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Flaking excuses

deadmasterx

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I've been talking with this girl for some days and yesterday she came up with the idea of call. As you gentlemen already know, the whole world is quarentined and people can't really meet in person, so I took this opportunity to talk with foreign people to practice languages together in app (Tandem).
When she came up with the idea of a call, I asked her what time would she go to the bed, that's when I would call her. So I came, at the right time, texted her saying I was going to call and got no reply. Waited for 10 minutes and went to do something else, no worries. She came after one hour and told me that "she thought I wouldn't call her", and I take it easy, said that I'm a man of my word, and if I say I'm going to do something, it's because I will. She proposed another call right away, saying that she really wanted to do it. This time I said "tomorrow, 7pm there I'll be calling" (the timezones are different). Deal.

So today there I was, ready at the time and wrote her again. Guess what happened? She came two hours later saying that she didn't think I was going to call, AGAIN. That's when I reminded something a friend of mine said, that is showing that you're a bit angry when a girl flakes you this way, and since it was the second time I thought about giving it a try (I usually take it easy and just don't give the girl attention anymore, and don't come up with dating ideas unless she does). I'll be transcribing here some parts of the talk.

Me: Hey, I'm calling. You here? (7pm)

She: I was, thought you wouldn't come :( (9pm)

Me: You gotta be kidding me

She: No, I'm actually not, I waited for one hour, maybe we just got confused with our timezones.

Me: Now, we didn't. I literally came and told you I'm calling. You weren't here.

She: I don't always have the app open, yk. You weren't here when I checked it.

Me: We set a time for that. Is it your best excuse?

She: Excuses? Ugh, you don't believe me. Great.

Me: Yeah, I don't. But no worries, I wen't to do something else anyways.

She: Think whatever you want (emoji), I don't have to convince you of anything, I really wanted to talk with you but you're being such a
jerk.

Me: Yeah sure

She: Wish you all the best, really, I got hurt for what you said but I forgive you, and sorry if you think that I don't care or that I didn't pay attention to any of these, hope that one day you can forgive me.
(Then she sent an audio after noticing that I didn't reply saying) "Hey, I just wanted to say that I really checked our messages and you're right. So, yeah, I was wrong, sorry. Hope that you can forgive me".
 
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deadmasterx

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You are acting like a butt hurt wimp. Be better bro.
Honestly speaking I wasn't upset or anything since I had other things going on. I wanted to see where could I push her up by shaming her for breaking a deal.

But yeah, like I said it's my first time doing it. Which is the best way to do?
 

backseatjuan

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Women don't like certainty. When you SMS the girl saying I'm going to call you now, what are you doing? You providing her with certainty, that's a), and b) is going to be as a BONUS for you at the very end. You want to be spontaneous, and provide women with uncertainty. Instead of messaging her that you are going to call, you should just call whenever you feel like it, perhaps right away, perhaps forgetting that number for sometime, however it works for you - and as you do it more often you will know what fits you best.

Proper approach is to call whenever you feel like it, or whenever you know is best for you. Give her a call, if no pick up, sms, what's up this is so and so, hit me up when you free. If she sms you back instead of calling you, unless it's something like I can't speak now, you call her instead of sms-ing. Let her pick up. If no, then there is no communication between you two. How could it be, if you calling her and she is not picking up, fck that. Difference is that you demand respect with this approach, that's what men do. Boys sms, mommy can I call you now.

NO! You can call me later. You're the btch with this approach. It's an availability trap. If you call later, she is not going to pick up. Fck your ass, you're too available.

b) What are you really doing when you message her and 'tell her' (as you think) that you are going to call her now?
-
You are trying to remove the risk for yourself, risk that she is not going to pick up. It's same as online dating, where you login and mitigate your anxiety of approaching. You are telling her you are unsure and maybe even insecure.
 

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deadmasterx

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You should just have called. You don't have to text first to seek her approval.
I thought about that indeed. That's what I do on dates, but I'm not used with calling since I barely have time to use my cellphone. So next time, better calling straight away, right?
 

deadmasterx

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Women don't like certainty. When you SMS the girl saying I'm going to call you now, what are you doing? You providing her with certainty, that's a), and b) is going to be as a BONUS for you at the very end. You want to be spontaneous, and provide women with uncertainty. Instead of messaging her that you are going to call, you should just call whenever you feel like it, perhaps right away, perhaps forgetting that number for sometime, however it works for you - and as you do it more often you will know what fits you best.

Proper approach is to call whenever you feel like it, or whenever you know is best for you. Give her a call, if no pick up, sms, what's up this is so and so, hit me up when you free. If she sms you back instead of calling you, unless it's something like I can't speak now, you call her instead of sms-ing. Let her pick up. If no, then there is no communication between you two. How could it be, if you calling her and she is not picking up, fck that. Difference is that you demand respect with this approach, that's what men do. Boys sms, mommy can I call you now.

NO! You can call me later. You're the btch with this approach. It's an availability trap. If you call later, she is not going to pick up. Fck your ass, you're too available.

b) What are you really doing when you message her and 'tell her' (as you think) that you are going to call her now?
-
You are trying to remove the risk for yourself, risk that she is not going to pick up. It's same as online dating, where you login and mitigate your anxiety of approaching. You are telling her you are unsure and maybe even insecure.
**** I honestly didn't think about this. I think that all this time in the Army has made me give this straight approach always setting up a time that I'll do it and when. It lacks the spontaneity as you said.
 

Igetit!

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You are acting like a butt hurt wimp.
You know,in the past I would have agreed with you. I'm not so sure now. I'm actually starting to think showing a BIT of anger is a GOOD thing. You also have to keep in mind that him showing this anger WAS PLANNED.....he didn't react wildly or out of control. He said a friend of his TOLD HIM to try this as a response to flaking. He said that here.....

That's when I reminded something a friend of mine said, that is showing that you're a bit angry when a girl flakes you this way
That's not butthurt to me,that's strategy. Also,given her response,I'd say his strategy was successful....considering the fact he aroused an emotion in her.
 

mikey2012

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I've been talking with this girl for some days and yesterday she came up with the idea of call. As you gentlemen already know, the whole world is quarentined and people can't really meet in person, so I took this opportunity to talk with foreign people to practice languages together in app (Tandem).
When she came up with the idea of a call, I asked her what time would she go to the bed, that's when I would call her. So I came, at the right time, texted her saying I was going to call and got no reply. Waited for 10 minutes and went to do something else, no worries. She came after one hour and told me that "she thought I wouldn't call her", and I take it easy, said that I'm a man of my word, and if I say I'm going to do something, it's because I will. She proposed another call right away, saying that she really wanted to do it. This time I said "tomorrow, 7pm there I'll be calling" (the timezones are different). Deal.

So today there I was, ready at the time and wrote her again. Guess what happened? She came two hours later saying that she didn't think I was going to call, AGAIN. That's when I reminded something a friend of mine said, that is showing that you're a bit angry when a girl flakes you this way, and since it was the second time I thought about giving it a try (I usually take it easy and just don't give the girl attention anymore, and don't come up with dating ideas unless she does). I'll be transcribing here some parts of the talk.

Me: Hey, I'm calling. You here? (7pm)

She: I was, thought you wouldn't come :( (9pm)

Me: You gotta be kidding me

She: No, I'm actually not, I waited for one hour, maybe we just got confused with our timezones.

Me: Now, we didn't. I literally came and told you I'm calling. You weren't here.

She: I don't always have the app open, yk. You weren't here when I checked it.

Me: We set a time for that. Is it your best excuse?

She: Excuses? Ugh, you don't believe me. Great.

Me: Yeah, I don't. But no worries, I wen't to do something else anyways.

She: Think whatever you want (emoji), I don't have to convince you of anything, I really wanted to talk with you but you're being such a
jerk.

Me: Yeah sure

She: Wish you all the best, really, I got hurt for what you said but I forgive you, and sorry if you think that I don't care or that I didn't pay attention to any of these, hope that one day you can forgive me.
(Then she sent an audio after noticing that I didn't reply saying) "Hey, I just wanted to say that I really checked our messages and you're right. So, yeah, I was wrong, sorry. Hope that you can forgive me".
Lol
 

RangerMIke

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All women flake... it's their way of saying they are not interested. Just treat it like her says "I'm not interested" and let it go. Of course it would be better if they would just come out and say it, but alas... many do not.

Calling women out on stuff like this is just a waste of time. The best way to respond is to not respond at all.

You show up at the place and time you agreed and don't see her go ahead and call her... if she doesn't answer you have your answer.

Then you are done with her... she will not CALL you back if she isn't interested... she'll text you. If you are LUCKY she'll just come out and apologize and tell you that she just didn't feel like meeting you... normally it will be some kind of excuse. Just accept it delete the number, forget about her, and move on... you don't need all this negative emotion in your life.
 

nicksaiz65

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All women flake... it's their way of saying they are not interested. Just treat it like her says "I'm not interested" and let it go. Of course it would be better if they would just come out and say it, but alas... many do not.

Calling women out on stuff like this is just a waste of time. The best way to respond is to not respond at all.

You show up at the place and time you agreed and don't see her go ahead and call her... if she doesn't answer you have your answer.

Then you are done with her... she will not CALL you back if she isn't interested... she'll text you. If you are LUCKY she'll just come out and apologize and tell you that she just didn't feel like meeting you... normally it will be some kind of excuse. Just accept it delete the number, forget about her, and move on... you don't need all this negative emotion in your life.
Yeah, I've heard that a flake is basically just women saying "I don't want to see you again."

I've heard some people say that the best way to respond to a flake is just say "ok" at the time of the date and leave it at that. Don't give her anything more than that.

From past conversations I think we see pretty much eye to eye on the texting strategy... what's your strategy for mitigating/eliminating flakes? Or is there nothing you can do other than improve yourself, keep bettering your game and meet more interested women?
 

BackInTheGame78

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Yeah, I've heard that a flake is basically just women saying "I don't want to see you again."

I've heard some people say that the best way to respond to a flake is just say "ok" at the time of the date and leave it at that. Don't give her anything more than that.

From past conversations I think we see pretty much eye to eye on the texting strategy... what's your strategy for mitigating/eliminating flakes? Or is there nothing you can do other than improve yourself, keep bettering your game and meet more interested women?
See I don't necessarily agree with that. Sometimes a flake can be she has a lot going on, or is seeing someone and wants to see where it goes or any other reason. A lot of times it IS because she isn't interested.

What's worked for me is being chill about it and then teasing her at some point about it like a week later and then trying again. I've gotten 3 or 4 lays out of this method and its because flakes aren't ALWAYS about you.
 

RangerMIke

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From past conversations I think we see pretty much eye to eye on the texting strategy... what's your strategy for mitigating/eliminating flakes? Or is there nothing you can do other than improve yourself, keep bettering your game and meet more interested women?
Really not anything you can do about it... just be aware of it, and understand that it's all part of the process. The only thing you can do is find out as quick as you can if a women is in or out. There is really nothing you can do to get a woman to meet up with you, but you can cut to the chase faster so you aren't wasting your time.

Experience teaches you when a woman is likely to flake... then you just avoid them. Avoiding them is the only way to prevent them. The best way to avoid them is to get to the point quickly, when you ask her out, be specific, time/place/activity. When you do this you are giving her an excuse to say no. Instead of trying to get to "yes" try to get her to "no". If you narrow down her options to say yes by limiting when you are available, then you give her a built in excuse to decline. Even then this doesn't completely eliminate flakes... but it seriously reduces the number.

If she's busy, during the time/place/activity you offer up, and she is interested, she'll suggest an alternative. If not she'll just say she's busy... doesn't like the place... doesn't like the activity. Make it easy for her to say no.

Too many men will say... "When are you free?" and they put flaky chicks on the spot, where they feel like they have to make plans they don't really want to make... then they flake and hope you get the message. Or... worst... she shows up and you waste money and have a bad time... then again, she hopes you get the message you guys are not compatible.

The best way to deal with flakes is to avoid them by getting to no fast.
 

Visionist

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I remember one girl texted me "Yes! I'll definitely be there!" and then flaked and ghosted on me. Found out she had gone to hang out with one of my friends instead. I tried calling her and then messaged her a picture of my drink captioned "I guess you're busy".

Weak.

Today, I would wait up to a half hour, or less if I had anywhere decent to be, and leave the venue without calling or messaging her. She flakes on you, she can contact you to say sorry. If she doesn't even care to do that, Next.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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I've been talking with this girl for some days and yesterday she came up with the idea of call. As you gentlemen already know, the whole world is quarentined and people can't really meet in person, so I took this opportunity to talk with foreign people to practice languages together in app (Tandem).
When she came up with the idea of a call, I asked her what time would she go to the bed, that's when I would call her. So I came, at the right time, texted her saying I was going to call and got no reply. Waited for 10 minutes and went to do something else, no worries. She came after one hour and told me that "she thought I wouldn't call her", and I take it easy, said that I'm a man of my word, and if I say I'm going to do something, it's because I will. She proposed another call right away, saying that she really wanted to do it. This time I said "tomorrow, 7pm there I'll be calling" (the timezones are different). Deal.

So today there I was, ready at the time and wrote her again. Guess what happened? She came two hours later saying that she didn't think I was going to call, AGAIN. That's when I reminded something a friend of mine said, that is showing that you're a bit angry when a girl flakes you this way, and since it was the second time I thought about giving it a try (I usually take it easy and just don't give the girl attention anymore, and don't come up with dating ideas unless she does). I'll be transcribing here some parts of the talk.

Me: Hey, I'm calling. You here? (7pm)

She: I was, thought you wouldn't come :( (9pm)

Me: You gotta be kidding me

She: No, I'm actually not, I waited for one hour, maybe we just got confused with our timezones.

Me: Now, we didn't. I literally came and told you I'm calling. You weren't here.

She: I don't always have the app open, yk. You weren't here when I checked it.

Me: We set a time for that. Is it your best excuse?

She: Excuses? Ugh, you don't believe me. Great.

Me: Yeah, I don't. But no worries, I wen't to do something else anyways.

She: Think whatever you want (emoji), I don't have to convince you of anything, I really wanted to talk with you but you're being such a
jerk.

Me: Yeah sure

She: Wish you all the best, really, I got hurt for what you said but I forgive you, and sorry if you think that I don't care or that I didn't pay attention to any of these, hope that one day you can forgive me.
(Then she sent an audio after noticing that I didn't reply saying) "Hey, I just wanted to say that I really checked our messages and you're right. So, yeah, I was wrong, sorry. Hope that you can forgive me".
I had one before the start of pandemic said she had been crying for days because i was savage and dropped out of the rotation. Ghosted her.

I dont anger. I don't rage. I next.

Op, the best thing is pulling top form SMV 18-23 and seeing skanks from the fat. Older, fat, single mom, and post wall.

Its hilarious.
 

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derby1

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reading this post , confirms women have no courtesy for men whatsoever

OP the first time was a hint

would a guy earning 100 dollas an hour , message what you did?

he wouldn't even entertain her, she would be in HIS last chance saloon consistently

step up your game , or step aside

if she messages you again its just to check you fancy her, reply "This isn't working for me" then ghost her forever..........you cannot reply after you have sent that message
 
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