How to NEXT after she disrespects you

[jophil28]

I have been pondering this for some time.
In the past I have just not called her again whenever the relationship ran out of steam or she "acted up" badly. However, I usually felt a resentment that went unexpressed. LIke I needed to read her the RIOT ACT before I walked.
Many times it was EASIER to just dissappear without explanation and make lame excuses if she chased me. THis approach never felt as if the incident was "finished" to me.
Some posters on this forum suggest that we should never get upset or riled with a woman, just walk away. The thinking seems to be that she would gain some satisfaction out of our distress. However I also think that if we do not speak up LOUDLY when she fukks up/blunders then we are giving tacit approval to her bad behavior and she is likely to do the same shyte to her next "love interest".

What is your thinking -

PUt her right by putting her in her place ,
OR
Dump, and just dissappear ?

 

[edger]

It depends on how serious her offense was. If it isn't too serious, I'll just walk away. If it's something really serious on the other hand, I'll say something(only if she asks me what's wrong), but in the most non-chalant way, but also where it comes across that I'm serious at the same time too, mixed in with sarcastic overtones depending on if I can fit them in or not. I ALWAYS convey to them that "it's not my loss, I'll just snag another chick right after you, sux for you" type attitude - prize mentality. I will never yell, break things, or display any behavior that she has pushed my buttons.

 

[STR8UP]

Ohhhhhh....trust me....there have been several times over the past couple of years that I wanted to give women a piece of my mind, but ever since my last relationship where I absolutely LOST IT on her at the end, I will never let a woman see me that way from now on.

Yes, she wins, even if you are right.

Women hate, hate, HATE it when they want you or expect you to react to a situation and you keep your cool.

Matter of fact I was a MASTER at keeping my cool with a chick i dated last year. She would pull some stupid chick bullsh!t like getting jealous when I would "pay too much attention to another girl" and create a scene. Instead of confronting her on it, I would WALK AWAY. Guess what always happened? She realized she was acting like an ass and would call me up and apologize every time. I even told her straight up that I don't deal with B.S. It seemed to work.

If the relationship fizzles out, walk away. If she won't leave you alone and you need to get rid of her the MOST you should do is tell her what's on you rmind in a matter of fact manner, and then walk away.

 

[jophil28]

I take your point that women HATE it when they cannot get a reaction out of you. The power of indifference is breathtaking .
I also have been around long enough to have gone thru endless shyte tests, drama queen outbursts, covert provocations and a wide assortment of their juvenile crapola. Most of their 'behavior' is just crude attention seeking which needs to be ignored and starved of oxygen, much like you would step away from a bratty kid who is acting up..
However, I am not interested anymore in what THEY like or hate. I am exploring the best options for me and my emotional wellbeing.
In other words, my focus is now on speaking and acting in a manner which benefits ME and which allows me to feel that what I say to her(after a major fukk-up by her) was deserved and fit the incident . Then I can say bye bye !
Any thoughts?

 

[Metro3pilot]

Misread question sorry .....

in my experience a chick usually starts out with smaller disrespecting before she goes for your nads ....

so yeah like victory says launch her with a vengence it feels good

 

[Metro3pilot]

Now that I think about it ....

being pushed to the point where I'm ready to blow a gasket ...I have usually ignored many many red flags prior to the fatal act and at the point I explode because I have had enough of her ... these girls are repeat offenders and the sooner you launch the less brain damage you suffer ....

I have noticed when the good girls cross the line and try pulling things like trying to make you jealous .... walking away or give her a nasty look is enough to set them strait ....and they are not usually repeat offenders ...

again I think you should set them strait early and you will find out quickly how she's going to be ....

just my experience for what it's worth

:rockon:

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Jophil28,



I feel ya dude...

Whenever a woman disrespects you in a major way, she is actually THE FIRST to fire a salvo of DISINTEREST and INDIFFERENCE. And because of this, you are in a position where you can either ignore it and move on with your life: Translation----let the bytch get away with it.

OR...you can do whatever it takes to get her UNDIVIDED attention (this is KEY), then sit her down and talk to her JUST LIKE A CHILD. What I mean by this is actually let her know you are attacking her behavior from a HIGHER vantage point than SHE can rise to.

Scold her with a smile. Practically curse the bytch out, but do it in a "calm, and respectable" manner. Call her on her shyt and practically pronounce a CURSE on her ass as you point out her human failings.

The effect you are going for here is to make her FEEL something. You want to make her FEEL small, insignificant, and like a worthless piece of shyt-----THEN walk away WITHOUT giving her the respect of the words "goodbye".

This is how I'd do it, if I felt like her crime against me was disrespectful ENOUGH. And I have done it BEFORE, and it DOES feel good. lol

But the only thing is...don't even TRY to pull something like this off UNLESS you are sure you can get her UNDIVIDED attention before you do. Because if she's still TOTALLY in a "I don't give a shyt about you mode", it will have NO effect on her. So be STRATEGIC when you fire a missile like this one.

One final note:

I have found that this type of "Fukk you Bytch" type of mission has been most successful for me when I have lured the Low Interest woman into a "I'm about to kiss your ass and suplicate" trap. You see, what I do is lead her into a false sense of security where she feels even more bytchy, and superior to me------thinking I'm about to beg her to stay, or to change, or whatever.

But then, she is TOTALLY surprised when I turn the tables on her insensitive ass and cut her to quick by a short, definitive, statement so severe that it takes her breath away. And I gotta tell you...the look on a few of their faces has been PRICELESS.

Now, is this petty behavior on MY part? Rarely. I NEVER put a verbal/self-esteem SMACKDOWN like this on a woman unless I'm quite sure that she DESERVES it.

You see, sometimes you have to say:

"Fukk taking one for the team. Better that THEY take one FROM US for a goddamm change!" LOL

And although there are NO guarrantees....maybe...just MAYBE...the NEXT guy will be treated with a little bit more respect than "I" was...

 

[Bible_Belt]

I've been told that love and hate are the same emotion. The problem with telling her off is that you concede having feelings for her simply by being so upset. Don't let her see you lose your cool, and you keep the upper hand.

 

[grinder]

It depends on how close to your home environment she is. If she is intertwined then you must not make it a toxic event that will affect your future relationships with other women. The last thing you want is her telling all her girlfriends and any one that will listen what a bastard you are.

This is reason number 1000 why I advocate cold approaching so much. If she knows no one you know or is geographically separate then do whatever you feel like with no repercussions.

Having some experience like you I have had the benefit of hearing many stories from women about bad breakups. They remember this sh*t forever and it gets worse in every re-telling.

With this in mind my goal has been to leave them, but leave them always wanting me, always wishing they could have me, but they let me get away. This takes class and maturity.

So I use scarcity in ever increasing doses until I just stop contacting them. This could take months. It ramps up their IL and leaves them wanting you.

If you get messages from them such as “I don’t know what happened, did I do something wrong? We just lost touch…” then you have succeeded. You now have a woman out there that will always say good things about you and always wish it had worked out.

 

[jophil28]

Damn - you guys are good ! Great advice so far..

 

[Vulpine]

I let women know where they fuxed up. But, I don't come out and list specific times and places and offenses; I summarize.

The last time I needed to make a break, I started off with: "I'm an old-fashioned man." Which was a segue to, "This isn't going to work between us - you're a modern girl." At which point I was able to let her know what behavior was offensive: "I'm sure you'll find a modern guy that will tollerate lying, flaking on plans, disrespect, and rudeness. Heck, he might even enjoy cooking for you."

Then, before she could formulate a volley, I stood up, ushered her to the door... "I'm not that guy. Goodbye."
*close door in teary face*

However you must phrase it, however you have to let them know what they did wrong, do it. If not, if they are left wondering "what did I do wrong?", then they are bound to continue the same behavior and end up 35 and fat/single before they find some chump that will tollerate their crap. You aren't doing them any favor by just ignoring them until they go away. In fact, the 'ignore' method is the preferred women's method.

Be a man, let her know how she fuxed up, and at least let her learn from her mistakes. You can't learn from your mistakes if you don't know what they were.

 

[joekerr31]

if your employer screwed you over and you went out and found another job would you take the time to tell them why you were leaving? would they care?

if they were teh caring type they wouldn't have treated you poorly in the first place.

the best revenge is living well - NOT telling them how you are going to live well.

i believe in addressing bad behavior as its occuring. but once you've done that and it continues on to the point where you are walking away, i dont believe in explaining why you are walking away.

it should be self evident.

 

[Vulpine]

i dont believe in explaining why you are walking away.

it should be self evident.

I believe in leaving things in better condition than when I found them.
*walks away*

 

[PlayerinTraining]

I have been pondering this for some time.

What is your thinking -

PUt her right by putting her in her place ,
OR
Dump, and just dissappear ?

I think a man goes through 3 phases, once he discovers information on So Suave or Fast Seduction. I flip flop between 2 and 3 myself.

The first phase, or the AFC phase, would lead a man to keep his mouth shut, because he doesn't want to upset or offend the woman. He will also make all sorts of excuses for the woman, and tell himself "She still likes me. I have a chance." until it is plainly clear she wants nothing to do with him.

The second phase, or the RAFC phase, is where the guy sees things a bit more clearly. He sees her behavior as disrespectful, and wants to "prove" to her that he won't "take her ****"--as if this will turn her around.

The third phase is where the guy realizes:
1. She could care less whether he thought good or ill of her
2. Because she could care less, any attempt at "putting her in her place" will only cause her to interpret the situation in the most self-serving way, allowing her to justify her own behavior to herself. Therefore,
3. It is a waste of time and energy expressing his anger to her. No good can come of it.

 

[joekerr31]

I believe in leaving things in better condition than when I found them.
*walks away*

ok let me refine my statement.

when you are dealing with a scenario were you really like and respect her as a person, but simply dont see yourselves as a couple, then by ALL means have a conversation with her. i mean, NEVER cut a quality chic out of your life. if it aint meant to be romantically, keep her around as a friend afterwards. quality people are hard to find in this world.

but im assuming that there is a reason for the break up and that there are probably a series of events that lead up to the break up.

99% of the time, whatever caused the break up has already been addressed numerous times (usually in the form of arguments). its not like everythign is peachy then suddenly BAM break up.

so personally when the balance tips and the line has been crossed one too many times, i just walk away.

oh also, i personally feel that a lot of guys who do the whole 2 hour break up conversation are just playing a game. they are still interacting with the chic as though there the potential that at some point they might get back together. to me thats afc. if you're done with a chic, then be done with her.

this whole 'dont burn bridges' attitude should only apply to high quality women. not your run of the mill chic who has obviously pissed you off numerous times to want to break up with her.

 

[Last Man Standing]

PUt her right by putting her in her place ,
OR
Dump, and just dissappear ?

There is no "Or" - do both, replace "Or" with "And"!!

 

[mzilla2]

As satisfying as it is to tear a strip off or "educate" them for poor behaviour, 99% of the time its just better to just vanish and move on. Ask yourself if they are really open to change, and even if they get the point can you salvage enough to move ahead? IMO, chicks that dig ya don't do the flaky or disrespectful stuff in the first place... Plus gettin' upset just demonstrates to them that they have some power over you...

 

[STR8UP]

As satisfying as it is to tear a strip off or "educate" them for poor behaviour,

The ONLY time I can think of that I have had a chick come back to me and apologize for poor behavior has been when I walked away.

the more you scream at her the more she will rationalize what she did.

There's no better way to get your point across than to not even try.

When you interact with someone there is a back and forth exchange. If she does or says something, she expects a reaction from you. You have infinitely more power and control when you leave her hanging.

 

[Jestor]

I have been pondering this for some time.
In the past I have just not called her again whenever the relationship ran out of steam or she "acted up" badly. However, I usually felt a resentment that went unexpressed. LIke I needed to read her the RIOT ACT before I walked.
Many times it was EASIER to just dissappear without explanation and make lame excuses if she chased me. THis approach never felt as if the incident was "finished" to me.
Some posters on this forum suggest that we should never get upset or riled with a woman, just walk away. The thinking seems to be that she would gain some satisfaction out of our distress. However I also think that if we do not speak up LOUDLY when she fukks up/blunders then we are giving tacit approval to her bad behavior and she is likely to do the same shyte to her next "love interest".

What is your thinking -

PUt her right by putting her in her place ,
OR
Dump, and just dissappear ?

You have to look inside yourself for the answer to this. What can you tolerate before getting angry or just nexting her without explanation? And ask yourself if the situation is reversed, how would you expect them to act.

 

[jophil28]

"I am sorry." is woman talk for - " Please quit being upset and annoyed at me. Just go quiet and pretend that everything is OK, I am uncomfortable being criricized. I feel icky.. This should not be happening to ME because I really do not EVER think that I am wrong. I FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE hearing youy getting annoyed at me.
( NOTE -This is all about HER feelings - NOT her wrongdoing which precipitated the guys upset.)