I put myself in an odd situation...

[gh0st_meth0d]

I'll try to make this short, but likely it won't be.

During a major transit disruption, I bumped into and met a girl I was immediately drawn to. The first two days, I didn't force anything. I just kept joking around within a large crowd (and sometimes directly with her) due to our situation (rush hour transit - everyone cramped together like sardines). Each day she was next to me, and she laughed at all my jokes. At the end of the ride on day 2, I walked a bit ahead of her but she caught up to me, and commented on the rides over those last 2 days first. I just shrugged it off, laughed, and wished her a great day ahead.

Next day, I saw her standing right next to me (I got to the spot on the platform first) so I introduced myself. We sat next to each other and had a pleasant conversation, just talking about what we were up to over the last weekend and shared some common interests. Again, parted ways as usual. After this I would see her daily, we were usually on the same train car, but I didn't try to sit close or next to her each time. The following week on a Tuesday, we were on a packed train. I saw someone get off at a stop, and I immediately gave her the seat which was right next to me (she was in front of me so had to walk right past me when I offered it). As we approached the final stop, I excused myself and told her to have a great day. The next day we really connected before the train ride, I found out she likes most of the same TV shows and movies as me, we share other common interests (like ice skating, staying active, spontaneous trips to places we've never been to, etc.). I felt like we really connected before we boarded and decided that day was the day I will ask her out (we get on and off at the same station, don't always walk the same way - this will become important soon..)

We got off the train, headed downstairs towards the subway station, when she asked me "do you usually walk this way?".
Like an idiot I blurted out no - this is not the truth as I walk that way every single day when I take my break, and have been doing this for at least a year. For some reason, I got flustered and didn't think - just responded. We chatted a bit more before parting ways, and before she went towards her office I suggested we should grab a drink sometime. She said she'd think about it. I knew this was a no right then and there so I did not ask for her number, figured I'd cut my losses right away.

Fast forward 2 days later (Friday):
She previously shared with me she works from home on Thursday and Friday, yet on a Friday of that week she was standing right behind me (I was in a cubicle, she was outside of it 4-5 feet away). I walked out to greet her and just move on with my day, but she started moving the opposite way. Now - she usually stands in the EXACT SAME SPOT every day and has been for as long as I've known her. At this point I thought she is just testing me to see if I would chase her and I decided to stand my ground. If she wants to talk to me she will come around, if not it's "no skin off my back" kind of a situation. Since then I sat next to her once (aisle seats - so I wasn't elbow to elbow distance from her), but I focused on my work rather than talking to her. I just greeted her, sat down and got on with my day. I let her walk ahead of me after we got to our destination, went the same way but did not follow. To me it looked as if she was trying to run away though. I found this funny, but that is something for me to know.

I'm the kind of man who notices behavior more so than words. If I see conflicting behaviors, it gets me thinking. To me this looks like she wanted to let me down easily, but now that I am not paying that much attention to her anymore, she is starting to question her choice. I honestly think this is as far as it goes and I should leave it alone, but it feels like there is some tension there as she didn't try to get up to find another seat when I was within 2 feet away from her a few days after she said she'd think about it.

Am I weighing into this last bit too much?!?

 

[Plinco]

Just tell her you like her and ask her out on a date and be done with it. There's tons of other women out there.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Just tell her you like her and ask her out on a date and be done with it. There's tons of other women out there.

He already did that and she has been hiding/running away from him now. It's typical behavior when they aren't interested.

Yeah, OP, just keep it moving. If she wants something later, that's on her to make happen now and then you'll have to decide whether she is worth it at that point or if it's just a waste of time.

 

[gh0st_meth0d]

He already did that and she has been hiding/running away from him now. It's typical behavior when they aren't interested.

Yeah, OP, just keep it moving. If she wants something later, that's on her to make happen now and then you'll have to decide whether she is worth it at that point or if it's just a waste of time.

Yeah. I have other priorities to focus on. If she wants me she knows exactly where to see me each morning.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah. I have other priorities to focus on. If she wants me she knows exactly where to see me each morning.

100%

 

[gh0st_meth0d]

I started working out though for the first 20 days I will focus on my arms. All at home with a 20lb dumbbell. I will go with biceps and triceps on alternating days, one day rest, two days train. On weekends I will to triple the reps. Started on Friday evening with 3 sets of different types of dumbbell curls ( standing, hammer, seated). Then I do wrist and triceps the next day (3 sets behind the back tricep extensions, 3 sets per each arm after). I haven't been to a gym in about 7 years but I used to be a gym rat when I was in college and even for years after that.

 

[Plinco]

He already did that and she has been hiding/running away from him now. It's typical behavior when they aren't interested.

I see no indication that he asked her out on a date. It looks like he has been *****footing around and has become obsessed with her.

 

[gh0st_meth0d]

If I was obsessed with her I would be chasing her. I just happened to notice her behavior after she told me she would think about it. But I ****ed it up too by not staying in the moment and being honest instead of instantly blurting something out. I usually don't do that. This doesn't mean I regret asking her out for a drink, all I am saying is I wasn't honest in the moment before I asked her out and she likely saw through that. Other than this I am good, I haven't gone out of my way to talk to her since then, and I will not. I let her know I'm interested, and regardless of how that went I will not pursue her. If she wants me, she knows exactly when and where to find me.

 

[Plinco]

If I was obsessed with her I would be chasing her. I just happened to notice her behavior after she told me she would think about it. But I ****ed it up too by not staying in the moment and being honest instead of instantly blurting something out. I usually don't do that. This doesn't mean I regret asking her out for a drink, all I am saying is I wasn't honest in the moment before I asked her out and she likely saw through that. Other than this I am good, I haven't gone out of my way to talk to her since then, and I will not. I let her know I'm interested, and regardless of how that went I will not pursue her. If she wants me, she knows exactly when and where to find me.

We chatted a bit more before parting ways, and before she went towards her office I suggested we should grab a drink sometime. She said she'd think about it. I knew this was a no right then and there so I did not ask for her number, figured I'd cut my losses right away.

Okay now I see it. I had to read that again because sped read through all of that the first time.

Just ignore her and do your thing.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I see no indication that he asked her out on a date. It looks like he has been *****footing around and has become obsessed with her.

He asked her out for drinks and she said "I'll think about it."

 

[gh0st_meth0d]

I should add she is at least 10 years younger than me so I am chalking this one up to emotional immaturity on her part, just wanted to see what you DJ's out there would have to say.

 

[Plinco]

I should add she is at least 10 years younger than me so I am chalking this one up to emotional immaturity on her part, just wanted to see what you DJ's out there would have to say.

I don't think so. Women's brains are more physiologically adept to emotional perception than men's brains are. Just forget about her, keep getting better and focus on the next batch of women.

 

[tksniper]

I don't think so. Women's brains are more physiologically adept to emotional perception than men's brains are. Just forget about her, keep getting better and focus on the next batch of women.

Great response. Let’s not let our fellow brothers self rationalize.

Let’s all just get better (in all areas).

 

[gh0st_meth0d]

Use this one as a learning opportunity - this hasn't happened to me in over 15 years...

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Use this one as a learning opportunity - this hasn't happened to me in over 15 years...

It is a single woman in a single situation. No need to overanalyze things. If this becomes a constant issue moving forward then it's probably worth taking a deeper look, but in this case, it could be anything and might not have anything to do with you.

 

[Clockwerk50]

My first impression is that she originally put you in the coworker/acquaintance/ride-buddy/friend bracket. Then, after you asked her out, you moved out of that zone. My guess is that she’s either talking to someone, doesn’t have the priorities to date right now, or bluntly, she’s just not interested.

I was going to do a thread on how to stay out of the friend zone, but I think your post is a perfect example of how to do it, since you expressed your interest and consequently took a step back, especially because you asked her out at the right moment. At this point, it’s up to her to bridge the gap if she wants to. Just don’t make the mistake of thinking that by applying more pressure or crowding her with attention you will change her mind, because doing that will have the opposite effect. Furthermore, since I’m assuming she’s in the same place as you, I suggest you keep the same energy she does

 

[gh0st_meth0d]

My first impression is that she originally put you in the coworker/acquaintance/ride-buddy/friend bracket. Then, after you asked her out, you moved out of that zone. My guess is that she’s either talking to someone, doesn’t have the priorities to date right now, or bluntly, she’s just not interested.

I was going to do a thread on how to stay out of the friend zone, but I think your post is a perfect example of how to do it, since you expressed your interest and consequently took a step back, especially because you asked her out at the right moment. At this point, it’s up to her to bridge the gap if she wants to. Just don’t make the mistake of thinking that by applying more pressure or crowding her with attention you will change her mind, because doing that will have the opposite effect. Furthermore, since I’m assuming she’s in the same place as you, I suggest you keep the same energy she does

Kind of what I was thinking. I would just stick to my usual routine and if she comes around I'll entertain what she has to say. If not, I'm good. The fact that I sat next to her after i asked her out but did not communicate much because I was busy also helps. I wasn't there fishing for an answer it just happened that the car we were on only had one seat left and I took it. It happened to be next to her.

But if I see her any of the next several days which I likely will, I will just mind my own business.

 

[Gamisch]

Use this one as a learning opportunity - this hasn't happened to me in over 15 years...

That's your REAL issue. You rusty as a sword used by Julius Ceasar himself ( and been laying in the rain for centuries lol). You are rusty as the surface of the red planet Mars. Rusty as a...you get it..

Nah seriously. I was kinda surprised that SHE opened the convo. In my world that's an open goal chance. However, if I miss such a chance I suck it up ..the thing is tho, I EXPECT these types of chances to occur as it always been that way and because you know...I'm just that dude..

Are you obsessed? Yes you are. But that's okay! You made a damn thread about her so that qualifies as "obsessed " by default.

My final advice might be going against the grain a bit: I'd approach her , tell her like"

hey you figured out already what you wanna drink this weekend when I take you out to XYZ?".

Why? To TRAIN YOURSELF. Yes she might hard next you but that's a man's life bratan.. we are put on this earth to be rejected by God's most beautiful creation aka EVA lol.

You are like a domesticated lion who doesn't respond when a fried chicken is out infront of him because...you good somehow. A hungry lion would ATTACK and won't let go...

 

[RangerMIke]

You really can't hide how you feel with sane women. If they are attracted they will open the door and they expect you to walk in. The higher the attraction, the longer the door stays open. They know if you are interested and if you don't walk through that door, they lose interest and the door closes... never to reopen. She will assume you are not really interested, or you are playing games.

Try to make something happen, which requires risking rejection... but that is the way things are.

If you are 'playing games' you send off feminine energy and do not have polarity.

 

[gh0st_meth0d]

You really can't hide how you feel with sane women. If they are attracted they will open the door and they expect you to walk in. The higher the attraction, the longer the door stays open. They know if you are interested and if you don't walk through that door, they lose interest and the door closes... never to reopen. She will assume you are not really interested, or you are playing games.

Try to make something happen, which requires risking rejection... but that is the way things are.

If you are 'playing games' you send off feminine energy and do not have polarity.

I have no problem with trying but why would I waste more energy when she looks like she doesn't even want to talk? I gave her the option, and she chose to walk away. At this point she moves to the next pile. The first two days after I asked her out she was still on the same platform, and in the same coach. She was relatively close to me too, yet didn't even try to reach out, Why? Because she was expecting me to chase, but I am not doing that. I was still the one to initiate and just greet her before exiting to get to work, and left it just at that.

I chose to give her space because I knew that chasing right away would not be the right move. There are plenty more women out there she's not the only one, and besides it looks like she wasn't the one for me to begin with. Besides I am focusing on other things now, I have an audio book copy of Rich Dad Poor Dad, and a few more investment books I plan to take notes on. I am focusing on myself - the way I see it rather than chasing her and wasting time on someone who is not interested, I reclaimed my time and re-invested my energy into more constructive things - things that will benefit me in the long run anyway.