"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

Read more...

FR: Umm...

The LadyKiller

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I began talking to a gorgeous HB 8.5 online this week. After a few days of back-and-forth, I proposed we get a bite to eat a few days down the road. No reply. I remember the thread posted recently with the Harvey Spector quote:
and went on with my life. Sure enough, she texts me this evening asking what I'm up to. Because she never responded, I had already made plans to meet up with a friend at a bar 30 minutes away, where he lives. She said she was just hanging out at home, but "I could surprise you and come out." After me internally waffling over whether "just hanging out" was an invite to Netflix & chill (it wasn't), I put my foot down and said I'm going to the other town, if she comes out great, if not we can set something up for next week. No chance she was going to get ready and then drive 30 minutes to see a guy she's never met when she works early the next day. Or so I thought.

Close to 30 minutes later, she texts me she is on the way and it making the trip for me. :oops: Guys' night out suddenly turned into date night when she showed up and my friend, seeing us together, texts me "Tell her I had an emergency, good luck on the date." So, my friend/wingman who we traveled to see was gone, and I had to change my mindset for the night in a matter of moments. While this wasn't exactly the venue I would take her out to on a first date - she doesn't drink and I was situated at a bar - I did my best. There was kino, and we later chatted with some older, out-of-town strangers who approached us and thought we looked like a "nice couple." Overall, this was far from how I like to set up a date - where I control the venue and where the night may take us - but it made for a story.

She expressed an interest in going out to dinner next week, but nothing is certain until the HB shows up. I've learned that many, many times before. Given the two days it took for her to respond (maybe waiting on another guy), I'm not expecting much. At the end of the day, I learned I need to be ready to date every time I go out. You just never know.
 
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"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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backseatjuan

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I would have just told her I have some other plans, even if I had none, instead of tagging her along. But it worked for you, so whatever. At least you avoided her availability trap and showed that you have a life. Next week? Don't text her until at least Tuesday. I would say yes, find out what days she is available, tell her how about that day, and tell her you will message her time and location on that date. If no, that's totally fine, keep in mind she is HB8+ and she has a life, you show her you have life too, there is always a week after the next week. Avoid too much attention over text, and no sexting.

 

GrowingPains

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Damn, should've told her you were busy hanging with your bro.

He's a bro, but she could've waited. It's not like you smashed so what was the rush.
 

The LadyKiller

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Damn, should've told her you were busy hanging with your bro.

He's a bro, but she could've waited. It's not like you smashed so what was the rush.
I didn't expect her to actually show up. She texted me a pic of her in pajamas and was considering calling it a night. To decide to go out, change and get pretty and then to drive 30 minutes requires some degree of effort. My "invite" was somewhat of an empty gesture that ended up being not so empty. I'm not at all upset, but surely surprised.
 
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backseatjuan

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Come on dude, you don't expect a woman to drop her pajamas, shower, get dressed, put on make up in 30 minutes do you? That's none sense. Just like her driving 30 minutes to the other side of town is none sense. Never believe her, she's always lying about something.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

Read more...

The LadyKiller

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Come on dude, you don't expect a woman to drop her pajamas, shower, get dressed, put on make up in 30 minutes do you? That's none sense. Just like her driving 30 minutes to the other side of town is none sense. Never believe her, she's always lying about something.
That's sort-of the point I was making, thus my surprise as to why things played out as they did.

All I know for sure is we met and we will see what, if anything, will happen next.
 

marmel75

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Why are you offering dinner on a first date?
 
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