"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

First time at her place and you need to take a dump?

Naughty Ninja

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This is some 'sh!tty' advice! I'll bump it like a floater.

I guess this thread begs the question: Would you rather be the guy at her house the first time and have to take a dump? Or a two pump chump?
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Atom Smasher

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I've been known to manufacture a "muffler" out of a wad of toilet paper in order to keep things quiet.

The thing I don't like about the double flush is that it essentially broadcasts to the girl that, well, you need to double-flush. She must be picturing you there taking that nice dump.

You guys with the matches, don't you think she's aware of the burning smell and the reason behind it?

All of this is a part of pedastalizing, methinks. It's as if we think they don't do the very same thing. Perhaps we should dump with reckless abandon and pride in our creations.
 

Metzgermeister

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The best thing to do is NOT WORRY ABOUT IT. Everybody ****s and yes, girls know it. Being a little insecure weenis sitting in the bathroom burning matches is un-confident behavior. It will WRECK your chances.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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floydb25

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The link posted in the beginning of this thread still makes me laugh. That story deserves a medal, or a shrine somewhere.
 
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