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Gf ditched me to meet some other “friend”dude

mikey2012

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Gf living with me. Been going out for over a year
On Friday was supposed to have dinner
She cancelled last minute saying she wasn’t hungry.
Then I asked what time are we meeting . Then she said she’s meeting friends and told me to meet the next day .
Later I found out she’s meeting with some dude. Called her out and she said it’s only a friend. .
She said she needed space and freedom.
I said if that’s the case then she needs to leave and stay somewhere else.
She says she still wants to be my gf but wants space to meet with other people.

I think this is bs and she wants to branch swing.

she now wants to move out but wants me to pay because I’m still her bf.

thoughts ?
 

mrgoodstuff

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Gf living with me. Been going out for over a year
On Friday was supposed to have dinner
She cancelled last minute saying she wasn’t hungry.
Then I asked what time are we meeting . Then she said she’s meeting friends and told me to meet the next day .
Later I found out she’s meeting with some dude. Called her out and she said it’s only a friend. .
She said she needed space and freedom.
I said if that’s the case then she needs to leave and stay somewhere else.
She says she still wants to be my gf but wants space to meet with other people.

I think this is bs and she wants to branch swing.

she now wants to move out but wants me to pay because I’m still her bf.

thoughts ?
It sets a precident, which will lead to you getting your masculinity sunk... IF dude is her friend he can visit the both of you in your residence. Don't put up with this modern day bullsh1t that they are cvcking men with. Stand firm in your principles.
 

mikey2012

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It sets a precident, which will lead to you getting your masculinity sunk... IF dude is her friend he can visit the both of you in your residence. Don't put up with this modern day bullsh1t that they are cvcking men with. Stand firm in your principles.
So what should I do? Break up? She says she wants to move out now . I’m thinking she’s staying with me because I’m supporting her.
 

mrgoodstuff

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So what should I do? Break up? She says she wants to move out now . I’m thinking she’s staying with me because I’m supporting her.
Let her move out, and move on. So seeing the friend and forcing it, and then now she wants to move out... Let her go. Just be at peace with her decision. We as men cannot be with someone who doesn't want to be with us. It's impossible.
 

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mikey2012

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Let her move out, and move on. So seeing the friend and forcing it, and then now she wants to move out... Let her go. Just be at peace with her decision. We as men cannot be with someone who doesn't want to be with us. It's impossible.
My thoughts exactly . I think sees branch swinging. I think she originally planned to have dinner but then the guy “friend” texted her and that’s why she dropped plans with me .
She didn’t invite me because she wanted to meet him by herself. I guess I should have seen this coming as I had a degree of beta backsliding to maintain the relationship.
She keeps on saying she needs space and freedom but that’s bs. Although we stay together I only see her in the evening because I’m at work.
I know I’m in a weak position and she subconsciously senses that .
The thing is that she’s a hypocrite because when I hang out with other chicks or talk them she goes mad.
Now I don’t do any of that , she’s flipped the script on me .
 

mrgoodstuff

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My thoughts exactly . I think sees branch swinging. I think she originally planned to have dinner but then the guy “friend” texted her and that’s why she dropped plans with me .
She didn’t invite me because she wanted to meet him by herself. I guess I should have seen this coming as I had a degree of beta backsliding to maintain the relationship.
She keeps on saying she needs space and freedom but that’s bs. Although we stay together I only see her in the evening because I’m at work.
I know I’m in a weak position and she subconsciously senses that .
The thing is that she’s a hypocrite because when I hang out with other chicks or talk them she goes mad.
Now I don’t do any of that , she’s flipped the script on me .
You can volunteer to help her move her stuff out, or you can volunteer to vacate while she packs her stuff and leaves. Make it happen quick. Take ownership of this process you will feel better. The good thing, is if she was "waffling" in the last several months or so towards this point, you will get your confidence back if you OWN it.
 

mikey2012

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You can volunteer to help her move her stuff out, or you can volunteer to vacate while she packs her stuff and leaves. Make it happen quick. Take ownership of this process you will feel better. The good thing, is if she was "waffling" in the last several months or so towards this point, you will get your confidence back if you OWN it.
Yes I’ve been compromising and this is what it has got me. Cautionary tale I guess. I will help her pack and OWN the situation .

this is what she texted me the night she ditched me

“I want to be in more chill relationship”


If I want come - I come
If want meet other people - it’s also fine”
 

mrgoodstuff

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Yes I’ve been compromising and this is what it has got me. Cautionary tale I guess. I will help her pack and OWN the situation .

this is what she texted me the night she ditched me

“I want to be in more chill relationship”


If I want come - I come
If want meet other people - it’s also fine”
Let her go. That format will gut you.
 

Clamslammer

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Stop being a weak a$$ b ...and drop the trash. The minute she disrespected you by meeting another guy was the minute she became a side piece. Go find a quality woman and keep her on the side to come clear your pipes once a week. She should be on speed dial under the name roto rooter
 

RangerMIke

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I think you know what needs to happen. So my advice is going to be focused on what you should do knowing this is over.

First: You have to keep your head straight. DO NOT let your emotions get the better of you. You have a task at hand and that is to unwind this situation with a little drama as you can. It doesn't matter if you are sad or angry... or maybe, I don't know... HAPPY this is over. What ever your emotion is, set it aside... this is the dissolution of an informal partnership. If you get angry and set her sh1t outside and get into an altercation with this new dude (because that is what he is... the new chump) that will not get you free and clear any sooner. If you are sad and depressed... you might not be paying attention to what stuff she is taking... or you might not care... If you are happy... well you might have the attitude that you want to give up the store because you're just glad it's over....

Second: Take an inventory of everything... what is yours, what is hers... if you have joint accounts or joint bills, make sure she pays what she owes. If you are moving out... well actually that's better... fresh start if you don't mind moving. Make sure your name is off of everything electric bill, water, lease, if you are renting. If everything is in your name, you have to be cognizant of laws in your jurisdiction. You may live someplace where you can't just toss her out without consequences. She could be considered a defacto 'renter' if she has been paying part of the rent, and she doesn't want to go... you might not be able to force her unless you have a legitimate sub-lease agreement. Especially now... many local jurisdictions have Covid related evictions rules... maybe you don't but it doesn't hurt to check.

Third: Sit down and calmly work all this out with her... remember your job is to unwind from this with as little drama as possible... if you let this turn into an emotional drama... well now you are playing on her field... don't play her game. When she moves out... make sure you are there and stand by the door... I have known men that in situations like this where they just told her get her stuff out when he is at work, only to come home and discover all his clothes were gone. Seriously, one buddy of mine could not figure out why she stole his clothes? Her female 'logic' brain was that, even though he paid for HIS CLOTHES, she picked them out... so they are hers. A few months later he saw her with her new chump, wearing his clothes...

Forth: Understand she had been planning this for awhile. This did not just happen. How all this went down was exactly how she expected it to go, she has all her friends lined up to help her... new dude on the hook. If you want to put her on her heels, get your head straight and move through 1-3 as fast as you can. If you can have that the sit down discussion tomorrow, all he better. She is not expecting you to be clear headed and it will throw off her game.

Good luck, sorry to hear this happened to you, but use it as a learning experience. No live in girlfriends. There should be three things that you rationally evaluate before you get serious with a chick. (1) She has to be financially independent and not an idiot with money. (2) She has to have her sh1t together... flaky @ss habits and behavior can not be tolerated. If she is a mess she's definitely not GF material. (3) She can not have any serious medical or health problems... including MENTAL health. Everything else she can fix, but if she doesn't have these three things going for her... she is BAD NEWS. I don't care how you feel about her you have to set your emotions aside and rationally evaluate her like you would a horse you are planning to purchase.
 

mikey2012

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I think you know what needs to happen. So my advice is going to be focused on what you should do knowing this is over.

First: You have to keep your head straight. DO NOT let your emotions get the better of you. You have a task at hand and that is to unwind this situation with a little drama as you can. It doesn't matter if you are sad or angry... or maybe, I don't know... HAPPY this is over. What ever your emotion is, set it aside... this is the dissolution of an informal partnership. If you get angry and set her sh1t outside and get into an altercation with this new dude (because that is what he is... the new chump) that will not get you free and clear any sooner. If you are sad and depressed... you might not be paying attention to what stuff she is taking... or you might not care... If you are happy... well you might have the attitude that you want to give up the store because you're just glad it's over....

Second: Take an inventory of everything... what is yours, what is hers... if you have joint accounts or joint bills, make sure she pays what she owes. If you are moving out... well actually that's better... fresh start if you don't mind moving. Make sure your name is off of everything electric bill, water, lease, if you are renting. If everything is in your name, you have to be cognizant of laws in your jurisdiction. You may live someplace where you can't just toss her out without consequences. She could be considered a defacto 'renter' if she has been paying part of the rent, and she doesn't want to go... you might not be able to force her unless you have a legitimate sub-lease agreement. Especially now... many local jurisdictions have Covid related evictions rules... maybe you don't but it doesn't hurt to check.

Third: Sit down and calmly work all this out with her... remember your job is to unwind from this with as little drama as possible... if you let this turn into an emotional drama... well now you are playing on her field... don't play her game. When she moves out... make sure you are there and stand by the door... I have known men that in situations like this where they just told her get her stuff out when he is at work, only to come home and discover all his clothes were gone. Seriously, one buddy of mine could not figure out why she stole his clothes? Her female 'logic' brain was that, even though he paid for HIS CLOTHES, she picked them out... so they are hers. A few months later he saw her with her new chump, wearing his clothes...

Forth: Understand she had been planning this for awhile. This did not just happen. How all this went down was exactly how she expected it to go, she has all her friends lined up to help her... new dude on the hook. If you want to put her on her heels, get your head straight and move through 1-3 as fast as you can. If you can have that the sit down discussion tomorrow, all he better. She is not expecting you to be clear headed and it will throw off her game.

Good luck, sorry to hear this happened to you, but use it as a learning experience. No live in girlfriends. There should be three things that you rationally evaluate before you get serious with a chick. (1) She has to be financially independent and not an idiot with money. (2) She has to have her sh1t together... flaky @ss habits and behavior can not be tolerated. If she is a mess she's definitely not GF material. (3) She can not have any serious medical or health problems... including MENTAL health. Everything else she can fix, but if she doesn't have these three things going for her... she is BAD NEWS. I don't care how you feel about her you have to set your emotions aside and rationally evaluate her like you would a horse you are planning to purchase.
Thanks ! Great info here . The key is not emotions get to to you . I only blame myself for this. I was weak and succumbed each time and the end it came to this because she knew she had me over a barrel. I’m in my mid thirties so this is not my first rodeo. I slipped up , now I face the consequences.
 

RangerMIke

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Thanks ! Great info here . The key is not emotions get to to you . I only blame myself for this. I was weak and succumbed each time and the end it came to this because she knew she had me over a barrel. I’m in my mid thirties so this is not my first rodeo. I slipped up , now I face the consequences.
Don't beat yourself up, just be glad you didn't marry her. It could have been much worst.
 

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mrgoodstuff

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Thanks ! Great info here . The key is not emotions get to to you . I only blame myself for this. I was weak and succumbed each time and the end it came to this because she knew she had me over a barrel. I’m in my mid thirties so this is not my first rodeo. I slipped up , now I face the consequences.
Well you've been getting pumped in the azz for a while now. Very hard to feel whole and secure while your exposed.
Thanks ! Great info here . The key is not emotions get to to you . I only blame myself for this. I was weak and succumbed each time and the end it came to this because she knew she had me over a barrel. I’m in my mid thirties so this is not my first rodeo. I slipped up , now I face the consequences.
When they get us over a barrel, cheeks exposed. They know it. It gets worse. So you exit and don't do that again.
 

mikey2012

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Should have seen the signs. Flaking on me to see some guy “friend” is grounds for dismissal. Poon King said it right .. women will submit to you if you are in control.
The thing is she said she feels that I own her and she can’t do what she wants . BS
 

Poonani Maker

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When they start talking about needing "space" it's over. She's saying "I don't respect you, and from now on never will for the rest of your life!"
 
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