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Gf ditched me to meet some other “friend”dude

mikey2012

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When they start talking about needing "space" it's over. She's saying "I don't respect you, and from now on never will for the rest of your life!"
The thing is if you don’t spend time with them they say it’s your fault because you neglected them and they will justify looking for another dude.
 

Mauser96

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I think you know what needs to happen. So my advice is going to be focused on what you should do knowing this is over.

First: You have to keep your head straight. DO NOT let your emotions get the better of you. You have a task at hand and that is to unwind this situation with a little drama as you can. It doesn't matter if you are sad or angry... or maybe, I don't know... HAPPY this is over. What ever your emotion is, set it aside... this is the dissolution of an informal partnership. If you get angry and set her sh1t outside and get into an altercation with this new dude (because that is what he is... the new chump) that will not get you free and clear any sooner. If you are sad and depressed... you might not be paying attention to what stuff she is taking... or you might not care... If you are happy... well you might have the attitude that you want to give up the store because you're just glad it's over....

Second: Take an inventory of everything... what is yours, what is hers... if you have joint accounts or joint bills, make sure she pays what she owes. If you are moving out... well actually that's better... fresh start if you don't mind moving. Make sure your name is off of everything electric bill, water, lease, if you are renting. If everything is in your name, you have to be cognizant of laws in your jurisdiction. You may live someplace where you can't just toss her out without consequences. She could be considered a defacto 'renter' if she has been paying part of the rent, and she doesn't want to go... you might not be able to force her unless you have a legitimate sub-lease agreement. Especially now... many local jurisdictions have Covid related evictions rules... maybe you don't but it doesn't hurt to check.

Third: Sit down and calmly work all this out with her... remember your job is to unwind from this with as little drama as possible... if you let this turn into an emotional drama... well now you are playing on her field... don't play her game. When she moves out... make sure you are there and stand by the door... I have known men that in situations like this where they just told her get her stuff out when he is at work, only to come home and discover all his clothes were gone. Seriously, one buddy of mine could not figure out why she stole his clothes? Her female 'logic' brain was that, even though he paid for HIS CLOTHES, she picked them out... so they are hers. A few months later he saw her with her new chump, wearing his clothes...

Forth: Understand she had been planning this for awhile. This did not just happen. How all this went down was exactly how she expected it to go, she has all her friends lined up to help her... new dude on the hook. If you want to put her on her heels, get your head straight and move through 1-3 as fast as you can. If you can have that the sit down discussion tomorrow, all he better. She is not expecting you to be clear headed and it will throw off her game.

Good luck, sorry to hear this happened to you, but use it as a learning experience. No live in girlfriends. There should be three things that you rationally evaluate before you get serious with a chick. (1) She has to be financially independent and not an idiot with money. (2) She has to have her sh1t together... flaky @ss habits and behavior can not be tolerated. If she is a mess she's definitely not GF material. (3) She can not have any serious medical or health problems... including MENTAL health. Everything else she can fix, but if she doesn't have these three things going for her... she is BAD NEWS. I don't care how you feel about her you have to set your emotions aside and rationally evaluate her like you would a horse you are planning to purchase.
This is excellent advice.

The only thing he forgot, is once she is out ,HAVING PAID EVEYTHING SHE OWES, and you KNOW there are no loose ends, delete her from every platform and never speak to her again.

This is just fvcking dirty, and frankly quite sickening.

And women wonder why men are getting bitter and going MGTOW?
 

Lynx nkaf

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The thing is if you don’t spend time with them they say it’s your fault because you neglected them and they will justify looking for another dude.
its true

same thing happens when "we don't talk as much as we used to about things"

Women take the pulling back of time spent and less talking as the start of the end.


Women think that men slowly break up with women like women do with men. (mourning the inevitable future loss of relationship while still with them)

So antennae and eyes and ears go up; more open to new men---the closer the new guy resembles their beloved, the better. Then they can pretend the loss is not as profound, that not much has really changed.

Or not. Its a familiar theory to me.
 

zekko

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The thing is that she’s a hypocrite because when I hang out with other chicks or talk them she goes mad.
Obviously this is a toxic situation and you need to let her go. Having said that, this sentence got my attention.
If you're hanging out with other girls, it's no wonder she assumes she can hang out with other guys.
 

mikey2012

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Obviously this is a toxic situation and you need to let her go. Having said that, this sentence got my attention.
If you're hanging out with other girls, it's no wonder she assumes she can hang out with other guys.
But she was giving me grief when I was hanging out / texting other chicks. Even checking my IG and asking me to block them. She said that she’s a one man guy and expects guy to do the same. Having done that, she has flipped the script and started to hang out with iother guys whilst telling me I could do the same. This wasn’t the case a few months ago.
 

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mikey2012

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She’s still saying she wants to be with me, but I think she’s hedging her bets in case the new guy is not what he’s cracked up to be.
 

7onriverI f

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She’s still saying she wants to be with me, but I think she’s hedging her bets in case the new guy is not what he’s cracked up to be.
Personally I would tell a girl that wants to be with me that im taken.

I would tell her I love 2 large fries, 1 big mac and a large soda. I would tell her after making love with mcdonalds that I have no love left for her.
 

Mauser96

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She’s still saying she wants to be with me, but I think she’s hedging her bets in case the new guy is not what he’s cracked up to be.
That is exactly what she is doing. No dating, no friends. Cut her 100% out of your life.

Forget about them and move on. Cut the cord and don't look back. Let the mother****ers suffer, suffer from the decision they made to treat you so poorly.
 

backseatjuan

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The key is not emotions get to to you
Repeat this word with me, P U S S Y D E F I C I T... You're a chump staying with this goblin as she treats you like this, and the only reason you doing it is because you have a hope within you that you will get to tap that v a g i n a. This is the power of her p u s s y over you. If you didn't have P U S S Y D E F I C I T you would remain a human being in this situation and leave her asap like a man. But since you are afraid to be without access to vag, you are crying, deep down inside you, emotions erupt. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE LOVE!!!!! I LOVE HER!!!

You're ridiculous!


Here is another one for you. S E X U A L M A R K E T V A L U E, SMV. When you go to gym and improve your body you're SMV increases. When you get a cool tattoo you're SMV increases. When you get a cool new high paying job your SMV increases. When you become more important your SMV increases. When you are with a woman that respects and loves you, your SMV increases. For forth and etc..

Your woman treats you like trash, imagine how much or how little your worth on the sexual market.
 

Spaz

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The mistake was letting her move in with you. Gents, never live with a woman that isn’t your wife.
Yes, if she ain't a wife then she has no rights whatsoever to move in.

So many men make this mistake of letting their girl hunker down in their loft.

Sure she can come over and have a sleep over, regularly too but she has to hv her own place.
 

bcude

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She said she needed space and freedom.
This is where you give her all the space and freedom in the world - you cut her out.

She just needs to get her stuff in order before officially telling you it's over (translation: making this new 'friend' a sure thing).

All her freedom talk and wanting to be in a chill relationship are just rationalisations to why you're not good enough for her anymore, in her mind.
Sure, some guys come off as controlling maniacs at the start of the relationship where this might be warranted, but if it's been good between you for a while then these are just BS words.

Let her live with the decision.
 

Romanemp22

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Dump her. That behaviour is disrespectful to you and you as a man cant tolerate that. She just showed you shes not ltr material and i suggest dumping her because if you stay with her and tolerate her bullsh1t behaviour, she will cheat (if she already hasnt) on you.
 

Glassguy

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I think you know what needs to happen. So my advice is going to be focused on what you should do knowing this is over.

First: You have to keep your head straight. DO NOT let your emotions get the better of you. You have a task at hand and that is to unwind this situation with a little drama as you can. It doesn't matter if you are sad or angry... or maybe, I don't know... HAPPY this is over. What ever your emotion is, set it aside... this is the dissolution of an informal partnership. If you get angry and set her sh1t outside and get into an altercation with this new dude (because that is what he is... the new chump) that will not get you free and clear any sooner. If you are sad and depressed... you might not be paying attention to what stuff she is taking... or you might not care... If you are happy... well you might have the attitude that you want to give up the store because you're just glad it's over....

Second: Take an inventory of everything... what is yours, what is hers... if you have joint accounts or joint bills, make sure she pays what she owes. If you are moving out... well actually that's better... fresh start if you don't mind moving. Make sure your name is off of everything electric bill, water, lease, if you are renting. If everything is in your name, you have to be cognizant of laws in your jurisdiction. You may live someplace where you can't just toss her out without consequences. She could be considered a defacto 'renter' if she has been paying part of the rent, and she doesn't want to go... you might not be able to force her unless you have a legitimate sub-lease agreement. Especially now... many local jurisdictions have Covid related evictions rules... maybe you don't but it doesn't hurt to check.

Third: Sit down and calmly work all this out with her... remember your job is to unwind from this with as little drama as possible... if you let this turn into an emotional drama... well now you are playing on her field... don't play her game. When she moves out... make sure you are there and stand by the door... I have known men that in situations like this where they just told her get her stuff out when he is at work, only to come home and discover all his clothes were gone. Seriously, one buddy of mine could not figure out why she stole his clothes? Her female 'logic' brain was that, even though he paid for HIS CLOTHES, she picked them out... so they are hers. A few months later he saw her with her new chump, wearing his clothes...

Forth: Understand she had been planning this for awhile. This did not just happen. How all this went down was exactly how she expected it to go, she has all her friends lined up to help her... new dude on the hook. If you want to put her on her heels, get your head straight and move through 1-3 as fast as you can. If you can have that the sit down discussion tomorrow, all he better. She is not expecting you to be clear headed and it will throw off her game.

Good luck, sorry to hear this happened to you, but use it as a learning experience. No live in girlfriends. There should be three things that you rationally evaluate before you get serious with a chick. (1) She has to be financially independent and not an idiot with money. (2) She has to have her sh1t together... flaky @ss habits and behavior can not be tolerated. If she is a mess she's definitely not GF material. (3) She can not have any serious medical or health problems... including MENTAL health. Everything else she can fix, but if she doesn't have these three things going for her... she is BAD NEWS. I don't care how you feel about her you have to set your emotions aside and rationally evaluate her like you would a horse you are planning to purchase.
Excellent advise.
OP- you've been on this forum for 8 years. You know what to do. Be calm and tell her its over. No need for a discussion because what's done is done.

Get her out of your life asap.

Think of her as lint in your pocket. Throw her away because she is doing you no benefit, taking up space and getting in the way. We dont get mad at lint because we sort of expect it to be there. We just eliminate it and move on. Treat her the same way.

If she cries that she has no where to go......tell her that's not your problem.
If she cries and tells you she made a big mistake...agree with her and reassure her that it's over between you.
Make the conversation one sided, get it over quickly and do not argue. Expect her pleas to quickly become angry. That's ok. Just smile at her and tell her to collect her belongings and leave.

See she didn't plan on this part where you catch her before she had an exit strategy. So get her out asap and let her figure it all out on the fly.

Dont forget to block her on social media (like now).

Be firm, be direct and be unemotional. Send this cheating bytch out with her head spinning.
 

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BackInTheGame78

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But she was giving me grief when I was hanging out / texting other chicks. Even checking my IG and asking me to block them. She said that she’s a one man guy and expects guy to do the same. Having done that, she has flipped the script and started to hang out with iother guys whilst telling me I could do the same. This wasn’t the case a few months ago.
Of course...she wanted to see how much control she can exert over you and now that she knows you will do whatever she wants there is no excitement. She knows how the movie ends and no longer needs to watch it.

This is the type of drama women secretly love...the man who cannot be controlled..they will b1tch and moan to you about it and to their friends but they love every minute of it. And while she is constantly obsessing over stuff like that about you guess what she has no time for? Other guys.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Repeat this word with me, P U S S Y D E F I C I T... You're a chump staying with this goblin as she treats you like this, and the only reason you doing it is because you have a hope within you that you will get to tap that v a g i n a. This is the power of her p u s s y over you. If you didn't have P U S S Y D E F I C I T you would remain a human being in this situation and leave her asap like a man. But since you are afraid to be without access to vag, you are crying, deep down inside you, emotions erupt. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE LOVE!!!!! I LOVE HER!!!

You're ridiculous!


Here is another one for you. S E X U A L M A R K E T V A L U E, SMV. When you go to gym and improve your body you're SMV increases. When you get a cool tattoo you're SMV increases. When you get a cool new high paying job your SMV increases. When you become more important your SMV increases. When you are with a woman that respects and loves you, your SMV increases. For forth and etc..

Your woman treats you like trash, imagine how much or how little your worth on the sexual market.
SMV rises when you ditch someone who has been trash to you . She hasn't been adding to you for some time now.
 

BJP1991

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Always hate to see posts like this - I feel for ya man.

Have you tried to get her to open up more about why she lied to you and who the **** this guy even is or WHY she feels so compelled to go see him? What did they do when they were together?

When telling you she “still wants to be with you” did she sound sincere and offer to cut ties entirely with that dude? Did you flip the script and ask her why she would freak out if you went out with a girl who was “just a friend”?

Breakups over this kind of thing are always tough because there are unknowns and you are dumping her based off an assumption: that she’s monkey branching. The evidence of her going out and seeing another dude supports this, but are there other things she’s done that would also support this?
 

BackInTheGame78

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Always hate to see posts like this - I feel for ya man.

Have you tried to get her to open up more about why she lied to you and who the **** this guy even is or WHY she feels so compelled to go see him? What did they do when they were together?

When telling you she “still wants to be with you” did she sound sincere and offer to cut ties entirely with that dude? Did you flip the script and ask her why she would freak out if you went out with a girl who was “just a friend”?

Breakups over this kind of thing are always tough because there are unknowns and you are dumping her based off an assumption: that she’s monkey branching. The evidence of her going out and seeing another dude supports this, but are there other things she’s done that would also support this?
OP has by his own admission been doing beta backsliding for a while now which likely means she is looking for an exit strategy.
 
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