Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Girlfriend of a year put a pink streak in her hair.

Jay25

Don Juan
Joined
Nov 30, 2011
Messages
74
Reaction score
13
I’m not really into this and I’ve told her this before, but out of nowhere she comes in with a pink strand in her hair.

It didn’t look bad but I don’t know I don’t really like stuff like this and she knows this, she says it’s her hair and can do what she wants and I said I don’t have to be attracted to it.

She knew I wouldn’t like it and did it anyway, how should I handle this
 

In2theGame

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 17, 2005
Messages
2,197
Reaction score
1,145
Age
41
Location
New York City
she says it’s her hair and can do what she wants
Always remember this with Women. It's true that they can do whatever they want and you shouldn't give yourself a headache trying to tell them otherwise. That's why I do not get attached to them emotionally (girlfriend). If they are doing something I don't like, I simply leave and move on to another Woman.

In this case, She's your girlfriend and knew you wouldn't like it so what does that tell you? she basically said "I don't give a fvck what he thinks"
 

Jay25

Don Juan
Joined
Nov 30, 2011
Messages
74
Reaction score
13
It’s not even that bad it’s just that she basically knows how I feel and doesn’t care so it’s all good
 

zekko

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 6, 2009
Messages
15,859
Reaction score
8,562
I'm going to play devil's advocate here. If you wanted to try a new haircut, do you think anybody here would advise you not to do it because your girlfriend might not like it? It's pretty much the same thing here. I don't see it as that big of a deal, certainly not a dealbreaker. Lots of people are putting these weird colors in their hair now, it's in style. Especially since Halloween is around the corner (my theory is that is where this fad originated - seriously).
 

Soflobro#3

Banned
Joined
May 17, 2018
Messages
733
Reaction score
271
Age
28
I’m not really into this and I’ve told her this before, but out of nowhere she comes in with a pink strand in her hair.

It didn’t look bad but I don’t know I don’t really like stuff like this and she knows this, she says it’s her hair and can do what she wants and I said I don’t have to be attracted to it.

She knew I wouldn’t like it and did it anyway, how should I handle this
Just playfully make fun of her for it and stop caring. Sometimes when a woman knows it bothers you she'll just do it intentionally as a way to show she has power over you. It's best to never let her know what bothers you, when it's something petty like this. If you really cant handle it break up. This is very petty.

Also the majority of women are emotionally immature like this. Don't show them when you're upset unless it's something serious, always just withdraw attention and stop validating her. You can also withdraw attention after you tease her about how silly she looks.
 
Joined
Oct 7, 2018
Messages
115
Reaction score
44
Two things:
1) Pick your battles.
2) File this under Things That Aren't That Important.
ya zekko has the correct attitude toward this. not to be rude but it shows insecurity that you disapproved in the first place.
THAT SAID, if I am any type of good judge toward women she's already made the decision to cheat, whether or not she has yet, your relationship is effectively over. I would figure out how to make an exit immediately. the second this phrase comes out "I can do what I want", its over. pull back.
 

devilkingx2

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
4,542
Reaction score
2,227
Location
NYC
she says it’s her hair and can do what she wants
She can, so generally you should try not to sweat the minor stuff to avoid petty fights,

That means letting the little things go but making note of them if they become frequent/increase in severity

however...


She knew I wouldn’t like it and did it anyway, how should I handle this
Instant dealbreaker. It means she does not care about or respect your wishes, or that her random attention seeking whims are more important.

Either demote to plate or dump. Do not take this woman seriously because if she wants to move 400 miles away, **** another guy, branch swing, become addicted to drugs while partying every night or take a vow of celibacy, She will because "it's her body and she can do what she wants".
 
Last edited:

marmel75

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 4, 2012
Messages
7,234
Reaction score
5,638
Guys worried about such stupid things these days...no wonder so many have trouble finding women. Say your piece about it but that's it. You don't own her bro, she can do what she wants.
 

Von

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 23, 2016
Messages
2,226
Reaction score
1,235
Age
35
Girls are crazy bro... they will do things that you don't like just so they can be ''reassured'' that you love them.

In this case, she colored 1 hair pink.... sure she's testing you... she wanted to do something with her hair but knew you didnt like it so she did the minimal change possible. It's not a sign she'll cheat or whatever lol. It's a test for you

If you can't pass a single pink hair... Man she doesn't deserve you.
 
A

AJ84

Guest
I don’t know. No it’s not a big big deal but it could be a sign of future behaviour because she basically did something (although small), that she knew he would not like. He communciated that he would not like that and she did it anyway and when he called her on it and she basically said she doesn’t care.

If my husband cut his hair in a style he knows I don’t like that would piss me off a bit. Yes it’s his hair but it’s the principle of the thing esp as I know he would be pissed if I cut my long hair into a bob or something lol.

That’s how I’m looking at OP’s situation. If he does something she doesn’t like will she accept the reply she gave him?

I don’t think he should dump her but I do think he should continue to communicate his values and boundaries (that’s what he’s doing) and if she continues to disrespect those values and boundaries then she’s not the girl for him.
 

wifehunter

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 6, 2015
Messages
5,201
Reaction score
3,328
Age
50
Location
Hoe County, California
the hair thing is just a symptom of the problem...her attitude is huge red flag.

Pride comes before a fall.
 
A

AJ84

Guest
I've found women like to deal with issued on a case by case basis rather than blanket standards to follow. I've had a hell of a time setting overt boundaries, only the true manipulators were even opportunistic enough to enthusiastically adopt(then secretly ignore) them. It seems like men have truly become the women, concerned with maintaining stability, while the women are living how the most opportunistic men lived in the old system.
I think there’s some truth to that for some women and men for sure.
I don’t mean communicate blanket standards at the jump. I mean bringing it up on a case by case basis like you said. I agree.
 

Von

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 23, 2016
Messages
2,226
Reaction score
1,235
Age
35
I think there’s some truth to that for some women and men for sure.
I don’t mean communicate blanket standards at the jump. I mean bringing it up on a case by case basis like you said. I agree.
You girls have to be told "indirectly" and "with no time constraint" .

A women self-image and concept is harder to change than a man.

You cant tell your gf: "you need to lose 15pounds before week or the wedding"

Girls find direct communication in these matters to not touch the "emotional" string to the object they need to relate

You have to be subtle: "you know honey, our wedding is coming up next week, this dress would suit you perfectly and would make you standout from the other girls.." ... Than girl see she sees on the tag that the dress requires 15 pounds to lose lol.

Girls love to be right. They must own the emotion

You need to make them think they got the idea.

Men need to communicate smoothly (which is a contradiction to how we communicate).

Laraider, double like.

Men are being feminized by society, also by the birth control pill residue in the water (when in montreal i drink from the Tap, the water have residue from Toronto girl birth control pill).

But LaRaider, i agree with your post BUT it was ALWAYS a MAN JOB to create STABILITY for the women to reproduce.

A male was always judged by his provider status.

Opportunists where sure Entrepreneur/business people and they typically were MALE because they found more ressources.

However, opportunists male often came from Rich/Aristocrats families... Or where gifted individuals outside of the "norm" .

Women were always opportunistic in the management of her space because it was needed for survival.

In the past, society/nature/religion were used to create a frame for women and men.

Notice, women barely go beyond what they are told is "acceptable" . They really on a autority figure for that, that autority is based on her emotions.

They challenge that autority often in subtle ways especially if they find a "doubt" (emotional), we can call it "test" because they seek the strongest and most solid authority to submit too.

Now in modern society, the authority is the Gouvernement. Gouvernent are raising kids, are taking care of the eiders, are promotion health, are promotion religion (laïc state) etc...

Family unit was reduced to delegate to the State some of it's nurturing/raising/duties.

So Women now submit to the State message: be the leader, be the number 1 etc...

Before when it was the family the authority, the Father/male was the leader to be listen too... Because he was the provider. The women were also forced to listen to their nature call (no birth control, disease could kill, infant would not survive in many cases, 1 income was enough for a whole family, women were forced in the home).

It was mentionned here alot: Women cant shutdown their brain and their space is the space they take by being given, and they never let go of the space.

Why women are considered harder negociator than m'en? Cause they never compromise on her territory (it's mine, dont touch).

So OP GF listened to her emotions and tested OP... OP was in my opinion shown by his GF
1) she love him (she did only a bit, instead whole
2) she doesnt approve his communications méthods (he need to communicate better)
3) a test to see if he can be man enough to overlook what she did or reframe her positively

She took a bit, to see how he will react, if he pass the test she will stop there, if OP rails, she will add a color to her hair (until the head is fully covered, and woman always change hair style when she change man) LOL , no stress OP.

Remember the PUA book: What doesnt make sense to a man, make sense to a woman.

In modern society, women can be opportunitistic (that is new to them), they can be like men/guys.

Women were always strong and controling, and crazy but they always submitted to the frame they were told to HOLD.

You need to communicate that, it's just for her to understand you need to touch her emotions and communicate in a way that reach her (the opposite of what guys use for communication).

To OP: tease her smoothly, mention she looks goods with that amount, maybe even joke she would look funny fully covered.

Remember: you want to win the argument or you want to win the girl
 
Last edited:

Jay25

Don Juan
Joined
Nov 30, 2011
Messages
74
Reaction score
13
When she said that I said I have the right to not be attracted to it, she got mad over that and she got into I don’t accept her for who she is, which is not true, we haven’t talked since, yesterday night. She made it like I’m not attracted to her anymore which is not true

Maybe I went a little too far on that one
 
A

AJ84

Guest
You girls have to be told "indirectly" and "with no time constraint" .

A women self-image and concept is harder to change than a man.

You cant tell your gf: "you need to lose 15pounds before week or the wedding"

Girls find direct communication in these matters to not touch the "emotional" string to the object they need to relate

You have to be subtle: "you know honey, our wedding is coming up next week, this dress would suit you perfectly and would make you standout from the other girls.." ... Than girl see she sees on the tag that the dress requires 15 pounds to lose lol.

Girls love to be right. They must own the emotion

You need to make them think they got the idea.

Men need to communicate smoothly (which is a contradiction to how we communicate).

Laraider, double like
They way you described how men should communicate to women reminds me of how women communicate to men, making them think it was their idea. I think we invented that strategy hahahahaha.

Uh oh they are using our own weapons against us lol.

Joking! But it’s an interesting concept for sure. :)
 
  • Like
Reactions: Von

In2theGame

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 17, 2005
Messages
2,197
Reaction score
1,145
Age
41
Location
New York City
I don’t know. No it’s not a big big deal but it could be a sign of future behaviour because she basically did something (although small), that she knew he would not like. He communicated that he would not like that and she did it anyway and when he called her on it and she basically said she doesn’t care.
This right here. Give Women half an inch and they will take 100 miles.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Von
A

AJ84

Guest
This right here. Give Women half an inch and they will take 100 miles.
Not all women no.

But in my opinion if it’s not a big deal that she wants to dye a pink streak in her hair, then it shouldn’t be a big deal for her not to. It’s not like he is saying he doesn’t want her to get a job or something that would actually affect her life in a significant way.

If she was just some FWB, plate in his rotation or whatever that’s different, who cares. But she’s his girlfriend. So what’s more important? Having a pink strand of hair or having a happy boyfriend? That’s how I would see it personally.

The pick your battles thing goes both ways here.
 

Von

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 23, 2016
Messages
2,226
Reaction score
1,235
Age
35
When she said that I said I have the right to not be attracted to it, she got mad over that and she got into I don’t accept her for who she is, which is not true, we haven’t talked since, yesterday night. She made it like I’m not attracted to her anymore which is not true

Maybe I went a little too far on that one
In relationship, you need to learn to give in sometimes and to compromise...

She did it... You cant change that.

What you need is to keep Frame:
Frame is like Water, it can move but is extremely solid/powerful when concentrated.

Men value respect (it's a proof/measurement of our provider value)
Women dont value respect they care about acceptance/emotional sitmulus
(PS: That why respect can be flexible for a woman but never humiliate her, especially in public)

OP you know: LTR frame is different than dating/plate/courtship but the fondamentals remain.

You need to reframe. Either wait she calls or call her and set up a meeting time to talk in person.. There tell her: you over reacted, you wish that she would have Shared her idea with you of doing it, it's her own body but you know a couple. Next time, that she ask you to join her. That she gave you a good idea, to support Leukan foundation (blood disease researchers) and you should both go to their activity (sharing your head to promote the research) - Last part a joke.... Remains tell her you would have loved to join in her activities
 
Top