I love mother nature, so this is relevant. Yes the biggest bad-ass walrus might get the walrus-pvssy, but walruses also sh!t in front of each other, p!ss in front of each other, eat food raw -- we don't do everything animals do, to compare one set of their actions and impulses and say we humans are the same isn't a fair comparison. We have huge frontal lobes and the portion of the brain that controls some of our most primal animalistic things is, quite small, and we can see from the 16 pages on this thread alone, that humans are good at building a PSYCHOLOGICAL world that animals can't.
SO we can't use the simple patterns in other organisms to define the patterns in ourselves.
I didn't read the entirety of this thread, but honestly, I think the biggest issues have been missed. This chick may have been bummed about his 50K+ income, which BTW is great, and myself in the LOW BRACKET, 50K sounds wonderful -- but maybe they had some much deeper problems. It wasn't the $. Maybe it was the sechs. Maybe it was the conversation. Maybe he was just boring. IDK. Maybe she grew tired of him, or grew apart. THIS DOES NOT EXCUSE HER CHEATING and UNFAIR EMOTIONAL DISCONNECTION. Any good person will give you a HEADS UP when they're p!ssed. Not addressing concerns and just disconnecting is WEAK. I am guessing there were many issues beyond the $ with this guy, and she disconnected, cheated, and she was "emotionally protected" when she made the break -- the guy on the other hand was blindsided and heart-crushed.
Have some compassion for the dude. We've all been there. He knows now better attributes to seek in a partner. This chick if he is smart will be a valuable learning lesson and a pivoting point for a happier life. If he pedestals her, he's still phuked, but right now honestly other than his heart-break, he is LUCKY. No babies. No alimony. He is a free man, now with this 50K+ to find a chick who sees his value. Fvck that b.tch.
But I agree -- we can't EVER STOP PUSHING OURSELVES! NEVER! :rockon:
50k lol? **** i would be shocked if he pulled home 30k. i really would. he lives with 2 room mates and can barley afford that.
I mean.. to me this is quite cut and dry. yes it's about more than just money, but my big thing is why do men go out of their way to make things not about money? like money can't be a factor or somethign into her decision making process.
I mean look at it. When they were dating, first started dating she worked as an exercise rider at the track riding horses. probably made about 400 a week, no one there is rich, everyone there is there beucase they are living out a dream somewhat to be around horses. it's not a gig you do to get rich. all her friends were just like her for the most part. at that time, when she was there, her BF was the perfect mold; hey let's get together let's hang out and do ****, let's go to the movies let's sit around and drink cheap beer and watch netflix rentals type ****. and there is nothing wrong witht hat per say do your thing.
but slowly everyone started to.. for lack of a better word, just, enter a different phase of life. once my wife got pregnant she hung it up. it was fun, but it was time to do something different. then all your friends start doing the same, moving on to other things, other phases in life. and it got to the point where it was time for her to do the same thing, time to for her to get a corporate job.
so she does this, and she has a new circle of friends. now her friends all have houses and cars and go on vacations and travel and go fishing in nice boats and just.. they do **** that she was not used to doing when all her friends were broke. Our only real bond, as in her and my wife was that that we all still love horses so we all had that but other than that, not really much else. so you are around these friends, and.. now sitting around watching netflix rentals every night and drinking beer is not all that cool to do every night. one of her new friends is pregnant, and she is the same age as her, it gets her thinking ****, i'm 26 hell i want a family. 4 years ago no one gave a **** about any of this type of ****.
and you try to hang out with the new people and.. it's just not a fit. what you value is starting to change.. you want something different out of life than you wanted 4 years ago. rather that's right or wrong, that's up for debate and i'm not there to answer that, but it is what it is. I mean there is nothing wrong with working at a resturant I'm not so much ****ting his job as much as I am ****ting his ambition he has none. He doesn't get the Animal Farm inside joke reference beucase he never bothered to read the book (lol she didn't either but that's beside the point). You can't go out to a real upscale restaurant with your new friends on a friday night beucase not only can he not afford to he doesn't have any clothes to wear even if he could afford it.
her interests in life have changed and her ex has not changed with them. And that's fine, i don't understand what the fuss is about people grow apart. He can go find a woman who isn't as materialistic or whatever and she can find someone who is and they can be both happy i don';t understand the need to paint someone as a victium and someone as a villain. their values aren't the same anymore. neither is better or worse than the other.
I've met the guy and honestly.. i kinda like him lol. he's a cool dude. I can see why she is attracted to him (and it's real attraction make no mistake sit's all there). good not great looking but you can tell he takes care of himself, very sharp dude, very sure of himself. He's the type of dude we can sit down and I know we could have a 1 hour debate over different classic books yet at the same time not be so much of a douche that he doesn't know about the Dwight Howard NBA saga. He's a business man's man if that makes sense. he fits what she wants and what she wants to do. he just got out of a relationship himself and so both are kinda feeding off each other.
I mean she still has feelings for the EX, and i am sure always is, but i don't understand this obligation to stick with him to death do them part beucase they fvcked for 4 years. that to me is what i am hung up on. she doesn't owe him shiit. if she gained 100 pounds everyone would be telling him to kick her ass to the curb .
I was going to save this for another day but fvck it lol. I told the girl look, you can't bring him around for a month, at least give the guy some time to recover. and she was cool with that, but then last Saturday we had a little get together and he brings a "date" knowing good and damn well his ex would be there. and honestly she really could care less lol, she wasn't phased at all which is how i know lol she's been made this decision in her head. and he's all over her, so then her new BF calls and she asks can he come over and i'm like well ****, i guess if he is going to do that i can't just not let you do have your date over.. i tried to be fair. so he comes over and the ex BF just loses it lol. i mean goes all backstreet boys beta hwo can you do this **** to me, to the point i wanted to cry laughing. I knew exactly what was going to happen as soon as he showed up with the new girl but i couldn't stop the train wreck from happening.
Honestly, i put some thought into what i have against this guy when i was in the hospital.. and i do have something against him. i never liked him honestly i just tolerated him beucase he's my wife's best friend BF. and i couldn't pin point it until I had some time to think. it's not that he is broke. I have broke friends. I have quite a few broke friends lol. it's not even the fact that he doesn't have ambition. again, i have quite a few associates who never will do anything significant in life. doesn't mean we can't have other things that interest us. what gets me about this dude is that, he thinks the world owes him everything and he doesn't bring **** tot he table in return. he wants to get back at his ex by showing him eh has moved on yet can't get the fact that she HAS moved on lol and then throws a temper tantrum when she is not paying him any attention. and some here will say well see, see, that's why she stopped liking him, but what i am saying is, it's all one in the same. the lack of ambition is the same thing as his beta behavior now. i don't' see how people can't see that.