I must stay clear of her...she's poison

[Knight's Cross]

Day 2 complete, ignored a bunch of calls and text messages. Getting there, feeling better.
KC

 

[decades]

It's best to block emails and phone numbers or best yet, change your contact numbers. Most of those in your position who really want out with finality change their phone # and their email address (or at least block them from coming in). With all due respect, simply ignoring these messages represents too much temptation. It could break you down. Take the final step.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Good point PE, however they are known by everyone of my friends, family, and coworkers. I've called her cel provider and blocked her inbound calls and texts. That should send a more clear message. As well as blocking inbound e-mail.
KC
Holding Ground and spooling up new opportunities.

 

[jophil28]

Good point PE, however they are known by everyone of my friends, family, and coworkers. I've called her cel provider and blocked her inbound calls and texts. That should send a more clear message. As well as blocking inbound e-mail.
KC
Holding Ground and spooling up new opportunities.

YOu are doing good ,KC
If you start to have those thoughts floating around about how good the sex was and how pretty she looked in the candle light... yada yada ...and maybe if you just tried to talk with her..
Slap yourself man, this women was not ever going to satisfy your needs at the PEAK of her interest level. She treated you like an accessory to her life.
If you go back to her you are going back to the SAME woman with the same basket of personality disorders.

Stay strong,
Good hunting .

Jophil.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Good News Men,
It's a friday evening. I'm listening to country. Drinkin a beer and I could care less about her. All I have to do is look at the Disqualifier list I wrote. She's Outa here...
Tomorrow I have plans and will be meeting new prospects at a conference.
Life's looking better!
Thanks to all of you~
KC

 

[DJsomeday]

If we all did the right thing or tossed a biyotch when we should have .....

would we even have the sosuave message board ?

:rockon:

Wise man, that's really wise. (i mean it no sarcasm).

 

[Knight's Cross]

Courage, is believing you are the man you say you are. Knowing your worth, and knowing what you deserve. Placing that into practice. Not harshly, or judgementally, but with a dignity and honor. Ok sounds a little too Hollywood, but you get the idea.
Guys, this place has helped me to see that. In light of being a AFC in the past. I have realized what I must become and I am doing it.
Thankyou,
KC

 

[Warboss Alex]

I believe an intensive course of squats is required. (but then again that's my solution to everything)

Otherwise, stay strong dude

 

[Knight's Cross]

Well she's getting even more wrapped. Apparently her cel provider didn't do what they said, I got a angry text and a couple call attempts today. Looks like she's discovered that I'm back on Match.com Boo-frickin-hoo. Her attempts to control me are over.
On a positive note, I met 2 ladies at a conference today that showed plenty of interest. 2 new phone #'s. It's a #'s game.
KC

 

[decades]

match.com is a cyberspace colony for BPD types. Did you meet her on match.com? Figure some things out about yourself, so you don't meet up with one of these women again. The truth is that we have an immense amount of responsibility in keeping these terminal relationships alive. Have you figured out why you were so attracted to this nightmare? Why you thought someone who emotionally abused you was a prize? That's what we must understand---our significant role in the perpetuating the dysfunction. The odds are high that you will meet another bpdish woman, or at least a needy woman, on match.com. It's also best to examine your own level of neediness for women, for it's that neediness that keeps us in awful relationships with disordered women, and drives us to "meet" markets like match.com, when we are absolutely fine as we are. Meet women in the flow of your "real" life, not from behind a keyboard.

 

[Knight's Cross]

PE, I didn't meet her on match. I do hear what you are saying. Make my life the prize. Not finding someone to complete me. I do have a interview with a new company next week (career improvement). I am back into my gym routine. I am looking at different life options, 1 of which is building a new home that would fit my dream to have horses.
As far as meeting women: Match is no better or worse than any other setting. The one shortcoming of the site is that it can be a way for women who are just AW's to get their fix. I always get the #, and get to a date in short order. If they are at all hesitant, you know they are using it for their AW needs. If you get a date lined up fast, then you can assess in person what you have. Just as you have to with ANY woman. The woman you meet in the grocery store may have just as many hangups as the one online. The woman in the grocery store may also be clingy, BPD, or needy You just don't know till you have gotten to know her.
You did make a great point about why did I stay with her? What attracted me to her when she treated me poorly? Now that is a good question. I do believe it falls completely in Rollo's AFC dynamic. She framed it. I got used to her providing the intimacy as a "sure thing". She knew she controlled that, and it was a downward spiral from there. Learning that about myself, I recognized why plate spinning as a core philosophy works. She knew I was faithful, she then got lazy, and my confidence drained away. In the absence of leadership, she started taking the frame. Thats not including her other issues that made her a poor candidate.
Lesson learned, and being applied.
KC

 

[decades]

KC, I hear yahhh. Been there done that. We're like the frog that's slowly being boiled. By the time we figure it out (getting hot in here) it's too late and we're done. ;-) You'll be fine. Just stay NO CONTACT. She will eventually get the message. She will go away and find another victim soon enough. Scratch that. I bet she already has another victim. She just hasn't devoted 100% of her attention to him yet. ;-)

 

[jophil28]

PE
The woman in the grocery store may also be clingy, BPD, or needy You just don't know till you have gotten to know her.

JOPHIL***
Exactly right KC. Women with personality disorders are experts at holding up a facade . They do it in real life very skillfully too. Our mission is to know what scams to look for and when to bail .


You did make a great point about why did I stay with her? What attracted me to her when she treated me poorly?


JOPHIL ***
Their poor behavior does not emerge until they know that is is "safe" to revert to their natural or habitual behavior - that is - you are "hooked" . These women give Academy AWard winning performences gentlemen.


She knew I was faithful, she then got lazy, and my confidence drained away. In the absence of leadership, she started taking the frame. Thats not including her other issues that made her a poor candidate.


JOPHIL****
THis last para above sums up beautufully what happens in a relationship with a Pers Disordered woman.
ONce the downward spiral begins it is only a matter of time before you reach the crash zone.
This " downward spiral " IS her natural envirionment, THis is where she feels "at home" ..
BPD women contribute NOTHING positive to LTRs . They just become more destructive over time and you get crazier trying to stabilize her and the relationship .


JOPHIL ****
For me, wisdom emerged AFTER the breakup. It is impossible to "manage" these women at the time ..they are GoldMedal wackjobs.

Lesson #1 . BPD women are not fit for an LTR. EVER !

Lesson #2 . Bail at the FIRST display of significant disrespct. The first sign of disrespect is an indication that you have entered upon the downward spiral.
You now are in HER frame unless you walk away

Lessom #3 . You cannot talk to, or negotiate with a Pers Disordered women.
These women thrive on creating conflict and upset, covertly . The roller coaster is their playground. Life to them, feels natural when it is turmoil. Equilibrium seems to create an anxiety state.

Lesson #4 . IT is not possible (or wise ) for YOU to try to rehabilitate a Pers Disordered women.
These are the women who make Therapists jump from tall buildings.

Lesson #5 . If you feel endlessly "hungry" in a relationship ,if you feel anxious and uncertain, if you feel more unstable and unsure over time, then you are with a Pers Disordered women. Why ? because they never contribute or play their part.Their mental energy goes into "mindfvcking" you. They just take and expect you to give more and more while you get less and less.

**** Be aware and vigilant, men - approx 3% of the female population is seriously wacko and a large percenage is sub-clinical . I have had about 25 some odd LTRs and FORTUNATELY only one with a Pers Dis.woman, and that was enough for me.
They are out there - lurking in wait.

 

[Metro3pilot]

You're pretty lucky Jophil ....

looking back I have been involved with at least 3 .....

wow ....... I remember they all were showing red flags at the beginning .... I either ignored them or rationalyzed them .....

Damn KC, I feel your pain ...... 3 months distance between me and the last whack-o I dealt with, " satanica " the very daughter of satan and sent into my world in an attempt to bring me into the hell that she obviously lived in ..

the worst part, looking back ...... the Puzzy was not even worth it ... a 31 year old puzzy with the attitude of a chuckie doll, come to think of it and it's all hindsight ....puzzy has never been worth it .... your happiness I mean .... never sell your soul for the poonany ... too many girls out there who will treat you right

stand strong

:rockon:

 

[Knight's Cross]

Metro,
Thanks
KC

 

[Knight's Cross]

Metro,
Thanks
KC

 

[jophil28]

looking back I have been involved with at least 3 .....

wow ....... I remember they all were showing red flags at the beginning .... I either ignored them or rationalyzed them .....

Hey Metro - 3 wackos -wow. You sure got more that your share.

REd flags ?? They are ALWAYS there ain't they. We ignore them partly because we are not skilled in interpreting their behavior and extracting the significance.

refer to Lesson #2 above .

I hope that the ,statistically, odds work in your favor next time,

 

[Knight's Cross]

Metro, Good to hear from ya bro. I go to CA for a interview for a 135 G-IV/ 550 job on friday. We shall see. Gotta be a good fit, right now I can be choosy. It feels good to have them after my talents. I needed a boost.
Nother day here in GA, NO CONTACT! Its getting easier. I went to a local festival with a gal friend that was driving thru to Jacksonville. We had fun, and it was another boost.

Holding Ground,

KC

 

[Knight's Cross]

Been like a week since I gave her the goodbye. So far so good. Got a date today, goin to LA on friday to do a interview. Then have a halloween party saturday night when I get back. All ahead with the plate spinning.
Thankyou MM members!
KC

 

[iqqi]

Wrong thread oops