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RickTheToad

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lol you don't even love her rick. You too worried about your wealth.

She will notice this and probably use it against you in the future whether you get married or not.

For you rick save the drama and Just dump her now. Plently of other girls out there that wanna be banged. You have displayed weakness just talking about this with her and if ONLY you can deal with losing some of your wealth in the future from this chick then I would get married. You can't go into this relationship not getting married now.
Not true at all. However, I've been through the ringer already. I refuse to allow my assets to be controlled and gifted by third parties (court & lawyers) should it not work out. Worked myself out of the streets of Queens, NY. I have no intention of going back there due to divorce. While it will be painful to have to let her go, I will. It would be more painful losing everything, or most things due to a piece of paper.
 

RickTheToad

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Tell her you lost all your money gambling, get a crappy job, appear to own nothing flash and see if she still wants to get married dude.
Kinda hard to do that. She already knows I work as a PA at the hospital and have real estate as a side business.
 

7onriverI f

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You could also ask her for a loan and just tell her your need some money. See if her attitude towards you changes then. We all need money.
 

RickTheToad

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Your on here bragging about that your quite well off and your probably doing that in real life as well. Stop doing that.
I do not brag. I live a very minimalist life. When people ask how to be FIRE or leave the rat race, I've only recommended real estate because everyone needs a home. I still work 10 - 12 hours days at the hospital 5 - 6 days a week. I am sure that will go to 7 days a week with COVID-20/21 around the corner.
 

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RickTheToad

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You could also ask her for a loan and just tell her your need some money. See if her attitude towards you changes then. We all need money.
I'm sure she'd give it to me. Many females in the past have offered. I do not want to be beholden to anyone, and that's what debt does.
 

Howiestern

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@RickTheToad - I've been down this same road before with a girl that had never been married before. I think a lot of her desire was driven by a need for security. However some of it was also driven by the "disney princess" fantasy all women subscribe to. You can't ever ignore the power of their friends as in your case. I think women naturally look to be taken care of and seek security. Marriage is a tool they use to help them secure it.

The girl that left me because I wouldn't give into marriage married 2yrs after we broke up. I know he wasn't her first choice. Its a shame they'll take a consolation prize, but thats short term thinking and we all know what happens eventually.

You've done the right thing, most men would cave.
 

Clamslammer

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So, I've been dating this female for 1.5 years or so. From the beginning, I said no marriage. I've said this multiple times. This past weekend she was saying she thought she'd be okay with it, but all her friends are getting married and she doesn't feel it's right for her to be punished by my previous marriage many moons ago. I said, listen, if this is not okay with you, I understand. There are dudes out there that will marry you, just not me. Perhaps if the laws change, something can be different. I doubt this will happen, but never say never. I also said, I know what is in it for you, but what do I get out of it? She couldn't answer. I said, listen, I do not want you to be upset (she's balling crying BTW), and I'd rather have you in my life. However, if this is going to be an issue, this is still something I cannot deliver. I told you this on the first date, and at least four other times. I even offered a religious marriage, with not State cert. She wants that, but the cert, too. This is not something I can do. So I said, what would you like to do? If you can live with this, great, if not, I understand. The choice is yours. However, I cannot keep on revisiting this every few months. Just ask yourself, what's more important to you, and you will have your answer.

This happened because she facetimed with a friend of hers who she's not seen in a few years. She got engaged this weekend and this is what started it. It would be a shame to lose her, however, I refuse to go for a marriage cert. I am so against the courts and marriage, you have no idea.

Open to feedback. Yes, I am willing to lose her for the stupid certificate. I see no benefit in the cert. to me. She knows I've walked away from other females who said they want marriage and so on.
Certainly possible. Or, she wants to go through the whole experience like her friends are going through. She doesn't have a bad bone in her body. The anti-marriage is not against her, it's against the system.. That's what some people forget that I am trying to empathize. So, I understand she wants the experience, but she can have that; just not the "title" of legal wife. Religious wife, yes, legal, no. She can have the party, the ceremony, the dress, ring, etc. I really do not understand what the big deal is. Maybe it is me..
Tell her this.

Lets get religiously married with all the bells and whistles. I will not get married legally but I will support you just like a married couple because we will be so nothing will change wether you sign a legal contract or not. Tell her that you and your future kids will be in your will and will get everything when you drop dead.

If she cannot agree to that because you are not signing a stupid paper but giving her all of the benefits of a marriage then she isnt the right girl for you.

Marriage laws are outdated and need to be revamped.
 

RickTheToad

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@RickTheToad - I've been down this same road before with a girl that had never been married before. I think a lot of her desire was driven by a need for security. However some of it was also driven by the "disney princess" fantasy all women subscribe to. You can't ever ignore the power of their friends as in your case. I think women naturally look to be taken care of and seek security. Marriage is a tool they use to help them secure it.

The girl that left me because I wouldn't give into marriage married 2yrs after we broke up. I know he wasn't her first choice. Its a shame they'll take a consolation prize, but thats short term thinking and we all know what happens eventually.

You've done the right thing, most men would cave.
I have no guilt as I've told from the beginning the plan and have not changed course. My mother also agreed with what you said; practically word for word. The old saying still rings true.. Females hope things change, males hope they stay the same.
 

mrgoodstuff

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mrgoodstuff

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yes you can win by not playing. I was married once, never again. I want to keep what assets I have for myself and when the time comes for my children.
Does it have to be such a "depleting" LOSS driven position for a man? I mean if women know that's what's on the other end of it, how could they expect men to line up for it?
 

dustmuffin

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Does it have to be such a "depleting" LOSS driven position for a man? I mean if women know that's what's on the other end of it, how could they expect men to line up for it?
I have no clue. My gf of 3 years wants to get married. I told her no and my reasons for that. I also told here that if she thought she could do better she was welcome to leave. She decided to stay with me. Might change in the future but I really don’t care. Women are like a bus. Another will be around in 15 minutes.
 

mrgoodstuff

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I have no clue. My gf of 3 years wants to get married. I told her no and my reasons for that. I also told here that if she thought she could do better she was welcome to leave. She decided to stay with me. Might change in the future but I really don’t care. Women are like a bus. Another will be around in 15 minutes.
Let me ask another question. Are there any women with "strong integrity" and extremely honest and trustworthy that LOVE sex? Do those go together?
 

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dustmuffin

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Let me ask another question. Are there any women with "strong integrity" and extremely honest and trustworthy that LOVE sex? Do those go together?
my gf loves sex. She will do anything I want. She gives very enthusiastic bjs. Btw she is 35 and I’m 57
 
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