I've always had one foot out the door since I started seeing this girl even though she is really attracted to me. She has told me she is scared of commitment because she's always the one that ends up caring more than her partner. I've played it cool with her and she knows I'm not afraid to walk away if something doesn't sit right with me. She's convinced I have no feelings at all lol. She tries to figure out how much I really care about her with sh*t tests, and there were a few times where she's gotten on my nerves so I ghosted her for a couple of days because I didn't want to put up with her sh*t. What are your thoughts on this? Am I being childish? Should I be more caring and give in? She tells me often that she wants me to start caring more, but I can't help but think it's just a test to see if I'll break. I might just be paranoid, this is all still new to me.
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
How important is it to maintain frame?
- Thread starter Gan
- Start date
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
TheMonkeyKing
Master Don Juan
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Demonstrate, do not explicate.
Until she brings up exclusivity, remain steadfast. If she is good, reward her behaviourally. Occasionally verbally, like once a week. In an indirect way.
Where she commits to you, adjust and under promise and over deliver. Guessing games are your best friend. You're doing everything right. Now make the push-pull more extreme and she's yours forever.
Always be ready to walk if her mood changes.
Until she brings up exclusivity, remain steadfast. If she is good, reward her behaviourally. Occasionally verbally, like once a week. In an indirect way.
Where she commits to you, adjust and under promise and over deliver. Guessing games are your best friend. You're doing everything right. Now make the push-pull more extreme and she's yours forever.
Always be ready to walk if her mood changes.
Thorninmyside
Master Don Juan
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A bit of push and pull isn't bad for frame. Pull her in, be a sweetie for a day and then go back to Mr DGAF. She'll create this narrative that you're a tough exterior with a soft centre. You can still ghost bad behaviour but reward the good too occasionally.
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
I guess you could say I've been rewarding her with my attention, is this what you mean by rewarding her behaviorally?
How long should I keep the push pull thing going for? Won't she get tired of it eventually? It's been working so far but I'm not sure how much longer she'll put up with it.
devilkingx2
Master Don Juan
As long as you aren't putting on an "act" of nonchalance and your demeanor Is rooted in abundance.
That is to say, you act somewhat aloof, but certainly not callus because you know you can get other attractive girls and give value to their life.
As well as receive value from them.
That is to say, you act somewhat aloof, but certainly not callus because you know you can get other attractive girls and give value to their life.
As well as receive value from them.
TheMonkeyKing
Master Don Juan
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Sure. You can tell her things she wants to hear as well.
I think the best rule of thumb I ever heard was that you can give her all the affection you want, buy her flowers every day, tell her you love her, whatever, so long as you are doing it because you want to and not to stay in her good favour. Just don't tie your affection to hers and you can't lose.
SgtSplacker
Master Don Juan
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Women all want attention.
Caring = Attention
Foot out the door is fine, she just wants a little more attention.
It's a fine balancing act...
Caring = Attention
Foot out the door is fine, she just wants a little more attention.
It's a fine balancing act...
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.