Having seconds thoughts after breaking up a 4year ltr

Wicked

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Hi I’m 26 years old who recently broke up with my gf because she lied to me where she was and made no effort to clarify when I confronted her red handed.
The reason I broke up is because I have trust issues with her since she had lied to me in the past and was fooling around with a guy so i broke up on confronting her back then but I eventually got back together after few months when she apologised and said she won’t do it again.

It took me a long time to get over this and when she lied again it just felt exactly same like before, though I did not try to figure out who she was with because I just did not have the enrfy to go through this again.

she has been constantly calling from different numbers asking me for a chance to clarify why she lied and that I’m over reacting. I’ve ghosted her after having an outburst where I called her “lying ****” and a lot more along those lines.

I got on dating apps since I don’t have a social circle to find people to hangout with.

now she reaches out to me everyday and says she wants to fix this but then I found her on one of the apps at the same time.

I got really annoyed and responded to one of her emails and said why the hell she wants to get back and have an account on an app at the same time what’s wrong with her, to which she responded she is trying to get distracted because I dumped her and still wants to get back.

Should I listen to her and see what she has to say it continue not responding to anything.

Apologies if this was long but I didn’t speak about it to anyone and I’ve started losing perspective on things.
 
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I broke up with my ex for similar reasons but she didn’t have history of fooling around with a guy unlike yours and I only went with my gut feeling. I am fine today and do not regret it. Your gf has a history so more than likely was screwing around with a guy.

BLOCK HER and move on.
 

tightgrp

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4 yrs ... you're going to experience dopamine withdrawal for about 4 months and then some. Find someone new or tough it out. You already know the right answer as far as taking her back.
 

Dr.Suave

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Going back to an ex is like going through your own garbage
 

Plinco

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Hi I’m 26 years old who recently broke up with my gf because she lied to me where she was and made no effort to clarify when I confronted her red handed.
The reason I broke up is because I have trust issues with her since she had lied to me in the past and was fooling around with a guy so i broke up on confronting her back then but I eventually got back together after few months when she apologised and said she won’t do it again.

It took me a long time to get over this and when she lied again it just felt exactly same like before, though I did not try to figure out who she was with because I just did not have the enrfy to go through this again.

she has been constantly calling from different numbers asking me for a chance to clarify why she lied and that I’m over reacting. I’ve ghosted her after having an outburst where I called her “lying ****” and a lot more along those lines.

I got on dating apps since I don’t have a social circle to find people to hangout with.

now she reaches out to me everyday and says she wants to fix this but then I found her on one of the apps at the same time.

I got really annoyed and responded to one of her emails and said why the hell she wants to get back and have an account on an app at the same time what’s wrong with her, to which she responded she is trying to get distracted because I dumped her and still wants to get back.

Should I listen to her and see what she has to say it continue not responding to anything.

Apologies if this was long but I didn’t speak about it to anyone and I’ve started losing perspective on things.
Respect is more important than any sex or relationship. In my personal experience, breaking up with her will hurt but you will look back on it and thank yourself for doing so.
 

SW15

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Going back to an ex is like going through your own garbage

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7

Don't re-heat leftovers.

I know men who didn't follow Iron Rue #7. It never turned out well.
 

BeExcellent

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She is trying to get you back for her ego. You have trust issues for a reason & it doesn’t matter why she lied, she lied.

It will take time but taking her back will only teach her that lying is OK.

Do you want to teach her lying is OK? No? You can’t take her back. No contact. If it’s as bad as her getting new numbers to text you? Get an alternative number for a while. If she hasn’t got your number she can’t harass you.

She’s on dating sites looking for new/strange. How disrespectful if she cared for you…

Hang in there. You are doing the right thing.

Cheers
 
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Giovanni SouthSide

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In all relationships in life go by the true feeling of the energy not what it said in the moment. If your gut is pulling your ear then you should listen to it.
I would never take back a chick who put the horns on me point blank period.
But you took her back I understand but these are the consequences of a no good disloyal chick that will keep lying through her teeth.
Grounds for immediate removal.
Lick your wounds and walk away for your own sanity. That is what real men do.
 
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Foe

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she was and made no effort to clarify when I confronted her red handed.
Dude 80% of the girls I've been in a LTR have done this to me in one way or another. I've had to play detective and the CIA interrogator to extract the truth and EVERY single time when I've had a "feeling" its been accurate. As they say past events predict future trends.

I saw a youtube video from coach red pill on "why woman lie" and he made a interesting observation. Woman have this logic that goes like this, people who cheat are bad people, I'm not a bad person so when I slept with that guy it wasn't cheating it was because I had to for X reason that is your fault. In the end they see it as you cheating and often will accuse of of it (projection).

Take it from someone who just ended a 2+ year relationship that had a thousand breakups (by her) that all attempts to "fix" the issues that were there before each breakup had zero impact. The sex will be missed but then juice was no longer worth the squeeze and in your case you could save yourself some time and invest your energy into something with more potential.

She is trying to get you back for her ego.
This guys knows what's up. It kills them when you start to move on, that's when they will exponentially up the interest but only up to the point in which they think they have you, then they will dump you, often in a much worse way then the initial breakup.

You did the right thing, back your strategy anything less and you will have to learn the hard way as I did.
 

BackInTheGame78

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This woman doesn't respect you and hasn't for some time.

She wants to get back with you until she finds someone else to permanently monkey branch with and then she will dump you with no remorse after having you believe she was wanting to make things work.

I wouldn't OP. I know you are hurting but you have to have respect for yourself and as such you cannot allow someone in your life that doesn't respect you.

Just had to do something similar with a woman I was dating who then I became friend with(and I really was friends, she was cool and I was dating other people), then she pushed and pushed for things to progress again and after a few months I banged her a few times, went on vacation and come back and she texts me that she wanted to wait til I got back but that she was going to start seeing someone else and that we would be just friends again.

Told her, nah I'll pass. Can't trust someone anymore who works hard to get back with me and then is still looking for someone else at the same time. If you have a juicy prime rib you don't go out looking for chopped liver. Told her I hope she made a good decision for herself and good luck.

Sucks because I really did like spending time with her even as friends, we always had a good time no matter what and I honestly would have been cool if nothing has happened and we just stayed friends, but once she pushed for it to change then backed out, that was it. Not having it.

Gotta respect yourself no matter what.
 
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Modern Man Advice

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I've posted this in the past but I'll do it again as it is important to always keep in mind.

One word: Respect.

Enforce it. NEVER allow disrespect from anyone, especially a woman you are in a committed relationship with.

Ignore and move on with your life.


Modern Man Advice
 

BPH

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Lovely story about me and my ex: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/valentines-day-am-i-the.272812/

I received a lot of the same advice that you're getting now. I won't tell you what to do because you won't listen. But I went through this experience myself and I think that's the best way to really learn.

But if you want to avoid wasting your time, feel free to read that and see how ongoing all this crap was after thinking it could get better.
 

Barrister

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You are experiencing withdrawal. She is like a drug to you that has suddenly been cut off. You are going to experience some tough times for awhile.

Four years is a significant relationship in terms of length of time. Expect it to take a solid 6-8 months before you feel completely over her. However, you can speed that process up by setting some goals for yourself and improving yourself. Also, when you are ready, start seeing (and banging) other women. This will help reset your brain to see that hey - she is NOT the only woman around or this picture of feminine perfection.

She cheated on you - you broke up with her due to trust issues which is a very valid reason to break up and move on. You made the right choice. Do not sacrifice your dignity now just because you miss her (a drug) and want a quick hit. Stay strong, brother.
 
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