How important is it to maintain frame?

[Gan]

I've always had one foot out the door since I started seeing this girl even though she is really attracted to me. She has told me she is scared of commitment because she's always the one that ends up caring more than her partner. I've played it cool with her and she knows I'm not afraid to walk away if something doesn't sit right with me. She's convinced I have no feelings at all lol. She tries to figure out how much I really care about her with sh*t tests, and there were a few times where she's gotten on my nerves so I ghosted her for a couple of days because I didn't want to put up with her sh*t. What are your thoughts on this? Am I being childish? Should I be more caring and give in? She tells me often that she wants me to start caring more, but I can't help but think it's just a test to see if I'll break. I might just be paranoid, this is all still new to me.

 

[Urbanyst]

When she asks you to start caring more, I would ask her what she means by that.

Telling someone to "care more" is like telling someone to like rap music more lol. You either care or you don't.

 

[Gan]

She wants me to like her enough where it'll be hard for me to walk away if that makes sense, to the point where I'll be just as upset as she would be if either one of us walked. I just hate the idea of being too vulnerable.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Demonstrate, do not explicate.

Until she brings up exclusivity, remain steadfast. If she is good, reward her behaviourally. Occasionally verbally, like once a week. In an indirect way.

Where she commits to you, adjust and under promise and over deliver. Guessing games are your best friend. You're doing everything right. Now make the push-pull more extreme and she's yours forever.

Always be ready to walk if her mood changes.

 

[Thorninmyside]

A bit of push and pull isn't bad for frame. Pull her in, be a sweetie for a day and then go back to Mr DGAF. She'll create this narrative that you're a tough exterior with a soft centre. You can still ghost bad behaviour but reward the good too occasionally.

 

[Gan]

Until she brings up exclusivity, remain steadfast. If she is good, reward her behaviourally. Occasionally verbally, like once a week. In an indirect way.

I guess you could say I've been rewarding her with my attention, is this what you mean by rewarding her behaviorally?

A bit of push and pull isn't bad for frame. Pull her in, be a sweetie for a day and then go back to Mr DGAF. She'll create this narrative that you're a tough exterior with a soft centre. You can still ghost bad behaviour but reward the good too occasionally.

How long should I keep the push pull thing going for? Won't she get tired of it eventually? It's been working so far but I'm not sure how much longer she'll put up with it.

 

[devilkingx2]

I've always had one foot out the door since I started seeing this girl even though she is really attracted to me. She has told me she is scared of commitment because she's always the one that ends up caring more than her partner. I've played it cool with her and she knows I'm not afraid to walk away if something doesn't sit right with me. She's convinced I have no feelings at all lol. She tries to figure out how much I really care about her with sh*t tests, and there were a few times where she's gotten on my nerves so I ghosted her for a couple of days because I didn't want to put up with her sh*t. What are your thoughts on this? Am I being childish? Should I be more caring and give in? She tells me often that she wants me to start caring more, but I can't help but think it's just a test to see if I'll break. I might just be paranoid, this is all still new to me.

you have to strike a balance, if you play it too cool she'll think you don't care about her at all (a sane woman with a healthy self-esteem/ego would not want to be involved with a guy who doesn't care at all). if you don't play it cool enough she'll think of you as a lost puppy.

 

[cola]

As long as you aren't putting on an "act" of nonchalance and your demeanor Is rooted in abundance.
That is to say, you act somewhat aloof, but certainly not callus because you know you can get other attractive girls and give value to their life.
As well as receive value from them.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

I guess you could say I've been rewarding her with my attention, is this what you mean by rewarding her behaviorally?

Sure. You can tell her things she wants to hear as well.

I think the best rule of thumb I ever heard was that you can give her all the affection you want, buy her flowers every day, tell her you love her, whatever, so long as you are doing it because you want to and not to stay in her good favour. Just don't tie your affection to hers and you can't lose.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Women all want attention.

Caring = Attention

Foot out the door is fine, she just wants a little more attention.

It's a fine balancing act...