Fun 1st date, but no bang

holidayad_

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I had a nice 1st date yesterday. The girl was fun and very easy to deal with. We had a few drinks, jumped from place to place, and walked around Lisbon at night.

She wanted to smoke and find out the meaning of a tattoo that was under my shirt and I told her she could only have it if she came to my place during the date. So I dropped a few hints during the evening.

Tried to bring her to my place but despite grabbing her ass while kissing and she gave me a few kisses on the neck, no deal.

In a nutshell: no bang, but a lot of make out.

We went home by cab, she got off at her house and sent me a message to let her know when I got to my place.

With a certain fear of having scared her off by trying to escalate to sex.

What would be the next step here? Wait 3-4 days and see if she texts again?
 

EyeBRollin

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I don’t think guys understand that banging on the first date is only a normal thing for sloots. Most girls do not roll that way. That does not in any way mean she is not interested.

OP, odds are you were too eager with this one and she thinks you are just another thirsty teenage boy in an adult body. The only way to find out is to ghost for 5-9 days then ask for a second date. Cross your fingers and hope that she reaches out before that. Good luck!
 

Pierce Manhammer

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My gut tells me you should not wait this one out, but I don't have the whole picture. This carp about "don't text back for X days" and "don't reply until she's sent you X messages" is IMO formulaic and not calibrated to most situations.

You have her attention and attraction as much as possible; you hung out all night, kissed, touched, etc. It sounds like you guys like each other - my advice is to stay in contact with her, not a lot, like don't flood her phone, but keep some light contact for the next few days, but it's ok to say stuff like "I had a great time with you," and flirt once or twice about what went down, specific moments, etc.

She also may want to see if she is still interesting to you after not banging the first night to sift out the f-boys. I'd say stay in light contact and ask her out for a subsequent date in a day or two. This shows enthusiasm on your part.

How old are you two? We already know you're most likely Portuguese.
 

holidayad_

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My gut tells me you should not wait this one out, but I don't have the whole picture. This carp about "don't text back for X days" and "don't reply until she's sent you X messages" is IMO formulaic and not calibrated to most situations.

You have her attention and attraction as much as possible; you hung out all night, kissed, touched, etc. It sounds like you guys like each other - my advice is to stay in contact with her, not a lot, like don't flood her phone, but keep some light contact for the next few days, but it's ok to say stuff like "I had a great time with you," and flirt once or twice about what went down, specific moments, etc.

She also may want to see if she is still interesting to you after not banging the first night to sift out the f-boys. I'd say stay in light contact and ask her out for a subsequent date in a day or two. This shows enthusiasm on your part.

How old are you two? We already know you're most likely Portuguese.
Yes, it was a very intense date. One of my best dates, if not the best.

I am 24 and she is 22, btw.
 

holidayad_

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I don’t think guys understand that banging on the first date is only a normal thing for sloots. Most girls do not roll that way. That does not in any way mean she is not interested.
Maybe I was wrong and underestimated her value. I'm used to dealing with sl*ts.
 

Pierce Manhammer

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Yes, it was a very intense date. One of my best dates, if not the best.

I am 24 and she is 22, btw.
Ahh you’re pups, feels good huh?! ;)

Do you feel like she might be a good LTR option, if so treat her as such. At your age it’s hard not to get all mushy and cuddly it’s ok to be that way but only now and then. Being a man doesn’t mean being a pushy, assh0le and always having to assert yourself because some dude on the Internet told you to. Everything in moderation. Don't lose yourself in her, but also don’t be a recalcitrant idiot. It’s hard to strike a balance, learning how to be everything at once is a skill men develop with time.

Just enjoy one another, be genuine, don’t be a simp for her. Remember who you are now is what’s attractive to her, remain who you are.
 

The Duke

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A man's goal should never be to have sex. His focus should be to seduce her. Sex is what happens when you have seduced her properly. Do it right and you will never have to bring it up, it will just happen. She will be asking you to take her home. I've had this play out many, many times because I'm a good seducer. Seducing her is like foreplay. Eventually she won't be able to hold out once you've primed the pump. And I don't always subscribe to the "she's a slut if she fuhks on the first date" theory. There's so much more that goes into that. Human interactions aren't black and white.

Throwing out juvenile hints like "you can see my tattoo but only if you come to my house" are amateur. Its not seductive at all. She knows exactly what that implies.

When she wanted to see your tattoo I'd of teased her about it and made it sexual all with a smile and fun tone, and then showed it to her. She'd of likely touched it(or I'd of suggested it and said something funny) and then I would have pulled her closer and kissed her. Use the opportunity to get the sexual energy started. Then ask her if she has any tats.

Physical contact is your friend when its comes to seducing women. Just have to do it appropriately and at the right time.

I'd send her a text two days after the date. That way it shows youre not too needy, makes her wonder a little, and shows you aren't a total azzhole as well. Send her a funny meme and ask how her day was going.
 
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holidayad_

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She will be asking you to take her home. I've had this play out many, many times because I'm a good seducer. Seducing her is like foreplay.
Do you have any tips on that, beyond the physical contact one?

Like, when I get to the point of kissing and touching her more intensely, as I did yesterday, how do I move on from there in a "natural way"?
 

BillyPilgrim

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Do you have any tips on that, beyond the physical contact one?

Like, when I get to the point of kissing and touching her more intensely, as I did yesterday, how do I move on from there in a "natural way"?
Pull back and let her chase. You can't give Catholic girls this much non-sexual intensity and make-out attention. You raised her value above yours by giving her want she wanted. Answer her text that you got home ok, then pull back. She'll probably text you asking how you are, etc.

Whatever you do, no extended makeouts in non-sex locations next time. If it were me, I'd move on since you 1) misjudged this girl and 2) gave her an "awesome" date where you didn't even get to 2nd base. If you continue to pursue, don't allow yourself to get too into her.
 

Rainrain

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I am with the guy with the James Bond picture. You can start with the “good morning day” texts or the “how is your day” going but still keep her at an arm’s length; try to set up a second meeting quick.
 

BackInTheGame78

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If she is into you, she will likely be texting you within 24 hours, if not the next morning.

I've never had anything happen with a woman who didn't text me back within 24 hours of a date. Almost always means she isn't interested.
 

holidayad_

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Thanks for your help, guys.

I went on a second date with her today. It was good, but I realized she started doing some sh*t tests. I think I will take a step back to gauge her interest and have some distance so I don't get too involved.
 

Rainrain

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Thanks for your help, guys.

I went on a second date with her today. It was good, but I realized she started doing some sh*t tests. I think I will take a step back to gauge her interest and have some distance so I don't get too involved.
What happened?
 

BackInTheGame78

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Thanks for your help, guys.

I went on a second date with her today. It was good, but I realized she started doing some sh*t tests. I think I will take a step back to gauge her interest and have some distance so I don't get too involved.
Why are you going on a second date 2 days after the first one?

Might as well hold up a sign that says "I am desperate and have no options" because that's what that tells her.

No wonder why she is sh!t testing you. She thought you might be this cool dude now she is trying to figure out why you are acting needy and desperate and which one is the real you.

This is how women give guys enough rope to hang themselves early on when dating. Their goal is to disqualify you and you are playing right into her trap by doing this type of stuff.
 
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SW15

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If she is into you, she will likely be texting you within 24 hours, if not the next morning.

I've never had anything happen with a woman who didn't text me back within 24 hours of a date. Almost always means she isn't interested.
It's a good sign to hear something from a woman within 24 hours of the end of a date. I think that's something that men should look for when trying to evaluate where things stand and if an offer for another date needs to be made. This is important in the pre-sex phase of dating.

I won't rush the 2nd date offer, which now typically happens via text message. @EyeBRollin has his famous "Wait 5-9 days to contact after a first date or contact her within 1 day if she contacts you first" technique. This is a modern adaptation of Doc Love's 1990s era "Wait a Week to Call" technique, a technique that came out of the landline era (more on this below).

If I were to have a first date on a Wednesday night, the absolute earliest I would contact her is Sunday night, which is about 4 days. When I say this, it is based on hearing nothing from her since Wednesday night. I would want her thinking that I was busy seeing other women during that weekend.

I miss the pre-text message era of communication. I liked when communication was mainly done on basic cell phones, which was the standard for most of the 2000s. This is when I first started dating as an adult in the early 2000s. I liked mobile phone calls in the 2000s as they made people more reachable than the landline era. I was in high school as the landline era was starting to transition into the basic mobile phone era.

I think early stage of dating communication was better when we primarily used the phone call instead of the text message. If I can, I try to discuss communication mode preferences as early as I possible can with a woman. I will use phone calls more than text messages with certain women if I think she would be receptive. I generally default to text messaging first. I'm more likely to use calls with women who are closer in age to my own age. Later Millennials and Gen Z are not very phone call oriented.

In December 2010, Roosh V predicted that in 10 years that all men would have transitioned to text message game and that calling game might see a bump in results because it would be different from the masses. We are 13.5 years past that prediction and I don't think it was that far off.


I went on a second date with her today. It was good, but I realized she started doing some sh*t tests. I think I will take a step back to gauge her interest and have some distance so I don't get too involved.
Why are you going on a second date 2 days after the first one?

Might as well hold up a sign that says "I am desperate and have no options" because that's what that tells her.

No wonder why she is sh!t testing you. She thought you might be this cool dude now she is trying to figure out why you are acting needy and desperate and which one is the real you.
I agree that the 2nd date occurred too soon after the first. It can be challenging to get the right gap of time in between dates in the early stages of an interaction. Monday night would be the earliest that I would possibly schedule a second date if the first date was Wednesday night. That would only happen if the woman contacted me within 24-48 hours after a Wednesday night first date. I want her thinking that I'm busy with other women that weekend.

This is how women give guys enough rope to hang themselves early on when dating. Their goal is to disqualify you and you are playing right into her trap by doing this type of stuff.
I agree with this.

I don’t think guys understand that banging on the first date is only a normal thing for sloots. Most girls do not roll that way. That does not in any way mean she is not interested.
I don't think it is an indicator of disinterest if there is no first date sex. First date sex is more common for the more promiscuous women.

I prefer my first dates to be my second overall interaction in-person with the woman. That does increase the odds of first date sex, which is why I prefer arranging first dates from in-person methods.

I don't think it's necessary to think there's a magic number of dates for sex to happen. It usually does happen for me within the first 3 dates though. I am willing to go on a 4th date with someone if there was no sex in the first 3 dates. It does seem to be more common in my experience for sex to happen in one of the first 3 dates.
 
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holidayad_

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What happened?
Why are you going on a second date 2 days after the first one?

Might as well hold up a sign that says "I am desperate and have no options" because that's what that tells her.

No wonder why she is sh!t testing you. She thought you might be this cool dude now she is trying to figure out why you are acting needy and desperate and which one is the real you.
I agree that the 2nd date occurred too soon after the first. It can be challenging to get the right gap of time in between dates in the early stages of an interaction. Monday night would be the earliest that I would possibly schedule a second date if the first date was Wednesday night. That would only happen if the woman contacted me within 24-48 hours after a Wednesday night first date. I want her thinking that I'm busy with other women that weekend.
Yes, I know this move isn't in the playbook. I decided to let my guard down to understand her behavior too. The sh*t tests during the date were an indication that maybe she's not worth that kind of effort/move anyway. Even though I saw on the first date that maybe it was worth it.

So I'm going to step back now to understand what the next step will be from her side. Silence or chase.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Yes, I know this move isn't in the playbook. I decided to let my guard down to understand her behavior too. The sh*t tests during the date were an indication that maybe she's not worth that kind of effort/move anyway. Even though I saw on the first date that maybe it was worth it.

So I'm going to step back now to understand what the next step will be from her side. Silence or chase.
Stop putting it on her when you did this to yourself
 

SW15

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Yes, I know this move isn't in the playbook. I decided to let my guard down to understand her behavior too. The sh*t tests during the date were an indication that maybe she's not worth that kind of effort/move anyway. Even though I saw on the first date that maybe it was worth it.

So I'm going to step back now to understand what the next step will be from her side. Silence or chase.
Stuff happens. Put the past in the past and go forward. There's nothing from this thread that conclusively suggests that the interaction is dead. If she's interested enough, you have a chance of getting a 3rd date if you want to offer her a 3rd date. You also have to determine your own interest at this point based on what has happened.

Think of the positives. You're 24 years old and you're getting dates on a regular basis with women 24 and under. This is good. Most single men in their late 30s/early 40s would really like to get dates with women in the 18-25 range but are unable to do so. The fact is that you're still well positioned to get dates with women in their prime years regardless of what happens here.

This really does come down to Iron Rule of Tomassi #1.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #1

Frame is everything. Always be aware of the subconscious balance of whose frame in which you are operating. Always control the Frame, but resist giving the impression that you are.
 

holidayad_

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She got in touch.

She sent me a meme and another message saying that she needed to return my earpods - I forgot it and left it in her handbag on the last date.
 
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AmsterdamAssassin

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She sent me a meme and another message saying that she needed to return my earpods - I forgot it and left it in her handbag on the last date.
Tell her to keep them. She's just using your property to screw your brains out again. :eek:
 
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