Girl I'm seeing called me out for living with parents....

[Jack12345]

no woman are not smarter when younger, people are more forgiving for woman mistakes when tehy are young, and more important hot, what most woman do is captalize that and make it her living, remember about the wholea woman never paid for her drinks going out at night?, driving around? yeah also most guys who do so, pretty much a young woman have more income then a young men just because a younge men will spend his money to stay with a woman, with a woman will spend her money on her

"Smarter" vs "dumber" it was established that their gender tends to be more emotional and more manipulative. So they can get what they want easier as babies and youngins. As they get older less people will be willing to be manipulated so they can look more "stupid" in comparison, when they relied on their witt, and manipulation to get things done.

Actually was thinking the same thing while writing that replay... they "smarter" because they getting away with doing stuff + law of attraction. Think it would be accurate to their teenage & sexual phases.
I talking before this. Men would do all kind of stuff in their childhood and not care about the consequences, while girls would observe their environment and the people in it. They would make eye contact, look for facial expressions, and learn what's "good" and what's "bad". You may call it attention seeking, which true (and men do it as well but in a different way), the difference is in the effectiveness of the method they're using.

 

[andreihaha]

Here's my point of view:
1. She likes you. Doesn't seem like it bothers HER much that you live with your mother.
2. It looks like this is bothering you more. You should always be honest, otherwise you are only tricking yourself.
If a woman asks, you answer honestly. If she's a golddigger, you might dodge a bullet by doing this. If she's genuinely interested in you, she will understand that you are taking care of your family. Nothing wrong with that.
3. As long as you don't see a problem in living with your mother, no one important in your life will. And contrary to quite a few oppinions here, I don't think it is. Any woman comming into your life will know that when/if the time to move in with/marry a woman will come, you'll do it. But until then, this is the arrangement. Deal with it or move on.

I wouldn't stress about this any more if I were you. And I see no reason to dump the girl.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Man, never apologize or feel ambivalent about supporting your family. Family ALWAYS comes first. If she can't deal with it, it's her bad. You seem to be a good guy with ideals. If she wants to build this narrative in her head that a man shouldn't live with his parents/mother, you can't do sh*t about it. You can't rationalize her expectations away. It will catch up with you. There is no win-win situation here.

She's the type of woman that doesn't value family as much as you do. If she were, she would love you even more for helping your mom out. Enjoy the time with her and then cut her out when she starts nagging too much - which will definitely happen sooner or later.

And if family works against you and is your greatest downfall like member "blacksheep"? Should you be shamed when your independent and stay away?

 

[HyenaPrince]

And if family works against you and is your greatest downfall like member "blacksheep"? Should you be shamed when your independent and stay away?

No, you should get the f*ck out of there if your family actively tries to hold you down. Family is never perfect. It's always chaotic and people say stuff sometimes because they know you won't abandon them. But those are the people who literally are your day ones.

If your family isn't malicious towards you or tries to manipulate you, you should cut them some slack in my opinion. Loyalty and trust are key. A loving family is the most valuable thing in the world.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

No, you should get the f*ck out of there if your family actively tries to hold you down. Family is never perfect. It's always chaotic and people say stuff sometimes because they know you won't abandon them. But those are the people who literally are your day ones.

If your family isn't malicious towards you or tries to manipulate you, you should cut them some slack in my opinion. Loyalty and trust are key. A loving family is the most valuable thing in the world.

I was just saying everyone doesn't have a loyal family that has their best interest in mind.

 

[Jack12345]

No, you should get the f*ck out of there if your family actively tries to hold you down. Family is never perfect. It's always chaotic and people say stuff sometimes because they know you won't abandon them. But those are the people who literally are your day ones.

If your family isn't malicious towards you or tries to manipulate you, you should cut them some slack in my opinion. Loyalty and trust are key. A loving family is the most valuable thing in the world.

This is a thing I going through right now. Not making contact with my family already for more than 4 months, in the past 7yrs been living far from home already. Harder to do than actually say. All kind of things go through the mind. Would suggest to someone who want to doit to come out with some fake story.. like going for a job in a different country. I dont think my family is bad, just their perception of myself and mine is different

 

[HyenaPrince]

I was just saying everyone doesn't have a loyal family that has their best interest in mind.

I see where you're coming from, brother.

 

[HyenaPrince]

This is a thing I going through right now. Not making contact with my family already for more than 4 months, in the past 7yrs been living far from home already. Harder to do than actually say. All kind of things go through the mind. Would suggest to someone who want to doit to come out with some fake story.. like going for a job in a different country. I dont think my family is bad, just their perception of myself and mine is different

A man should always pursue his goals, regardless of what anybody says. And that's not just a wishy-washy quote you'd find on Pinterest. The people who love you, usually want the best for you. But sometimes they just don't know what the best is. Only you know what to do. If they support you along the way, perfect. If not, you fulfill your goals anyway.

There are so many different familial circumstances out there, I can't even imagine them. That's why I can't talk for everybody. Some people grow up in a sh*tshow of a family home. That's why I've said "a loving family is the most valuable thing". As long as you stick with them when push comes to shove, you're good. Which will happen automatically.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I see where you're coming from, brother.

Some of the families don't think they are doing wrong. In many cased when they "help" their family member its done to force/enforce their viewpoint of them. Which is often hugely limiting or marginalizing. In blacksheeps situation the "abuses" where in effect by design to keep him small, keep him manageable, keep him in position. A position that allows them to feel "better" about themselves.

 

[Jack12345]

sometimes they just don't know what the best is. Only you know what to do. If they support you along the way, perfect. If not, you fulfill your goals anyway

True

Sometimes their behavior would be derived from their inability to fulfill their own dream and goals

 

[HyenaPrince]

Some of the families don't think they are doing wrong. In many cased when they "help" their family member its done to force/enforce their viewpoint of them. Which is often hugely limiting or marginalizing. In blacksheeps situation the "abuses" where in effect by design to keep him small, keep him manageable, keep him in position. A position that allows them to feel "better" about themselves.

As I've said above, if this is the case, you'd do well to pull back a little and distance yourself from those enforced decisions. Nobody but you knows what's best for you.

 

[HyenaPrince]

True

Sometimes their behavior would be derived from their inability to fulfill their own dream and goals

Also, a lot of times it changes their perception completely after you follow your mission and end up being successful. There is no point in staying and explaining your decision or arguing about who's right. Just go, do it and later on they'll see who was right all along.

 

[Mbuckets82]

She’s prob thinking mamas boy weakling because you lied and appeared ashamed. She may hold it over your head for leverage. You’re lucky for sex and lucky to have her from now on, according to her. Good luck.

 

[backseatjuan]

It's as if she had grievances with you for her living with a grown man who lives with his parents. Stupid ho.

 

[Alvafe]

And if family works against you and is your greatest downfall like member "blacksheep"? Should you be shamed when your independent and stay away?

is this the case here? no right?

again I always say you cut people who are not good for you, family is only important when they are make you important, the op said the woman he is dating is nagging him about living with his mom, he do so to take care of her, that certainly is not the case of parents trying to manipulate and keep the kids in line for then, if is he is not telling us, or don't mind and that is on him

the blacksheep case is some of extreme case of dad being a psychopatic control freak and narcisistic

 

[mrgoodstuff]

How is "being" seperate from action? So a soul is so it does.
Your about to open a can of worms you dont have the azz to hang out in.
There is a philosophy thread going. Go visit it.
I swear some of you guys never look into a womans eyes. I mean look in them.

All women don't have cold dead eyes

 

[mrgoodstuff]

True

Sometimes their behavior would be derived from their inability to fulfill their own dream and goals

They didn't have the ambition in the first place. They didn't care. As long as he doesn't "pass them up", they are good to go.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

This is one piece of advice this site gives that I don’t agree with: to never explain yourself.

I would say always explain yourself. By not explaining yourself it shows you have entitlement issues and are hiding something,
Instead, use your words to give her comfort, give her trust, give her the belief she is making the right decision being with you. Then when she falls in love and is hooked, you can do whatever you want.

We are playing poker gentlemen. The women have to sit at the table to play. We don’t hit them over the head while they are walking through the door.

I think you might be misunderstanding my advice or the point I was trying to make.

The right thing for OP to have done when he took this girl to his house is, if there was a need to mention his "room-mate" like, "We need to leave before my room-mate comes home" or "don't drink that wine, it's my room-mates", the right thing to do would have been to say, "Don't drink that wine, it's my mom's." And then if she asked, "Oh, you live with your mom?" He could have then responded, "Yes, I chose to move back in with her a year ago to take care of her due to her declining health and need for personal care." That would have been the right way to explain himself. I am not suggesting he simply not mention his living situation and she asks, to tell her it's none of her business.

• Instead he was insecure about it
• Then he chose to lie about it
• Then he admit he was insecure about living with his mom
• Then he admit he was afraid of losing her if she judged him
• Then he began trying to sell himself to her by making statements of value (I make this much, have this much in savings, I could buy a house if I wanted to).
• And he admit to us he is worried of losing her

ALL of the above bullet points are bad.

 

[Jack12345]

They didn't have the ambition in the first place. They didn't care. As long as he doesn't "pass them up", they are good to go.

Pass them up?

 

[Jack12345]

Pass them up?

Like refuses them