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Girls lose interest after dates and communication fizzles out..Help!?

G-Unit

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@ OP
This right here tells me you're insecure AF.
I'm being objective.
Ok, and. Let's say I am "insecure AF". What specific action should I take and how specifically I should alter my behavior, interaction during dates to improve my odds?

That's because it depends on what you're after...some ditzy bimbo who's even more insecure than you will crave all the texting and the attention. Or some normal girl who looks for a masculine guy who's life doesn't revolve around girls and who sees himself as the prize. That kind of girl is going to be put off by beta, approval seeking behavior.
I'm just after *****. Any ***** that is 7/10+. Medicore girls are easy to get. I just want to build a rotation. It's simple really. I don't even need a gf or a family. I would get a gf if she was 8/10+ and had other good stats (like good family etc), but I don't really care that much.
 

Atom Smasher

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Do you give off a feminine vibe? You’ve mentioned your voice a lot and your youthful appearance.

Are you sing-songy when you speak, with lots of ups and downs in your voice? Do you shake your head and shrug your shoulders while speaking? These are all feminine habits that can turn girls off.
 

G-Unit

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Do you give off a feminine vibe?
No, I try to wear bomber jackets and rugged clothes. I'm jacked and wide shouldered.

You’ve mentioned your voice a lot and your youthful appearance.
Yes, I have youthful appearance. I can't grow a proper beard, so I can't fix that and youthful appearance means I can literally date 20 year olds as a 30+ man.

Are you sing-songy when you speak, with lots of ups and downs in your voice?
No. Not sing-songy at all. Monotone if anything.

Do you shake your head and shrug your shoulders while speaking?
I don't know. I will have to observe that. I don't think so. I will pay extra attention to this on today's date. I will try to be more calmer, less animated, more masculine, relaxed.
 
M

member160761

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I relate a lot with OP here. I look like Chad, minus being jacked, and girls project a certain persona onto me. Pretty much like OP I act more passive in conversations and talk more with my hands, am direct and abrasive with my words. Some girls dig that but it gets old fast if you don't build a emotional connection with them. When your mind is rigid and you go too strict by formula there is no room for spontaneity, meaning no "letting go" and girls feel that and will comply if they like you but ghost you when your tone does not change.

Two years ago I used to "get it", satisfaction of life was through the roof and I could "feel out" and understand women like never before. I just had a knack for women as I never had before and after. OP's problem is not physical but a spiritual one. From his photo you can see that his muscles are very tense, have something lifeless and constricted about them which reflects in the way he is presenting himself. You are jacked but your body is lifeless, you not only miss the "spark" with girls but you miss the spark for life so to speak. We men, after all, carry the essence of life in us and give it to women.
 

G-Unit

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I relate a lot with OP here. I look like Chad, minus being jacked, and girls project a certain persona onto me. Pretty much like OP I act more passive in conversations and talk more with my hands, am direct and abrasive with my words. Some girls dig that but it gets old fast if you don't build a emotional connection with them. When your mind is rigid and you go too strict by formula there is no room for spontaneity, meaning no "letting go" and girls feel that and will comply if they like you but ghost you when your tone does not change.

Two years ago I used to "get it", satisfaction of life was through the roof and I could "feel out" and understand women like never before. I just had a knack for women as I never had before and after. OP's problem is not physical but a spiritual one. From his photo you can see that his muscles are very tense, have something lifeless and constricted about them which reflects in the way he is presenting himself. You are jacked but your body is lifeless, you not only miss the "spark" with girls but you miss the spark for life so to speak. We men, after all, carry the essence of life in us and give it to women.
So what specific actions do you recommend me to take to improve this and become more fluid and not so rigid and tense?
 

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BackInTheGame78

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I am now running an experiment:
1) I will message girls more often during the week. Throwing "text only for logistics" out of the window, since it has worked horribly for me so far.
2) I will engage their emotions more and think before each text. I will think how to send a text that will create intrigue or engage emotions, not just dry "Hey, what are you doing on Friday?" type of text.
3) I will send a meme from time to time. All of these girls are young about 18-25 range, so I think I have to communicate with them differently than 30+ mature women.
Basically I will try to be more chill, fun, because in reality I'm super serious and extremely logical. I think that is off-putting to women.
I will see if this improves my odds and gets them more invested in conversations with me.
If this doesn't work, idk, I will try something else I guess, but it kind of sucks, because I see how easy it is for me to get phone numbers both on Tinder and from cold approach and how ridiculously hard it is for me to arrange dates, second dates or get them to come over.
It's like I spike her emotions with my first approach and lines, but then once she chats with me a bit she loses all interest.
I'd suggest randomly sprinkling in these type of questions in your texts...I do this to great success...not all the time, maybe once every few days.

It makes you interesting, fun and helps maintain connections between dates as well as give you things to talk about during the next date.

 

pipeman84

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I'm being objective.
Ok, and. Let's say I am "insecure AF". What specific action should I take and how specifically I should alter my behavior, interaction during dates to improve my odds?
Indeed, the height is an objective thing. But the fact that it negatively impacts your interactions with girls is a totally subjective opinion.
I don't think it's about 'doing' anything specific, it's all about being. When the being and doing are not congruent, you come across as fake or a robot. As DonQuixote said, it's a spiritual issue. You have to see yourself as worthy, try reading Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle for instance.
 

BackInTheGame78

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So what specific actions do you recommend me to take to improve this and become more fluid and not so rigid and tense?
When you are out with a woman, lean back open your body up, take up space(I love to put both arms out to the side when possible), take a deep breath and just relax. That is masculine.

It will make you appear sure and confident in yourself and not nervous and uptight.

Never cross your arms. It signals you are closed off and is very bad in terms of body language and the signal it sends them.

Take a second longer to respond to her, this also projects confidence and that you do things at your own pace.
 

G-Unit

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I got stood up and ghosted by a tinder date AGAIN, despite this girl explicitly agreeing yesterday to meet me at specific place and time.
Yeah, at some point you just want to give up. There is only so much a person can take.

I'd suggest randomly sprinkling in these type of questions in your texts...I do this to great success...not all the time, maybe once every few days.

It makes you interesting, fun and helps maintain connections between dates as well as give you things to talk about during the next date.

Thanks, this is good specific advice.

I don't think it's about 'doing' anything specific, it's all about being. When the being and doing are not congruent, you come across as fake or a robot. As DonQuixote said, it's a spiritual issue. You have to see yourself as worthy, try reading Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle for instance.
Bad advice, because its subjective "just b urself dude" which means nothing. I've "been myself for" 15 years, how far has that gotten me?

When you are out with a woman, lean back open your body up, take up space(I love to put both arms out to the side when possible), take a deep breath and just relax. That is masculine.
I already do this.

Never cross your arms. It signals you are closed off and is very bad in terms of body language and the signal it sends them.
I never cross my arms.

Take a second longer to respond to her, this also projects confidence and that you do things at your own pace.
Ok, I will think about this.
 

pipeman84

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Bad advice, because its subjective "just b urself dude" which means nothing. I've "been myself for" 15 years, how far has that gotten me?
Man, nowhere did I say 'just be yourself'. What I said is that you're insecure AF and the solution to that is to look deep inside yourself to first recognize it and then slowly get rid of that insecurity. It's all internal, not external (no objective issues there as you're tall and lean enough). Until you solve the internal, the outer doing such as sitting there like a boss with legs spread apart and all that will appear incongruent with the insecure vibe you give off.
 

G-Unit

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Man, nowhere did I say 'just be yourself'. What I said is that you're insecure AF and the solution to that is to look deep inside yourself to first recognize it and then slowly get rid of that insecurity. It's all internal, not external (no objective issues there as you're tall and lean enough). Until you solve the internal, the outer doing such as sitting there like a boss with legs spread apart and all that will appear incongruent with the insecure vibe you give off.
What is your specific, actionable step recommendation?
"Look deep inside yourself" - what does that even mean?
It's vague.
I'm not insecure or secure, I just am. I just see the way things are. I just observe things and draw conclusions.
I see that my current strategies for dating are sub-optimal. I'm trying to troubleshoot and understand why.

It's all internal, not external
My gut actually agrees with you on this one.
I agree that my issues are internal.
I want to know specific (!!!) steps how to fix them.
Just tell me what to do and I will do it. I'm good at following instructions.
But tell me what to do specifically, step by step???
 

pipeman84

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I'm not insecure or secure, I just am. I just see the way things are. I just observe things and draw conclusions.
Yeah, but if you observe them through 'insecure glasses' you observe distorted things and draw the the wrong conclusions.
index.jpg

I want to know specific (!!!) steps how to fix them.
Just tell me what to do and I will do it. I'm good at following instructions.
But tell me what to do specifically, step by step???
I already suggested Eckhart Tolle, try also Abraham Hicks, read the book of Pook on this forum
 
M

member160761

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So what specific actions do you recommend me to take to improve this and become more fluid and not so rigid and tense?
What is your specific, actionable step recommendation?
Your problem is that you are too rigid and controlling. You believe when you do XYZ things you will get the result. Nobody has a miracle solution for you. The greatest problem is your mind. You are too rationalistic. You need to relax and grow love within you. You first foster love properly, and I do not mean that in the romantic sense, I mean that in the detachment from your ego. Learn how to have no ego, no pride. Instead of pride foster dignity (honor), instead of ego foster integrity (principles which may go against your ego in certain situations but are for the greater benefit in the long run). When you manage that you relax automatically, you become like water - you go with the flow without losing yourself.

Books I recommend you that give you an idea of your problem are:
The Betrayal of the Body
Fear of Life

These two books deal with your dilemma, and through that newfound understanding you will properly know how to be and what to do.
 

G-Unit

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Your problem is that you are too rigid and controlling. You believe when you do XYZ things you will get the result.
True, that is how I go forward and achieve things in life. I create a systematic, well-researched plan and methodology and I implement it one step at a time.

Nobody has a miracle solution for you. The greatest problem is your mind. You are too rationalistic. You need to relax and grow love within you.
Okay, I see. I think I need some drugs lol, maybe DMT.

Thanks for book suggestions.
 
M

member160761

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Okay, I see. I think I need some drugs lol, maybe DMT.
No, that can cause brain damage and will prevent your goal. Love is the totality of all that is good, in action, thought and speech.
 

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G-Unit

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No, that can cause brain damage and will prevent your goal. Love is the totality of all that is good, in action, thought and speech.
Well, my brain is already damaged as you see so no big loss, right?
Also, this is conflicting advice. I've seen others advising to take DMT and LSD in order to loosen brain from these bounds. So I don't know whom to believe.
 
M

member160761

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Well, my brain is already damaged as you see so no big loss, right?
Also, this is conflicting advice. I've seen others advising to take DMT and LSD in order to loosen brain from these bounds. So I don't know whom to believe.
As said, drugs are shortcuts with temporary benefits but permanent damage. The proper way through contemplating your problem, fixing your thoughts and habits takes longer but gives permanent benefit if you keep them.
 

Robert28

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I see alot of my struggles with dating in your experience. I was seeing this girl for a month, things were going well but it went from one night dancing in the street at some tree lighting thing, to getting the boot two days later. I even had plans to go to her family’s house for thanksgiving since she invited me back in October, I canceled plans with my family and now I have zero plans lol maybe it’s a blessing that you can’t get past a first or second date because I can’t get past a few weeks or a month and that crushes you when it happens over and over.
 

G-Unit

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I see alot of my struggles with dating in your experience. I was seeing this girl for a month, things were going well but it went from one night dancing in the street at some tree lighting thing, to getting the boot two days later. I even had plans to go to her family’s house for thanksgiving since she invited me back in October, I canceled plans with my family and now I have zero plans lol maybe it’s a blessing that you can’t get past a first or second date because I can’t get past a few weeks or a month and that crushes you when it happens over and over.
For you I assume this was an isolated incident, which "happens".
Why I am upset - this is a general trend for the last 10 years, which is pretty insane.
I mean, there is obviously something extremely wrong with me: physically or how I conduct myself.
Since they initially give me the number and actually go on dates even from cold approach, I assume it's not physicality, but some of my behaviors that might bore them or make them feel like there is lack of chemistry.
 

jaymbrs

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You're not the only one @G-Unit . I'm going through that now after taking some time off from a break up in May. I think there's a lot of fakeness going around and it makes you believe things are going great when it could just be the booze talking or the woman is in fact enjoying the evening but doesn't commit to another date because she's dating too many men at the same time. I'm guilty of stringing women along and saving face by saying I had a good time and that I'll call them. It's just now more common against men.
 
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