"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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How long to wait?

A

ARrocket

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Alright, I met this girl at a tennis program last summer. I think she was interested, but stupidly, I never got her #, and the program ended. I suddenly thought about her the other day, and I found her on facebook. I asked her if she remembered me, and she said yes, and asked if I was going to do the program again.

I sent back some C&F message and asked her a genuine question as well. Now then...I plan on asking for her # soon, but do you think I should send a few messages back and forth before doing so? And then, once I get the #, should I call and set up a date right away (basically, there is hardly any rapport between us due to the fact that I haven't spoken to her in 10 months or so) or should I speak on the phone a few times with her first? Don't wanna fall into LJBF land here...
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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J

Jeffst1980

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This is tough. 10 months is a LONGGGG time, and you can be sure she didn't spend those 10 months pining over you. When I was younger, any time I got out of a relationship I would immediately contact all the HB's that had expressed interest in me at some point...man, that was a waste of time!
Girls FORGET how attracted they were to you pretty quick when you're not seeing them in face to face interactions. Your best bet is to run into her in person (maybe take the tennis program with her again?) and get the # then.

Never ask if a girl remembers you in a situation like this--if you're gonna insist on passive aggressive facebook-ing, I would send her an initial short C&F message and gauge her response...if it's formal or not particularly flirty, there's a good chance this one has forgot about you or is involved with someone else.

The number is an unnecessary step at this point. Just ask her to come with you on a fun outing on facebook if the rapport is good. She knows what's up....and asking for a # without giving a reason is pretty silly on facebook.
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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A

ARrocket

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Great response, thanks :)

I've been messaging back and forth with her...been pretty C&F and she seems to be going with it, but I'm kinda running out of things to say lol. I don't wanna talk too much through facebook, so I guess I will ask a few questions then ask her to hang out next weekend (because I'll tell her I'm busy this weekend...which I am).
 
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