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How to play this properly

BackInTheGame78

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So this is a little bit of a weird situation I have never been in before. I had been dating this woman for several weeks, were on 5 dates, 2 of them were at her place, watched a movie and the second time cooked dinner together and watched a movie. Things got pretty heavy the 2nd time and likely would have led to us banging if not for the late time and us both having to be up for work early the next day. She sent me a very positive text following saying how much she loves spending time with me and how she couldn't wait for us to do it again. So I have not banged her yet(I know its my fault), but this is definitely someone I see LTR potential in, and I believe she in me as well, so I have been patient

Then this is where things went off track, and its not like I am blaming her or upset with anything because this is truly one of those "life just sucks sometimes" situations.

Within the last 5 weeks she has had 2 deaths in her family unexpectedly(grandma and sister...they are legit she sent me the obituary links), her work environment became extremely stressful due to an HR investigation she got dragged into that she really had nothing to do with, and now based off that they decides to close her store leaving her out of a job in a month. So she has been dealing with a lot, Mom is literally on suicide watch so she has been over there a lot and now has to deal with both estates and lawyers etc because nobody else can do it.

So needless to say I haven't seen her since this all went down, but we have texted probably twice a week or so, her initiating a lot of times because I have been trying to give her space to deal with all of this and not come off as pushy. I asked her if she wanted to get together twice during this span but she said she literally has no time now but definitely wants to meet up once all of this calms down some.

So I guess my question is what is the best way to handle this on my end? I obviously am interested in seeing her, I feel that she is as well but right now life is kind of in the way. I'm dating other women but I don't see the potential in them like I do in her.

Don't want to push in this situation but also don't want to be a penpal forever. I have no reason to doubt she is being sincere with me because she has always been straight up and honest but at the same time a small part of me thinks that if she really wanted to see me in this time she would have figured out a way. But I also know everyone deals with stress differently and this is a whole lot to pile on all at once and she has even said with all this other stuff going on she hasn't really even felt like she had a chance to even grieve properly.

Advice on best way to handle this?
 

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MrWood

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Tough circumstances for you to advance this.

I would continue with the light text, but I would interject things that are not "just friends"
suggest: "a kiss before bed", "your ass looked real sweet that other night", etc etc.
If you are suggesting meeting later etc, use phrases like "Let's try" / "Let's do"
I might suggest (on Thursdays) to meet for weekend, get together etc etc

this what I would do, others may have other advice.
You might loose her from circumstance, you might not.
 

dude99

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So this is a little bit of a weird situation I have never been in before. I had been dating this woman for several weeks, were on 5 dates, 2 of them were at her place, watched a movie and the second time cooked dinner together and watched a movie. Things got pretty heavy the 2nd time and likely would have led to us banging if not for the late time and us both having to be up for work early the next day. She sent me a very positive text following saying how much she loves spending time with me and how she couldn't wait for us to do it again. So I have not banged her yet(I know its my fault), but this is definitely someone I see LTR potential in, and I believe she in me as well, so I have been patient

Then this is where things went off track, and its not like I am blaming her or upset with anything because this is truly one of those "life just sucks sometimes" situations.

Within the last 5 weeks she has had 2 deaths in her family unexpectedly(grandma and sister...they are legit she sent me the obituary links), her work environment became extremely stressful due to an HR investigation she got dragged into that she really had nothing to do with, and now based off that they decides to close her store leaving her out of a job in a month. So she has been dealing with a lot, Mom is literally on suicide watch so she has been over there a lot and now has to deal with both estates and lawyers etc because nobody else can do it.

So needless to say I haven't seen her since this all went down, but we have texted probably twice a week or so, her initiating a lot of times because I have been trying to give her space to deal with all of this and not come off as pushy. I asked her if she wanted to get together twice during this span but she said she literally has no time now but definitely wants to meet up once all of this calms down some.

So I guess my question is what is the best way to handle this on my end? I obviously am interested in seeing her, I feel that she is as well but right now life is kind of in the way. I'm dating other women but I don't see the potential in them like I do in her.

Don't want to push in this situation but also don't want to be a penpal forever. I have no reason to doubt she is being sincere with me because she has always been straight up and honest but at the same time a small part of me thinks that if she really wanted to see me in this time she would have figured out a way. But I also know everyone deals with stress differently and this is a whole lot to pile on all at once and she has even said with all this other stuff going on she hasn't really even felt like she had a chance to even grieve properly.

Advice on best way to handle this?
She is going through an awful lot, that would be a lot for anyone to handle. Give her space. Just let her know you understand and leave it be. As she said when things settle down, give it this chance to settle down.

I would say this or something like it. " i understand you have a lot on your plate at the moment, i completely understand. If you need me, let me know, in the mean time ill give you the space needed to take care of things. Let me know when things settle down. Take care."

This lets her know you understand and you aren't going to overwhelm her either. It shows you aren't needy or thirsty.

Give it time. This will also give her a chance to miss you.
 

Glassguy

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I would say this or something like it. " i understand you have a lot on your plate at the moment, i completely understand. If you need me, let me know, in the mean time ill give you the space needed to take care of things. Let me know when things settle down. Take care."

This lets her know you understand and you aren't going to overwhelm her either. It shows you aren't needy or thirsty.

Give it time. This will also give her a chance to miss you.
This ^^^.

Then let it be. If she reaches out great, if she doesnt, thats ok too.

From my experience it seems as though when things arent good timing, the chicks normally disappear. Maybe you will have better luck.
 

stringpuller

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So I guess my question is what is the best way to handle this on my end?
Not enough attraction on top of the life events. I get it.
Leave her until she desires you enough to....
Things got pretty heavy the 2nd time and likely would have led to us banging if not for the late time and us both having to be up for work early the next
Stay Up late to fck you. Desire will give sleep for secs.
 
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EyeOnThePrize

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It's hard to understand the gravity these kinds of events have on other people. You haven't been seeing her long and if you're thinking LTR then this would be a good opportunity to see how she'll handle life's inevitable stressful phases. Be the most low maintenance guy ever(you should be so anyway), and give her the space to do whatever and reach out. Let her know you'd love to see her and then go talk to other women.

Idk why you're thinking LTR before even banging. You should be spreading out the honey and basking in it to attract bees, not dumping it all on one bee. Save that bukkkake stuff for later.
 

BackInTheGame78

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It's hard to understand the gravity these kinds of events have on other people. You haven't been seeing her long and if you're thinking LTR then this would be a good opportunity to see how she'll handle life's inevitable stressful phases. Be the most low maintenance guy ever(you should be so anyway), and give her the space to do whatever and reach out. Let her know you'd love to see her and then go talk to other women.

Idk why you're thinking LTR before even banging. You should be spreading out the honey and basking in it to attract bees, not dumping it all on one bee. Save that bukkkake stuff for later.
I have been really low maintenance and have given her space. She has reached out several times and actually has apologized a few times that she hasn't been more in touch and that she feels bad that we haven't been able to get together and she feels her life has gone to hell in a handbasket.

I have been seeing and banging other women in the meantime, just none that I see the same potential in as I do in her that's all.
 

EyeOnThePrize

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I have been really low maintenance and have given her space. She has reached out several times and actually has apologized a few times that she hasn't been more in touch and that she feels bad that we haven't been able to get together and she feels her life has gone to hell in a handbasket.

I have been seeing and banging other women in the meantime, just none that I see the same potential in as I do in her that's all.
If she's reaching out reward her for doing so by offering a date or somewhere you can meet her for a quick coffee and make her day. Accepting and supportive whether she comes or goes (just not at the expense of your self respect)
 

BackInTheGame78

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Tough circumstances for you to advance this.

I would continue with the light text, but I would interject things that are not "just friends"
suggest: "a kiss before bed", "your ass looked real sweet that other night", etc etc.
If you are suggesting meeting later etc, use phrases like "Let's try" / "Let's do"
I might suggest (on Thursdays) to meet for weekend, get together etc etc

this what I would do, others may have other advice.
You might loose her from circumstance, you might not.
Yes it has been tough and I have never really been in this spot before. I let her know I would give her space she needs and that if she needed to talk or of she needed anything to let me know and then not text for a while and she would reach out to me and actually apologized a few times because she said she feels bad we haven't been able to get together and that when things slow down she wants to so that.

Over the weekend I said something about having a lot of time to figure out a way to run my fingers through her hair(a running joke since her hair is really curly and I have tried unsuccessfully a few times) and she said "I'm not sure why you keep wanting to run your fingers through my hair when I am sure you'd have a lot more fun pulling it...just saying." And I laughed and said I remembered she kind of enjoyed that when I did it and she responded "correct :)". So I don't think I'm being friend zoned since she is the one bringing it up...

She also has said that she likes that we have so much in common and enjoys spending time with me.

I will just keep doing what I am doing and see how it plays out. Nothing else I really can do I guess. Life just gets in the way sometimes.
 

BackInTheGame78

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This ^^^.

Then let it be. If she reaches out great, if she doesnt, thats ok too.

From my experience it seems as though when things arent good timing, the chicks normally disappear. Maybe you will have better luck.
She has been reaching out...several times actually...usually if I don't text her for 3 or 4 days I will get a text from her and then we will go back and forth for a little bit. Told her we just needed to get drunk to take her mind off things and she was all about it but she still has a lot of family stuff going on and couldn't meet up when I suggested a day I was free. I was cool and said No biggie, maybe some other time and she said "Yeah for sure" and then went on to say how bad she felt that she couldn't find time for us to get together and that she feels like a prick and is so sorry about it all and feels like her life has gone to sh!t.
 
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Glassguy

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Life is about choices. I dont know too many chicks that wouldnt find an hour or two to hang out with and fvck a movie star.

I am just saying this: You showed her your intent, tried to make it happen, it didnt happen.

Let it be. I think at this point I would only respond back to her initiating texts/calls. I wouldnt initiate.

This is a good test of her interest level. You will find out soon enough how high it is. If you go 3-4 days and then she reaches out, see what happens the next time when you dont try to get with her. See what happens when you show her through your shorter texts and duller personality that you are not as invested as she thought you were.

Then based on that response, you will know.
 

rart

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she can go on and on how bad she feels. She has to chaise you now.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Life is about choices. I dont know too many chicks that wouldnt find an hour or two to hang out with and fvck a movie star.

I am just saying this: You showed her your intent, tried to make it happen, it didnt happen.

Let it be. I think at this point I would only respond back to her initiating texts/calls. I wouldnt initiate.

This is a good test of her interest level. You will find out soon enough how high it is. If you go 3-4 days and then she reaches out, see what happens the next time when you dont try to get with her. See what happens when you show her through your shorter texts and duller personality that you are not as invested as she thought you were.

Then based on that response, you will know.
She has reached out every time I have not texted for 3 or 4 days...its been probably 4 times or so that she has
 

Kotaix

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I don't think you need to be told anything you don't already know. You've played this well.

Be the rock that she can hold onto during these hard times and she will fall for you hard. In fact I'm pretty sure she already has, so don't fvck it up by pushing this to go faster than it has to.

You're absolutely not being friend zoned. You're going to come out of this like a champ if you do what @dude99 says.
 

rart

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I had a woman exactly like that. She would talk on the phone, say how she wants to see me, but shyt is in a way. It was always something, including her dad dying. I would say just ok. and delete her number. She always always messaged in a week or two and the mind f&ck starts again. Ended up blocking her.
 
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BackInTheGame78

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I had a woman exactly like that. She would talk on the phone, say how she wants to see me, but shyt is in a way. It was always something, including her dad dying. I would say just ok. and delete her number. She always always messaged in a week or two and the mind f&ck starts again. Ended up blocking her.
Based on what I know about her and what I have seen this would be very unlike her to do something like that. It would be very incongruent with the rest of her personality. I can't say it's 100% no chance but if I had to guess it would be 90%
 

stringpuller

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I had a woman exactly like that. She would talk on the phone, say how she wants to see me, but shyt is in a way. It was always something, including her dad dying. I would say just ok. and delete her number. She always always messaged in a week or two and the mind f&ck starts again. Ended up blocking her.
Lets say a guy gets oneitis really bad. Blows his brains out over her. She will cry for 2 days barring shes not a character from Romeo and Juliette shes ok by day 3.
Dudes need to wake up to the nature of women. This is the reality of life gentlemen. Women don't invest like we are taught to believe.
 

rart

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I'm on my second LTR since the divorce, countless dates with all sorts of women.

In 3 years of this shyt I'm pretty honed in on detecting interest level right away. Interested woman will not confuse you. I don't get why guys still have questions.
 

rart

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I had a woman exactly like that. She would talk on the phone, say how she wants to see me, but shyt is in a way. It was always something, including her dad dying. I would say just ok. and delete her number. She always always messaged in a week or two and the mind f&ck starts again. Ended up blocking her.

Just remembered. One time after deleting her number i get a "hi how are you" text. I replied "who is this?". And she got mad.
 

BackInTheGame78

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I'm on my second LTR since the divorce, countless dates with all sorts of women.

In 3 years of this shyt I'm pretty honed in on detecting interest level right away. Interested woman will not confuse you. I don't get why guys still have questions.
Its not really confusing. I have plenty of experience and successes as well. As much as we like to put things in nice neat little boxes not everything fits in them. This is one of those or else I wouldn't be asking about it.
 
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