How to NEXT after she disrespects you

broken dreams

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#61
Update on my situation

backbreaker said:
Frank Sinatra said it best.. the best revenge is massive success.

there is no need to go back, Remember the 48 laws of power law 10... win though actiions never arguement. Any type of victory you have is short lasting at best when you try to put her in her place. the best response to being Dissed is showing her that you are better off without her in your life.
Yes man,Ive been on recovery time and working on myself more. I read this book and this advice and mindset is SOLID.


STR8UP said:
I look back on the couple of times I busted a chick cheating, and it's clear to see that I would have been INFINITELY better off walking away without uttering a word.

Hell, ANYTIME you walk away due to outright disrespect, it's better to keep your mouth shut, smile, and hit the road.

The only time words are needed is if you just aren't feeling it and she deserves an explanation. In a case like this you are being a Man for being sensitive to someone's feelings. If she fukks you over there's nothing to gain (actually a lot to lose) through the use of words.
More is Less, Not alot of words, More Power.

I had FBbreakup trying to contact me and left messages that the other guy dumped her for his Ex and she wants to be with him but he changed his number and cut her off. She says she is sorry and wants to see me.

I havent called her or talked to her but she left this message on my home voicemail.

I guess in female perspective ,Im supposed to "Beg"... But I dont see that happening. LoL

I have inner game issues and all relationships Ive been in Ive gotten Dumped I never Dumped a chick. So Im noticing more repeateed patterns in my own self as I am maturing.
 

spanky

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#62
I think we lose sort of the whole idea pertaining to the original thread when we concentrate on what the chic will feel when you next. Many points made in the thread concentrate on how she would feel.

Personally, if it is a bunch of small things or signs of disrespect then it is cool to "just walk away" but let's say the freak does something unspeakable. Let's say she tries to hit on your best friend or disrepsect your mother or curse you out in front of your family. I thing a man would have a hard time looking at himself in the mirror for a long time for not setting the b**** straight right away when she really disrespects you. It will haunt you.
 

STR8UP

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#63
spanky said:
Personally, if it is a bunch of small things or signs of disrespect then it is cool to "just walk away" but let's say the freak does something unspeakable. Let's say she tries to hit on your best friend or disrepsect your mother or curse you out in front of your family. I thing a man would have a hard time looking at himself in the mirror for a long time for not setting the b**** straight right away when she really disrespects you. It will haunt you.
That wouldn't haunt me, but I'll tell you what would.

What would haunt me is knowing that I threw a fit at someone who could give two sh!ts about what they did.

You can scold your child, and most of the time that child looks up to you and respects you enough that he/she will be sorry they have disappointed you and want to try hard not to let it happen again. Women shift the blame, and are only sorry that they GET CAUGHT, not for what they have done.

When you scold a woman she will accept no blame, and DOES NOT look up to you or respect you enough to learn anything from the "lesson" you are trying to teach her. If she did respect you that much she never would have done something "unspeakable" in the first place.

Make sense?

You can't get back at someone who has no guilt.
 

spanky

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#64
STR8UP said:
That wouldn't haunt me, but I'll tell you what would.

What would haunt me is knowing that I threw a fit at someone who could give two sh!ts about what they did.

You can scold your child, and most of the time that child looks up to you and respects you enough that he/she will be sorry they have disappointed you and want to try hard not to let it happen again. Women shift the blame, and are only sorry that they GET CAUGHT, not for what they have done.

When you scold a woman she will accept no blame, and DOES NOT look up to you or respect you enough to learn anything from the "lesson" you are trying to teach her. If she did respect you that much she never would have done something "unspeakable" in the first place.

Make sense?

You can't get back at someone who has no guilt.

This goes back to the point I made in my last point. You don't have to give a damn what she is learning or what guilt she feels? When you let loose on her, it's all about you and your mental well-being. It's about standing up for yourself and being aggressive about it. Again, forget her.
 

Knight's Cross

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#65
Ok let me throw down my 2 cents. Yeah, when it's blatent call her out. If that makes you feel better do it. If you can just pull a eject with no comments towards her do that. Look what works for each of us is different. I recently had a HB8 disrespect me, I took a call from her, told her that I didn't appreciate her kind of behavior and said goodbye. Didn't need to yell, raise my voice or anything. Know what? It felt good. That gave ME closure on the topic. End of coms with that girl. No muss, no fuss.

KC
 

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STR8UP

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#66
spanky said:
When you let loose on her, it's all about you and your mental well-being. It's about standing up for yourself and being aggressive about it. Again, forget her.
My mental well being is in much better shape when I walk away with dignity. Throwing a fit will NOT keep your dignity intact.

You feel great for about an hour. "Yea, I really TOLD that b!tch!" and then the reality sets in that you accomplished NOTHING.

It's like a playground shouting match between two kids. Someone always thinks they have to get the last word, and that person is the one who comes off as weak.

Women eat this sh!t up, and you shovel it down their throats by the truckload when you show how much POWER she has over you. A little girl with the POWER to make you lose your cool. She cries some fake tears and walks away with a smirk on her face knowing that you are just another chump who she was able to put in her pocket so she could pull you out and bat you around like a cat does a mouse from time to time.

The problem is that you guys think you are hurting her by using harsh words to scold her for bad behavior, when nothing could be further from the truth. The fact is that you are trying to get REVENGE and it doesn't work. So don't give me that "It's not about her it's about you" line. IT does NOTHING for you. NOTHING.
 

spanky

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#67
STR8UP said:
The problem is that you guys think you are hurting her by using harsh words to scold her for bad behavior, when nothing could be further from the truth.

Once again, it is not about her. It's about my ego. I must check the H *. period. Forget about the whole "trying to hurt her" thing. Just forget about it.




STR8UP said:
The fact is that you are trying to get REVENGE and it doesn't work. So don't give me that "It's not about her it's about you" line. IT does NOTHING for you. NOTHING.

Whoah, whoah, whoah! lets speak for ourselves here. It does wonders for me!
 

broken dreams

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#68
OK If she disrespects and you show emotion ANger and Frustration , she wins!

Let it go who cares whatever she says or did... You maintain your emotions and composure and ignore iher in your mind . think of her as low value and cramp in your way to manhood.

Just picture it like a crackhead negging brad pitt would he care if she disrespected ?

dont be lik e average guy that reacts to her everytime she pushes your buttons.

be machivelli like

Actions speak louder than Words

Please Dont take this lightly It took me 2 months to figure this out through personal experience and reading book on power and on relationships.
 

STR8UP

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#69
spanky said:
Once again, it is not about her. It's about my ego. I must check the H *. period. Forget about the whole "trying to hurt her" thing. Just forget about it.
Exactly. And your ego gets repaired by what? Venting? That's what women do.

"Let it out....let it all pour out!"

Whoah, whoah, whoah! lets speak for ourselves here. It does wonders for me!
You are going to honestly tell me that if a chick cheated on you, and you chewed her a new ass hole before dumping her, that this gives you satisfaction?

Personally, I walk away feeling like a grade "A" chump for having shown her that she cut me so bad. If I simply walk, I have peace of mind in knowing that instead of her getting satisfaction from me showing my hand, she has to suffer wondering why she wasn't good enough to bring that kind of reaction out of me.

I'll bet you hold grudges too, no?

People who harbor ill will toward others only hurt themselves.

broken dreams said:
Just picture it like a crackhead negging brad pitt would he care if she disrespected ?

dont be lik e average guy that reacts to her everytime she pushes your buttons.

be machivelli like

Actions speak louder than Words
Crude analogy, but I like it.

It shows her that she's nothing more than a crackhead to me. That's MY revenge. but more importantly, I prove to MYSELF that she's a crackhead who I have the power to simply walk away from without a dramatic show of emotion.

The more of a man you are and the higher value you place on yourself the less emotion you will feel if a woman screws you over.

That's what I mean by retaining your dignity.
 

SoCalMike

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#70
put her in her place now and then

I've put numerous girls in their place for disrespecting me. They learned and didn't do it again. The guys they dated after me owe me big time. I ought to get paid for this sh!t. LOL
 
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spanky

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#71
STR8UP said:
Exactly. And your ego gets repaired by what? Venting? That's what women do.

"Let it out....let it all pour out!".

Man, that stuff doesn't work on me. I am very secure in my manhood. Bottom line: if the freak disrespect me, I am checking the h*. Whoever wants to just walk away can do so. I am sure she will appreciate your kindness.
 

STR8UP

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#72
SoCalMike said:
I've put numerous girls in their place for disrespecting me. They learned and didn't do it again. The guys they dated after me owe me big time. I ought to get paid for this sh!t. LOL
You can put some children "in their place".

You can put some employees or subordinates "in their place".

You can put VERY FEW women "in their place" because they lack accountability. If they lack accountability they deny responsibility. That measn they don't learn when you try to reprimand them, unless you remove the only real leverage you have against them, and that is your ATTENTION.
 
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#73
Sadly, what STR8UP poses in his various posts is all too often true. I've witnessed it with female friends, family, even my very own mother. They often try to shift the blame back to you after you confront them with their behavior towards you. As if you made them behave the way they did! Riiight... Lack of accountability to the nth degree. If men do that, women call them manipulative. I say: Women! Look at yourselves too!

Why, for God's sakes why, why are a lot of women like this? Are they a bad invention? An experiment that was left forgotten somewhere? Is it their emotional side? Would men-like women be like this too? Maybe oneitis would be okay if women were more like men.

It kind of makes you think they're the bane of our existence. It kind of makes you dislike them. And they wonder why some of us are mysoginistic.

Fortunately, not all women are like that. But many are. This is why men must be men and depend on no one but themselves first. This is why women are an addition, not a goal. This is why you must not settle for just anything. Who wants to strive or live for something inmature like that?

I'm beginning to "get it" more and more. And the rest of the world "gets" me less and less. Thank God. Thank... SoSuave.


I too believe it is best to just walk away and not to vent, but sometimes this is very difficult. I think mostly when you have invested in a person already. I'm just as guilty of biting the bait when I rather shouldn't have. I'll relate to you an experience of mine.

I once had feelings for a girl. Oneitis, what else? Long story short, when we came to heads about it and certain other issues that had happened, she got really nasty and disrespectful. My first instinct was to rub it in and spell it out to her. Mind you, this was all over e-mail (I know, I know). Fortunately, I had a good samaritan in my life who insisted: Don't do it. The b*tch is crazy, honestly. Cut all contact. Not one word. Let her wonder about it. Let her figure it out. Let it nibble her mind. Don't give her the satisfaction of your anger.

Of course, smitten as I was with my oneitis, I couldn't let it rest. After some months I got back to her to make amends. The first thing she said to my writing I bet you thought you'd never hear from me again was: I have been wondering if I was going to hear from you. I had been wondering if I had hurt you, or upset you, or... Had I just let her be for the rest of her life, she would have continued wondering what she did wrong.

If instead I had not had this good samaritan to counsel me, and had I lashed out at her in rebuke, she would never have gone into that phase. Had I lashed out at her, she would have found her crappy behaviour justified, because she'd think: Look how he's treating me now!

Many women are blind to their own behaviour it seems. It's a sort of Recursive Principle: they will find a justification for their earlier behaviour in the rebuke you give them about it afterwards. Because their ego's get hurt by your reprimand. And many women cannot see past their ego's. It's an emotional thing, after all, not something rational. If a man were to show such behaviour, we call him childish and inmature. Especially women would. But for a woman, it's alright to do this somehow.

They are blind to their own behaviour. Until you point it out in a language they understand. That language is silence. And silent withdrawal of the one thing they thrive on: affection. Was it Jophil who said it once? Silent withdrawal of affection. STR8UP said it too when he spoke of denying them your attention. All that means: Just walk away.

Back to my oneitis. Later on I got into a pissing contest with her after all, the fool that I was. Then, I did rub it in with her. I told her flat out what I thought of her crappy, disrespectful behaviour. It ended then and there of course. By her doing. She had found every justification in cutting contact with me in my accusing her of treating me badly, because to her this wasn't true.


I rest my case.


Some say that just walking away makes women believe you're afraid or too childish to confront the situation. You know what? Confrontation is a female thing! They want you to do that! Because they feel justified in their every behaviour, they want to hear what you think they did wrong so they can defend themselves. If you confront and speak your mind towards significant disrespect, they win. Because in their mind they'll twist it like it's your fault. It's all mere manipulation. Walking away equals staying immune to that.

If you walk away, you deny them the satisfaction. You deny them their tactics. You deny them their (subconscious) game. Trust me, it's far, far better to be the one who just walks away. If you walk away, you show what you think of her and her behaviour without the possibility of reprieve or allowing her to shift the blame to you. Because in your rebuke, they'll always find a reason to justify their sub-par behaviour. In the minds of a lot of women, they're always right.

If you walk away, you're the bigger person. You leave them to their own whining and scheming and devices. Nothing is more frustrating to any person than to be denied a chance to defend and justify themselves. Walking away is the most powerful thing you can do. Yes, it is also the most difficult thing to do, especially if you were hurt and frustrated. Nobody said being a man is an easy job, eh? It is a difficult and demanding role that men are expected to play. Thankfully, not all women are like this. Let's not forget that.

Trust me, walking away will make you feel much better eventually than if you allowed yourself to let loose. With giving a piece of mind, there's the immediate satisfaction of venting frustration. But because doing so provides the opportunity to twist your words into something they weren't, regret follows later. With walking away, regret comes first because you denied yourself something. Satisfaction comes later because you were the bigger person. Your frustration will subside eventually. Such is the lot of men: to bear the heavier burden.


Just walk away. It's the loudest way to say: F*ck you, childish creature, without actually saying it. And because you said nothing, there is nothing to respond to. Nothing to twist or pervert. As for what they would or wouldn't think of you: you shouldn't care less.
 

STR8UP

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#74
Alexander the Great said:
I'm beginning to "get it" more and more. And the rest of the world "gets" me less and less. Thank God. Thank... SoSuave.
Part of "The Curse of the DJ". The more you understand, the less people can relate to you.

I too believe it is best to just walk away and not to vent, but sometimes this is very difficult. I think mostly when you have invested in a person already. I'm just as guilty of biting the bait when I rather shouldn't have. I'll relate to you an experience of mine.
One of the hardest things to do was to smile and walk away when a chick basically dumped me as she was updating her Myspace status to "in a relationship", when the "in a relationship" had nothing to do with me.

We spent a decent amount of time together over the course of a couple of months, then she attended her HS reunion, started becoming more distant, the sex was basically non-existent.....so I KNEW what was going on long before she actually came clean. But when she finally sent me the EMAIL (wow aren't I special) stating what was happening, and that I should "call her if I wanted to TALK about it", and that she still wanted to attend my party that weekend, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do to simply respond to her email with "Congrats, hope it works out for you. See you Saturday", when I felt like "putting her in her place".

And guess what happened? I felt MUCH better about the way I handled it, and when I attended her bachelorette party (everyone obviously forgot to inform me that it was her BACHELORETTE party, I had no idea, so STFU), I was having a good time and she came up to me and said, "You must really hate me right now", to which I responded "Why would you say such a thing?" with a smile on my face. PRICELESS!

She's still adding me to her new facebook account, sends me messages from time to time, etc. So by now I'm OVER it, and I realize that I played it EXACTLY right. If I had blown up on her, I would have felt like I acted like a spineless pu$$y to this day.

I once had feelings for a girl. Oneitis, what else? Long story short, when we came to heads about it and certain other issues that had happened, she got really nasty and disrespectful. My first instinct was to rub it in and spell it out to her. Mind you, this was all over e-mail (I know, I know). Fortunately, I had a good samaritan in my life who insisted: Don't do it. The b*tch is crazy, honestly. Cut all contact. Not one word. Let her wonder about it. Let her figure it out. Let it nibble her mind. Don't give her the satisfaction of your anger.
That's EXACTLY what I'm talking about. Let it "nibble at her mind". Guys totally underestimate the power of the female imagination, and how you can use it to your advantage.

Of course, smitten as I was with my oneitis, I couldn't let it rest. After some months I got back to her to make amends. The first thing she said to my writing I bet you thought you'd never hear from me again was: I have been wondering if I was going to hear from you. I had been wondering if I had hurt you, or upset you, or... Had I just let her be for the rest of her life, she would have continued wondering what she did wrong.
The best revenge against a woman....the ONLY revenge is to let her simmer in her own regret. You won't accomplish this by laying all the cards out on the table.

They are blind to their own behaviour. Until you point it out in a language they understand. That language is silence. And silent withdrawal of the one thing they thrive on: affection.
Spot on.

Back to my oneitis. Later on I got into a pissing contest with her after all, the fool that I was. Then, I did rub it in with her. I told her flat out what I thought of her crappy, disrespectful behaviour. It ended then and there of course. By her doing. She had found every justification in cutting contact with me in my accusing her of treating me badly, because to her this wasn't true.
nothing like dumping a b!tch for bad behavior, just to have HER dump YOU after you let her back into your life. Dignity people. Protect it at all costs!

Some say that just walking away makes women believe you're afraid or too childish to confront the situation. You know what? Confrontation is a female thing! They want you to do that! Because they feel justified in their every behaviour, they want to hear what you think they did wrong so they can defend themselves. If you confront and speak your mind towards significant disrespect, they win. Because in their mind they'll twist it like it's your fault. It's all mere manipulation. Walking away equals staying immune to that.
You don't bring a knife to a gunfight, just the same as you don't battle a woman with words. You will NEVER win.

If you walk away, you show what you think of her and her behaviour without the possibility of reprieve or allowing her to shift the blame to you. Because in your rebuke, they'll always find a reason to justify their sub-par behaviour. In the minds of a lot of women, they're always right.
And this is the crux of the matter. no matter how right, no matter how logical, YOU ARE THE ASS HOLE in her eyes. It doesn't matter what or why. the second you confront her it's her ballgame. Now she can deny, justify, and shift the blame. When you don't open your MOUTH, she has no opportunity to do any of this and you turn that little pea brain of hers into the enemy you could NEVER be.

Walking away is the most powerful thing you can do. Yes, it is also the most difficult thing to do, especially if you were hurt and frustrated. Nobody said being a man is an easy job, eh? It is a difficult and demanding role that men are expected to play.
It is one of those counter-intuitive things that is very difficult to change, but the benefits of going against your first instinct are many.

Just walk away. It's the loudest way to say: F*ck you, childish creature, without actually saying it. And because you said nothing, there is nothing to respond to. Nothing to twist or pervert. As for what they would or wouldn't think of you: you shouldn't care less.
My entire philosophy can be summed up in this one paragraph.
 
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#75
STR8UP said:
One of the hardest things to do was to smile and walk away when a chick basically dumped me as she was updating her Myspace status to "in a relationship", when the "in a relationship" had nothing to do with me.
As I sat here 2 years ago, thinking about a woman who was cheating on me and I knew it, I read a post (can't find it now) that said you are in a win-win situation when you vanish and walk away without a scene.

1. You will really know how she feels about ya, if she comes crawling back .. you now have the power( not that you should go back)

2. You walk away and we never ever talk again - She never cared about ya

That night I went over there and walked out of her house forever, Guess what? That was the last time I've heard or talked to her.

As Frankie Valli once said - Walk like a man.
 
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Colossus

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#76
Alexander the Great said:
Trust me, walking away will make you feel much better eventually than if you allowed yourself to let loose. With giving a piece of mind, there's the immediate satisfaction of venting frustration. But because doing so provides the opportunity to twist your words into something they weren't, regret follows later. With walking away, regret comes first because you denied yourself something. Satisfaction comes later because you were the bigger person. Your frustration will subside eventually. Such is the lot of men: to bear the heavier burden.
Props on a brilliant post.

I have similar sentiments almost every day of my life. You start to wonder if men and women were created to be adversarial. It seems that women only truly regret their lousy behaviour when they LOSE something. It is not unlike a child--if a child is throwing a tantrum or acting disrespectfully, and the parent yells at the child, they will soon get over the yelling and do it again. They arent truly sorry until they have LOST something. A toy, a privilege, or a freedom. Only then will they reconsider acting that way the next time.

Women arent much different, and that's not just making a stab at them, this is the way it is. When you yell at them for disrespect or let your anger boil over, they are only 'sorry' that you are mad at them. They are only 'sorry' they got caught and now your attention is negative---this doesnt change anything. There is a difference between being sorry and being contrite.

To really drive the message home, as you said, you must withdraw your affections. Completely. It will drive them up the freaking wall. If there is one thing women cant stand, but yet do to men every day, it is to be IGNORED. They hate it, especially if it is coming form their S.O.

So ignore their childish as$. Walk away. When (or if) they come whimpering back to you, you can tell them what was out of line, calmly. If they start to fight it and twist your words into a "but YOU said!!!" battle, then tell them you arent going to engage in further argument, and LEAVE.

Women have more double-standards and justifications for lousy behavior than men will EVER have. Men are not angels, that's for sure, but we have one piercingly obvious quality that they all lack---accountability.

Walking away is like planting a seed. You dont reap it's fruits until later on down the road. It takes patience and heart. You have to endure that emotional beating until it fades, and you see what you did was best.
 

Knight's Cross

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#78
Ingeniarius,
YOU NAILED IT! That's what I'm talking about. You can only let her know that she doesn't muster up to the standard. If you can pull a Rhett Butler, then I say go for it. If you feel that you are at all going to EXPLODE, or prattle on about goodness, or decency, or read her the riot act then move on without a trace. When I took Ms Sassy Pants call the other day I pretty much was at the point where I just didn't give a damn and told her that she wasn't my calibre. Short sweet and like Gone with the Wind. I was at ZEN.

KC
 
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#80
Thanks for the compliments Colossus, STR8UP.

And yeah, I think that Gone With The Wind clip you posted, Ingeniarius, is exactly what most here intend to say. So very illustrative. Of course, doing it in such a cool and detached manner can be really difficult. I suppose it's a matter of staying detached, which you can only do by having a life of your own.

As for Knight's Cross's post: Actually think you started a new piece of SS jargon there: Doing a Rhett Butler. One for the list, along with that clip? :up:

And Spanky: The "tomorrow's another day" remark in the book was really an exclamation of hope. She thought she could eventually make him come back to her, though that was perhaps not so apparent in the film. She didn't got over it; she just pushed it away I think. ;)
 
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