GamePlan's Approaching Journal - Despite social phobia

[GamePlan]

I guess you're right everywomanshero, I should try to keep a more positive attitude. I know I've already gone a long way from the beginning. Maybe I expect too much out of myself right now..but then again, I dont expect all that much, I really just think/say "today sucked", when I didnt Hi one single chick, because I feel like that's something I should "pull off" at least once for every 2 hours or so I walk around. Hopefully in a couple of weeks from now, I'll be able to say it as many times as I say Hello to random people already. That would be kinda cool. I'll try to keep a more positive attitude.

I've done some research on this subject for classes. While it's good to hear about individual experiences, they are sometimes atypical.

The research says systematic, but continual action will reap results. People who tend to quit for long periods of time or flood themselves for short period of time, overall, have rather poor success rates at overcoming anxiety. Those who are most likely to have success continue to increase gradually their comfort levels over a long period of time.

You mind my asking what your major is/was? Psychology or maybe Sociology? Do you happen to have any links to such research? I guess I would find that interesting to read (plus others who are dealing with the same issues).

THIS IS FOR EVERYONE WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY, who does not dare say Hello to strangers, yet:

One thing, I've noticed. It feels so much easier to say Hello to senior citizens than to other adults (especially chicks). This might sound a bit silly, but I guess that's just the psychology of anxiety/fear...you're just less afraid of them in general and saying "Hello" to them is really so much easier than to other people. I would suggest to anyone who wants to start something similar to overcome their anxiety (I know there's at least one guy who posted in this thread already), that they start the Hello thing by Hello'ing senior citizens, if it seems so hard to them to pull it off.

 

[everywomanshero]

My field is Psychology yes. Social psychology classes I have taken as part of the program.

The best way to find research is to use peer reviewed journals, aka primary sources. You can usually access these for free at a college library, the articles are quite expensive to buy so I suggest to print them yourself. Google scholar has a very limited selection of articles that are often out of date anyway.

Failing that I can recommend to purchase a book or audio series on Cognitive-Behavior therapy for this disorder. I would make sure the author(s) are PhD from a reputable University. Many so called Phd's come from unaccredited (illegitimate) institutions to deceive people.. ie John Grey of Men are from Mars fame. These sources will have more specific details regarding the cognitive reframing steps, however, you are doing right now what they are going to suggest so you don't really have to have them. Too much time spent reading may cause your progress to slow if it gets in the way with taking action anyway. analysis = paralysis the saying goes.

 

[GamePlan]

Thx. I agree with you, Im trying not to worry too much about it and just do something about it. I was just thinking maybe you had some links to such sources (that are free and easily accessible). But its not too important.

Maybe you have any stats, though?lol Cause you said something along the lines of 'rather poor success rates' for people taking long breaks and trying to get the job done in short periods of time instead of gradually building up?

 

[everywomanshero]

Specific numbers are probably included in many studies, but the fact that flooding oneself doesn't work is the entire cornerstone of the concept of cognitive behavioral therapy... in other words, if flooding oneself was effective the entire therapy would not be based on gradually increasing one's activities but would begin with the highest level fear right off the bat!

You can still see abstracts online. Here's one example abstract I randomly googled as anyone can see from home:

Abstract
Journal of Clinical Child Psychology
1998, Vol. 27, No. 4, Pages 459-468
(doi:10.1207/s15374424jccp2704_10)

There exists a huge body of evidence to suggest CBT works for anxiety disorders, so much that you will see it recommded on http://www.nami.org/.

Hope that helps
Evaluation of cognitive-behavioral group treatments for childhood anxiety disorders

Paula M. Barret

Undertook an evaluation of a cognitive-behavioral group family-based mtewention for childhood anxiety disorders in Brisbane, Australia. The treatment aimed to provide children and their families with skills in the management of anxiety and avoidance, problem solving, and mutual family support. Children (n = 60) ranging from 7 to 14 years old who fulfilled diagnostic criteria for separation anxiety, overanxious disorder, or social phobia were randomly allocated to 3 treatment conditions: group cognitive-behavioral therapy (GROUP-CBT), group cognitive-behavioral therapy plus family management (GROUP-FAM), and wait list (WL). The effectiveness of the interventions was evaluated at posttreatment and 12month follow-up. Results indicated that across treatment conditions, 64.8% of children no longer fulfilled diagnostic criteria for an anxiety disorder in comparison with 25.2% of children on the wait list. At 12-month FU, 64.5% of children in the GROUP-CBT group and 84.8% of children in the GROUP-FAM group were diagnosis free. Comparisons of children receiving GROUP-CBT with those receiving GROUP-FAM on self-report measures m d clinician ratings indicated marginal added benefits from GROUP-FAM treatment. Results show that CBT interventions for childhood anxiety disorders can be effectively administered in a group

 

[everywomanshero]

Here's another one

Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. 43(8):930-959, August 2004.
COMPTON, SCOTT N; MARCH, JOHN S M.D., M.P.H.; BRENT, DAVID M.D.; ALBANO, ANNE MARIE V PH.D. ; WEERSING, ROBIN PH.D. ; CURRY, JOHN PH.D.
Abstract:
Objective: To review the literature on the cognitive-behavioral treatment of children and adolescents with anxiety and depressive disorders within the conceptual framework of evidence-based medicine.

Method: The psychiatric and psychological literature was systematically searched for controlled trials applying cognitive-behavioral treatment to pediatric anxiety and depressive disorders.

Results: For both anxiety and depression, substantial evidence supports the efficacy of problem-specific cognitive-behavioral interventions. Comparisons with wait-list, inactive control, and active control conditions suggest medium to large effects for symptom reduction in primary outcome domains.

Conclusions: From an evidence-based perspective, cognitive-behavioral therapy is currently the treatment of choice for anxiety and depressive disorders in children and adolescents. Future research in this area will need to focus on comparing cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy with other treatments, component analyses, and the application of exportable protocol-driven treatments to divergent settings and patient populations.

 

[greenlake]

i find that's very true. senior citizens are easy to approach. wow, ur thread is growing quickly. i can't help but have to click on it once.

 

[GamePlan]

@everywomanshero:thanks for finding this stuff!

@greenlake (& everyone else): I'll probably not post as much as I did in the beginning or at least I'll keep my posts shorter in case nothing special happened that day(because itll probably still take me some time until I progress further). Just saying this so you don't think, I'm doing less just because Im posting less. But then again, I think I already started making quicker posts.

 

[GamePlan]

Today Was Crazy. Simply Crazy.

Ok so yesterday this festival started in my town. It takes place every year for 12 days. Think october fest, but just not on such a big scale (still pretty big, though).

So I go to town rather late, all my friends who I meet are like..were going home, but Im just like..well, Im used to that im still going out. So I went to this one club. Nothing much happend, I talked to the one barlady a bit and made a couple of jokes, etc. was a bit more open than usual, I guess.

But now dig this. Im going to the bus station, theres this HB8 Im passing by. Im giving her eye contact and she's giving me eye contact back and smiling. Im thinking like..damn..you just shoulda said something. Then I got onto the bus passed her by again and she smiled again. So Im contemplating..how am I gonna start a conversation with her now?

I was sitting in one of those..4-seats?like 2 seats and another 2 seats facing them. Next thing I know 2 pretty girls sit down one right next to me leaning against me actually and the other one in front of me. I just started talking to them a bit (or well they did, but I didnt act shy either)..some guy they knew sat down there, too and I was a bit confused, but he didnt seem to have a problem with them talking to me..so well the whole thing turned into the ****y & funny type of stuff. I kinda slapped the one girls thigh to get her attention and made a bit fun of her, the other asked my name and where I was from...but unfortunately all of that went a bit too fast for my drunk self (Im only on the bus for like less than 10 minutes) plus that guy sitting there sort of disturbed me..in the end I had to get off the bus (I was sooner at my station than I thought..) and that's it. And then Im wondering: hold on what happened to HB8 who I was thinking of approaching, who was there before those other 2 girls? She had already been gone and I didnt even notice.

Really kinda crazy. You dont see a hot chick who makes it obvious that she wants you to approach her the whole night or well the whole week and then there are 3 at the same time and you cant handle it because everything went so quickly.

I have to say, that was really unexpected. I would like to say that it was caused by my having become more open, but those 2 chicks sat down where I sat just like that w/o me giving them any eye contact or nothing. The other chick (HB8 from the beginning), though..Id say she smiled at me because I made more than obvious eye contact with her (without really realizing I did). Plus I was rather open with those 2 other chicks, even if they made the first move. That was really due to my having changed, I guess..

So on the one hand I feel like a piece of crap because I wasnt able to turn that into something. But on the other hand, that was only the 2nd of 12 days of this festival and the 1st day I went there. Im really gonna try and use the next 10 days in order to get a number or two. And Ill watch out if I see any of those 3 chicks again at the bus station.

 

[GamePlan]

Okay, this happened today: Went to town at around midnight. Met a couple of friends talked with them, but they werent going to any club, so I went elsewhere, met a couple of acquaintances, they went to some other club, so I said later and went to the club alone (not too strange during this festival here).

I remember passing this chick by on the dance floor she was like "let me drink from your beer", I was like "Im not sure if I should let you..but okay I will, not too much, though!" she drank like 1/1,000,000 of the beer, but then her friend grabbed my beer I gave her a stern look and she just took a slight sip, too.

Later one, Id pass that chick by again and she was like "your beer tasted so good, let me sip again" but I was like "hell no you better get your own chick" (sort of c&f of course) talked to her a bit and went elsewhere. I wanted to make out with that chick later, but next time I couldnt see her again.

So..I walk upstairs to another area of the club, see this hot chick sitting there all by herself hold my beer in her direction and am like "cheers " she clinked glasses smiling (clinked glasses?????? expression????), I wanted to pass her by agian and say somethign like "you here all alone?" but she was gone of course. Actually I clinked glasses with about 5 or more people that night (somehting I woudlnt do usually). I hope clinked glasses IS the right expression? you know when u say cheers and stuff and drink together?

I also passed by a chick Id say an HB9 actually all by herself (I really thought she was one of the hottest chicks I saw last night) who gave me eye contact, I made eye contact, too, but didnt say anything..made a point of passing her by again and talking to her but she had already left. I can really say she was one of the hottest chicks I had seen and she made eye contact with me first..realistically, I cant tell if I had really approached her, but ..well..talk about bad luck?;-(

Oh yeah and you guys wouldnt believe it. When I first arrived in town I met some acquaintance (like a guy I had one class with together) and talked with him. He was there with some chick. I was thinking "hold on dont I know her?" and then I realized "damn thats the HB8 from yesterday, who I lost out of sight!". I was really a bit confused if she was there with him (not into hitting on g/fs of friends..), but in the end after something he said it was clear they had only met by accident. And she really was the HB8 and from what I can tell was interested in me (just like yesterday). If I see her again, at least Ill be able to approach her more easily, because I know we got a common friend together.

Okay so those were 2 of the 12 days of party and I got 9 more ahead of me (I didnt go the 1st day).

I have to say, the going through town and trying to say hi to everybody- thing actually did help me become more open in general. Not a surprise, though, as drunk its probably common to be more open than sober. (I hope youre satisfied with my attitude everywomanshero just PLAYING!)

 

[GamePlan]

I went to town again (remember..festival time) and got eye contact a couple of times, but didnt do anything about it (though I did make very obvious eye contact, too, which I might not have done before). One time this younger HB6gave me strong EC, but I looked away a couple of minutes later after I realized she must be like 17 or so (Im 24). But a couple of minutes later she passed me by with her friends and the moment she passed me by looked up to me and sort smiled. Though it was an extremely nervous and brief smile. Reminds me pretty much of the Hi's I try to get out to chicks LOL that might not always sound extremely confident, but more like nervous. But its kinda funny to see, that done to you instead of the other way around as usual.

One of the chicks passed me by like 3 times and gave me EC each time...I really should have done something about that, but I didnt and feel a bit bad about it.

Also, I met this one chick who drank from my beer on the dance floor yesterday who i wanted to make out with. I saw her from behind and just grabbed her and was like "aren't you the girl from yesterday?" (I assume a month ago, I wouldnt have done this either) she went "yeah!". I was thinking great I'm about to make out with her and then I see my friends standing right next to her LOL. I just went to the club alone (once again), because they didnt seem to want to go there and were like "maybe, perhaps, maybe, later, possibly,...". But well I tlaked to my friends a bit then was about to get a new beer and turned to the chick and went "I'm sorry, Ill never neglect you again, boo LOL" grinning of course. I know this might have come off as a bit strange and I havent seen her again, but well it was still funny lol.

But anyways, I probably had about 3-4 chances of making an approach (on a chick, that wouldnt have been opposed to me approaching her) and blew all of them. I dont expect too much out of me right now, but Ill try to make an approach of some sort every time as soon as I notice a girl checking me out in the next couple of days (still 8 days of this festival. Ill go on about 6 more and have only blown 3 so far). Actually, I like my chances.

 

[GamePlan]

Okay so like I said there's this festival in my town, which will last another 4 days (I went there 4 days before, about 3 of which I posted).

Yesterday, I went again and I'll also go the last 4 days (and spend more time there then during the first 4 days). Unfortunately yesterday the whole city was empty when I went there and the big club I always go to only had one area opened...on the way there however I hello'd the friend of a brother's friend who I had only known by sight and who didn't look my way (though he said Hi) back. That doesn't sound extremely great I guess, but it showed me that my mind is really sort of being reprogrammed at the moment, as I said it almost completely automatically (and would have never greeted that guy a couple weeks ago).

Then I was there at the club. Walked around in the big area most of the evening (it's big enough, so it didnt come off psycho ) draink a couple of beers (tipsy, not drunk, though!) and in the very beginning some girl asked me "Hey..do you know if like the other areas are not open today?" (it was kinda obvious they weren't especially as she stood right next to the closed doors and there was no light behind them). However, I didn't find her any attractive and thus just answered her question smiled and continued to walk.
I'm not gonna blame myself for this one, even though many of you believe one should use every such chance to work on one's game, but I believe having to try to get rid of her and turn her down would have cost me too much time and energy..knowing I wasn't into her a bit.

Later though while I was getting a beer this okay-looking, slim milf (say 30) was making pretty obvious eye contact with me standing a couple of feet away from where I was..she looked pretty drunk..and I was contemplating I would just hold my beer her direction and say 'maybe a bit of this will wake you up again?'..I think it would have made her laugh and would have definitely made me laugh (as she had obviously had enough alcohol that night). But then I walked past her..planned on doing it when I came back..did go back, but didnt do it again..that was really pretty weak, I have to admit. Though I like the fact, that Im getting more used to thinking of things to say.

Okay, but tomorrow and on saturday, Ill go to the festival AND to the club at night and will also do so on monday and tuesday (which equals tons of opportunities to talk with chicks).

I'm not asking much of myself, right now, BUT: I HAVE TO MAKE AT LEAST ONE REAL APPROACH. AND GET 1 NUMBER FROM A GOOD-LOOKING CHICK (There WILL be enough opportunities, so no excuses).

MARK MY WORDS: At least 1 decent-looking chick!

 

[Zerix]

GamePlan, proud of ya! I just read this thread from first to last post, hehe.

Keep it up! Progressing slowly or quickly, what does it matter, as long as you don't stop! You see how many opportunities you had during these past few days? Take the next one! NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF! Just remember how bad you felt passing on the previous ones, and remember your goal for the remaining days of the festival, and simply, Just Do It. Especially since it seems you drink a little, that's always a help.

As someone previously stated, start slowly moving away from your comfort zone, try out something different, something more exciting, see what happens! The key... just have fun

And keep it up!

 

[GamePlan]

GamePlan, proud of ya! I just read this thread from first to last post, hehe.

Damn. I cant believe it lol. I didnt anybody would read all of this stuff Ive written lol. But Im glad you did it (and maybe other people, too).

Actually Im trying to work on my approaching game when Im sober..its just that this oktoberfest-like festival is taking place here for 12 days (3 more), which I really should make use of..but im not going out to clubs without drinking a little or else I'd do even less, at the moment. However, I always stay away from drinking too much (even if my friends get hammered every day), b/c I know it usually just leads to my wondering the next day "were there any girls? damn I didnt focus on finding any..." whereas when im just tipsy i can walk around and look if there are any girls somewhere, etc..

Yesterday I was standing close to the toilette room those 2 blondes stopped next to me were doing some stuff one had a white flower..and then that chick put the flower like into my polo shirt's collar saying some stuff like 'it's a present' and laughing a bit. I was hoping that might lead to something, but once I took it out and said I had an even better idea (putting it in her top..or well not in it, I wasnt all that bold/idiotic nor was I trying to scare her off ) she her friend laughed she grinned a bit but then they went elsewhere.
I assume had I had better 'game' overall I should have made something out of this situation. I guess my chances of making osmething of this situation would have been a lot better, had I been a bit more direct or aggressive (the flower thing I did probably sounded a bit more aggressive than it actually was).

In 3-4 days, when this festival is over (though I have to concentrate on it RIGHT NOW), Ill stay sober and not go to clubs again but work on my saying hi/having conversations again just like i did before.

 

[GamePlan]

Oh my..I just came back and this is the summary of tonight:

My friends said they were gonna go to this new (small) club and asked me to meet up. But I cant be walking around and trying to approach many girls in a small club, so I decided I'd go to the other (big) club. So I went there..got off the bus first had to take a piss somewhere (right behind the club there's a path and a forrest so it's not an issue), I went there and next to me there are walking two chicks one of them looked like she was about to say something to me so I was just like "huh?" but with a grin and more in a funny kind of way. She was like "you're gonna pee, too?lol" I was like "sure but for us guys it's definitely easier to pull that off ain't it?" ..blabla..she said "we're going left you're going right okay?" I said "sure. I'll keep an eye on you girls!", which made her laugh and go "No no no". That was basically it.

Then I happened to meet one of my friends (most of my friends had decided they'd go to the big club, too by then) and was like we'll meet inside I'll go to the bar across the street (in front of which you have like 1000 people during this festival).I really just wanted to go there, because I had been a total wuss and was hoping to try to make up for my mistake: I passed it by sitting on the bus and saw a cute blonde chick who was obviously kinda left out wiating for her friends or something. Then I made a point of passing her by and saying somehting like "missing your friends?" "your friends left you behind?" or whatever. I passed her by like 2 times but just didnt do it. That was really silly, it was a great chance and the girl gave me EC when I passed her by. When I tried to go there again she wasn't there anymore (she had been standing there for quite a while, though). I've made this mistake probably like 3 times by now. I can't let that happen again.

Other than that..hmm..I was at the club, there were like 3 chicks dancing one of them was like greeting me or something waving her hand and I first thought she had just mistaken me so I waved back smiling..whatever. But afterwards I was thinking she did NOT mistake me for anyone, but wanted me to talk to her (as she wasn't surprised at all when she saw me). She wasn't too attractive, so I can deal with that, but still...

Other than that not many great chances to hit on any chicks, however afterwards I went to that bar across the street again, where this say 5'11 tall good looking chick was who made EC when I passed her by (I'm 6'3 and obviously your chances are good if you're that tall and run into a chick who's almost 6' tall but wants a guy who's taller than her..). However I was a bit confused because there were like 2 guys standing 1 meter from her..I decided to pass her by again and talk to her..passed her by again, but never ended up talking to her.

On my way home I got of the bus (where usually nobody gets off the bus) and this black guy and girl got off the bus, too and were walking behind me. The next station (its pretty close) another few people got off and the guy and the girl behind me started talking like "so many young people here. Didnt even know so many young people existed here lol". I had never seen them myself, either so i had itched to say something to them and when they said that I kinda turned around and was like "you're right. I've never seen you guys, either lol". The whole thing turned into a conversation, the girl and the guy were brother and sister, the brother is only visting (b/c of the festival), though. It was a nice conversation and I wouldnt have said anything to them a month ago or so, but still I feel like a piece of **** for not getting my **** together:

During this festival, I have about as many chances to approach chicks at the club as I have during the rest of the year. I know my long-term goal is being able to approach girls right on the street w/o any club or being tipsy stuff, but well..the chances are there, I'm not really afraid of taking them, but I still let them slip.

Two days of this festival left and I got to do something about it. Right now, I'm wondering what kind of promise I could make (that im going to stick to), that i have to do in case I do not approach any chick during the last 2 days of this festival. Right now, I'm saying if I don't I'll go to the bigger city close to where I live 7 days straight to practice approaching. I have to think of something better, though, i think, because i really shouldnt let this festival pass me by completely..as its offering such great chances.

 

[GamePlan]

ROFLAM....or: Rolling on the floor laughing at myself. Okay it wasn't that pathetic, but it still was sad:

I went to town at around midnight and the city was empty (usually during this festival the city used to be crowded even during the week). I figured Id go to the only big club, that was opened yesterday..and Im completely shocked as I see the dancefloor is completely empty and very few people are at that club. I really hadnt experienced that before during this festival until this year...so I was feeling kinda down, but thought Id get me a beer or two and watch out if there are any honeys.

I've come to the conclusion, that I better take a more strategic approach when going to clubs as in trying to spot chicks, I feel like approaching (as in good looking and lonely lol).

I see this one chick I had seen before (during the day)..Id give her a 7. I thought she would be worth going after. Then I saw an 8, she kinda looked south american 25 wore a red dress and I really thought she must be sitting there waiting for her boyfriend or husband or whatever. I would not say she was a 9 or a 10, but she was definitely really pretty. There were like 2 other chicks, but those were the ones i wanted to go after. All in all I was positively surprised given the fact the club was basically empty (but then again its a big club).

So the 7 had looked at me when passing me by then sat down somewhere and was immediately approached by a say average looking guy. I watched her reaction she did something with her hair and bla and I thought damn, there goes my chance...I gotta learn to read body language better. She just talked to him nicely after he had approached her, but then got up and went elsewhere after a couple of minutes. So Im thinking..great..now I still do have a chance to approach her. She goes onto the dancefloor and starts dancing right in the middle of it and boy did she dance well. She pretty much stole everyone's thunder including mine leaning to the wall in a dark corner drinking on a beer.....LOL I hope this one made yall laugh. I really havent seen a chick who danced that well in a while, though. Then this other average (or less than average) looking guy started dancing on her and again I was like 'damn there go my chances'. She danced with him a bit seemed to enjoy it at first, but then I realized she was kinda trying to move away from him while dancing and ended up like in a spot 10m away until she had gotten rid of the guy. Still she hadn't acted like a ***** but turned him down rather politely. Actually, that made me realize "cool the girl is getting hit on by average looking guys in kind of bold ways really, but shes still acting nicely, that should take my fear of approaching her, right?". Wrong. She sat down somewhere again and was making eye contact with me. Like she made EC 3 times and held it each time, but I procrastinated again...and all of a sudden she was just gone and I couldnt believe how terribly stupid I had acted once again. However, I must say, that had she stayed there a bit longer I probbaly really would have approached her and doing that doesn't seem like impossible anymore (even if Im still acting like the procrastinator 2000). I might see her again and then better not mess it up. I think watching how people (chicks) behave is really a useful technique as it gives you clues about them..Im almost certain, that girl would have not acted like a ***** after she turned down 2 guys as politely as I think possibly can...which should have taken my fear of approaching, but well...

So Im looking around the club thinking "holy **** how did u dare mess this up?" and then I see the 8 with the red dress (isnt there a song called lady in red?LOL). I was totally surprised, that she was still alone (as I was rather sure shed have her boyfriend or somethign join her), but well..she was there all by herself. She was dancing in a not so-well lit corner, which sort of made me think she was probably a bit of the shy type (everybody else was in the middle of the dance floor..or well the 15 people who were). I really think getting such cues and trying to find out which chicks to approach during the evening is a good way..plans are always a good thing (unless you overdo it).

Ok so, I made plans of passing her by where she was and say something like "so you've been let down by your friends, too?lol" (people go to this festival during the day and are basically wasted by 11 PM when it ends..and some end up going to clubs, so it wouldnt have come off as silly saying that). Of course, I didn't. Later she sat in the..umm...like, well she sat in the perfect spot to approach her. There are 2 benches sort of like a mini hall way between the entrance and the dancefloor she sat on one of them and far away from her, there sat this other guy who didnt make much of an effort to approach her. And guess what, she made eye contact with me, too (which she held for a while) and I'm sure this would have been the perfect situation to approach her. Even better than with the chick before, but well I procrastinated and then it was too late again.

NOTE: Take action sooner next time...

However, all in all even though Im mad at myself..I was especially into the 1st girl. Maybe Ill see her again today? I doubt it..but maybe Ill see her during the day or something in the future...or not. But anyways, at one point I was leaning to a wall next to the men's toilette's contemplating what to do and this guy went into the toilette room but his girl hesitated and stood like 1 m from me. I looked at her and was like "why you not following him?lol" blabla "I see, I wouldnt feel comfortable going into the girls' toilette room either lol". She kinda started giving me light kino and was like "hehe say what?" and if I hadnt just seen her with a guy who she was waiting for obviously, I probably would have had a great chance to hit on her, but b/c she obviously had a guy there, I just did the C&F (which I usually do automatically once i talk) and then left. later on the street some taxi rolled over a beer bottle which kinda exploded and like 2 guys at the other end of the street said something, I thought they had referred to that beer bottle that just blew up next to them and I said something about it to them, but it was sort of a misunderstanding, but sort of it still ended up being a quick convo they were not from here and asked me where this other club was I explained it to them and was like 'oh good idea Ill go there, too but dont expect too much I think itll probably be rather empty' So I went there with them but once we were in the club I did my own thing hoping to find one of the chicks I had lost at the other club before, they were obviously not there and no other chicks really and I was tired so I headed back out and went home.

I really think my situation is as strange as it gets. I really dont mean to sound ****y, but looks-wise I have absolutely no problem. When I say this or that hot chick gave me eye contact, it's the truth.

However, approach-wise I used to suck as bad as anyone just a while ago. (I still really suck at approaching, but i can see, that it's getting better)

 

[GamePlan]

Want something to laugh about? Sit back and relax...

I'll try to sum it up briefly:

Was at the last day of this fair. Some girl standing behind me on some bench (while dancing and all) grabbed my shoulders, but I didnt make anything of the situation. When we left the festival..on the last day people are waving handkerchiefs (exp?!), I saw this one girl doing that who I passed by and I was like "oh come on, it ain't all that sad, now is it?", she looked at me and seemed totally shocked. This was not a very good reaction, but well I just passed her by so it's alright lol. Then later in town a female friend of mine and myself grabbed something to eat, those other two girls were there one of them looked at my food and I was like "looks delicious don't it?lol" she said something like "yeah definitely lol", but never followed up on it..silly me.

Later at the club, I went looking for chicks and saw this one girl sitting down and obviously rather wasted. or well tired, it wasnt all that bad she just had her eyes closed. I held her arm or whatever I did (in a soft way, though!) which made her open her eyes and I must have said something about drinking too much alcohol never did nobody any good? or well I have no idea anymore what I really said, to be honest. Anyways she looked confused and distracted and was sort of like "what??" and I said something like "never mind, I was just a bit worried about you" with a grin and kept on walking. So basically I "approached" two chicks and got basically 2 rejections, but that didn't interfere with my plan to get 3 rejections that day! I made that plan (and must have remembered it subconcioucsly?) because I knew I wasnt gonna talk to many women, unless I planned to be rejected. So I got rejected, so what? nothing bad happened.

Oh yeah and here's the strange part of the evening: there was this girl who used to hit on me in highschool (despite havign a boyfriend in our class..) and she has a strange brother. Who just hit on me and tried to hug me multiple times that night. I'm still drunk so I probably don't realize the oddness of this situation, but it does feel pretty strange, right now just thinking about it. He obviously tried to hug me in an affectionate way multiple times and said some stuff, a guy would usually say to a girl trying to pick her up...and he did it like 3 times that night. That being said I really do not hate on gay people (they probably dont choose to be gay, after all), but if you get approached by one repeatedly/ who u happened to go to school with and never expected it like all of a sudden, it's still a strange feeling you'd prefer to avoid. Plus if you obviously "turn him down" (my gosh that sounds strange) and he tries the same thing another 3 times. Im a strong guy so I just kinda pushed him off me, gave hime an odd look and went elsewhere, but well..it's annoying/hella strange.

I also saw that one chick from the club yesterday, again in a bar tonight, but had no good chances of approaching her..and the club was already closing, then she went into the club next door, but right after she went there that club didnt let any people in anymore without waiting for hours and I thought to myself: you better don't make the effort of waiting half an hour in line just to get in and see this chick, or else you'll have a serious case of oneitis soon! though Im already planning on seeing her again...

P.S.: I only realized, now, that I actually did my first real approach tonight and I wasn't really aware of it. (okay, I had done exactly one 3 years ago, which worked out great, but never again until tonight). I've yet to make my first real "sober" approach, but..wow, I guess I could call that progress.

 

[GamePlan]

Selective Mutism

I just read something very interesting.

When I was around 16-18, I couldn't speak in school anymore. This might sound strange, but if I had been asked to read something out loud, I simply wouldnt have been able to make a voice. Like when I got asked I just shook my head, once I was asked to read something out loud, I simply couldnt make a voice, the teacher thought i didnt know what to read and told me what to read (which happened to be another part of text) and all of a sudden I could read it. I had tried reading the other part before, but I simply couldnt open my mouth (nobody noticed but me of course). That made me skip class for over a year (not all the time, but most of it) until this speech problem was gone again and I felt more comfortable..

I also had problems speaking clearly or long phrases among friends at the time, etc.. However, when I was all alone I could speak and read as clearly as anyone. So obviously psychology played a role. I had always thought it might have had something to do with anxiety, but wasn't too sure.

I just happened to read there's a thing called "selective mutism". I dont like those labels, but it's obviously what my problem was:

"In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders selective mutism is described as a rare psychological disorder in children. Children (and adults) with the disorder are fully capable of speech and understanding language, but fail to speak in certain social situations when it is expected of them. They function normally in other areas of behavior and learning, though appear severely withdrawn and might be unwilling to participate in group activities. It is like an extreme form of shyness, but the intensity and duration distinguish it."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_mutism

I also read it's often associated with social phobia. I guess, that shows my case isn't an easy one. However, I think this might sound a bit more extreme than it is, because for the last 5 years I havent really been extremely shy anymore, which I think is caused by the fact that I grew tall, packed on some muscle and see how girls like my physical presence/realize some people are sometimes even intimdated by it.

 

[GamePlan]

I'll keep my posts a bit more blunt/crisp!

Went to town for 2 hours today (after partying for 12 days). I really had some rust on me. All I did was greet one old lady (didnt look my way, though). I have to get back to where I was QUICKLY (and then progress).


I think with this broad social anxiety thing one thing affects another:

I noticed is that if you can do something when youre sober and girls arent in an approach-me mood, you can do a lot more when youre tipsy and in the right setting (club). I did approach 2 chicks (even though they were bad approaches) though I hadn't practiced it sober, yet. I would have never done it, if I hadn't gotten more comfortable in general. I believe, once I'm totally comfortable saying "Hi" to most pretty chicks, I see when I'm sober, I'll have few problems approaching women at the club, when I'm tipsy.

I also used to have this trembling in my neck area when I'd look people in the eye on the street, which made public speech situations unbearable for me. This trembling in my neck area/shock feeling no longer exists when I look people in the eye on the street.


P.S.:

I just realized, I have to keep my posts more blunt/ to the point. The last couple of posts were probably way too much beating around the bush to be fun to read.

 

[GamePlan]

I went to the bus station, some guy was sitting there I greeted him, but he didn't say a thing. I saw he was wearing headphones, so I didn't let it bother me. The bus arrived I went onto it, this young chick was giving me EC (but well way too young anyways). I passed her by and so there was this guy who's like the friend of a friend's brother.

I had talked to that guy like a year ago on one occasion at a party, but never greeted him ever since, so I sat down and was like "You're a friend of xyz, right?" he was like "yeah" he remembered who I was and we just started talking. The conversation was kind of long (a 30 minute bus trip all in all), but I managed to keep the conversation going at ease for the whole time. So well at least, I made a new acquaintance today.

I think this confirms my theory, that with the social anxiety thing one thing affects another. I had really just been practicing greeting people/chicks the whole time, but it made me more at ease/talkative in social situations all in all (2 months ago I would have just passed him by and sat down elsewhere and if I had talked I wouldn't really have known what to talk about most of the time).

I also greeted 2 old ladies and one chick who was walking around with her dog. However, she didn't say anything back. That doesn't bother me, though, as I've experienced this before. Some people are probably just a bit shocked when you greet them all of a sudden. Still lots of rust, though!

 

[ElStud]

That's great and all, but are you ever going to approach any chicks and try to game them?