Got broken up with by an hb9.5

GoDJ thatsmyDJ

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How do you get over this? Long story short, I lost my frame for about a month going through some personal problems and she left me.

Never had a problem picking up girls. Already have a few hb7-8 in my orbit that want to sleep with me, but I’m not ready and I feel like they’re not good enough. I want someone hotter than my ex, which given my level of attraction to her, may not be possible—at least right now. Super depressed. I have terrible one-itis and just can’t get her off my mind. Was going to hang up the cleats and marry her, now I’m back to potentially banging girls that are objectively and subjectively less attractive to me. She was definitely the hottest girl I’ve banged or at least very close to it. Showstopper. Good girl, good in bed, good family, wanted to marry me. I’d be lying to myself if I said she wasn’t all those things. But I screwed it up. Had a really dark time in my past that I never told Her about. Nothing crazy but got real depressed and off my game after a family member passed away. She found out, and feels like I lied to her because I basically did. Thought it was in the rearview. I reacted poorly with an attrocious barrage of beta, unattractive apologizing, begging. I am literally disgusted just thinking about it. Totally lost my frame over it. Never misstepped in our year-long relationship otherwise. She is probably horrified. In all honesty—I’m horrified. I don’t know how I behaved like that. Ugh.

Maybe this isn’t the right place to post this. I don’t need help picking up girls. But I’m very down and out. Having a hard time reconciling what I lost, and an even harder time believing I can do better. I’m in my 30s and have had my fun. Didn’t want to go back to the single DJ lifestyle. But here I am.

TLDR; broken heart from smokeshow. Need help picking up the pieces. FML.
 
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GoDJ thatsmyDJ

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Yeah. I’ve thought about that. Basically she told me her whole life story. I left that part out of mine. I was super fvcked up over it and wasn’t proud of it. She doesn’t care that I was depressed, she thinks I’m a liar now. On the one hand she’d be right—I never told her the truth about it. But I also never lied to her about a single other thing. Ever.

When we first started dating I was spinning plates. HARD. Was totally honest with her that I was sleeping with other people....was honest with her about everything.

But, when the trust is gone, it’s time to move on. I guess.
 

samspade

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That means you banged and dated an HB 9.5 - congratulations.
 

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Kotaix

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Stoicism. Study it.

You are to be infallible and lead at every moment, if you can't then she'll find someone who can. When she's that hot, she won't have a problem monkey branching up to the next guy, and she probably already had a guy in mind.
 

Atom Smasher

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There's no way a worthy girl would leave because of that. She had other problems with you and that was her excuse. Perhaps you were showing weakness in other arenas?

You are speaking rather vaguely: "Real depressed and off my game". That must have been some hella description of whatever you went through that you actually told her. I'm sure you didn't tell her simply you were depressed and off your game.

As usual, there's more than meets the eye here.
 

GoDJ thatsmyDJ

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I wish it were true that I was off my game in other arenas. I am certain that wasn’t the case. She was pressuring me for marriage and kids. And says she never wants to date anyone again because she can’t trust anyone. She’s spending all day everyday crying.

It’s not that I was depressed over the death that’s she’s mad abour, I just never told her about it. I went through a pretty dark time and ‘a friend’ told her about it. He thought it wasn’t a big deal, but didn’t know that we never talked about it. She asked me about it, and I just minimized it—acted like it wasn’t a big deal, even though it really was. I said yeah it was hard but that’s about it. So she thinks she can’t trust me. It wasn’t that I dropped a bomb on her, but rather I minimized that it was so hard for me— and she can’t understand why I wouldn’t tell her. Thinks I’m hiding stuff from her now.

Also the fact that she knew I was spinning plates when I met her always made her not trust me, even though I never even looked at another girl when we were together. She had been really fvcked over by the last two guys she dated, one was abusive, the other was a pathological liar so she had her own issues. Maybe I dodged a bullet. I don’t know. But I haven’t talked to a single person in real life that isn’t stunned that she walked. Either way—not the point of the thread. I’m trying to move on, because he reaction was pretty unacceptable to me. But it’s tough. She’s texting me non-stop(literally all day long till 2am). Has been coming over every other day, so I know she’s not banging anyone else. Basically is having an emotional breakdown.

Do I go no contact?! Is this salvageable? I’m just not sure. I’d rather move on than give myself false hope. Obviously I want her back, but not on her terms.
 

lizardking82

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That woman is too hot for you. If you're dating a 9,5...you need to be a hot, superb man to keep her long term. You guys are 7s or 8s at best and wanna bang 10s for 5 years in a row, possibly even have children with them LOL

8s and above are hardly relationship material because in today's world more than ever, they have such power that they never really have to settle so you're into something that's kinda not real. Have a lower profile girl and you'll have a much better chance of creating a relationship you can maintain.
 

sosousage

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How do you get over this? Long story short, I lost my frame for about a month going through some personal problems and she left me.

Never had a problem picking up girls. Already have a few hb7-8 in my orbit that want to sleep with me, but I’m not ready and I feel like they’re not good enough. I want someone hotter than my ex, which given my level of attraction to her, may not be possible—at least right now. Super depressed. I have terrible one-itis and just can’t get her off my mind. Was going to hang up the cleats and marry her, now I’m back to potentially banging girls that are objectively and subjectively less attractive to me. She was definitely the hottest girl I’ve banged or at least very close to it. Showstopper. Good girl, good in bed, good family, wanted to marry me. I’d be lying to myself if I said she wasn’t all those things. But I screwed it up. Had a really dark time in my past that I never told Her about. Nothing crazy but got real depressed and off my game after a family member passed away. She found out, and feels like I lied to her because I basically did. Thought it was in the rearview. I reacted poorly with an attrocious barrage of beta, unattractive apologizing, begging. I am literally disgusted just thinking about it. Totally lost my frame over it. Never misstepped in our year-long relationship otherwise. She is probably horrified. In all honesty—I’m horrified. I don’t know how I behaved like that. Ugh.

Maybe this isn’t the right place to post this. I don’t need help picking up girls. But I’m very down and out. Having a hard time reconciling what I lost, and an even harder time believing I can do better. I’m in my 30s and have had my fun. Didn’t want to go back to the single DJ lifestyle. But here I am.

TLDR; broken heart from smokeshow. Need help picking up the pieces. FML.

dont fall in love then
 

Smok1nAce

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All this trouble just to bang a “9.5” lol c’mon son. That’s why these girls run around with these egos. You ****in up the game. If guys simple stopped jumping through hopes for these women they find out there not that special. And probably be more inclined to stay.
 

GrowingPains

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because he reaction was pretty unacceptable to me
Do I go no contact?! Is this salvageable? I’m just not sure. I’d rather move on than give myself false hope. Obviously I want her back, but not on her terms

She texts, but does she do anything to SHOW you she's sorry? Actions speak louder than words. Don't give her your free attention by texting her. If you want her back, tell her like AMS says:

"You gon' have to suck a whooooole lotta d!ck"

Go, DJ! Cuz das my DJ!
 

GoDJ thatsmyDJ

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Zero remorse. Just sorry that it’s over, but all her texts are her being sad and also angry with me. There’s some daylight, sorta. She says she’ll never get over this or me blah blah. For what it’s worth aside from this **** I have a very high SMV, so it’s gonna be hard for her to do better. We were pretty evenly matched, but it’s hard to find a non-hypergamous 9.5—there just aren’t that many of them. Or they’re instagram models or have other issues. And most of them are girl DJs. This girl wasn’t but clearly has her own issues too, like everyone else.

Question about the no contact challenge. I’ve done it before, but not in this situation (is a LTR) Do I tell her we can’t talk anymore or just vanish and stop responding? The latter seems immature but maybe is still the better move? When I didn’t answer her one night this week she started losing her **** within an hour. Do I just draw that out? Stop responding entirely without prefacing it with anything?
 
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GoDJ thatsmyDJ

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Also I want to add, I understand women pretty well. I, for the most part understand how blew this up, how I could’ve avoided it, and I acted outside of everything I know to be attractive to women when she started talking breakup. I am pretty sure I’m completely screwed here. She’s not coming back, she badmouthed me to all her friends and family with whom I previously had strong admiration from. A girl like her needs validation from her peers, and none of them like me now. My frame is permanently fvcked with the people closest to her. That was something that attracted her to me, without a doubt, and that no longer exists. Say she gets over what I did, her friends and family wouldn’t, at least for awhile.
 
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GoDJ thatsmyDJ

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Statistically, there are just way less 9+ out there than lower tiered attracted women. I’ve done it s few times. 3x with a 9+, but I’ve banged like 100 girls. Especially at my age, most of the hottest girls are younger. Read my post asking about no contact and tell me what you think. I want her back but I don’t think it’s an option, so NC is the only choice. Just not sure if I need to preface it with an explanation. Usually when I go NC it’s because I’m spinning plates and don’t care, but unfortunately I do care and it’s affecting my judgement.
 

marmel75

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Trust can be rebuilt. But if she left because you were hiding a painful past then she wasn't that committed and looking to bail anyway. Thank the gods this didn't happen after marriage or kids.
Yeah its funny how so many people would rather just bail at the first sign of trouble these days than try and work through them. So many relationships only exist now where everything is 100% awesome...the first sign of trouble? They are gone...unwilling to be there during the bad times and work through them, only the good ones.

Its an increasingly shallow world we live in these days and the better looking the woman the more shallow she is likely to be.
Its the price you pay for dating hot women...one misstep and they are gone.
 

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You need to grab her by the collar (figuratively) and knock some sense into her.

I would tell her, "Now listen... men tend to not talk extensively about bad moments. That's how we are. We don't dwell... we overcome. Now you make a decision. If you can't get over it, then go. You will be doing me a favor if that's how you feel. You need to stop this nonsense, get off your high horse, and decide to leave or stay. I will not maintain communication with you if you decide to leave. If you decide to stay, I'll decide whether or not it is good for me to stay. Make your choice. Next time I hear from you, I want it to be your decision."

Script successfully flipped. Either that will knock her out of her little pity party, or she will leave. Either way, resolution has been achieved. No man should live in twilight, not knowing what's going on with a woman.

I can tell you though, that she is a baby and emotionally unstable. That means similar things are likely to surface in the future should you both decide to continue. Put your foot down and do not accept this nonsense.

How dare she put you in this position?

Handle your business.
 

GoDJ thatsmyDJ

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Yeah its funny how so many people would rather just bail at the first sign of trouble these days than try and work through them. So many relationships only exist now where everything is 100% awesome...the first sign of trouble? They are gone...unwilling to be there during the bad times and work through them, only the good ones.

Its an increasingly shallow world we live in these days and the better looking the woman the more shallow she is likely to be.
Its the price you pay for dating hot women...one misstep and they are gone.
Too true. Everything was 100% awesome, until I fvcked up. I played it perfectly until I didn’t. If anything she was the insecure one in the relationship. Knew I was sleeping with multiple plates when we started dating, and I made her wait 2 solid months and made her prove that she was worthy. The whole time I just wanted her, but no guy ever made her work for it. And she really did. Some of my best work.

Don’t get me wrong, there were girls throwing themselves at me, and guys throwing themselves at her the entire time. But she was such a cold b!tch to everyone except me. Until I got on the wrong side of it and now that’s basically how she treated me. Now I love her and I totally lost my nerve. Damnit.
 

Atom Smasher

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Another thing that makes it harder for you is the fact that she is extraordinarily good looking. About 20 years ago, I was in a relationship with a hot blond. White-hot. When we broke up, the hardest part for me was thinking that I'll never get anyone as good looking as her. It could never be possible.

Fast-forward a few months and I had another girl just as hot. In fact, the blond's good looks started diminishing in my estimation. This is because we tend to idealize the person we're involved with. Leaving them humanizes them and their faults become more apparent. We find that there are different classes of "hot". One girl is hot in a certain set of characteristics, and another has a different combination.

When we break up, we imagine that the transition from one girl to another is vertical in scale. We think that a new person will be either less hot, more hot, or about the same. It doesn't work that way in reality. The scale is horizontal. We trade one brand of "hot" for another.
 
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