I Dumped My GF Today On Her Birthday

[Lozboss]

You did the right thing.

Delete her from your life and move on. Do not look back.

 

[ethann]

If she would really want to fix it, she would go to talk with you, not just *******g calls and texts.

I think you did well. It is time to look for other chicks or take your time for other stuff (working out, your work, etc). On the other side, you look a strong-handsome guy (im not gay lol), so it should be easy for you moving on. Be stick with yourself. If you think there was something wrong with her, that is because there was something wrong with her, dont cheat yourself as I did!

 

[soulforge]

Mate, the part about her and her friend conspiring to get rid of you on her birthday would have been enough for me to dump her - let alone all the other stuff. Make of that what you will.

This is what has got me the most.. she invited me to join her and her daughters for a meal and drinks at this bar for her birthday.. and i accepted..

Then why bring it up as an issue? If i didn't want to go, then i would have told her clearly myself i rather not go.

Also why bring it up infront of her friend, a person i have only known for 2 hours..

She could have quite easlily bought the subject up, privately and asked me if i was ok with going to this bar..

Instead i got patronised by her friend, who suggested i would not like it there, and we should arrange something else..

Why did her friend bring it up as an issue in the first place, obviously they had conspired about it, when i went to the toliet.

Then i felt be littled when my GF said i will drive you back home tomorrow, u won't like going to the bar.

Why didn't i get a choice in the matter? I simply told hey, its ok i won't be going..

I felt so angry and patronised..

A few weeks ago we both had a chat about not doing the whole nightlife/bar thing.. but that does not mean i don't ever want to walk into a bar again..

I don't think there is anything wrong with going for some drinks occasionally especially for special occasions such as birthdays etc..

Why assume from that, that i wouldn't like going to this place.. it felt like these was all excuses for me not be present on the night..

Probably so she can get drunk etc, or whatever she wanted to do..

Just because i don't want to my relationship to revolve around alcohol and bars, does not mean i am against it totally.. this alone has really fuking upset me, that she treated me in this way.

 

[soulforge]

If she would really want to fix it, she would go to talk with you, not just *******g calls and texts.

I think you did well. It is time to look for other chicks or take your time for other stuff (working out, your work, etc). On the other side, you look a strong-handsome guy (im not gay lol), so it should be easy for you moving on. Be stick with yourself. If you think there was something wrong with her, that is because there was something wrong with her, dont cheat yourself as I did!

Well she has texted 3 or 4 times, and called 4 times..

At first she was clearly stating she absolutely fine with breaking up..

I don't know what she is saying now, because i have not read the messages or listened to the voicemails..

I,m finding it difficult, as i really liked her, and wanted to be with her

 

[Alvafe]

I know you guys are trying to give me the right advice here.. you guys can can think with a clear head about my situation, where as i am somewhat emotionally involved, which makes it difficult..

Would you guys consider the following list as clear cut disrespectful offences? And do they warrent dumping?

01. She spoke to me in a rude agressive manner, because i suggested not staying out too late.. i was feeling tired.. she kept telling me how important her friend is to her and i needed to get over it.. i was happy to be going for this meal with her friend, i just did not want to be out drinking most of the night till the late hours

02. She instantly agreed to a girls holiday abroad with her friend, without even a discussion or mention with me about it.. even tho we was planning our holiday soon

03. Her friend patronised me and suggested i should not go to my GF birhday meal and drinks at this bar in Manchester, because it won't be my thing.. then my GF turned around and said this...

'I know this will sound disrespectful, but i will drive you back home tomorrow.. i don't think the bar is your kind of place..

She then stated she will still have an awesome time, even tho i won't be there.

04. She got very drunk.. and said my phone was crap in front of her friend.. then got agressive and rude with me, when i suggested that my phone is perfectly fine for my needs..

05. She hardly spoke to me on the way home, and she left me to sleep on my own, and went straight to bed in the spare room..

In the morning i packed my bags and left... while she was alseep.. later on i sent her a text and dumped her.

Was there any room for discussion here, calling her out on her behaviour, or straight dump?

Hows seriously should i have taken this...

I would have dumped her from the first one but my input of whis whole history is

1) a very lack of respect and tact, it don't matter if she is a friend or not you dont like like that even with friends, even less with a BF

2) what you want is no important, she will do what she want don't matter what you want or think, NOT a relationship material

3) her friend talking like that is simple, remeber when you leave then come back they stoped talking, this is plan making, woman can't think alone so she will always talk with a friend who is as low class as she so they can plan something, possibility is both wanted a nice "girls" night with boys ploughing her. I had something like that happen to me once, it didn't work for then so you really shouldn't said is not problem(unless by that moment you jsut wanted to leave and take your things and go back home like you did)

4) this is just her trying to pick a fight with you to show her friend she is not taken by you

5) and this just close the low class she is, not only she was wrong she in her head had all the right in doing so.

also put this in your head "a drunk person just say what they think", don't matter the excuse later, if he is drunk and keep saying **** is what he really think, don't matter if is a woman or a guy, alcohool don't produce thinking, its just loose tongues.

I really don't know why you think what she did was not a point for dumnping her, you should have dumped her for a long time, hell her age alone is a dumping reason enough.

and if the pic in your profile is you, the only reason you are not pulling 2x girls is in your mind you can very well pulling younger hotter girls wihout a problem, and don't even need to show money for that, just go out more and you can work on it, hell I saw ugly guys doing i'm pretty sure you can

 

[soulforge]

She prefers to drink, get drunk and party. She enjoys it and wants that to be part of her life. You do not. You have been here expressing your discontent with her desire to drink for some time.

Mistake 1: You think/ask/suggest that she may change for you.
Mistake 2: You take it personally when she doesn't/can't.
Mistake 3: Making her actions or inactions about you.
Mistake 4. Thinking that getting back together will suddenly resolve your inherent incompatibility.

She is not going to change into the woman you want her to be. She is exactly who she has shown herself to be. Be proud you had the balls to stand up for yourself and leave. Quit looking back and get on with your life. Life is in front of you not in the rearview mirror. Next!

I hear what you are saying.. but i don't think this is entirely true.. even last night she said she is not bothered about going for nights out anymore..

We both had a chat, and she seemed ok with this.. i can only go by what she has said and we discussed

 

[soulforge]

he's going back to her, don't waste your breath

I have not spoke to her since, and have not even listened to her voice mails.. or read her text messages.

I admit, this is very difficult for me and its hurts like crap.. i really liked this girl.. but i am trying to hold on and remain no contact

 

[soulforge]

My gut tells me that everything she said and did that night was just a rebellious act.. fuelled on by alcohol and her change of attitude with her friend..

Why? Because i told her i did not appreciate bieng talked to like that, when she was rude to me.. also because i did not want to be out all night, and because i told her i would prefer not to be out too late..

She interpreted that as me interfiering with her night with her friend...

This is why she put on this attitude of i can do what i like.. and do what i want... any thoughts on this??

 

[wifehunter]

My gut tells me that everything she said and did that night was just a rebellious act.. fuelled on by alcohol and her change of attitude with her friend..

Why? Because i told her i did not appreciate bieng talked to like that, when she was rude to me.. also because i did not want to be out all night, and because i told her i would prefer not to be out too late..

She interpreted that as me interfiering with her night with her friend...

This is why she put on this attitude of i can do what i like.. and do what i want... any thoughts on this??

arrogance/pride

I don't know you. But, if you have other things going on in your life, this would be a whole lot easier. Focus on some thing else (hobbies/passions). Or, go out and talk to other ladies.

 

[LiveFreeX]

Ah man, I love these types of threads. I can't wait to see how this train wreck ends.

 

[Floydispink01]

Can you imagine what is being said in that Kardashian group chat of her and her daughters at the moment!

You can do better than this OP.

 

[LiveFreeX]

Wait for it.

 

[soulforge]

Dude i am trying, i can't help i have strong feelings for this girl.. these feelings will not just wash away over night..

Give me some credit for having the balls to dump her in the first place.. i,m trying my best to get my head around it all

 

[dustmuffin]

I have a question.. should i give her a clear reason why i have dumped her?

After last night, she should know why i did it.. should i tell her that she treated me like crap, or just leave things be and let her work it out for herself!!

NO.....Just walk away. Let the stupid ***** stew. She did it to herself.. She knows that. You dont have to explain.

 

[dustmuffin]

Dude i am trying, i can't help i have strong feelings for this girl.. these feelings will not just wash away over night..

Give me some credit for having the balls to dump her in the first place.. i,m trying my best to get my head around it all

Stay strong. You did the right thing.

 

[visions]

It's amazing how nasty, expired, and used up women can make the OP's head spin.

Ain't western culture lovely!

 

[Atom Smasher]

Dude i am trying, i can't help i have strong feelings for this girl.. these feelings will not just wash away over night..

Give me some credit for having the balls to dump her in the first place.. i,m trying my best to get my head around it all

Keep reminding yourself that you're going cold turkey on an addiction. She is an unfit women for you but she fulfilled a need and suddenly it's gone.

I PROMISE you, if you hold strong you will very soon feel better and will realize that you were feeling upset about an idealized, imaginary version of who she is, and not about the real women, who is clearly someone who abused you.

 

[FCB]

Dude i am trying, i can't help i have strong feelings for this girl.. these feelings will not just wash away over night..

Give me some credit for having the balls to dump her in the first place.. i,m trying my best to get my head around it all

You get credit man, its difficult. If you don't have the ability to walk away you are never in a position to negotiate well in your favor. Even if you somehow cave (not advisable) and get some kind of relationship back with this women, you will have set the bar that you won't be disrespected in such a manner and that you don't need her. Let me break it down for you in bullet format:

-her having autonomy to hang with her friend alone and have a few drinks in my eyes isn't a terrible thing, its good to have separate lives to some extent.
-the friend pushing to ditch you and be just the two of them isn't a huge deal, that's what people do, she has a relationship with her and not you.
-the problem is your gf's behavior, she was disrespectful and basically TOLD you she was dropping you off at home, I wouldn't take that from anyone
-she was treating you like a joke, her level of respect for you is nowhere near where it needs to be to have a functioning relationship regardless of any other traits, its not a red flag its a ****ing red whale staring you in the face
-you had no other play other then to dump her right then, anything else and her level of respect will continue to dwindle along with your happiness

You had no other option. She treated you like a joke, she was verbally smacking you around and even worse was doing it in front of her friend to humiliate you. You want something with someone like that?

A year or two into a LTR relationship I was going to a music festival with some friends in a rough area, my gf jumped in and wanted to go because one of our mutual girl friends was going along with the other 6-7 friends of mine. At some point a massive brawl breaks out and guys being guys myself and my friends are watching from a safe distance, my gf starts acting up and is panicking and starts telling me lets go and wants to break away and go who knows where. I tell her no (better to stay with the group especially considering this group of friends have all been in multiple street fights and its safer to stay with the pack) and she disobeys and goes to start taking off by herself with the other girl consoling. When we are leaving and walking she is lagging alone with the other girl consoling and won't listen to me when I tell her to walk up with me and the group so we can stay together. Eventually I raise my voice and tell her this is why she should have ****ing stayed home, if she was going to come out with all my guy friends then she needs to listen to me if she actually is worried about her safety. She cried, she acted out, all my friends looked at me in suprise and made jokes and a few of them said I went too far. I felt bad and talked to her somewhat but for the rest of the night she was quiet, distant and pissed. I was in control of the relationship and showed a lot of red pill tendencies in the relationship dynamic but still had slight AFC tendencies, was more then willing to walk away if necessary (should have). When we got home that night, after talking she agreed with me that maybe she shouldn't have came out and that I was right and she should have listened, she respected me more because she needed to be put in her place, even though she sulked and cried she realized later that I was also actually looking out for her in a crisis.

I actually felt bad and that I may have overreacted (the guilt trips of women) my friends joked about how I was a huge *******, but I actually gained respect and the guy I respected the most who was a complete natural alpha said that I was completely in the right and that he had never seen any of our friends put a women in her place like that when it was necessary. I gained respect from gf, my friends and myself even though I doubted what I did long after, now I look back and realize why the relationship was good and why it later failed.

 

[YawataNoKami]

I am going ask you again ....................why are you dating so much older women? I told you before, 45-46 years old recently divorced , drinking a lot...............she just want jump back to the carousel.

 

[soulforge]

You get credit man, its difficult. If you don't have the ability to walk away you are never in a position to negotiate well in your favor. Even if you somehow cave (not advisable) and get some kind of relationship back with this women, you will have set the bar that you won't be disrespected in such a manner and that you don't need her. Let me break it down for you in bullet format:

-her having autonomy to hang with her friend alone and have a few drinks in my eyes isn't a terrible thing, its good to have separate lives to some extent.
-the friend pushing to ditch you and be just the two of them isn't a huge deal, that's what people do, she has a relationship with her and not you.
-the problem is your gf's behavior, she was disrespectful and basically TOLD you she was dropping you off at home, I wouldn't take that from anyone
-she was treating you like a joke, her level of respect for you is nowhere near where it needs to be to have a functioning relationship regardless of any other traits, its not a red flag its a ****ing red whale staring you in the face
-you had no other play other then to dump her right then, anything else and her level of respect will continue to dwindle along with your happiness

You had no other option. She treated you like a joke, she was verbally smacking you around and even worse was doing it in front of her friend to humiliate you. You want something with someone like that?

A year or two into a LTR relationship I was going to a music festival with some friends in a rough area, my gf jumped in and wanted to go because one of our mutual girl friends was going along with the other 6-7 friends of mine. At some point a massive brawl breaks out and guys being guys myself and my friends are watching from a safe distance, my gf starts acting up and is panicking and starts telling me lets go and wants to break away and go who knows where. I tell her no (better to stay with the group especially considering this group of friends have all been in multiple street fights and its safer to stay with the pack) and she disobeys and goes to start taking off by herself with the other girl consoling. When we are leaving and walking she is lagging alone with the other girl consoling and won't listen to me when I tell her to walk up with me and the group so we can stay together. Eventually I raise my voice and tell her this is why she should have ****ing stayed home, if she was going to come out with all my guy friends then she needs to listen to me if she actually is worried about her safety. She cried, she acted out, all my friends looked at me in suprise and made jokes and a few of them said I went too far. I felt bad and talked to her somewhat but for the rest of the night she was quiet, distant and pissed. I was in control of the relationship and showed a lot of red pill tendencies in the relationship dynamic but still had slight AFC tendencies, was more then willing to walk away if necessary (should have). When we got home that night, after talking she agreed with me that maybe she shouldn't have came out and that I was right and she should have listened, she respected me more because she needed to be put in her place, even though she sulked and cried she realized later that I was also actually looking out for her in a crisis.

I actually felt bad and that I may have overreacted (the guilt trips of women) my friends joked about how I was a huge *******, but I actually gained respect and the guy I respected the most who was a complete natural alpha said that I was completely in the right and that he had never seen any of our friends put a women in her place like that when it was necessary. I gained respect from gf, my friends and myself even though I doubted what I did long after, now I look back and realize why the relationship was good and why it later failed.

Hey man i thank you for you long reply.. some of the points you have made, have really hit home.


I was wondering, how much of her chitty behaviour may have been attributed to the fact that she was a little drunk?

The first outburst that came out of her was during the day, when she was completely sober.

I personally don't think its excusable behaviour, even if she had a few drinks.. nobody was forcing that drink down her.