Getting flaked on all the time lately

[pobro44]

Well, the title says it all. Three girls flaked on me in a very short time period, so it can't be a coincidence. Well, some backstory is in order.

I decided a few months back that I am tired of clubbing, drinking and that I wish to enter another relationship and been actively pursuing the idea, but success eludes me persistantly. First case - I met this girl, very beautiful. and easy HB8 in standard PUA scale. She was surrounded by a few friends but I didn't let that stop me. I approached, talked to her awhile, and since she seemed interested, asked for a number. Tommorow I contacted her and set up a date. She agreed and date went great. We hang out entire night and probably made out half of it. I got ****y for second date and invited her over for a movie. She accepted. Also went great, she kissed me upon leaving, agreed on third date. But, she flaked out of it, with excuse she is fresh out of 4 year relationship and isn't ready yet. A pretty good excuse actually. I saw her again about 2 weeks ago, I was out with my brother. She approached us and invited us to join her and friends, and that she has a hot one for my brother. So, there we are, my brother and I, and she gets all flirty with me, drawing closer and closer by the minute. I warned her, if you come an inch closer...on which she dared me, so we kissed. On farewell, she kissed me again and said we'll be in touch. But, once I texted her she shot me down once more, with 'if it is meant to be it'll happen, but I still feel like being single'. Haven't heard from her since.

Second girl - also easily HB8, maybe the sweetest thing I laid my eyes on. She had a boyfriend, it said so on her FB page when we met. However, her relationship status was deleted from her profile when we agreed to meet up though. I met her in a hallway (after not seeing each other in quite a while), she and I had a brief casual chat, and as was I leaving she said: Heeeey, when will I try that wine that you make? I told her before that I have my own wine and that I'll invite her to try it someday...so she virtually invited herself. But ultimately flaked on it, she said she was sick...I responded ok, when you get better and have the time ring me, wine only gets better with age. Well, she made no attempts at setting another meeting. Hovewer, I had no expectations of this encounter so it came as no surprise to me. Especially since she is probably the busiest woman I know....going to 2 schools and dancing professionaly among other activities.

Third girl - I was out on a concert, me and buddy aprroached this girl and her cousin. Everything was peachy, they left for another club with us after concert, made out a lot. She seemed invested and that she cares about my opinion of her. I got her number, contacted her, set up a date. Everything seemed great. We also texted a bit. Everything seemed to be in perfect order, but 2 days after I get a message that she is cancelling the date, that she rushed into this and is not ready to meet new people now.


Needless to say, this is pretty frustrating. It is obviously me, 3 times in a row are a bit too much. I mean, there are some things that I could've done better....but I don't remember getting a date being such a minefield...one tiny misstep and KABOOM! So guys, what am I to do? How do you stop this from happening?

 

[AttackFormation]

Girl 1: Didn't fvck her within 1-2 meetups, made worse by the fact that logistics made you conveniently able to do so, you didn't even have to take her to a restroom etc. You may have came off as too much of a nice guy, and if she still has high feelings for her ex that would cumulate into you not giving her an emotional high "better" than he did/does. And if you made it clear to her you were looking for a relationship that definitely killed the bud in its infancy. It's her job to bring up and make a relationship work, not yours, and it probably turned her off. Your job is to have sex ASAP and let a relationship develop organically if you want it to.

Girl 2: She wasn't open to begin with, and probably just looking for some quick validation that she's still got it.

Girl 3: This could be anything, but I would guess that there are other guys involved and that's why. Wouldn't think much of it.

I don't think it's healthy to assume that something is wrong with yourself because you get flaked on, it happens all the time to everyone. Women are simply neurotic.

 

[pobro44]

AttackFormation....Yup....I also suspect the first one deep down only wanted the D.

My strategy so far was to be open, confident and direct at anything I do....you know, I try not to beat around the bush, and it served me pretty well so far....but I was probably just lucky I guess, whether I was interested in just sex or a something more. My last GF, an HB8 or 9, she had some dudes around her, but I came in, and told her she'll be mine from the get-go. It worked. Last girl I had sex with, I also was pretty clear on my intentions from the get go.

Funny thing is, so past few months I was just into sex, they all wanted relationships sooner or later. Now I feel like I could meet a nice girl..., and they all want the D....I guess I see the problem now...you just go for sex regardless . I tried to come of as gentlemen who 'barely retrains himself' from ripping her clothes of. Last girl has seen this as incentive to provoke me so we had sex quick. That first one didn't so I thought I'd get around it a bit later....bad mistake

 

[AttackFormation]

AttackFormation....Yup....I also suspect the first one deep down only wanted the D.

My strategy so far was to be open, confident and direct at anything I do....you know, I try not to beat around the bush, and it served me pretty well so far....but I was probably just lucky I guess, whether I was interested in just sex or a something more. My last GF, an HB8 or 9, she had some dudes around her, but I came in, and told her she'll be mine from the get-go. It worked. Last girl I had sex with, I also was pretty clear on my intentions from the get go.

Funny thing is, so past few months I was just into sex, they all wanted relationships sooner or later. Now I feel like I could meet a nice girl..., and they all want the D....I guess I see the problem now...you just go for sex regardless . I tried to come of as gentlemen who 'barely retrains himself' from ripping her clothes of. Last girl has seen this as incentive to provoke me so we had sex quick. That first one didn't so I thought I'd get around it a bit later....bad mistake

See, everything you said in this post is spot on and is what I would tell you. You've got it together brother. The wind is gonna be in your sails soon.

 

[RangerMIke]

With the first girl you are putting out too much of a relationship vib. Too much contact, too much intimacy without sex. She backed off a third date because 3rd date = sex, and she's afraid that if she fvcks you you are going to turn into a creepy stalker. Back off for a couple of weeks and try to make a date... contact once every couple of weeks and let things progress as fast as she wants.

Girl 2 you never had a shot. If you had just asked her out, she would have made an excuse and you would have known. You are wasting your time... she's likely already taken.

Girl 3, you didn't say this but I know you over pursued.... You said you texted a bit.... a bit, really? You shouldn't be texting AT ALL, call make a date and minimize contract. She was open to you, but there are other dudes in the picture that she likes better.

I really do think you need to introspectively evaluate how you communicate with women... Clearly you are doing something that makes you look too needy. If you want, it would be helpful to see exactly what you have been texting these chicks and let others here give you some feedback.

 

[pobro44]

First of all...AttackFormation, RangerMike, KingOfPuss thank you all for your answers.

I think I did over pursue with girl 3. With other 2 girls I minimized contact but with third I shouldn't have texted. I actually only had intention to set up a date and then it dragged on hahaha...mistake, yes, and it certainly brought me no good. Especially since my buddy had left her cousin messages on every social network she had .

Well there is one problem unfortunately which has prevented me to escalate sexually lately. Unfortunately I have developed some nasty scarring on my chest and so I am reluctant to try escalating before trying to establish some kind of connection, you know? To minimize chances of girl getting grossed out by it. You think I should escalate regardless as soon as oportunity arises?

 

[fastlife]

Well there is one problem unfortunately which has prevented me to escalate sexually lately. Unfortunately I have developed some nasty scarring on my chest and so I am reluctant to try escalating before trying to establish some kind of connection, you know? To minimize chances of girl getting grossed out by it. You think I should escalate regardless as soon as oportunity arises?

And there we have the real reason. The scarring isn't the issue, but your self-consciousness about it is the x-factor that's driving these girls away.

Escalate. No apologies.

 

[RangerMIke]

Chicks dig scars. I have some nasty scars from some combat wounds... if anything they love them.

Women are not like us.

 

[pobro44]

Thank you guys, it's all fairly recent and did hit me pretty hard. Especially since I was always proud of my body, and mirror now scares me. I am doing better though, especially if it is no biggie for the ladies. I do try not to let it affect me and I still approach. From now on I'll escalate without hesitation and no more texting except setting up a date...he who dares wins, eh?

 

[FCB]

Girls flake all the time for a myriad of reasons, don't take it personal overall. I always have to retrain myself to stfu and not text, leave conversations first and be aloof and put them into chase mode no matter how much you like a girl or if you see her as LTR material. My problem is I'm so picky with a LTR and I truly only see it with a very small % of girls when I do find one my mind in a way says they are pretty lucky that I'd let them 'catch' me, and subconsciously I just make mistakes, had a girl I was really into was like the perfect fit for me and basically ticked every box of the non traditional girls that I'm attracted to and me being the prize and her chasing hard at first I let her catch me early, took away all of the challenge, tried to be good to her and lift her up and she nexted me. The point is always stick to the game you know and what brings you success, don't tailor it other then slightly when you are in a LTR mode or with a girl you really like because it will completely backfire, stick to what you know works keep retraining those skills and methods and let them initiate locking you down, that's the only way it works and sets up good fundamentals for a LTR to be healthy.

 

[Afrei]

The same thing happen to me with this last girl, I went out two dates with her and on the third she flaked out. The thing was that before her I had gone out with another girl who I almost had intercorse on the first date, but she flake after that so I though that it was becuse I escalated too quickly. So when I met this other girl I though to kind of wait until the 3rd date, as pathetic as it sounds I barely scalalated over making out over a 2 date period. However i have learn my lesson........so alway scalate No matter what her job is to stop you, simple as that ....cause even if you get rejected at least she will respect you for been a man

 

[pobro44]

Well guys, an update is in order. I believe I'm out of slump.

Last night I went out with this buddy of mine, without any intention of picking up girls, just chillin' and paying a little attention to my surroundings. I might have imagined this but I felt like girls were really checking me out in this bar we were in. I even overheard these 2 older women (40's I reckon) guessing my age beetween themselves. Later we went to this club playing hip hop music, Me and my buddy stood at this table close to the dancing area. I was just chillin enjoying my drink, and soon women at the dancefloor flocked to our table. Soon after, they were at our table introducing themselves. None of them were particularly hot though, and this one....HB5 at best went totally nuts for me. She was grabbing my ass, grinding against and was trying to get me to dance. I politely refused time and time again. I wasn't really attracted to her but then I thought to myself...**** it...she's here on vacation from another country, tomorrow she's long gone, I guess little more experience wouldn't hurt. So I told her, not caring about at outcome one bit, that I ain't dancing, and all that I can do is tap that ass of hers. No objections on her part. Something weirs happened that night, going out again tonight, to validate have I learned anything with the ladies or was it just a fluke.

 

[pobro44]

Last night no numbers or anything, but I definetly feel my luck is changing since I had to turn 2 women down. They started to chase me all the sudden. Weird.

Hovewer, this is not the reason I write this...this morning this girl contacted me on fb and I would like your advice, I'd hate to screw this one up....she's about 30, an accomplished and beautiful inside out....she's got an Phd., teaches, helps the poor and needy...and top of that she is hot. I was very surprised that she contacted me since we met only once about three weeks ago. She was out with 2 friends of hers and knew my buddy with whom I was out so we all hung out together that night. I friended her on fb but left it at that, didn't contact her once but only liked 3 of her statuses.

Well this morning she messaged me with this (translated to english):

Hello to a great singer and guitarist from sunny (insert random location). Have a nice day.

So, she selectively remembered me after 3 weeks,. Weird, she's got like 700 friends on fb and we barely know each other. I reckin she likes me to an extent from this, but I figured I should perhaps ask more experienced men than me - do I have something to build on here and what should be my next course of action?