"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
How to get ex back when she already think I've moved on?
- Thread starter Fela Kuti
- Start date
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
I don't know about asking her out at this point. I'm afraid she's not ready yet. Me too, actually. I'd like to take it slower. It's only 2 months since our breakup. 1 month of NC.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
I was the dumpee and she said she wanted to remain friends with me. I said that would take time and I'd rather we not talk for some time. So I NC'd her but I could tell she was sad about this judging by her updates on social medias. Then I reinitiated contact, thinking maybe there's a chance she might reconsider her decision. Also because I missed her. So here we are, 3 weeks later and we've been having great convos on text/IM every 2 days or so, with a bit of flirty remarks from both sides. I also notice good signs like she wouldn't sign off the messenger before I do, reviving dying convos, etc. One thing that I need to know is if she does this because she only craves for attention or actually because she still has feelings for me. Do you think it's ok if we have a talk or something? I mean, she's not a girl I just met or something. We have some history.DMEDFISIK said:
It's also possible that she thinks I've moved on after the NC and trying to save her pride by rarely contacting. And it's not like she NEVER initiates contact.Cheeks said:
Fela Kuti said:
DON'T have a talk with her. She broke up with you, so let her fix it.
Secondly, it's safer to bet she's doing this for attention than anything else. Stay on limited contact, and don't be too available either. If a woman wants you, you'll know without a doubt, especially considering your circumstances.
The thing is, I don't see her as a girl who would initiate something like that. She has too much pride, I think. And considering that I had the last word when I told her I'd go NC to move on, isn't the ball in my court now?DMEDFISIK said:
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
Love != pride. Love and pride can't coexist in this situation. A woman with this much pride is dangerous, assuming she really wants you back. You shouldn't want to be with this kind of chick in the first place. Let her take care of her unresolved pride issues with another guy. I have an ex like this, and there's no way I would get back with her with this kind of pride issue.Fela Kuti said:
Yeah, I'll try not contacting her for a while and see if she reciprocates.DMEDFISIK said:
Nah, it's not like I'm trying to be her friend or anything. I'm only doing this just because I sense she might be interested in getting back together.AlexDP said: