I've always had one foot out the door since I started seeing this girl even though she is really attracted to me. She has told me she is scared of commitment because she's always the one that ends up caring more than her partner. I've played it cool with her and she knows I'm not afraid to walk away if something doesn't sit right with me. She's convinced I have no feelings at all lol. She tries to figure out how much I really care about her with sh*t tests, and there were a few times where she's gotten on my nerves so I ghosted her for a couple of days because I didn't want to put up with her sh*t. What are your thoughts on this? Am I being childish? Should I be more caring and give in? She tells me often that she wants me to start caring more, but I can't help but think it's just a test to see if I'll break. I might just be paranoid, this is all still new to me.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
How important is it to maintain frame?
- Thread starter Gan
- Start date
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
TheMonkeyKing
Master Don Juan
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Demonstrate, do not explicate.
Until she brings up exclusivity, remain steadfast. If she is good, reward her behaviourally. Occasionally verbally, like once a week. In an indirect way.
Where she commits to you, adjust and under promise and over deliver. Guessing games are your best friend. You're doing everything right. Now make the push-pull more extreme and she's yours forever.
Always be ready to walk if her mood changes.
Until she brings up exclusivity, remain steadfast. If she is good, reward her behaviourally. Occasionally verbally, like once a week. In an indirect way.
Where she commits to you, adjust and under promise and over deliver. Guessing games are your best friend. You're doing everything right. Now make the push-pull more extreme and she's yours forever.
Always be ready to walk if her mood changes.
Thorninmyside
Master Don Juan
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A bit of push and pull isn't bad for frame. Pull her in, be a sweetie for a day and then go back to Mr DGAF. She'll create this narrative that you're a tough exterior with a soft centre. You can still ghost bad behaviour but reward the good too occasionally.
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
I guess you could say I've been rewarding her with my attention, is this what you mean by rewarding her behaviorally?
How long should I keep the push pull thing going for? Won't she get tired of it eventually? It's been working so far but I'm not sure how much longer she'll put up with it.
devilkingx2
Master Don Juan
As long as you aren't putting on an "act" of nonchalance and your demeanor Is rooted in abundance.
That is to say, you act somewhat aloof, but certainly not callus because you know you can get other attractive girls and give value to their life.
As well as receive value from them.
That is to say, you act somewhat aloof, but certainly not callus because you know you can get other attractive girls and give value to their life.
As well as receive value from them.
TheMonkeyKing
Master Don Juan
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Sure. You can tell her things she wants to hear as well.
I think the best rule of thumb I ever heard was that you can give her all the affection you want, buy her flowers every day, tell her you love her, whatever, so long as you are doing it because you want to and not to stay in her good favour. Just don't tie your affection to hers and you can't lose.
SgtSplacker
Master Don Juan
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Women all want attention.
Caring = Attention
Foot out the door is fine, she just wants a little more attention.
It's a fine balancing act...
Caring = Attention
Foot out the door is fine, she just wants a little more attention.
It's a fine balancing act...
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.