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GF of 4 months broke it off today

Clamslammer

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4 months down the f*cking drain. We were texting today and she sent me this:

"Hey.

I have been thinking a lot about us lately, and where our relationship is headed. I'm feeling uncertain about our future, and I don’t think that's a good sign. You're really special and you deserve to be with someone who is ready to give you that relationship you’re looking for.

We are a great match in many ways- you're attractive, funny, and we have fun together. But for whatever reason, I'm not feeling strongly enough about this, and I know at this point in my life that it is important to me to have that strong connection with someone. You deserve real feeling and enthusiasm and for whatever reason I just can't deliver that to you right now. I have been waiting for stronger feelings to come because we seemed compatible, but they just haven’t.

I don't want to be in your way and hold you back from you the life you will be living soon with someone who is ready for that, and knowing that's not me I think it is best to free you up. I really really struggled with this decision because I like you and don't want to hurt you. I didn't make it lightly but I feel sure it's the right thing. I’m really sorry about it. You have been very sweet to me over the past few months. You can call me to talk if you want to. I am writing this to you because I am very selfish and don’t want to see you hurt. If you do need more closure though, I can talk on the phone. I wish you all the best."

I called her after I got this and we talked for a few minutes. She essentially said that she liked me, felt we had chemistry, and blah blah blah, but she was waiting for feelings to come and they never did. She also said she feels "heartless" or like she doesn't have emotions right now.

A few other things to note:

-The biggest thing... We started dating pretty much immediately after her last relationship, which was a 2-3 year relationship
-She's on lexapro (don't know for how long, but probably since before we met)
-She had a kidney infection the past week and stopped taking her birth control last Wednesday, then just got back on it yesterday or something

All bad signs, I know. BUT her and I had ridiculous chemistry in EVERY way and she was quickly becoming like a best friend as well as someone I was falling for, so I thought we were feeling the same (or close) and it would work. I was wrong. Apparently she never had real feelings for me (even though by her words she wanted them), all the while I'm legitimately falling in love with her. We had both agreed multiple times that we had crazy chemistry, which we also both agreed is extremely hard to find. She would also call me her boyfriend in text messages to friends (I know this because she'd text in front of me).

Per the usual post-breakup I feel absolutely horrendous. This totally took me by surprise. I'm shocked, hurting to a point I can't even describe, and I feel like everything I was looking forward to in the near future has totally crumbled. I'm trying not to think about the good times we had, but I can't help it, and whenever I do it breaks me even further. We were supposed to hangout tomorrow, we were going to take a trip to the beach in two weeks (which I made reservations for), and she told me she would be there for me/with me when I moved (moving to a new place in the same area next month). All gone. All of it plus 4 months of time, memories, and me falling in love with her.

This was one of the 2-3 girls EVER in 10-12 years of dating who I felt honest-to-god STRONG chemistry with. It hits even harder because I feel like I might never find this again. I also hate dating and was really happy to be out of that "game".

I sent her this text after:

"Hey I just wanted to say a few things that are on my mind because you said you feel heartless or like you don't have emotions right now. You told me that you're on anti-depressants. They can be great, but they also numb your emotions and make you think/feel differently than you otherwise would. Also, you said you stopped taking your birth control last week. I'm sure you already know this, but birth control messes with your hormones and starting/stopping can change the way you feel. On top of those factors, you just had a traumatic experience with that stalker guy and having this kidney infection. And lastly, I honestly don't think you gave "us" enough time. 3 months isn't even long enough to get over your ex of 2-3 years, let alone catch feelings for someone else. If you would have given us longer you might have caught feelings like I did. I'm not trying to change your mind and I respect your decision even though it crushes me, but I just wanted to make you aware of these things if you aren't already, because they may be influencing your feelings."

It was from a 98% rational perspective. I really am not sure if it's a good thing she's breaking it off now, or if there was a chance she'd have eventually gotten feelings in the future if we kept seeing each other.

It's all even more confusing, because a few weeks ago I sat down with her and told her if she needed/want space, or to see other people, or just to break it off or whatever--she could, and that she should do it right away. But she didn't want to. Then a few weeks later she does this. Just last weekend she also wanted me to spend the night two nights in a row, which we had never done before. This plus a lot of other things made me think we were getting closer and closer, then she drops this bomb on me today.

The best way I can sum up how I'm feeling is... Hopeless. Completely hopeless. I don't even know what to do or where to go now.
You were needy and did not have your own life. She should be chasing a relationship with you always not the other way around. A girl should never be your priority. She sensed this and she dumped you. A lot of guys make this mistake when they fine the "one."

Also next time don't text a girl or call her if she wants to break up with you. You walk away, if she ever reaches out she has to earn you back.
 

mrgoodstuff

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You were needy and did not have your own life. She should be chasing a relationship with you always not the other way around. A girl should never be your priority. She sensed this and she dumped you. A lot of guys make this mistake when they fine the "one."

Also next time don't text a girl or call her if she wants to break up with you. You walk away, if she ever reaches out she has to earn you back.
Spread em
 

AttackFormation

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She just texted me responding to the message I sent her. I didn't think she was going to at this point.

"Yeah I shouldn't have started dating right away, I need time. I think I thought I was over my ex but honestly I don't think I was. I'm sorry Steven. I just need to be alone right now."

You guys were saying I should've written something like "I understand. Thanks for all the great times and amazing memories these past few months. If you change your mind let me know. Good luck". Should I say that in response now? I feel like I should say something to act like I'm not as affected by this as I am, as well as end it on a better note than my last text
NO

Don't "thank" her for anything. Don't say you'll still be sitting around waiting for her to "let you know". These responses are symptomatic of how you are still in a weak mindset. This weakness is what fundamentally repels her in the first place. Women respect men who show symptoms of stoicism and dignity (strength), not symptoms of pedestalisation and codependence (weakness). I guarantee you she doesn't care about you "thanking her" and doesn't feel any respect for you sitting around telling her to "let you know".

All you have to text back for dignity and stoicism is literally just "No prob" and then delete her number - that's it. If she ever does contact you to rebound again, you'll hopefully have a stronger mindset, and you can simply ask "who is this?" and go from there.
 
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Lookatu

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What about "it's ok Sarah. I understand" then I delete her number?
I vote absolutely not. She dumped you and have you feeling like this. Why should you make HER feel better and justified for dumping you by letting her off the hook? No response from you will be the best as it will punish that type of bad behavior rather than reinforce it.
 

oldmanofthesea

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Brother, this was the girl who flaked on a date with you last-minute because she had to "babysit", and instead she partied with two dudes into the wee hours of the morning and put video of it up on snapchat for you and everyone else to see, and also posts thirst trap pics on IG. How on earth are you: A - Surprised by her dropping you, and B - Falling in love with her and heartbroken about it?! Your investment in her was SO foolish. You couldn't see that but SHE could. This is one of the ways some women will test men: See what they can get away with and see if and how it changes the man's investment in her. That right there is a phenomenal method for women to truly separate the high value men from the low value men. She treated you like crap and instead of it causing you to move away from her and invest less, you fell deeper and deeper in love with her and invested more. The only emotion women experience when they see this is pity for you. Definitely not attraction nor love.

A man who can't draw boundaries and tolerates bad treatment repeatedly is proving they are low value and have no other options. How you let other people treat you is a reflection on what you believe about yourself. Your statements about not finding another woman like her are coming from scarcity and further proving low value. Until you fix that in yourself and get to where you are easily dating the exact kind of women you want to be dating, you will continue to experience this.

Stop thinking about what to say to her. You should end all dialogue with her and never talk to her again. Things with this girl are OVER and should have been long long ago. Now it is time to work on yourself, not another chance at a girl who has already assessed your value and chosen to reject you because of it.
 

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CBear

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Brother, this was the girl who flaked on a date with you last-minute because she had to "babysit", and instead she partied with two dudes into the wee hours of the morning and put video of it up on snapchat for you and everyone else to see, and also posts thirst trap pics on IG. How on earth are you: A - Surprised by her dropping you, and B - Falling in love with her and heartbroken about it?! Your investment in her was SO foolish. You couldn't see that but SHE could. This is one of the ways some women will test men: See what they can get away with and see if and how it changes the man's investment in her. That right there is a phenomenal method for women to truly separate the high value men from the low value men. She treated you like crap and instead of it causing you to move away from her and invest less, you fell deeper and deeper in love with her and invested more. The only emotion women experience when they see this is pity for you. Definitely not attraction nor love.

A man who can't draw boundaries and tolerates bad treatment repeatedly is proving they are low value and have no other options. How you let other people treat you is a reflection on what you believe about yourself. Your statements about not finding another woman like her are coming from scarcity and further proving low value. Until you fix that in yourself and get to where you are easily dating the exact kind of women you want to be dating, you will continue to experience this.

Stop thinking about what to say to her. You should end all dialogue with her and never talk to her again. Things with this girl are OVER and should have been long long ago. Now it is time to work on yourself, not another chance at a girl who has already assessed your value and chosen to reject you because of it.
Omg is this that same guy? LOL after all the advice given, there is no sympathy for this one if thats the case. He deserves to go through this if hes somehow shocked. Best lessons learned are the hardest. And this is 100% on him.
 

oldmanofthesea

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Omg is this that same guy? LOL after all the advice given, there is no sympathy for this one if thats the case. He deserves to go through this if hes somehow shocked. Best lessons learned are the hardest. And this is 100% on him.
It is....



 

17 shots

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You're too nice, you've probably never stood your ground with her on anything.

You're response to her text was way too nice guy ish. Don't act like you're scared to lose her(even if you are). You have the right to be upset, and to be a little mean to her, especially when you gave her an out weeks prior, and she refused

Tell them off when they deserve it. Women like being checked
 

AttackFormation

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It is....



Do you think he's a troll or a real case? I am not accusing him or being facetious, I am genuinely wondering. I am so deep into the red pill from years of contemplative internalisation that sometimes when I see what might be real cases, my view becomes myopic and I can't tell them apart from trolling/pranks because they seem so similar.

Is this guy just particularly codependent and pedestalising? or is he a troll? or worst case scenario, is this how "normal" men actually are in the real world? Does anyone else know?
 
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17 shots

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She did you a favor and in a classy way. You're lucky.
I agree she did him a favor, but it was not classy at all. He asked her if she needed space and if she wanted to break things off weeks ago. She said no, giving him false comfort and piece of mind, and then later does this

She's a bipolar, fake ass ho
 

oldmanofthesea

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Do you think he's a troll or a real case? I am not accusing him or being facetious, I am genuinely wondering. I am so deep into the red pill from years of contemplative internalisation that sometimes when I see what might be real cases, my view becomes myopic and I can't tell them apart from trolling/pranks because they seem so similar.

Is this guy just particularly codependent and pedestalising? or is he a troll? or worst case scenario, is this how "normal" men actually are in the real world?
I believe it is a real case. I haven't been red pill for very long and it doesn't seem like that long ago that was making a lot of the same mistakes. I too dated this girl I continued to become increasingly invested in despite her moving the other way. She didn't do me anywhere NEAR as bad as OP's girl did, but still, the end result was the same. She wasn't investing at all, I was, and she dried up because of it. Now looking back at pics of her, while she DOES have a hot body, I've had so much better since improving myself. OP needs to do the same and move on.
 
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Lookatu

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It is....

Damn if that's the case, it was only a matter of time and I'm suprised that
a) OP stayed with her
b) OP was surprised when he got dumped
 

billtx49

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Do you think he's a troll or a real case?

I can't tell them apart from trolling/pranks because they seem so similar.

or is he a troll?

Does anyone else know?
Highly possible that any member can be a troll on an anonymous forum. Some even create 3 different member accounts, then when two are found out and already Mod banned that only leaves one account that’s given one final opportunity to do the right things…
 

TonyTenner

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Delete her number so even if you have a weak moment, you can't contact her
Do you think he's a troll or a real case? I am not accusing him or being facetious, I am genuinely wondering. I am so deep into the red pill from years of contemplative internalisation that sometimes when I see what might be real cases, my view becomes myopic and I can't tell them apart from trolling/pranks because they seem so similar.

Is this guy just particularly codependent and pedestalising? or is he a troll? or worst case scenario, is this how "normal" men actually are in the real world? Does anyone else know?
He's definitely not a troll. The reason why this thread is so popular is because WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.
 

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EyeBRollin

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Sorry this happened OP.

This tread has good advice. I recommend the DJ Bible.

This breakup didn’t come out of no where. You lowered her interest level. Learn the game so to not blow it with the next babe.
 

BackInTheGame78

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She just texted me responding to the message I sent her. I didn't think she was going to at this point.

"Yeah I shouldn't have started dating right away, I need time. I think I thought I was over my ex but honestly I don't think I was. I'm sorry Steven. I just need to be alone right now."

You guys were saying I should've written something like "I understand. Thanks for all the great times and amazing memories these past few months. If you change your mind let me know. Good luck". Should I say that in response now? I feel like I should say something to act like I'm not as affected by this as I am, as well as end it on a better note than my last text
"Yes I agree you need to take some time for yourself. Wish you all the best. Take care."
 

soulforge

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Something you have learned here.. Woman are experts are FAKING high interest.

She will make you feel top of the world, where in reality she doesn't feel anything.

They are exceptionaly good actors man!
 

AwlaysFukedUp

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It is....



I sat her down and had that talk a few weeks ago after this happened. She had posted a sexually charged pic and vid on her Snapchat story, then she told me she was babysitting Friday but I saw snap story videos of her having a party at her apartment which she didn't tell me about or invite me to. I confronted her in person the next day and we sat down and talked. She said contradictory things... She said she was hesitant to introduce me to friends and etc because she wasn't sure how serious I was, and that I didn't "text her like a boyfriend", but also said she felt like her "heart was closed". This is also when I gave her the "out" (I didn't want her to take it, but I did give it to her). A couple weeks later she introduced me to her friends though. Looking back now, it's like she was talking in circles during that conversation. Anyways, after that talk we agreed to hangout later the same night. But a little later she texted me saying me confronting her freaked her out and that she needed space. I told her we should talk about it in person because she was going on vacation for a week the next day. Amazingly she agreed. I went over and we had a great night and I slept over, then saw her off the next morning. Everything seemed perfect after that--totally back to normal. Then she got this kidney infected last week and was really sick (but we still hungout and like I said I spent the night with her two nights in a row last weekend because she wanted me to), then a week later she dumps me.

Also when we talked that day she told me that she did babysit, but afterwards her girlfriend wanted to hangout. They hungout and other people got invited, which turned it into a party. She also texted me "hey" that night. I responded saying hey back and she never responded after that. I asked her about it and she said she was going to invite me, but decided against it because she didn't think I'd have a good time since everyone was drinking and I don't really drink. I'm not making excuses for her here--that WAS sketchy. But after our talk everything was great. She also didn't post any promiscuous pics after that talk. And like I said a couple weeks later she actually introduced me to her best friends.

She says she had been thinking about it for a while, but on wednesday I was talking to her about buying her dog this halloween costume I thought was funny. I sent her the amazon link and she said he'd be a medium size. I told her I was buying it and everything was fine. Why would she have me buy this for her dog if she was planning on dumping me the very next day? It just doesn't add up. It doesn't make sense. It seems like she woke up thursday morning and suddenly wanted out. I don't get it.
 

AwlaysFukedUp

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Something you have learned here.. Woman are experts are FAKING high interest.

She will make you feel top of the world, where in reality she doesn't feel anything.

They are exceptionaly good actors man!
It's scary to say the least. I mean she led me on for 4 months and we did SO many things together as well as had SO many things planned for the future. Whenever we hungout she seemed as into me as I was into her. It's just unbelievable...
 
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