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Girl I'm seeing called me out for living with parents....

RickTheToad

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She's 29 and I'm 30.

Been seeing her for ~3 months and we just (officially) went exclusive, as in had the DTR talk and decided to see only each other, about a week ago. We were watching a movie last night at her place and she randomly paused it and asked me if I live with my parents. I told her I moved in with my mom a year ago to help support her since she's over 60, alone, and is also now on unemployment due to COVID. I give her money every month and help her with different things (I'm an only child and my parents are divorced).

She then started asking me where I used to live before I moved back in with my mom (trying to catch me in a lie I'm guessing) and I was just like what? Why does that matter?

She said she "knew right away" when she came over the first time (which was the first time we ever hungout), but wanted to wait for me to tell her, but I never did. She also said it "obviously didn't bother her enough to stop seeing me", and what mainly bothered her was that I never told her and that the first time she came over I told her I lived with a "roommate". I said I didn't bring it up because I don't think it effects our relationship in any way and also don't think it matters (aside from the dates/trips we go on, we've hungout at her place 99.5% of the time anyways, and kind of have to because she has two dogs that need to be taken out several times a day), and also told her I said "roommate" because I didn't want her to judge me on my living situation right off the bat before even getting to know me. I also told her it has nothing to do with (my) finances--and that I make 105k/year and have 215k+ saved, and if I wanted to could even buy a house (not to brag, just to make a point).

I then brought up (in a nice way) how it's obvious that she has trust issues, and she said it has to do with her older sister, then immediately started getting emotional and I told her we didn't have to talk about it and she could tell me when she's ready.

After all that, the rest of the night was good. We watched more of the movie, had sex, walked her dogs and she texted me a meme after I had left.

I'm just slightly worried she could build this up in her head to be a big deal even though it shouldn't be... Truth is, if we got into a serious relationship where we wanted to live together, I could easily get a place where we could do that.
Few ways to go at it here. One, at 30, you should have your own place. However, if your from South America, Europe or Asia, it is usually not held against you if you live with your parents (or parent). In America and Canada, it usually is. Two, regardless, if you are working and supporting yourself, it shouldn't matter. Three, if it bothers her, no problem. You show her the door. Never apologize; especially when you did nothing wrong.
 

TonyTenner

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She's 29 and I'm 30.

Been seeing her for ~3 months and we just (officially) went exclusive, as in had the DTR talk and decided to see only each other, about a week ago. We were watching a movie last night at her place and she randomly paused it and asked me if I live with my parents. I told her I moved in with my mom a year ago to help support her since she's over 60, alone, and is also now on unemployment due to COVID. I give her money every month and help her with different things (I'm an only child and my parents are divorced).

She then started asking me where I used to live before I moved back in with my mom (trying to catch me in a lie I'm guessing) and I was just like what? Why does that matter?

She said she "knew right away" when she came over the first time (which was the first time we ever hungout), but wanted to wait for me to tell her, but I never did. She also said it "obviously didn't bother her enough to stop seeing me", and what mainly bothered her was that I never told her and that the first time she came over I told her I lived with a "roommate". I said I didn't bring it up because I don't think it effects our relationship in any way and also don't think it matters (aside from the dates/trips we go on, we've hungout at her place 99.5% of the time anyways, and kind of have to because she has two dogs that need to be taken out several times a day), and also told her I said "roommate" because I didn't want her to judge me on my living situation right off the bat before even getting to know me. I also told her it has nothing to do with (my) finances--and that I make 105k/year and have 215k+ saved, and if I wanted to could even buy a house (not to brag, just to make a point).

I then brought up (in a nice way) how it's obvious that she has trust issues, and she said it has to do with her older sister, then immediately started getting emotional and I told her we didn't have to talk about it and she could tell me when she's ready.

After all that, the rest of the night was good. We watched more of the movie, had sex, walked her dogs and she texted me a meme after I had left.

I'm just slightly worried she could build this up in her head to be a big deal even though it shouldn't be... Truth is, if we got into a serious relationship where we wanted to live together, I could easily get a place where we could do that.
Reminds me of what Patrice O'Neal said. I'll paraphrase: "I tell my woman she's the 4th most important thing in my life. 1 is me. 2 is my Mum. 3 is my career. She's 4th. And I really like my goldfish so she better not slack off". This girl is 4th. I would immediately next if a girl disrespected me supporting my Mum. This is hanging by a thread - for her. Reframe it like that, she's the one on rocky ground. But either way, a girl who disrespects family like that is of low value so you'll most likely have to next her - and do it in a way she knows it's her loss.
 
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Atom Smasher

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As hard as I am on women, in this case I see her point of view. A 30 year old man living with his mom is indeed a valid yellow l flag.

It may be that your answer to her has eased her mind and is no longer an issue for her. I wouldn’t throw the whole relationship out just because she asked about it. I can understand her concern.

I say let it ride and see how she behaves moving forward.
 

Jack12345

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The only phase they are not babies is when they are actually babies
I think this is one thing rollo wont mention in his books. Women are much smarter then men when they're young, probably this is the reason dads and their daughters have so great relationships. Men are the opposite, they're dumb when they're young and they grow to be smarter, while women start to lose their sharpness of mind with age... and this is the reason moms and sons have better relationships. the only phase men and women are equally smart/dumb is when they're at their 90s, if they were lucky/unlucky enough to get there

Just speak up my stupid mind
think had enough internet for this week
 

Rocnavy

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She said she knew right away but was waiting for you to tell her which you told her you was living with a roommate so sounds like she asked you and you lied instead. Dude you should've just told her the truth and let her decide if she still wanna see you or not. Now she's gonna wonder what else you hiding. If a woman is highly interested in you trust n believe she will still fyck with you regardless of your situation. Second why the fyck you disclosing your finances to her? She's not your wife so that ain't her fycking business what you make in a year or have in the bank. Third you stated yall went on trips dude yall aren't in a serious relationship yet and you investing wayyyyyy tooo much into this woman you just fycking. Give her time to prove herself before you do those things. In the mean time you should just be having fun with her while you dating other women.
 

LARaiders85

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I'm not giving good advice but I'm just saying that I personally would have dumped her and never spoken to her again
 

Alvafe

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problems I see here,, why the op is trying to validate himself over to her? that is her job, don't matter if you live with your parents or in a trailer park, or even in a bench over your work place, she will not question it.

I know NA peeps have a strange issue of saying family is important, but the first opportunity toss kids out, and let parents waste in some asilum somewhere. but not everyone is like that some really care about they family, they are real family not just because of blood lineage.

what op should be saying is "why it matters? you want me to let my mom alone and poor or toss her in a asilum and forget about her? so you ahve not loyalty about your own parents so I wonder if you would with me"

you guys can consider someone living with they parents a red or "yellow" flag, but I consider anyone who belive they should abandon a family someone who I question his loyalty
 

Alvafe

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I think this is one thing rollo wont mention in his books. Women are much smarter then men when they're young, probably this is the reason dads and their daughters have so great relationships. Men are the opposite, they're dumb when they're young and they grow to be smarter, while women start to lose their sharpness of mind with age... and this is the reason moms and sons have better relationships. the only phase men and women are equally smart/dumb is when they're at their 90s, if they were lucky/unlucky enough to get there

Just speak up my stupid mind
think had enough internet for this week
no woman are not smarter when younger, people are more forgiving for woman mistakes when tehy are young, and more important hot, what most woman do is captalize that and make it her living, remember about the wholea woman never paid for her drinks going out at night?, driving around? yeah also most guys who do so, pretty much a young woman have more income then a young men just because a younge men will spend his money to stay with a woman, with a woman will spend her money on her
 

derby1

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DITCH THE B*TCH

say this "you will never be good enough for me and deep down you know the reason why"

Then go N.C , she wont stop thinking of the reason for the end of time
 

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stringpuller

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How she acts is most important. Young women are immature and act like children. Women’s looks are going to fade with time no matter what. Get over that.
You must not know that many 20-24 year olds. There are plenty that are mature. You suffer from a mental block.
Maturity comes from the home. Ofcourse you knew that huh
 

EyeBRollin

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You must not know that many 20-24 year olds. There are plenty that are mature. You suffer from a mental block.
Maturity comes from the home. Ofcourse you knew that huh
Dating 20-24 year old is like dating a child. If you have a dad-daughter fetish that’s cool I get it. At 31, I prefer 25-30 as the ideal age with which to procreate.
 

stringpuller

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Dating 20-24 year old is like dating a child. If you have a dad-daughter fetish that’s cool I get it. At 31, I prefer 25-30 as the ideal age with which to procreate.
Ok cool. If that is your target.
25-30 year olds are approaching apiphany phase quickly and from what i see the pickings without alpha widowed coeds or baby daddys are few.
Not to mention the risk of "I need a baby now women"
20-24 year olds are not only fresh for life and can be more submissive to a 30 yr old man eho has his shyt together.

But if i were OP my target would be for a better mating target for my genes.
The man is already finacially successful.
Not to mention a 20-24 year old girl will give him a LOT less shyt about his mom.

Put thinking cap on
 

Alvafe

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You must not know that many 20-24 year olds. There are plenty that are mature. You suffer from a mental block.
Maturity comes from the home. Ofcourse you knew that huh
acting mature is not the same as being mature
 
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