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old_skoolr

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@cola OP post is pretty much how I got in a relationship 5 years ago lol

One thing I've learnt is always maintain the chasing.

It can be a pain and I miss my single days, but monogamy isn't so bad if you pick a good one.
 

BackInTheGame78

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These crude rates are misleading at best. To get an accurate picture you have to break it down into a large multitude of demographics:

- Educational attainment
- Ethnicity (including whether both are the same ethnicity, and if not, which of the man and woman is what ethnicity; for example in America black man+white woman like my parents = higher risk of divorce than white+white, but white man+black woman = lower risk of divorce than white+white, and asians overall have the lowest risk of divorce)
- Income
- Age of marriage
- Age of first sexual activity (could only find this for women so far)
- Number of previous sexual partners (again only found a study that shows correlation for women so far)
- Religious attendance (this is also the one factor that lowers odds of cheating among both genders)
- Previous divorces (you did note this)
- Occupation (the divorce rates actually vary wildly by occupation)

The odds of divorce are completely different depending on which demographics the couple fits into, to the point that it's practically irrelevant to group them all together into into one statistic and use it as a bludgeon.

I haven't yet found a comprehensive regression analysis to begin sorting out which variables are more symptomatic of other variables and which are more causative (for example, the fact that higher education is associated with lower divorce may be because high education leads to higher income which is what really matters - or they may both matter, or other factors that lead to divorce may just be more concentrated in people with lower education), but I'm looking for it. Without a comprehensive regression analysis, even all of these demographic factors are just guesses in the dark too statistically speaking.
Well since money is usually a big reason for arguments and fights, it would reason people with better jobs/higher education get divorced at a lower rate but this is not always true.
 

ubercat

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My happiest married friends commonly have a joint acc with payments proportional to their income. Rest is their own money.

I suspect minor white nighting where hubby pays a bit more out of his money but overall seems ok.
 

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Georgepithyou

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Absolutely incredible guide, a lot of players only talk about getting dates but not enough talk about maintaing a relationship, the game doesn't end once she becomes your Girlfriend.

Lot of guys let red flags that come up early on in the relationship slide then wonder why it ended so badly. Always gotta be alert in a relationship
 

Lynx nkaf

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These crude rates are misleading at best. To get an accurate picture you have to break it down into a large multitude of demographics:

- Educational attainment
- Ethnicity (including whether both are the same ethnicity, and if not, which of the man and woman is what ethnicity; for example in America black man+white woman like my parents = higher risk of divorce than white+white, but white man+black woman = lower risk of divorce than white+white, and asians overall have the lowest risk of divorce)
- Income
- Age of marriage
- Age of first sexual activity (could only find this for women so far)
- Number of previous sexual partners (again only found a study that shows correlation for women so far)
- Religious attendance (this is also the one factor that lowers odds of cheating among both genders)
- Previous divorces (you did note this)
- Occupation (the divorce rates actually vary wildly by occupation)

The odds of divorce are completely different depending on which demographics the couple fits into, to the point that it's practically irrelevant to group them all together into into one statistic and use it as a bludgeon.

I haven't yet found a comprehensive regression analysis to begin sorting out which variables are more symptomatic of other variables and which are more causative (for example, the fact that higher education is associated with lower divorce may be because high education leads to higher income which is what really matters - or they may both matter, or other factors that lead to divorce may just be more concentrated in people with lower education), but I'm looking for it. Without a comprehensive regression analysis, even all of these demographic factors are just guesses in the dark too statistically speaking.
didn't know that about religious attendance, good to know, makes sense
 

Lynx nkaf

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Yes, I would agree with this. I do not like the contract, that is all. It bothers me that some other entity (The State) has say over my assets which I earned myself; thus I recommend any person do this. My current GF is now hinting on marriage. I told her my stance, she then say well we better get this check out soon. Two days ago, I said, well, my attorney said we can have a private ceremony, just no State certificate. You'd still have to sign various documents and have your own legal representation. If you do not agree with this, I understand completely, you would have to make a choice. If it ends, it ends. Don't blame me, blame the State reps and the no-fault divorce rules. She backed down completely. I can always find another lady. However, I will be damed if I will allow myself to be thrown out of my own home and lose my assets due to some irrelevant piece of paper.
so every three or four months it seems she tries to pressure you again
 

RickTheToad

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so every three or four months it seems she tries to pressure you again
She came in crying the other day because of this. I said, if you are going to cry, this isn't going to work. You need to stop it. I also said, point blank, if you are going to make me choose you or me, it will be me. Don't put me in that position, as you will not like the result. She dropped it so far. However, we shall see what happens.
 

Lookatu

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She came in crying the other day because of this. I said, if you are going to cry, this isn't going to work. You need to stop it. I also said, point blank, if you are going to make me choose you or me, it will be me. Don't put me in that position, as you will not like the result. She dropped it so far. However, we shall see what happens.
It sounds to me that either of you are just buying time for the inevitable unfortunately. This desire of hers is always going to be burning inside her and she's going to need someone that can fulfill that eventually. And she knows it's not going to be you and she maybe just looking for a monkey branching opportunity to come along.
 

Lynx nkaf

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It sounds to me that either of you are just buying time for the inevitable unfortunately. This desire of hers is always going to be burning inside her and she's going to need someone that can fulfill that eventually. And she knows it's not going to be you and she maybe just looking for a monkey branching opportunity to come along.
^this....try to get some more memories-do something fun so there's a happy adrenalin lasting impression.
Rockclimbing, go rent some dirtbikes, sailing. I always knew when relationships were about to wrap up and I wish we had gone out with a bang....end of schoolyear fieldtrip kind of feeling. Take pictures.
 

ShePays

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She came in crying the other day because of this. I said, if you are going to cry, this isn't going to work. You need to stop it. I also said, point blank, if you are going to make me choose you or me, it will be me. Don't put me in that position, as you will not like the result. She dropped it so far. However, we shall see what happens.
Put this song on as she approaches your do(that'll fix it):
 

RickTheToad

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Put this song on as she approaches your do(that'll fix it):
LOL. I referenced this song to over the weekend. This extended weekend should be interesting. If she cries again, I may have to show her the door. I do not want to, but she's not getting it. Though, she's not mentioned it since Saturday, so I guess that's a plus.

It sounds to me that either of you are just buying time for the inevitable unfortunately. This desire of hers is always going to be burning inside her and she's going to need someone that can fulfill that eventually. And she knows it's not going to be you and she maybe just looking for a monkey branching opportunity to come along.
Certainly possible.
 

SoSuave666

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If I have a date set with a girl it’s 99% going to happen. I honestly do not remember the last time I was flaked on for a date where we both agreed beforehand. I always get the confirmation text/running late combo text also...every single time. It’s a playbook these girls are using, like clockwork.
I would treat a flake as I would any other person who indicated either verbally or through their actions that they don’t want to see me: ghost.
 

sosumba

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These crude rates are misleading at best. To get an accurate picture you have to break it down into a large multitude of demographics:

- Educational attainment
- Ethnicity (including whether both are the same ethnicity, and if not, which of the man and woman is what ethnicity; for example in America black man+white woman like my parents = higher risk of divorce than white+white, but white man+black woman = lower risk of divorce than white+white, and asians overall have the lowest risk of divorce)
- Income
- Age of marriage
- Age of first sexual activity (could only find this for women so far)
- Number of previous sexual partners (again only found a study that shows correlation for women so far)
- Religious attendance (this is also the one factor that lowers odds of cheating among both genders)
- Previous divorces (you did note this)
- Occupation (the divorce rates actually vary wildly by occupation)

The odds of divorce are completely different depending on which demographics the couple fits into, to the point that it's practically irrelevant to group them all together into into one statistic and use it as a bludgeon.

I haven't yet found a comprehensive regression analysis to begin sorting out which variables are more symptomatic of other variables and which are more causative (for example, the fact that higher education is associated with lower divorce may be because high education leads to higher income which is what really matters - or they may both matter, or other factors that lead to divorce may just be more concentrated in people with lower education), but I'm looking for it. Without a comprehensive regression analysis, even all of these demographic factors are just guesses in the dark too statistically speaking.
Dude, please post more of this (maybe sources and stuff) its really interesting to read.
 

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AttackFormation

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Dude, please post more of this (maybe sources and stuff) its really interesting to read.
Yeah, this stuff is really interesting. I love stats, but it's pretty tough to find good sources for this subject. You need sources that:

1) Control for which factors seem to be correlations and which seem to be causations.
2) Include many factors: from background traits, to personality traits, to behaviors in the relationship itself (otherwise you might end up with thinking a correlation is a causation, because the study didn't include the causative factor). This is a good example of a study that doesn't have enough factors.
3) Doesn't rely on self-reporting (because, even if you thought their responses are reliable, it doesn't explain why the reasons they give for divorce happened).

So far I haven't found one good, comprehensive source for that. I've narrowed down one place with a huge list of correlations that are unfortunately mostly unsourced, a study that shows financial disagreements rather than financial status synchronizes with divorce, and here's the study on ethnicities and divorce which again unfortunately doesn't control for other factors so you can't say whether it's cause or correlation with hidden causes. However, other studies seem to find that "exogamous" marriages are more unstable because "Having a different-origin spouse is linked to difficulties agreeing on common interests and lifestyles (Hibbler and Shinew 2002), and the divergence in cultural values fuels partnership strain (Hohmann-Marriott and Amato 2008), which usually leads to divorce (Zhang and Van Hook 2009)" - but that doesn't explain why the study found white male+black female are less likely to divorce than two whites, while black male+white female are more likely than w+w. It doesn't explain the variation. Then there are studies that measure the experience of parental divorce on the childrens' own future divorce rate. They find that it's not their experience of divorce itself which causes the higher rates, but rather their experience of parental conflict - and of course, spouses in conflict are more likely to divorce, thus the surface correlation.

You already saw the source about infidelity in my previous post, which shows how more frequent religious attendance is the one factor that correlates with lower infidelity rates for both genders whereas every other factor seems to be gender dependent. And in self-reports, infidelity is obviously consistently cited among the top reasons for divorce (which as I pointed out above about self-reports, doesn't explain why infidelity does or doesn't happen in terms of the persons' backgrounds, personality traits, and factors inherent to the relationship itself like financial disagreement and other behaviors).
 
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AttackFormation

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People who are low in neuroticism and high in conscientiousness are more likely to be satisfied in their marriages, and they're also more likely to be religious which is probably what explains why more frequent religious attendance in that other study is associated with lower infidelity. And then like a 1-2 combo, increased satisfaction in marriage correlates with lower infidelity.

"Controlling for marital dissatisfaction and demographic variables, infidelity was predicted by greater neuroticism and lower religiosity; wives' pregnancy also increased the risk of infidelity for husbands. In comparison, self-esteem and partners' suspected affair were predictive of infidelity when controlling for demographic variables but were not uniquely predictive of infidelity when also controlling for marital dissatisfaction." - https://www.researchgate.net/public...opulation-Based_Sample_of_Married_Individuals

"Wives high (versus low) in extraversion and husbands and wives with partners high (versus low) in neuroticism or extraversion were more likely to engage in infidelity regardless of whether we controlled for satisfaction. Husbands with partners high (versus low) in narcissism were more likely to engage in infidelity, though this effect was no longer significant when controlling for satisfaction." - https://www.researchgate.net/public...ersonality_traits_as_predictors_of_infidelity
 
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ShePays

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LOL. I referenced this song to over the weekend. This extended weekend should be interesting. If she cries again, I may have to show her the door. I do not want to, but she's not getting it. Though, she's not mentioned it since Saturday, so I guess that's a plus.



Certainly possible.
Yeah, I figure, when you press 'play' on that song, she either drops it(for a while), or she ghosts. Either way, you win.
 

AttackFormation

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Everything I keep reading confirms what my first point was, which is that the population-wide divorce rate itself is not useful as an indicator of whether your own relationship is gonna be healthy and how long it'll last. It's much better to actually map out who the persons involved are in terms of traits that predict infidelity and divorce.

Two introverted people who are low in neuroticism, high in conscientiousness, have no addictions or substance use, have compatible habit expectations and regularly attend church together have a virtually non-existent risk of infidelity or divorce compared to two non-conscientious, neurotic extroverts who like to drink, do drugs and party, fight over finances and home habits and have never seen the inside of a church, but the population-wide average sorts them both together.
 
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