? But then if I pull all the way back then it goes the other direction. I think I am having an issue finding the right mix that I used to have and got really good at.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Don't overthink it.

If you are overly worried about getting bounced, you will.

Even something purely mechanical like tossing coins will get the occasional runs.

This is an old and familiar problem.

 

[Toddz]

Is it that I am trying too hard? But then if I pull all the way back then it goes the other direction. I think I am having an issue finding the right mix that I used to have and got really good at.

It could be. Or it could just be the current dating climate, which I have noticed has declined over the past year or two. Throw in everything currently going on with covid, dating apps, social and political issues, etc.. which only adds uncertainty and stresses women even more.

My recommendation is to shy away from interview type date scenarios as others have mentioned (drinks, coffee) and gear them towards simply having a fun time. hiking, rollerblading, bike ride, etc... If you end up having a drink at the end of it that's fine, but the days of meeting for drinks are over. It's overplayed and boring.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Back in the day, i was dating a woman so out of my league that i knew she had basically settled for me, but i also knew her settlement would be short lived.

One day, she approached me and asked if i wanted to have sex. We had sex plenty of times before. I looked her in the eye and I said "No."

Why? Because every other guy she had ever asked, said Yes... Now, by saying No, i have SEPERATED myself from them in her mind and she spent the next 2 months chasing after me, a scenario initially born of settlement.

Sometimes, you have to separate yourself from the herd, as @Toddz made reference to.

Dont be afriad to butt heads and walk away.

 

[MatureDJ]

Just was pretty overtly sexual and I don't think there is going to be a second date with this one either. This is starting to piss me off because I used to be able to get kisses, handjobs, BJ's on first dates all the time...it is like WTF is going on all of a sudden that has me hitting this snag...

Maybe you used to date skanks?

 

[corrector]

Nah...I still have 2 plates I bang regularly so its not that...in fact I don't know when the last time I went more than a week without sex was...a long long time.

It's just neither of these plates is exactly what I want...

It still goes against @mrgoodstuff assertion that if you have plates then you have no problem getting more girls because you have pre-selection sexual/social proof.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It still goes against @mrgoodstuff assertion that if you have plates then you have no problem getting more girls because you have pre-selection sexual/social proof.

I don't buy it...those women don't see you with the other women...like maybe if you are picking up women in a club or something...